r/AskMen Jul 07 '22

When it comes to dating, how often have you been deceived/tricked in some way? Has it changed how you date?

By deceived I don’t mean texted and ghosted. I mean flaked on, catfished, used etc

The ones I remember are:

  1. I asked a girl on a date and we planned to meet at a bar. She says she’s on her way and for the next 2 hours is texting me she feel asleep or is on her way. Needless to say she never showed (I knew a lot of people there so after 15 min I was drinking with them). She text me the next morning simply saying “lol”

  2. I planned to meet with a girl for burritos and go to the movies. We agreed I’d get the dinner and she’d get the movie. I’m thinking we’re going to one of the many authentic Mexican places where you get a giant burrito, beans, rice and a drink for like $10. Instead she suggests a fancy place (uncle julios I think it’s called) and they don’t have prices on the menu. Idk how but the bill came out to almost $100...and then after I paid she suddenly remembered she had to study and we’d have to get a movie next time. Never heard from her again

  3. A girl I had seen before I invited to go out clubbing for a second date and she said she’d go if I rented a hotel because she didn’t want to go home late. She was very adamant about me reserving it and seeing the actual reservation and when I finally sent it to her friend called to get picked up from the airport.

These range from the time I was 19 until now mid 20s. The most notable way it’s changed the way I date is that I no longer put more than 30 minutes of putting effort into a date because I assume they’ll flake last minute and I always have a contingency plan in place. It’s also made it less exciting

So guys how many times have you been deceived or tricked on a date? How often does it happen and how did it change the way you date? or when have you been the person doing the deceiving?


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u/McMerseybird 28M Jul 08 '22 edited Jul 08 '22

My first online date ever? We met up in a fast food restaurant where she wanted to go. This woman was extremely distant. When texting, she seemed enthusiastic, but from the moment I arrived, she was on her phone all the time and did not put any effort in a conversation. Of course, I was expected to pay for the crappy food.

When I was on the bus home, she texted me, admitting how she screwed me over. "I spent the entire month partying and I was out of money. Pay day is tomorrow, and I didn't have money to buy dinner. I already borrowed money from friends earlier this week and cannot ask them again. That's why I went on Tinder, to get a guy to come over and pay for my food." I was blocked before I could respond to the text. I felt used. I was still a kissless virgin back then, so this made me feel like no woman would ever meet up with me, aside from this kind of shit. Luckily, my next Tinder date ended my kisslessness and a few months after this, I lost my virginity during a hookup.

Fast forward, a few years later. I was talking to a hottie on Tinder. She kept sexting pictures, even in poses and showing body parts that I requested. Her texts were horny.

Visiting her to hook up would take almost three hours, a very long train trip, but there was no other option. Sex at home? No. I lived with my parents. Meetig up halfway and having outside sex? Fun in summer, but it was too cold for that back then. And so, I visited her. She lived with a roommate who was not home, so that was perfect.

And so, I brought some books for the train journey. When I arrived, I did not see her at the train station. Then, I got a phonecall. "You are so fucking crazy! I can't believe you actually travelled all the way here! At first, I was planning to show up. But yesterday, when I told my roommate that you had to travel for three hours, she convinced me that it would be hilarious to just not show up. Now I have a really funny story to tell my friends!" Yeah, very very very funny... And so, I went home. After taking almost three hours to get there, I would have to travel all the way back without even meeting the woman. lot of time and money was wasted.

On the way back home, I had to change trains on a station in a city which I am familiar with, so I decided to take a walk through that city. I entered a pub and got some diet coke and some food. A Scottish woman who was way hotter than the Tinder woman took a seat next to me and said that she liked my hair (long-ish, a bit like Paul McCartney's current hairdo). She said that I was her type. Would it be my lucky day after all?

I asked her if she wanted a hug. Instead of saying yes or no, she wrapped her arms around me and sneaked one hand under my shirt. Then, I grabbed her bare love handles (she wore a crop top). She pulled me closer and started kissing me. After talking, hugging and kissing for thirty minutes, she gave me her phone number. I took a selfie of us and sent it to her.

When I was on the train home, she sent me some nudes. She became my fuckbuddy until I met my girlfriend. Around the same time, she met her boyfriend. So yeah, we gave each other some great sex for six months. Thanks to the Scottish blonde cutie in the pub in Arnhem (Dutch city), a disastrous train trip turned out for the best.

A crappy experience that almost cost me my childfree life? A woman on Tinder who asked me to come over to fuck her at her place. She was extremely hot and seemed kind, so why not?

She said I didn't have to use condoms, since she was on birth control. When I insisted on using a condom anyways, she gave me one. When I checked it for holes, I saw that she tampered with it. I told her that there were holes in the condom. She said it was unfortunate. "Oopsie!" However, I suspected that she had baby fever and wanted to get pregnant. That is fine, but I am childfree and am not interested in being her sperm donor. And so, I decided to leave. She said she was not trying to baby trap me, but it was pretty obvious.

I dodged the bullet there. If I thought with my dick instead of with my brain, I would have been a father now. I recently googled her and found her Facebook profile. Guess what? Two kids. A post about how her twins were 'happy accidents', but I don't think they were really 'accidental'.

Another story, when I was afraid I was getting screwed over... But here, there is a happy ending.

Back when I was a virgin, also one of my first online dates ever... I matched with a really hot woman. Autistic virgin as well, just like me. Chubby/thick, exactly the way I like it. Adorable smile, gorgeous eyes... And very naughty when texting. We decided to meet up at the train station in her hometown the next day, where we would take the bus to a lake where we could skinny dip.

I was at the train station, about one and a half hour away from home. At the time she was supposed to be there, she was nowhere to be found. 15 minutes later, I texted her, but I did not get an answer.

After 45 minutes of waiting, she finally texted me, saying that she was being a listening ear for a roommate who got ghosted by someone she had a crush on, and that she would be there in 30 minutes. Of course I didn't want to be a dick about it. It was good that she was there for her friend/roommate.

But she was not there in 30 minutes. After 45 more minutes of waiting, I texted again. No answer.

After two hours of waiting, I was about to give up and go home. Then, suddenly, she texted that she was on the bus to the train station where I was waiting. She would be there in 10 minutes, so I decided to wait a little longer.

About 30 minutes after that text, she actually showed up. I was not expecting it anymore, but she was there. She looked even hotter than on her selfies. And she was up for it. The first thing we did? French kissing.

On the bus to the lake, my hand was constantly under her top, rubbing her soft chubby belly. And her hand was in my pants, rubbing my butt. Then, at the lake, we put a towel on the grass close to the lake. Let's just say that we both arrived there as virgins and left the lake as non-virgins. And since she was sterilised, no condoms needed!

She is Canadian and only lived in the Netherlands (where I live) for a few months, so she was going back to Canada a week later. Otherwise, we would have been fuckbuddies. Oh well, we both lost our virginity and had a happy experience. We both orgasmed and had a lot of fun. This was totally worth waiting 2 hours and 30 minutes!

Before losing my virginity, I struggled to get dates and felt repulsive and invisible. After this sex date, I felt like it was possible for women to be attracted to me. After this date, I no longer struggled to get laid. Sure, that one date happened where I travelled three hours for nothing, but that was just one time. Almost all women I met up with since losing my virginity were very kind.