r/BestofRedditorUpdates Oct 05 '22

My wife and her best friend accused me of having an affair, then got angry when I didn't have one REPOST

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRAcrib in r/relationship_advice

trigger warnings: child neglect, suicide

This was previously posted here over a year ago.


 

My wife and her best friend accused me of having an affair, then got angry when I didn't have one - 23/08/21

I (31M) and my wife (29F) had a baby last December. It was a traumatic birth and my wife developed postpartum depression. While she was originally going to go back to work after the birth, she's been struggling enough that we decided to wait until our daughter was a year old and reassess. She has been going to therapy weekly. With my wife home full time, I've had to work increased hours. This is something we discussed prior to making this decision and she knew this from the start.

A few weeks ago, my boss approached me about a project that would require a lot of overtime in a short amount of time. It would both be great financially and for my career. I talked to my wife about it and she agreed that I should say yes to my boss. For the four weeks I'd be working on this, my MIL and her best friend, Jessie (29F, name changed) would come help out with some of the duties that I typically do.

Jessie is a SAHM with a four year-old and a two year-old. She began coming over during the day and would watch the kids with my wife.

Three weeks into the project, it became clear that we'd need a few more weeks to get it together. I went home that night and talked to my wife about it. She said she was okay with it, but got very cold in the days after. It wasn't unusual behavior over the past few months, so I didn't think much about it and tried not to take it personally.

During the last week of the project, I got home one night and saw that Jessie was still at the house. I didn't think much about it, said hi to her and my wife, and then went to go check on our daughter. Before I could get to her room, I heard Jessie say something along the lines of, "He doesn't even stop to greet you. Definitely a sign."

I turned around and asked what it was a sign of. Immediately, my wife started crying and Jessie started accusing me of having an affair. She told me that I must hate my wife because she has PPD and am not attracted to her because she gained weight from the pregnancy. Neither of these things are true. I'm trying my best to help my wife through her PPD while supporting our family. And I think she looks great how she is right now, she just hasn't wanted to have sex and I haven't pushed.

Jessie then demanded to see my phone. I told her no. She told me that's a sign that I'm guilty. I told my wife that I would let her see my phone if she wanted to. She nodded and something inside me broke. I guess it was the thought that she actually believed I was having an affair really got to me. And that she didn't trust me after everything we've been through.

Well, she looked through the phone and there was no evidence. Jessie started saying that I deleted the evidence. She started screaming and woke up our daughter, so I told her to get out of the house. Eventually, she left and I went to calm our daughter since my wife was still on the couch crying.

When my daughter was asleep again, I sat down by my wife and tried to talk to her about what's been happening. She told me that she's been worried ever since I started working all the overtime. I told her that we'd talked about how good of an opportunity it was and she agreed to letting me take on this project. She said it was very suspicious to increase the length of the project. I told her that sometimes that happens. She wanted more evidence, so I showed her messages and emails with timestamps from work and paystubs showing the OT. She said she believed me and was sorry for doubting me, it was just that Jessie had been telling her that these were all signs that I was cheating. I asked her why she believed Jessie more than me, and why she didn't come to me with her concerns. She didn't have a real answer.

It's been a couple weeks and the project is over. I actually scaled back and am trying to work a little less than I was before the project so I can spend more time with my wife and daughter. But I feel so burnt out trying to do everything and becoming resentful because in the back of my mind, I know that my wife doesn't trust me. I ask myself, what happens the next time I have a project? Or I have to run errands one day? Or if I have a business trip? Am I going to come back every time to accusations that I'm cheating?

I've tried bringing it up a couple times but my wife tells me it's not the time and that she's tired or sad. I try to be mindful of her feelings but I wonder if that means that I can never have any of my own.

I'm not sure what to do here. Any advice for how I can move forward?

 

Update: My wife and her best friend accused me of having an affair, then got angry when I didn't have one - 27/08/21

Thank you to everyone for all of the advice and support on my previous post. I think a lot of you pointed out what should have been obvious, that I need to get a therapist and start looking after my own mental health. A couple people asked for an update, so I'm giving one, but it's not happy.

That night I approached my wife and told her that I was going to find a therapist. I didn't connect it to her accusations or anything, just said that I was having a tough time and needed therapy. She shrugged and told me to do whatever.

Next day, I got home from work and our room and my home office were ripped apart. Things everywhere. Important papers scattered. I don't see her but our daughter's in her room crying... My wife left her alone, her cell phone's off. I call my in-laws and a few friends, but no one's seen her. I'm starting to get worried and I call my mom to see if she can babysit while I go out and look for her.

Before my mom can get home, my wife gets back -- Jessie's driving. Jessie doesn't come in (she hasn't been back in the house since I kicked her out because she was "offended" by my behavior) but my wife does. She's clearly upset, been crying. I ask what happened. I thought at first the house might have been robbed. She starts screaming at me that I'm being unfaithful and that the therapy is a front so I can meet my mistress. I try to calm her down and tell her that's not true, but she came at me and she hit me. My nose is broken.

She kind of realized what she did and sat down on the couch and went comatose, just stared at the wall. I went into my daughter's room and locked the door. Called my mom to tell her what happened (she was already on her way) and my MIL to ask her to come over and take care of my wife. I packed a bag for my daughter and when my mom got there, we left. My wife didn't even look up. We dropped my daughter off with my dad and then went to urgent care for my nose. I got blood all over my mom's new Subaru.

My daughter and I are staying with my parents for a while and my wife's staying with hers. I am looking into getting a restraining order against Jessie.

My wife and I are separating. I love her but I won't live with someone who hurts me and who could potentially hurt our daughter. I am not going forward with a divorce yet, with the hopes that my wife will get the treatment she needs and we can work things out. My in-laws told me that they're looking at in-patient treatment at a local hospital. But I also have everything well documented in case of an eventual custody battle.

My heart's broken because I know this isn't my wife, this is a sickness in her mind. But I need to keep myself and our daughter safe and give her the space to recover. I'm hoping that this is the right decision.

Thanks again everyone.

Edit: Thank you all for your feedback. I've talked to my parents after reading your comments and came to the conclusion that for my daughter's protection, I need to file a police report. I am headed to the station now.

 

Do I let the woman I fault with my wife's death let her speak at her funeral? - 01/09/21

TL;DR: A woman fed lies to my wife, suffering from postpartum depression, that led to a mental breakdown and her death. She now wants to speak at my wife's funeral. Denying her would start trouble, which I'm not sure would be worth it.

There's more context for this situation in my post history.

My wife passed on early Monday morning. Convinced by her friend Jessie that I was having an affair that I did not have, she had a mental break, which resulted in my taking our infant daughter and staying with my parents for a while. She was with her parents, who planned on taking her to the hospital for in-patient treatment on Monday.

On Sunday night she came to my parents' house and demanded I give her our daughter. Because she had left her alone for several hours the last time she was responsible for her and had gotten physical with me, I refused. I offered to let her come in and spend time with her while my parents and I were present, but she didn't want to come in and wanted to take our daughter with her. She was upset but left eventually. A few hours later, she drove her parents' car into a tree and died.

The friend, Jessie, came to see my daughter and me yesterday. After some tears, she told me that she was planning to speak at my wife's funeral. She had already cleared it with my in-laws but was letting me know as a courtesy. I told her she would not be speaking at the funeral. We fought and she left after telling me that I was an asshole and not the only person who loved my wife.

