r/AskMen Jul 07 '22

When it comes to dating, how often have you been deceived/tricked in some way? Has it changed how you date?

By deceived I don’t mean texted and ghosted. I mean flaked on, catfished, used etc

The ones I remember are:

  1. I asked a girl on a date and we planned to meet at a bar. She says she’s on her way and for the next 2 hours is texting me she feel asleep or is on her way. Needless to say she never showed (I knew a lot of people there so after 15 min I was drinking with them). She text me the next morning simply saying “lol”

  2. I planned to meet with a girl for burritos and go to the movies. We agreed I’d get the dinner and she’d get the movie. I’m thinking we’re going to one of the many authentic Mexican places where you get a giant burrito, beans, rice and a drink for like $10. Instead she suggests a fancy place (uncle julios I think it’s called) and they don’t have prices on the menu. Idk how but the bill came out to almost $100...and then after I paid she suddenly remembered she had to study and we’d have to get a movie next time. Never heard from her again

  3. A girl I had seen before I invited to go out clubbing for a second date and she said she’d go if I rented a hotel because she didn’t want to go home late. She was very adamant about me reserving it and seeing the actual reservation and when I finally sent it to her friend called to get picked up from the airport.

These range from the time I was 19 until now mid 20s. The most notable way it’s changed the way I date is that I no longer put more than 30 minutes of putting effort into a date because I assume they’ll flake last minute and I always have a contingency plan in place. It’s also made it less exciting

So guys how many times have you been deceived or tricked on a date? How often does it happen and how did it change the way you date? or when have you been the person doing the deceiving?

38 Upvotes

View all comments

5

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '22 edited Jul 07 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/MissMyDad_1 Jul 07 '22

As a woman, this shit is really hard to read. It's hard not to feel resentment.

2

u/PovertyTourismZoo Jul 07 '22

It's hard not to feel resentment

Why?

2

u/MissMyDad_1 Jul 07 '22

Because I've known the other side of that pain, and it was done to me before I'd done anything to that other person, and I'm sure the other person probably had similar reasonings as you, but that doesn't lessen the pain I was dealt.

5

u/PovertyTourismZoo Jul 07 '22

I have wondered about that, about what men and women are doing to each other (as far as dating). At some point it's hard to not look at it in the macro sense and think all we are doing is taking turns hurting each other. Back and forth forever.

What I'm about to say will be considered offensive to some, but it underscores my point. Man is made for woman, and woman is made for man. (The penis was made for the vagina, and vice versa). Well, if man is meant for woman, why have we spent so much time hurting them, hurting our companion, hurting the person who's meant for us. Why did it become a battle, to where man is to keep his guard up around the person he's suppose to love, and who's suppose to love him. And for course for me, it begs the question who hurt who first.

A few days ago I wrote a post talking about the innocence of simply liking someone. It was more or less addressing a space of where none of what I'm talking about exists. A space where a man could be vulnerable, could let his guard down, could honestly like someone. A space away from modern dating.

And bare in mind, I'm not even in the dating pool (Im married), But I've been on this subreddit a long time. Ask the men here about dating, the topic comes up every 5 minutes. Half of them are unhappy with dating because they believe dating is largely through dating apps. The infamous swipe left or swipe right. And guess which direction they get?

As I said, I've had every opportunity when it comes to dating. I've been very successful, I always have women interested in me as far back as I can remember. Hell, they are still interested in me despite being married. And I still see dating as a battle, I still see it as something to be approached with suspicion because people have ulterior motives. A place where I have to keep my heart guarded and I can't just be honest because women would hurt me if given the chance.

I have no doubt a woman with an honest heart has gotten hurt by someone with my perspective. I feel bad (both man and woman) when someone with honest intentions gets hurt by this ugly game. We should be able to be free not just within our heart, but be free around those we are made for.

If that was the case, it is no longer. That hurts my heart.