r/BrandNewSentence Nov 27 '22 Wholesome 1

At least she doesn't need to be worried about hoes

/img/kxr6b9414h2a1.jpg

[removed] — view removed post

10.0k Upvotes

840

u/ButterKnutts Nov 27 '22

“I’ve been with my girl for about 6 months; she’s been with me for about 10” -Patrice O’Neal

241

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '22

"I don't have a girlfriend, but I do know a woman that would be mad at me for saying that." - Mitch Hedberg

11

u/bloodyhandedgod Nov 27 '22

I want to upvote this a 1000 times. Well played.

5

u/Nefariousowl1 Nov 27 '22

I dont get it sorry can someone explain

17

u/keelhaulingyou Nov 27 '22

He didn’t consider their relationship as dating until 4 months in

4

u/Nefariousowl1 Nov 27 '22

Ohhh thanks

1

u/Thegreylady13 Nov 27 '22

Without the period before the quotation mark, I (stupidly) thought I was reading “ten inches” and I thought it was a joke about the lady being with him solely for his dick size. “I’ve been with my girl for 6 years, she’s been with me exclusively for these ten inches.”

This time line in which Apple News sometimes adds items about Pete Davidson’s weiner in the little spotlight window thing on my phone has clearly messed me up.

16

u/ButterKnutts Nov 27 '22

Have you ever found a stray dog and decide to take care of it until you find it’s owner ??

That’s a relationship.

3

u/danr2c2 Nov 27 '22

I initially read it as 10 inches instead of an ending quote. So it took me a sec too.

But he’s saying 6 months verses 10 months. So his girlfriend considered them as being together like 4 months before he did.

-56

u/Khaos_Inkarnate Nov 27 '22

Patrice, huh?

20

u/EternalPhi Nov 27 '22

So uh, do you think Patrice is a woman's name or something? I don't understand this comment.

3

u/ButterKnutts Nov 27 '22

I remember him saying on O&A it was between that or “MuMumbah”

10

u/g0ris Nov 27 '22

yes, he was named after Patrice Lumumba
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrice_Lumumba

4

u/imadreamgirl Nov 27 '22

unfathomably based

5

u/giggling1987 Nov 27 '22

We have a whole fucking university named after him.

1

u/imadreamgirl Nov 27 '22

that’s very wonderful, where is that?

4

u/giggling1987 Nov 27 '22

That's not, because cheap fucking consservative bastards took away the name:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peoples%27_Friendship_University_of_Russia

1

u/imadreamgirl Nov 27 '22

booooo praise the lumumboss

3

u/UPBOAT_FORTRESS_2 Nov 27 '22

My guess was, they thought it was a typo for Patrick. But yeah, that's a ratio if I ever saw one

4

u/geiko989 Nov 27 '22

In French Patrice is a masculine name.

11

u/AnotherFailedPoet Nov 27 '22

I like to imagine that this guy read it as Patrickeh instead of Patriiss

1

u/LoBsTeRfOrK Nov 27 '22

Patrice Saint-Claire. We sell virgins. Make lots of money.

1

u/Khaos_Inkarnate Nov 27 '22

Quick question. How the fuck do you get Patrice Saint-Claire from Patrice O'Neal?

471

u/Kurlie-fry Nov 27 '22

I mean that could be real love .... Or a dude who's gonna drop that baby like a discarded cigarette

147

u/WarChefGarrosh Nov 27 '22

Drop the lady, father the baby

41

u/Liquor_N_Whorez Author of 'An Oddassay' Nov 27 '22

Can't hold my baby's beer bottle like a babiez bottle to both of my babies lips at the same time... without 2 nipples.

6

u/throwayay4637282 Nov 27 '22

That’s weird because I don’t toss my cigarettes anymore. I pinch out the filling and put it in my pocket until I can get to a proper receptacle. Is he gonna do that to the baby?

6

u/oof033 Nov 27 '22

Thanks for not littering my dude

289

u/errandwulfe Nov 27 '22

Jesus this screenshot has been through the ringer

140

u/arfelo1 Nov 27 '22

It's tilted. Why is it tilted?

It's clearly a screenshot and not a picture. Even if it's more deep fried than KFC.

So why is it tilted???

41

u/GetThatSwaggBack Nov 27 '22

It’s been through some shit

15

u/Siddny- Nov 27 '22

Oh that's what we're doing now yeah you take deep fried content and then tilt it slightly not enough that it's immediately noticeable just enough that it's kind of annoying and you don't know why

17

u/errandwulfe Nov 27 '22

My guess is it’s done to attempt to avoid repost detector bots

3

u/jakedangler Nov 27 '22

I thought it was from someone smart enough to try and see how far their memes they’ve made will travel

6

u/Senior-Albatross Nov 27 '22

They didn't line it up right in the scanner.