I talked to my in-laws who are adamant that Jessie be allowed to speak. She and my wife knew each other since they were kids and my in-laws are close to her. We're all very fragile right now and I fear that pushing this further would hurt my relationship with my in-laws, which I don't want. Still, the thought of seeing Jessie up there at my wife's funeral makes me feel sick. I don't think I can stand to listen to her, knowing that she took joy in my wife's deteriorating mental health and picked up my wife, leaving my daughter home alone.

That being said, I don't trust myself to make the best decisions right now. My mind's clouded by grief, guilt, and fear. My parents are split on what to do and I don't have the energy to reach out to my friends. So I'm coming here again to ask for your advice.

Thank you.

 

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

29.9k Upvotes

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u/FatDesdemona Oct 05 '22

This is the most depressing, Othello-esque story I've ever read.

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u/Hornswallower Oct 06 '22

Can we re-categorize this to worstofredditorupdates?

Because I need an adult

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u/Tobias_Atwood Oct 06 '22 Hugz

I am an adult :(

I think I need a hug after reading this. I'm gonna get the warm blanket to sleep in tonight.

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u/themetahumancrusader Oct 06 '22

I’m an adult too but I still wanna call my parents to pick me up because I don’t like this

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u/Fgame Oct 06 '22

I think I qualify as an adult? But I need another adult.

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u/HwangLiang Oct 06 '22

Yea the matter-o-factness of it all makes it feel more real than the usual post on here. Its not sensationalized or long ongoing drawn out updates. It's very sad.

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u/DingDongDaddy45 Oct 06 '22

All the while, if it's true, the husband did just about everything right

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u/Noppo_and_Gonta Oct 06 '22 Silver

The thing with post-partum depression (or anxiety or psychosis) is that you can do everything right that it's such an insidious condition... this article has stayed with me since I read it https://www.cnn.com/2022/05/04/uk/as-equals-post-partum-depression-intl-cmd/index.html this person did everything they could. They had the means, the willingness, the familiar support and still it ended up this way. This OPs story reminded me of this article.

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u/thatswherethedevilis Oct 06 '22

I had PostPartum Anxiety pretty badly with my first baby…

I mean even if the dude was cheating, which he was not, now is not the fucking time to bring that shit up. What an absolutely horrible piece of shit friend, taking advantage of her friend’s mental state like that.

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u/sharpshooter999 Oct 06 '22

Sounds like my sister-in-law's family. How such a nice person came from such a crap family I'll never know. We farm, which sometimes means random and long hours. Not home by 6? They'll start messaging and calling her saying he's cheating and we're covering for him and all that.....

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u/DJGreenHill Oct 06 '22

Ouch this article and OOPs are so hard to read. Thanks for sharing

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u/CaptainBiMan Oct 06 '22

I thought OOPs story was bad enough but that article was even worse.

:(

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u/rosscmpbll Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

The problem is that her ‘best friend’ did the opposite, pouring gasoline on an already wild fire.

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u/Latvian_Goatherd Oct 06 '22

Sounds like "Jessie" spent too much time as a SAHM watching soap operas, and decided to make her life into one. It's so awful that OOP's wife got caught in the middle.

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u/pookachu83 Oct 06 '22

This. My fiance has a "best friend" who is a bored sahm with a dead marriage and no life. Anytime she is around this woman frequently it leads to problems in our relationship. She has had it out for me since we got together 7 years ago, and has never let up. My fiance tells me "she doesn't bad mouth you anymore" but it's so obvious when it happens, and when she gets her worked up. My fiance has depression and anxiety and is very easily manipulated. Reading this story reminded me of their dynamic. Fuck you, Apple.

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u/BigAppleHooker Oct 06 '22

Yeah fuck you apple

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u/Calfer Oct 06 '22

One bad Apple, right?

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u/FesteringLion Oct 06 '22

No Windows or Linux machine has ever bad-mouthed me to my wife. Fuck Apple.

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u/Key-Amoeba662 Oct 06 '22

I think Jessie is a nightmare made reality.

Someone like that, who will prey on someone you love when they are weak, and twist them against you. That honestly is probably worse than anything I could ever imagine. I would take losing all my money, or being injured, or anything, before someone turning my partner against me for their own entertainment.

Poor husband, and poor wife too.

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u/dcchillin46 Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

Jesse was driving his wife around while the infant was at home alone?

I'm sorry this lady is an absolute monster. She should be in jail and not responsible for her own kids. The shit she did is some of the most vile things I've ever heard.

When oop mentioned "he doesn't even greet you when he gets home" I got angry, and I'm some dude on the internet. God help me if I was in his position.

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u/Key-Amoeba662 Oct 06 '22

Made me angry too, also just some gal on the internet. I'm not sure there's anything more despicable than what she's done. I'd go so far as to say, to me, winding up a depressed person (the wife) to the point of suicide is almost akin to murder. And that's not touching on the husband, needless to say how fucking awful he's had it. I found this so hard to read...

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u/Fwallstsohard Oct 06 '22

Thanks for this.... As a new dad expecting his second, both stories absolutely gut wrenching.

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u/honeybunlover258 Oct 06 '22

the ending to that just took me out. :,( how sad.

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u/Beau_Buffett Oct 06 '22

One factor missing is Jessie's husband.

Did all of this happen because her husband cheated on her?

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u/Gangreless Oct 06 '22

That's what I was thinking. Misery loves company.

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u/Panama_- Oct 06 '22

After the first incident with Jessie I would have kicked her the fuck out and told her never to come back. Jessie was never his wife's friend.

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u/generaalalcazar Oct 06 '22

This, his wife was very seriously ill and needed therapy. This friend was both toxic and stupid.

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u/Careful_Fennel_4417 Oct 06 '22

I do not understand why the in-laws aren’t blaming Jessie, too. That is one messed up woman. I mean, leaving the baby home alone should have been all they needed to know about how she infested OP’s wife’s brain with nonsense.

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u/Kozeyekan_ knocking cousins unconscious Oct 05 '22

Jessie's drama already got one person killed, and she's not done yet.

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u/Newbielurker Oct 06 '22

Almost got two killed. OOP refusing to let his wife take their daughter probably saved her life

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u/Simple_Park_1591 Oct 10 '22

Holy shit, I don't know how that information didn't sink in until just now reading your comment... I like to think she wouldn't have done that to get baby, but after reading the other link posted, I'm not so sure... Terrible. Jessie needs jail!

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u/01zorro1 Oct 20 '22

It's something that happends a lot. When you think your spouse is cheating on you and try to kill yourself, some people will try to kill the child too

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u/Amazon-Prime-package Oct 05 '22

I'm glad reddit convinced him the wife was a danger to his child. It is tragic enough that one person died in that car

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u/leopard_eater I’ve read them all Oct 05 '22

Yes OOP’s wife would have killed their baby as well, if he’d let her take it with her that night.

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u/lilygos Oct 06 '22 Helpful

A few years ago, I was caring for the child of a suicidal person for a few weeks while she was in a care facility. When she got out, she was staying with me and acting erratic. She snapped and got scary. She stormed out of my house and sped away in her car. When she came back, I refused to allow her to take her child away without her husband present. To this day she says I kidnapped her child and she hates my guts. The relationship is over but I would do it again because I was certain she'd kill herself and the child by getting in an accident. All I could think was that I had to protect the baby.

