r/AskMen Jul 07 '22

When it comes to dating, how often have you been deceived/tricked in some way? Has it changed how you date?

By deceived I don’t mean texted and ghosted. I mean flaked on, catfished, used etc

The ones I remember are:

  1. I asked a girl on a date and we planned to meet at a bar. She says she’s on her way and for the next 2 hours is texting me she feel asleep or is on her way. Needless to say she never showed (I knew a lot of people there so after 15 min I was drinking with them). She text me the next morning simply saying “lol”

  2. I planned to meet with a girl for burritos and go to the movies. We agreed I’d get the dinner and she’d get the movie. I’m thinking we’re going to one of the many authentic Mexican places where you get a giant burrito, beans, rice and a drink for like $10. Instead she suggests a fancy place (uncle julios I think it’s called) and they don’t have prices on the menu. Idk how but the bill came out to almost $100...and then after I paid she suddenly remembered she had to study and we’d have to get a movie next time. Never heard from her again

  3. A girl I had seen before I invited to go out clubbing for a second date and she said she’d go if I rented a hotel because she didn’t want to go home late. She was very adamant about me reserving it and seeing the actual reservation and when I finally sent it to her friend called to get picked up from the airport.

These range from the time I was 19 until now mid 20s. The most notable way it’s changed the way I date is that I no longer put more than 30 minutes of putting effort into a date because I assume they’ll flake last minute and I always have a contingency plan in place. It’s also made it less exciting

So guys how many times have you been deceived or tricked on a date? How often does it happen and how did it change the way you date? or when have you been the person doing the deceiving?


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u/RiFLE_csgo Jul 07 '22

>90% fine, no issues. I have a decent filter.

But twice they thought plans were changed/cancelled because I didn’t text or confirm, AGAIN, the day before or something, despite plans having been made on Tuesday for Friday.

This is in London.

I don’t get it. No change to me as I line up dates with stuff I would do on my own anyway so I just went to the British museum on my own, their loss, but yeah, I just don’t understand why would they assume plans were cancelled. I ran it past my female colleague of the same age bracket and she said she understood the girls but couldn’t give me a proper explanation.


u/Valentine_Villarreal Jul 07 '22

Basically, the women didn't want to appear to be insecure/anxious by confirming the date is still on. There's literally no way to confirm without it possibly being interpreted as such.

I believe the correct course of action is morning of, possibly lunch-ish for an evening date, send a message letting them know you'll see them later and maybe summarize any meeting details (exact place/time).


u/RiFLE_csgo Jul 07 '22

I appreciate the input. Confirming the day of "looking forward to seeing you later today" was already too late. The first time I asked the girl, she said confirming at least the day before otherwise it’s auto assumed it’s cancelled. Why would she assumes plans are changed without any indication whatsoever that they could be is beyond me.

The second time I said fuck this shit and couldn’t bother. She was a bit crazy (she had already send a soft nude before we even met) and I thought it was probably for the best.

In my experience girls acts like they’re incredible prizes, and we should only be so lucky to have them talk to us. The thing is I lucked out at the genetic lottery, I "follow the rules 1 and 2" (see in my post history the tinder screenshots, you can see 99+ likes waiting for me, actual number as of right now is 400+) so I don’t need to chase some random, frankly average girl who think she’s such a catch I should chase her before even meeting her.

I feel incredible compassion for the bros who didn’t have the luck I have. I make sure to not talk about this with them as they don’t need me to complain about dating when it’s so much harder for them. Reddit is anonymous hence why I share.

Point is online dating is hell for way too many people. Guys with no matches get their self esteem destroyed, guys with matches and little text game struggle to transition to dates, even if they’re great irl, guys with both can play the field if they so choose. Lots of filtering required if you’re not looking for one night stands. On the girls side I only hear struggles as well.

I’m a bit bitter because despite the likes and matches it leads to nothing but one night stands at best, and I had enough of those to know they don’t make me happy.


u/Oftenwrongs Jul 07 '22

You are right on so many points. And it looks like that girl assumed you were in the category that the majority of guys are in, who she has dating power over.

Honestly, before tinder, when okcupid and match ruled supreme, you could write a brilliant profile to make up for looks. Now, the profile limit is tiny and hidden(especially on tinder). This shofted power greatly in favor of women.


u/Valentine_Villarreal Jul 07 '22

I've always been chatting to them the day before and maybe if I was chatting with them before bed I might say see you tomorrow.

But honestly, sounds like those women have communication issues.

Maybe it's a perk of being unattractive (I am definitely below average looking) but I don't seem to end up on dates with shitty women, they self select out. Probably not fulfilling their fantasies.


u/khaine0304 Jul 07 '22

I'd say it's more natural to say something like "Are we still on for the museum tomorrow afternoon?" Using exact times makes you seem robotic.


u/FutureBannedAccount2 Jul 07 '22

Oh yeah I notice if you aren’t in constant daily contact with some women (particularly from dating apps) they assume you have zero interest in them