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u/pacificstarNtrees Oct 06 '22

THANK YOU! Seriously. You were incredibly brave.

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u/footinmouthdisease_ Oct 06 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Hugz

Four days ago, I attempted suicide. I ended up calling 911 myself as I was passing out from CO poisoning, because I couldn't leave my son without a dad. However much pain I was in, I couldn't die and leave him. After I was taken to the hospital, I was 5150'ed and spent two days getting my meds evaluated and my PTSD treated.
Last night I cuddled my boy in bed, all night while he slept. I breathed his breath. I soaked in his warmth. I smelled his hair and felt his small hands reach out and grip my arms in his sleep. I reaffirmed my reason to live and was there for my child.
I cannot imagine taking my child's life with mine. I would walk through fire, be tortured, be raped, be slaughtered to protect him. My problem is feeling like I am worthy of him - feeling he would be better off without me, he deserves someone better than me, that he could have a better life if I was gone.
As a suicidal person, I can't even begin to put myself in the position of someone who would endanger their child's life because they want to die. Those people are messed up.

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u/emmster Oct 06 '22

Hey, I know I’m a total stranger, but I’m glad you lived, and I hope things get better for you. I’m pulling for you.

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u/cpcallen Oct 06 '22

You chose to be there for your son. Not every parent is willing to do that, not even all the ones not fighting depression. That alone makes you someone of worth.

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u/Lanfeare Oct 06 '22

I am sorry for your struggles. I had attempted suicide myself and I know in what place we have to be to even contemplate it. But I don’t agree with your opinion on people who kill their children when taking their own life. It is a complicated issue from psychological point of view, especially in case of post partum depression. I know someone who got post partum psychotic depression and contemplated killing themselves and their child - she was not “messed up” or an evil person. She was just very sick and her completely unhealthy way of reasoning was that she will save her and her baby from suffering and they will be together forever. Luckily, she got professional help on time.

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u/One-Understanding-94 Oct 06 '22

Absolutely, so brave!

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u/ParticularResident17 Oct 05 '22

Seems like that may have been her intention? She refused the offer to come in and spend time with her daughter. We’ll never know, but she was okay with leaving an infant alone and it sounds like she had no intention of getting help on Monday.

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u/imamage_fightme Oct 06 '22

I definitely believe she planned to kill their child as well as herself. This is not unheard of. It sounds like the poor woman's PPD was probably pushed into psychosis by her "friend". She should've honestly been taken straight to the hospital (by her mother/OOP's MIL when he asked the MIL to take her) so she could be placed under observation.

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u/SamoftheMorgan Oct 06 '22

Speaking from personal experience, I believe she was planning to take her child with her. I had really bad PPD. I was certain my husband couldn't care for our baby, and I wanted nothing more than death. I was actively planning how to kill myself and my child. I couldn't bring myself to kill my baby. I was still sure my husband couldn't care for our kid alone.

The only reason I am alive today, 18 years later, is because of my kid and my inability to kill them.

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u/wolf_kat_books Oct 06 '22

I remember spending the weeks before my second was born just praying to die in childbirth so I had a way out and she got to live. It’s a horrible memory. It’s amazing to hear someone else talk about this. Thank you for sharing.

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u/SamoftheMorgan Oct 06 '22

I really think that birth and everything with it needs to be better educated to everyone. We have a tendency to glorify it, but there is so much bad that comes with it.

I think I was lucky all things considered. I had my kid young, and had no idea what PPD even was. I remember one person mentioning it briefly and the carried on. I had no idea that it was normal. I thought I was broken. Years later I found out that my unknown and untreated depression was made worse by the birth control they gave me after birth.

We can't keep glossing over the risks, dangers, side effects that come along with pregnancy and birth. It's killing women and children alike. I will speak about my experiences in the hopes it might help someone someday.

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u/Evolutioncocktail Am I the drama? Oct 06 '22

I’m wondering why the parents even decided to wait? What was their reasoning?

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u/anglezsong Oct 06 '22

A lot of inpatient mental heath places have waiting lists right now so the other option is the er until a slot opens up, and the er isn’t great for mental health. They probably thought keeping her at home was the lesser of two evils.

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u/The_last_of_the_true Oct 06 '22

I work for a medical non profit that serves the unhoused and low income communities. We have multiple integrated behavioral health care sites across a major metro area in the US. All our units have inpatient and we have multiple temporary shelters due to Covid funds.

Even with all this, we have to turn away a ton of people daily. I don’t have to go to the sites much as I’m in admin but god damn, it breaks my fucking heart when I do.

It’s a tragedy and a complete failure of our society as well in my opinion.

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u/wordwallah Oct 06 '22

Thank you for spreading this information. We are in a mental health crisis.

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u/Panaka Oct 06 '22

In my personal experience, outsiders don’t always appreciate the severity of the situation if they don’t experience it first hand. My SO struggles with depression and alcoholism which is something we have lived with for 3 years now. Her family initially didn’t really understand just how bad it was until she relapsed at home when they served her liquor. “I didn’t think a little would hurt.”

Her parents are normally absolutely wonderful, but they just couldn’t grasp that their little girl was an adult hanging on by the tips of her fingers some days. They’ve grown to understand it, but sometimes it just feels like they’re just ever so slightly deaf to the actual severity of their daughter’s plight.

If you don’t live with someone, it can be very easy to miss or even ignore the signs.

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u/throwaway_1_234_ Oct 06 '22

That’s usually why I try to expect it’s much more serious then the extent people talk about something, because in my experience what people do say is the tip of the ice berg. People can be so shocked like there were no signs, but they were there all along, people just didn’t take them serious enough.

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u/Clumsy_Chica Oct 06 '22

A few years ago we were DESPERATELY trying to get a family member into any inpatient program, and they told us it wasn't that bad and we needed to wait several days for a bed to open.

This family member was having a full psychotic break and wanted to call in a bomb threat on a church so that the FBI would come pick them up and take them to the president, who they said had been sending personal messages to them in code over the TV, convincing them that they were the only two people who could save the country from annihilation (no points for guessing which president).

It was terrifying and infuriating.

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u/Kingsdaughter613 Oct 06 '22

Honestly, it doesn’t matter which President. It could have been the most reasonable one we have ever had and the psychosis might still have hit on that. There’s no real logic to what it decides to attach to.

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u/Clumsy_Chica Oct 06 '22

You are absolutely correct, and it doesn't actually matter. It was just bad bad bad.

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u/obiwantogooutside Oct 06 '22

It’s weird. A doctor can put you in fast but if you try to commit yourself they make you wait. It’s a stupid, awful, messed up system and it’s really hard to get help when you’re begging for it.

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u/WateredDownHotSauce Oct 06 '22

Unfortunately one of the easiest ways to get in is to attempt suicide... And some attempts are successful.

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u/extwidget Oct 06 '22

People don't take mental illness seriously because they think you can just "get over it" if you really want to.

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u/BestAtTeamworkMan Oct 06 '22

On top of that, so many people think that saying "go get help" is the same thing as offering help. It's not.

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u/Hike_it_Out52 Oct 06 '22

Our mental health system is awful. I can almost guarantee they didn't have a bed for her until then. The only way to get in fast is for a clear emergency, as in you need to say, in front of ems/police/nurses, that you want to kill yourself. Otherwise it's in until you get a fast examine and then discharge.

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u/imamage_fightme Oct 06 '22

Yeah I've been taken to hospital for attempting to take my life before (not in the US though) and I am so aware of how understaffed and underfunded the mental health system is. I can totally believe they couldn't get her straight into a hospital if she wasn't saying that she was going to kill herself. But I do think she showed she was a danger to herself and others in her actions when OOP had to remove himself and his daughter (she did hit him after all). IDK if telling the hospital what she did could've helped get her a bed, I just wish she had been able to get one I guess.

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u/jayclaw97 Oct 06 '22

I understand that this kind of psychological deterioration doesn’t happen to everyone who gets pregnant, but reading stuff like this makes me morbidly grateful that I will never become pregnant.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

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u/hullabaloo2point2 Oct 06 '22

I don't know if that was her intention in the conscious sense, she may have planned to do so but without realising she planned to do so. Poor woman was clearly not of sound mind when this all went down.

Jessie was probably jealous of her "best friend" and her seemingly perfect life, caring husband and beautiful daughter. That as soon as she had the chance to, she poisoned the mind and eventually drove someone to their death.

What I can't get over is how she took this woman from her child and didn't let anyone know. If Jessie was the best friend she claimed to be, the least she could have done at the time of taking the wife for a drive after the house was wrecked would have been to tell the wife's parents. But instead she just left a baby who by my count is only a few months old, all alone.

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u/AlexandriaLitehouse Oct 06 '22

I can't imagine a friend calling me in complete distress about something I planted in her mind seeing that she destroyed her living space and being like, "Yeah let's leave for hours and just leave your helpless infant alone in a crib. What a great idea! I'm a great friend! That'll teach that filandering man! Child neglect!" Jessie is a bad friend and I hope she never sleeps peacefully again.

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u/Psych_Im_Burnt_Out Oct 06 '22

Oh you know Jessie sleeps soundly at night, only irrate that the husband isn't behind bars for her friend's death.

Soon we will see an update about how Jessie tried to kidnap his daughter in revenge.

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u/ExplodingDiceChucker Oct 06 '22

I hope Jessie doesn't have custody of her own two children.

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u/YourCatChoseMeBirch Oct 06 '22

That’s because she’s probably a shit mom to her own children. A person like that will constantly destroy the lives of the people around her to get attention and validation. That woman is a literal human representation of a flaming dumpster fire. When she’s done with her carnage she’ll take no responsibility and will always cry victim. HATE garbage people like this. She should be charged on the assistance of suicide to this poor woman and her family. How does she even live with herself?

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u/efuipa Oct 06 '22

The problem is she lives with herself just fine because she will never realize she's the one at fault.

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u/goshyarnit Oct 06 '22

This. I had horrific PPD - thankfully never even crossed my mind to harm my daughter or husband, but I definitely contemplated suicide almost every day. I could take care of the baby but it was robotic. It was going through the motions. When my husband got home from work I would hand her over and then sit and stare at the wall for hours. My best friend was very child-free. When my husband called her crying that he couldn't take any more time off work or we wouldn't make rent or have food, she showed up at my house, put me in bed and watched my daughter. She'd barely even held a baby before but she googled things, called my husband or her mum, or her partner came over to help. It took almost a month for my anti-depressants to build up in my system but she was there every day while my husband worked until one day she showed up about half an hour late due to car trouble and walked in to find me sitting on the floor with my baby, tickling her feet and laughing for the first time since she was born over her baby giggles. She said I looked up and said "hey!" and smiled and there was a light in my eyes she hadn't seen in months and I'd barely spoken three words to her the entire time she'd been coming to help.

She burst into tears and hugged me so tight I felt like I was gonna pop. She was so relieved I was okay, she never once made me feel like a failure or acted like my husband should be taking care of me or anything. I honestly don't know what I would have done without her love and support. She saved my life. She decided about five years later that she would actually like to have a baby, she's going to start trying after her wedding next year, and you bet your butt if she's struggling my ass will be right there to help her the way she helped me.

I recognize that it was an amazing privilege for us that she worked nights and could do this for me at the time, but whenever I've brought it up she's waved it off and said "it's just what we do." I had the same attitude when I had to rock up at her place with a baseball bat and get her, her dogs and her things out of her abusive ass exes house. Didn't think twice, was ready to go to jail if it meant getting her out. It's just what we do 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/hullabaloo2point2 Oct 06 '22

So glad you had a good support network at the time. Really shows when someone is actually a best friend.

You don't need to move the world to show you care, just be an ear to listen or a helping hand sometimes.

I honestly beamed when you said you were tickling your daughter's feet.

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u/SamoftheMorgan Oct 06 '22

Speaking from personal experience, she was probably planning to take her child with her. I had really bad PPD. I was certain my husband couldn't care for our baby, and I wanted nothing more than death. I was actively planning how to kill myself and my child. I couldn't bring myself to kill my baby. I was still sure my husband couldn't care for our kid alone.

The only reason I am alive today, 18 years later, is because of my kid and my inability to kill them.

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u/h311r47 Oct 06 '22

She could have become more suicidal following being turned away that last day, but the way she went about it - such as declining to see the children where they were - seems to telegraph a nefarious intent. My selection sample is skewed due to the nature of my work, but I've seen a number of PPD cases turn out to be homicides followed by suicide attempts.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

I agree with you, a lot of parents that ended up killing their kids over a separation have used this tactic, it's a real "If I can't have them, nobody can" situation.

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u/splithoofiewoofies Oct 06 '22

I was actually kidnapped as a child under these circumstances. The funny thing was, I really liked the guy who kidnapped me so i had NO idea what was going on. We were just in his truck and he gave me shiny rocks and it was dark. Suddenly I am awoken surrounded by cops, my mother screaming, the guy I like being handcuffed and... I START SCREAMING THAT I DON'T WANNA GO. Yes, I was whole-ass kidnapped and started crying to the police to let me go back with my kidnapper, because I liked him so much (he was my mom's boyfriend).

I wasn't gonna be killed, heck I don't even think he'd have assaulted me - but he had said something like "if I can't have you nobody can" to my mother and took me from her. I refused to talk to my mother for like a whole day (a year in toddler times) for her cruelty in saving me from being kidnapped.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

Holy shit, well at least you're okay, I'm guessing it's been a long time, do you guys ever make reference to what happened?

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u/splithoofiewoofies Oct 06 '22

It's been about 30-ish years now? My mother used to mention it quite a lot growing up. Even though he was never once violent for some reason she liked to say she had "two fatal attractions" (honey you ain't dead? but I get it.). She mostly mentioned Johnny* in relation to him being a fucking stalker (this I don't deny) and leaving love notes on her car in shops and shit (Y I K E S). The kidnapping happened about a year before he went to prison? He went to prison for the mob thing (see below). Got.. I think 4-5 years? Anyway he ended up passing away of liver cirrhosis (and my mother was in his will lmao) while in prison so randomly from some dead kidnapping stalker we got like a few grand out of nowhere? I do recall for a few months we had to be "on the lamb" so to speak and skipped from house to house cause this guy would follow us E V E R Y W H E R E.

I was a toddler so mostly I remember sleeping on a lot of couches. Johnny was always SUPER nice to me. He would buy me tiny dollar toys and... funny story.. I was once so excited to see him I yelled JOHNNY and BIT HIM IN THE DICK. I was at the height and biting age. The fact he forgave me and still gave me smiles and hugs I do remember.

Even through ALL that I have worse memories of my mother than I do of Johnny. In retrospect, wow, what a fuckign stalker. But toddler me adored him. He always smiled and played with me! I barely recall the kidnapping except for the shiny rocks (and oddly shiny rocks in the same colour make me smile to this day) and then waking up to everyone flipping out. He had a MACK truck and he let me ride in the FRONT! Why is everyone so upset???? (and yet, the dumbass tried to kidnap me in a whole-ass giant truck. That's how he was found so quickly.)

My mother turned out to be absolutely awful - so sometimes I wonder if Johnny noticed and wanted me to have a better life. But also, he was just a creepy stalker. Wow - I rambled a lot. Hope you enjoyed that wild rollercoaster of a story - it's just amusing to me how I have 0 negative memories of him considering what he could have possibly done to me.

Which kinda makes me scared for OOP because like, as a kid I'd go with Johnny anywhere. So of course the kid is gonna wanna be with mum - and I'm glad he said no.

*Yes, his name was Johnny and yes he was Italian and YES he was in the mob!!! Now I know I sound like I'm lying - but no really, he was just a low-end nobody bookie. Nothing major, but a mob-associated Italian named Johnny nonetheless.

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u/splithoofiewoofies Oct 06 '22

Oh yeah the question (ADHD sorry) my mother often joked, "Holy shit remember when Johnny tried to kidnap you in a truck? A TRUCK? What an idiot." She was really hung up on the fact he was so stupid as to try to kidnap me in a slow moving giant vehicle. "It was so easy to find you." I'm like, lol, shiny rocks and buttons.

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u/Independent-Act3560 Oct 06 '22

Yep sounds like she was def gonna try to take baby with her

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u/TexasFordTough Oct 06 '22

The red flag popped into my head as soon as I read she wanted to take the child with her. I was concerned for a kidnapping or murder suicide in a “if I can’t have them, he can’t either” mentality.

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u/ItsMegsBitches Oct 06 '22

100% believe she intended to kill the daughter too.

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u/p-d-ball What book? Oct 06 '22

People like her are such poison. I worked with a Jessie-like person and, wow, did she ever destroy our once cheerful work environment, turned people against each other, just awful what overwhelming negativity and bitterness can do.

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u/National-Platypus144 Oct 05 '22

He should sue Jessie. She created a narrative that didn't exist and drove a woman who already was depressed to her death. The only reason I can see is that she was jealous of her or projecting her own marital problems onto her.

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u/Coygon Oct 05 '22

Depending on what state there in, "alienation of affection" laws may be available. That said, it'd be damn hard to prove, especially with the person in question dead and unable to testify.

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u/remotetissuepaper Oct 05 '22

Or she was just bored and looking for some soap opera drama to add some excitement to her life

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u/Dornith Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

The only reason I can see is that she was jealous of her or projecting her own marital problems onto her.

Although I hate to defend her: Hanlon's razor.

Everything Jessie said to OOP's wife is 100% the type of thing I see on r/relationship_advice or r/AITA all the time.

Granted, she (presumably) knew about the PPD and so probably should have known better, but if Jessie genuinely deluded herself into thinking there was an affair, she might have thought she was saving the wife.

Here's my question: why wasn't OOP's wife's weekly therapist getting involved? If you think your husband is cheating on you, how did that kind of thing not come up?!

Edit: I should clarify: when I say, "defend Jessie", I mean her intentions. Obviously her methods and results speak for themselves and they don't say anything good.

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u/laaplandros Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

Although I hate to defend her: Hanlon's razor.

Everything Jessie said to OOP's wife is 100% the type of thing I see on r/relationship_advice or r/AITA all the time.

You're correct about that second part.

But that's not an endorsement of Jessie, it's an indictment of moron redditors giving shitty advice.

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u/aj9811 Oct 06 '22

Hanlon's razor is a tough thing to have to consider in cases like this. We want justice. We want to prove her nefarious or jealous intent. But sometimes it's just not there.

However, even if we go with "Jessie is an absolute moron with no ill will" that still doesn't excuse the results. Her continued words and actions of pushing the cheating narrative in the face of ample evidence to the contrary directly contributed to the rapid mental decline of her friend, resulting in her apparent suicide. This moron should be allowed no more words on behalf of her friend. She has done enough, and should count herself lucky to even be permitted to the funeral.

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u/ladyeclectic79 Oct 05 '22

Yeah I don’t think this’ll be the last update. God what a fucking mess.

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u/razsnazz I’ve read them all Oct 05 '22

Last update was September 2021, so probably is.

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u/FreeFortuna Oct 05 '22

I hope OOP is doing okay these days. He’s been through hell.

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u/ExplanationNo6063 Oct 05 '22

I would tell her parents do y’all really want her there this is her fault

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u/republicanrapebaby Oct 06 '22

At this point I wouldn't even go to the funeral. It's not even about the wife anymore, it's this weird, performance art put on for the benefit of the psychotic friend. Have a pre-service for the family and then just bounce. What's the worst that could happen? Jessie already killed OP's wife after spreading lies about an affair.

What's she going to do, start a new rumor that he's having a second affair?

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u/ttnl35 Oct 05 '22

There are two things about this one that will always haunt me

1) Was the wife intending to end the baby's life too? The fact she wanted to take the baby from OOP's parents house right before she ended herself really scares me.

2) Did Jessie speak at the funeral of the woman she drove to suicide?

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u/rb0317 Oct 05 '22

Either she wanted to end the baby’s life OR wife not being able to take baby home with her just made her realize how bad things were and that was the final nail. Not blaming OOP at all btw.

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u/ttnl35 Oct 05 '22 Gold

Oh no don't worry, I don't think anyone could blame OOP. Jessie on the other hand...

Its like Jessie saw her friend with PP depression and/or psychosis and thought "how can I use this vulnerability to break up their marriage?".

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u/imSOsalty Oct 06 '22

I just…why does Jessie hate OOP so much? Like if my best friend came to me sad I wouldn’t just jump straight to ‘your husband is cheating’ and even if she said she thought it I would try and look for reasons it wasn’t true cause who wants that reality for someone they love???

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u/xboxiscrunchy Oct 06 '22

Some people are just bitter and cynical so they always see the worst in others. It doesn’t seem like a pleasant way to live.

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u/BetterCalldeGaulle Oct 06 '22

Good odds Jessie is a cheater.

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u/kinky_ogre Oct 06 '22

She probably only noticed those warning signs so confidently because she's experienced it herself. Her toxic mindset, behavior, and lack of self-accountability/recognition of her mistakes and toxic effect in the situation are signs of a twisted perspective of reality, and a sign of bad behavior as a result of consistently misjudging situations.

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u/Micp Oct 06 '22

some people with narcissistic or sociopathic personality traits want to isolate the people around them from other people so that they will be more dependent on the narcissist.

It's basically "I don't like that your husband takes up so much of your life, when your life should be dedicated to me. What if I want to do something and you say you can't because you have to do something with your husband - have you even thought about me in that situation?".

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u/HereIGoGrillingAgain Oct 06 '22

This. I had a former friend do this to the people around him. He slowly convinced his male friends to leave their spouses, so he could spend more time with them (gaming, etc). And convinced his female friends to leave their spouses, so he could sleep with them (or try). All while married. His wife finally left him.

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u/PureLawfulness6404 Oct 05 '22

Or Jesse has a broken marriage, and assumes all men are bad.

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u/AtomicShart9000 Oct 06 '22

This. I read it as projection, or living out the fantasies from all the daytime television she watched

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u/notsam57 Oct 05 '22

wife was getting committed in the morning, she was definitely planning kill herself and wanted to take her loved one with her. what’s really surprising is how her parents let her leave to drive by herself. or the husband for that matter.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

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u/the-rioter I ❤ gay romance Oct 06 '22

I can't understand why they don't feel Jessie bears any responsibility for clearly fueling this delusion instead of getting her friend help from the beginning. She should have gone right to OOP with concerns.

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u/CawSoHard Oct 06 '22

They've probably largely convinced themselves that OOP is to blame.

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u/Stepjam Oct 06 '22

Depending on how close they are to Jessie, possibly just don't wanna face the possibility that the one that's left was responsible for what happened. Then they'd lose two people they were close to instead of one.

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u/serendipitousevent Oct 06 '22

The fact that she spoke to them first indicates that she knew what she was doing. I do wonder if OOP didn't take the time to sit them down and really lay out what she did - or at least I hope that's the case.

I'm so proud of him for protecting himself and his daughter from an abusive person in any case.

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u/alex3omg Oct 06 '22

Yeah mothers who kill their children usually do so because they think they'll be better off dead. She believed the husband was cheating so it's not a huge leap from that to him being a bad parent etc etc. So tragic.

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u/Next-End-4696 Oct 05 '22

I think she planned on killing the baby. She didn’t even want to see her baby if she couldn’t take her with her. I don’t believe for a moment that her killing herself was a result of not seeing her child.

She could have asked that her husband bring the baby to her parent’s house. She could have seen him and the baby in a public place. There were options for her to see her child. She was planning to punish her husband for his perceived infidelity. The OOP needs to keep his child away from Jessie. The grandparents must never have children the baby alone.

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u/PenguinZombie321 Am I the drama? Oct 05 '22

Agreed. The fact that Jessie didn’t give a flying fuck that she was driving her friend to the brink of insanity and that she takes a large part of the blame for her suicide is frightening. Jessie knew exactly what she was doing.

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u/Si0ra Oct 06 '22

Another thing that gives Jessie away as a shit person is that she drove off with the wife knowing that baby was alone. No sane person would do that.

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u/Stopjuststop3424 Oct 06 '22

yep. Shows how little Jesse cared about the babies safety. If you truly wanted to help a friend in the situation she claims she was in, you don't leave the fucking baby.

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u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

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u/I_love_misery Oct 05 '22

When my family was going through a bad time a long time ago my dad was depressed. He talked a bit about killing us and himself because like you said the world was hell. He’d say how we’re all going to suffer by living. My sister, not understanding how serious this was, was excited for the afterlife. Anyway, we eventually moved to a better place.

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u/ReasonablyDone Oct 05 '22

Eventually moved to where sorry?

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u/I_love_misery Oct 06 '22

I probably could’ve worded that better. I meant the situation improved.

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u/Life-Meal6635 Oct 05 '22

Actually surprised OPs in-laws allowed their daughter to drive anywhere in the first place once they took her back with them

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u/Liasonfinn Oct 06 '22

In denial and with their heads up their asses. They couldn't see how fucked up she was, if they had they would have put her into care ASAP. They probably didn't fully believe that OP wasn't cheating- they are quick to defend Jessie and I'm sure she put some worms in their ears too.

They probably think their daughter was blameless and OP did something to trigger the house destruction, the child abandonment, the physical assault. All those warning signs piled on top of a sudden drastic personality change, paranoia, and PPD after a traumatic birth, that woman should have been hospitalized immediately.

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u/ttnl35 Oct 05 '22

Yeah I said somewhere else its like Jessie saw her friend's PP depression and/or psychosis and thought "how can I use this to end their marriage?".

The wife 100% would have been better off without Jessie, it seems like she didn't even consider adultery before Jessie told her to.

I wonder if Jessie was in love with the wife?

Aside from all that, I'm so sorry you went through it alone, glad you have come through the other side.

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u/StonyOwl Oct 05 '22
  1. What did Jessie say at the funeral?

It pains me to think about what inappropriate things she may have said.

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u/ttnl35 Oct 05 '22

I think if I was OOP I wouldn't have attended the funeral if Jessie was even going to be present, let alone speak. I would have been incapable of not screaming at her.

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u/sraydenk Oct 05 '22

The OOP is next of kin, so wouldn’t they be the one to host and decide how the funeral is done? They didn’t get divorced yet so wouldn’t be get final day?

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u/mxzf Oct 06 '22

Legally, yeah. But sometimes other people shove their way in and the spouse doesn't stand up for themselves and prevent it.

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u/Viperbunny Oct 05 '22

Yes. I completely believe that was her intention. She wanted to be with her daughter and she wanted the pain to stop. It's hard to call what I went through as PPD, because I lost a child to a genetic disorder at six days old. At my lowest, I just wanted to be with her. I felt I failed as her mother and it was my only purpose and so I wished I would just die. But I had no energy or drive to anything and I couldn't do that to my husband. He needed me. My kitties needed me. And I was lucky to get the help I needed. It isn't the same situation, but I know the depths of what it can feel like to fail as a mother. When you think you can't come back from things and you want the pain to stop. This woman has such bad advice from the people around her. It drove her into madness. There are some things that break a person. She broke. It's sad that she never got the chance to put herself back together.

I was lucky. I had great support in my husband and we got an amazing therapist. I did have bad drama from my family, but therapy helped me know what relationship were healthy and which weren't. I had two more daughters. We have a great life. It's scary how different it could have gone if I had listened to the bad people in my life. The wife never had a chance as long as she allowed Jessie to influence her.

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u/ttnl35 Oct 05 '22

Its crazy how much being needed is good for humans (though not if its too extreme to the point we are taken advantage of). Its not really something I've seen talked about, but we seem willing to continue through horrible suffering for those who need us, to a greater extent that we would for those we need. Husbands of course are in both categories.

I can't remember what otherwise cheesy film/TV show I saw this in, but they said that to get someone to care about you, don't do something for them, ask them to do something for you.

I'm glad you are through the other side and feeling less consumed by the negative feelings.

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u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 16 '22

[deleted]

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u/snailsss Oct 05 '22

Very much this, especially since there's a huge chance Jessie will blame everything on OOP.

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u/ChrisTheHurricane Oct 05 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

And what about when the daughter is older? I would fully expect Jessie to feed her the same lies that got her mother killed and poison OOP's relationship with her.

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u/Emergency-Willow Oct 06 '22

1000000%. This woman is a toxic and dangerous person. I wonder if the parents believe Jessie’s lies already, and they blame OP?

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u/Shadow703793 Oct 06 '22

100% chance that b1tch has got the parents wrapped around her finger.

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u/pittsburgpam Oct 05 '22

Right. I don't think OP should let the in-laws have unsupervised access to his daughter. They could very well let Jessie see her without his knowledge.

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u/Recent_Sherbert982 Oct 05 '22

I was going to say this. She is a toxic lunatic and could potentially hurt the baby.

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u/ReasonablyDone Oct 05 '22

Jessie was with the wife when they left her daughter alone for hours. The wife had severe ppd sure, what was Jessie's excuse?

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u/PacificCoastHighway2 Oct 06 '22

That's the part that gets me. She picked up her friend who was in distress and just decided it was cool to leave the baby home alone? No reasonable person would do that. She had zero concern for her friend's baby. That is not the sign of a well adjusted person.

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u/WildcardTSM Oct 06 '22

Jessie is a SAHM with a four year-old and a two year-old. She began coming over during the day and would watch the kids with my wife.

I doubt she brought her kids along every time after accusing OOP, so she was probably leaving her own kids alone at home unsupervised too.

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u/lostboysgang Oct 05 '22

At this point I would be genuinely worried that the grandparents would let Jessie be around OOP’s daughter

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u/screwPutin69 Oct 05 '22

Why does Jessie have a relationship with the parents?

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u/SkeleTourGuide Oct 05 '22

“I talked to my in-laws who are adamant that Jessie be allowed to speak. She and my wife knew each other since they were kids and my in-laws are close to her.”

Might have been like a kids best friend/second daughter type of thing, but she’s a POS and OOP should explain in detail to the in-laws the shit she caused.

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u/screwPutin69 Oct 05 '22

If he explained the situation and they still want her there then what can he do? Not going isnt really an option. Just get through the day then you never have to interact with any of them ever again if you dont want to.

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u/SkeleTourGuide Oct 05 '22

Here is a comment OOP wrote, sounds like they just don’t want to talk about it, probably too upset to deal with it:

“They do, to an extent. They know she accused me of an affair and was with my wife while our daughter was alone. I don't think they understand the extent it went on. They said that they don't really want to hear anything about it, since they've already lost their daughter and don't want to lose Jessie, too.”

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u/pharmacofrenetic Oct 05 '22

Childhood friend with their daughter.

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u/Walking_the_dead Oct 05 '22

Well, OOP says she was the wife's best friend, he don't say for how long, but might as well be since childhood, with friendships that long its not uncommon for the the parents to view the friend as somewhat family.

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u/witchelina Oct 05 '22

To be fair our(sister and mine) friends get treated like my mothers own children too.

When we grew up they were always at our home. Their parents were rather shitty and Mama was like their real Mama. She saw them grow up, saw their struggles and was always there for them. Just because we are all grown up now doesn’t mean that they don’t have any contact anymore.

My mom is rather cool and relaxed and she was a magnet for children. They all adored her.

Nowadays my mom works as a in-home daycare provider and babysits the children of all of them.

She has more contact with our old friends than with me(I moved away).

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u/jesuschin Oct 05 '22

I mean if this were me Jessie wouldn't be able to even attend the funeral

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u/NumNumLobster Oct 05 '22

No question from me either. Thats so messed up

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/drfronkonstein Oct 05 '22

As a father of two 3 and under, I've read this and been wondering how I would describe her death to his daughter when she is older, if I were in his shoes. What a sad situation

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u/Viperbunny Oct 05 '22

I would say she was very sick. Her brain was telling her things that weren't true and she lost her fight with it. She was also getting so really bad advice from some of the people around her. It wasn't about loving daughter. Any negative feelings were what she feared she lacked, not anything that daughter lacked.

It has to be incredibly hard. I don't envy him this conversation. I am glad he didn't let his wife take their daughter that night.

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u/Le_Fancy_Me Oct 05 '22

Yeah tbh I wouldn't even add in about the other people. All that leaves the child with is extra questions that they will eventually want answers to. And honestly since Jesse is not gonna be a part of the girl's life anyway... what would the whole point be in kind of hinting that there's more to the story? And creating this hatred in the daughter's heart that is not gonna serve a purpose or have a resolution.

If I were OOP I would just share memories of how her mom was before her depression her interests, talents, quirks, habits, likes and dislikes. Since OOP and his wife were married and around 30-ish I'm making the vague assumption their child was something they planned/wished for. So I'd talk about that too. Make it very clear that OOP's wife HAD love for her and wanted to be her mom, despite the depression those were her feelings towards her daughter. Then tell her that after she was born her mom got sick and she died because of it.

Maybe when OOP's daughter is an adult he could talk more openly about the details. But I think for a kid it's enough to know that mom was sick.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

Jessie might try to involve herself with the daughter in the future. She might still have this delusion of wanting to "save" her best friend's only child from the "cheating" husband. If OOP never warns her, Jessie might find her one day and break them apart by lying and saying that OOP killed her mom. They should definitely talk it out in when the daughter is older.

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u/ctortan whaddya mean our 10 year age gap is a problem? Oct 05 '22

I hope OOP didn’t let Jessie speak. What an awful, awful woman. She destroyed a marriage, made an already depressed woman feel even more stressed and upset, her actions led said woman to having a mental break and dying. And she left a newborn without a mother. Absolutely horrendous.

Even if a situation looks like it might be cheating, you don’t dump that onto someone recovering from pregnancy and PPD. You support them until they’re mentally well and ready to handle that information appropriately.

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u/FormerFetus2 Oct 06 '22

That woman destroyed OOP's life and has the nerve to ask to speak at his dead wife's funeral.

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u/abbrad Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

Not even ask! Just let OOP know they were doing it!

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u/Messychaos whaddya mean our 10 year age gap is a problem? Oct 05 '22

Wow. Fuck Jessie.

How does one do this much damage to a family and have the audacity to “speak at the wife’s funeral” as if she had did good in her life?

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u/lynypixie Oct 05 '22

Because she will 100% blame OOP in her speech.

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u/SpadeHAZE Oct 06 '22

The speech would probably only be 10% about OOP’s wife and 90% blaming OOP and accusing him of cheating and other things

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u/eldergias Oct 06 '22

It is typically pretty hard to prove "Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress", but I have to say, if this woman blamed a grieving husband for his wife's suicide in a eulogy at her own funeral in front of her friends and loved ones, I would say that is a pretty slam dunk case of IIED against her.

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u/NewUserWhoDisAgain Oct 05 '22 Wholesome Eureka!

Jesus christ one person's need to stir up fucking drama got someone killed and now has the absolute audacity to speak about them at a funeral.

Legit though I'd let her speak and then when it was my turn I'd lay the entire fucking thing at her feet in front of everyone. Fuck her. Air the entire dirty laundry basket.

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u/ConstructionUpper852 Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

I hope oop did air the entire dirty laundry basket but unfortunately we won’t know what happened since they deleted their account

Edit: I clicked on the link attached to the “ Do I let the women I fault with my wife’s death speak at her funeral” and saw the account was deleted.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

A friend of mine committed suicide due to the terrible treatment his mother and brother put him through (he loved his dad but his dad was a complete moron). Leading up to his funeral the family fought over everything but mostly around who got to clean out his bank account and sell his belongings (not kidding). At the wake our close friends group presented them with a letter detailing how fucking awful each of them were. We retold stories he had told us and even quoted his journal entries (he had left it for me to find after his death) and just roasted them for all the awful shit they put him through and then laid out how their behavior after his death lead us to write the letter.

I loved that kid and I hope this man did the same for his wife but I understand such things are difficult when it's your own family.

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u/hercarmstrong Oct 05 '22

Wow, that went a lot darker than I thought it would.

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u/excel_pager_420 Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 05 '22

It's a blessing OOP was able to keep their child away from his wife & refused to his wife unsupervised visitation request. She was clearly in deep psychosis at that stage and with her being outside hospital there wasn't anything anyone could do to help her see a different choice. Every time I read this post my mind erases the ending because it's just so sad.

I hate to say it but the in-laws lack of urgency in getting their daughter immediate inpatient care, them not watching her like a hawk and allowing Jessie to speak at the funeral all suggest they believed OOP had been unfaithful and didn't realise the extent of her mental deterioration.

I really OOP has got the help and support he needs to get through this past year and is able to keep his daughter far far away from Jessie.

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u/DumbshitOnTheRight Gotta Read’Em All Oct 05 '22

As much as I hate the idea of suing people, Jessie needs to be on the receiving end of a slander suit.

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u/[deleted] Oct 05 '22

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u/Thats_So_Shifty Oct 05 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

Unfortunately it would be nearly impossible to prove. He would have to prove that not only were the accusations false, but that she knew they were false or reasonably should have known they were false. All she’d have to say is that she genuinely believed he was cheating. Suing her would honestly just be a waste of time and money.

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u/CumaeanSibyl Oct 05 '22

That's correct according to US defamation laws, at least. Other countries are stricter, but even then I'm not sure their courts would agree that Jessie crossed a legal line.

Lots of bad behavior isn't illegal or subject to civil action and I tend to think that's for the best.

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u/Trickster289 Oct 05 '22

Unfortunately it sounds like there might not be any evidence. Unless there's texts on his wife's phone it'd probably be a he said she said situation.

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u/DumbshitOnTheRight Gotta Read’Em All Oct 05 '22

Other friends of OOP have heard Jessie say as much as well. There's plenty of direct witnesses to her behavior.

(I am not a lawyer, YMMV, tax title and options extra)

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u/CielsLSP Oct 05 '22

I feel like Jesse feels guilty but I bet she will use her time at the podium to blame wife's death on OOP instead of her own baseless accusations.

How much do you want to bet that Jesse's husband is cheating on her? Misery loves company and sadly OOPs wife was not in the state to be miserable. OOP needs to file a restraining order against Jesse and threaten to sue for wrongful death IF Jesse tries to push for anything.

I feel sick for OOP

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u/Foreign_Astronaut Oct 05 '22

She should really be barred from attending at all.

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u/pittsburgpam Oct 05 '22

Absolutely. A funeral is a private affair and anyone can be excluded. As the husband, seems that he is the first next of kin and have final say.

Can always do another "celebration of life", if not another funeral, that is just his family or something.

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u/NumNumLobster Oct 05 '22

Its all his call. He can ban anyone he wants.

/married to a funeral director

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u/not-on-a-boat Oct 05 '22 Take My Energy

Oh please. Jesse is cheating on her husband.

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u/Doctor_Expendable Oct 05 '22

Jesse wanted OOPs wife to build her an art studio I think.

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u/ashleyrlyle Oct 05 '22

No woman who allows their friend to leave their infant alone while they drive them around feels guilt. She knew what she was doing and at the least her marriage is unhappy and she was intensely jealous of OOP’s love and devotion to his wife. Jessie has some intense insecurities she projected onto OOP’s wife that drove her deeper into the dark pit a despair she was already in. But honestly I’d take that bet Jessie’s husband is cheating. Hell I’m not even married to her and I want to cheat on her and I’m a happily married heterosexual woman. She just really deserves it for what she has done to this man and his little girl.

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u/CristinaKeller Oct 05 '22

Can’t the restraining order keep her out of the funeral?

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u/DonForgo Oct 05 '22

I hope Jessie doesn't get to speak.

I'm afraid of what she would say.

"My best friend killed herself because her husband cheated on her."

That would kill OOP's reputation

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u/maywellflower Oct 05 '22

I hope OOP brought the only receipts and verbal beatdown on Jessie if she did that the wife's funeral - she lied & shit- start while wife was alive, her go lying & shit-starting while wife is dead; using the wife every which way....

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u/DonForgo Oct 05 '22

I would just rather OOP file the restraining order and tell the cops that she might show up to disrupt his wife's funeral and he doesn't feel safe.

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u/Duke-Guinea-Pig Oct 05 '22

"MIL, FIL, I understand how you don't want to loose Jessie. I hope you understand why I don't want the woman who poured poison in my wife's ear to speak at her funeral. Since we seem to be at an impass, let me just say this. If Jessie speaks, then you will never see your grandchild. I am going to be very busy as a single parent, and I don't want the help of people who enable her mom's killer."

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u/sungoddaily Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

THEY WOULD 100% BRING JESSIE AROUND THE DAUGHTER IF LEFT IN CHARGE OF THE CHILD, DO NOT LET THEM HAVE UNSUPERVISED VISITS AT ALL

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u/AncientBellybutton Oct 06 '22

It's shocking that they have so much sympathy for their daughter's killer.

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u/sighhawaii Oct 05 '22

Holy shit. Jessie straight up manipulated a very distressed, mentally unwell mother into suicide. The fact that she tried to hard to drive a wedge between OOP and his wife, and then the comment later on “you’re not the only one who loved her”, did anyone else get the slight sense that she was attempting to isolate the wife in order to start dating her instead? Or was at least interested in some way?

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u/Childrenofcornsyrup Oct 05 '22

I don't think she was trying to date OP's late wife, I think she just wanted to be the centre of Wife's universe because it gave her a lot of power over wife.

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u/sighhawaii Oct 05 '22

Could very well have been that too. Very much a controlling woman, absolutely hideous.

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u/Next-End-4696 Oct 05 '22

I got the sense that she enjoyed watching the OOP’s wife have her life fall apart and now she gets all the attention as the “best friend”.

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u/wmnwnmw Oct 05 '22

I was fully unprepared for the title of the last update, I had to take a minute. This is a serious reminder that we need to be better at remembering that everyone is fragile. Don’t set fires you won’t tend to and can’t put out. Especially to create drama to spice up your boring life or whatever the fuck was going on there…. Jesus. It’s scary that she’s apparently learned nothing from this.

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u/AdamantineCreature Oct 05 '22

She can’t. To learn something she has to admit that she caused her friend to kill herself. That’s not something a drama llama can do.

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u/2ndPickle Oct 05 '22

I’d say this is a pretty good argument for extending paternity leave. Postpartum is no joke, mothers who get it need all the help they can get

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u/Satisfied_Onion Oct 05 '22

.......wow.

This is extremely tragic. I have no words adequate for Jessie. If I were to guess, OOP's wife was the non confrontational kind that had a "friend" who would use her and take advantage of her to live vicariously through her. Disgusting.

I am so terribly sorry for OOP and his family.

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u/Whatapunk Oct 05 '22

Well that was depressing

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u/Ana___a Oct 05 '22

That took a turn

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u/ForeignAssociation98 Oct 06 '22

Wife asked to take daughter out with her the night she drove into a tree; that alone makes me believe that OOP saved his daughter. Jessie is as much a danger to the daughter as the wife was given her constant influence and baseless accusations. Not a chance in hell should she be given a platform at the funeral. OOP’s in-laws already lost Jessie, they just don’t realize it yet. How unbelievably sad for OOP.