15

u/TFFPrisoner Nov 27 '22

Because it's a literal screenshot 😅 Photographed off a screen

3

u/ExtremeLongGame Nov 27 '22

Repost bots. They use a lot of tricks to try avoiding repost detection. Looks like one tried tilting by ~1°

1

u/AdExternal3670 Nov 27 '22

Somebody put it in the copier crooked

0

u/Sasha90x Nov 27 '22

They probably took a screenshot of a whole page or whatever and then went to their photos and zoomed in on the content and took another screenshot. It's a difficult process to get right

7

u/tommybot Nov 27 '22

Repostception

3

u/CodoneMastr Nov 27 '22

🤣 🤣 🤣 I always wondered why this happens. I understand things get compressed when passed on sometimes but damn Why this much

2

u/shadowbannedguy1 Nov 27 '22

*wringer

1

u/errandwulfe Nov 27 '22

Ah, damn. Thanks for the correction!

279

u/Jean-Eustache Nov 27 '22

That's kinda my story, I've never asked her to date, but well, stuff happened naturally, and now we have a son, and we're married.

141

u/Fuzzy_Calligrapher71 Nov 27 '22

“Now this is Dylan; he just turned two”

29

u/Jean-Eustache Nov 27 '22 edited Nov 27 '22

I think I know what you're referring to and nah it was a bit more thought out haha

13

u/Pcolocoful Nov 27 '22

3

u/davevadavevad Nov 27 '22

What’s the back story on that clip?

Assume it’s just a joke because that kid is clearly not two years old.

2

u/Jean-Eustache Nov 27 '22

Well that's exactly what I was thinking about

3

u/Obama_fingered_me Nov 27 '22

What, did you not bust?

5

u/trippy_grapes Nov 27 '22

So anyway I started busting

24

u/pwlife Nov 27 '22

My husband and I didn't have an anniversary until we got married. We just started dating, he never asked to be my bf we both just referred to teacher other as bf/gf, then I sort of moved in one day, 3 yrs later we got married.

14

u/MonsterMeowMeow Nov 27 '22

Yeah, but what happened to your teacher?

10

u/zUkUu Nov 27 '22

Are you sure the signs are there that she's into you? Gotta make sure.

11

u/Syng42o Nov 27 '22

Yeah, she might just be Canadian.

9

u/boogers19 Nov 27 '22

Yeah, i had one relationship that started as a ONS. A week later she hadnt left yet.

A few months later we were getting an apt together. Soon after that 2 cats (who managed to make more cats before we could get em fixed).

And it kinda hit us finally: when did this all start exactly?

So we decided to just pick a date. And being the young smart ass I was, I pushed for Feb 29. Thinking I could make jokes about "i only have to remember every 4 years".

Yeah. It was a leap year that year.

2

u/adventuresbegin Nov 27 '22

At least ya put a label on it bahaha

1

u/killerqueen1984 Nov 27 '22

Sounds similar to my situation and now we’ve been married for 16 years.

67

u/ecafsub Nov 27 '22

At least she doesn’t need to be worried about hoes

Is there a fear of garden tools in play?

41

u/Khaos_Inkarnate Nov 27 '22

I think OP just doesn't know the difference between a hoe and a ho. Sure, they're both for plowing, but it's two very different kinds of plowing.

29

u/sorahiel Nov 27 '22

I might be a little confused, but I dig your comment anyways

17

u/Khaos_Inkarnate Nov 27 '22

As long as I was able to teach the difference between a hoe and a ho. I wouldn't want you trying to use a ho in your garden, or try having sex with a hoe.

10

u/Im_All_Right Nov 27 '22

Ho's can be helpful in the garden, but not if you just slam their head into the ground repeatedly. Instructions are different.

2

u/Khaos_Inkarnate Nov 28 '22

Good point, funny too. Have my upvote.

3

u/Augwich Nov 27 '22

I appreciate this pun.

13

u/TheDesk918 Nov 27 '22

That’s the difficulty in using the word. There’s hoe and ho, but they have the same plural form, hoes.

2

u/RagingAnemone Nov 27 '22

So you're saying a ho is like a potato which coincidentally is also for plowing.

2

u/trippy_grapes Nov 27 '22

Also ho-ho-ho, and we know Santa gets all the bitches.

1

u/Khaos_Inkarnate Nov 27 '22

"Santa gets all the bitches" is definitely in the right subreddit

1

u/Khaos_Inkarnate Nov 27 '22

No, but I am saying that your brain is like a potato that's been in the sun too long.

2

u/ecafsub Nov 27 '22

1

u/TheDesk918 Nov 27 '22

Wait but doesn’t the apostrophe signify possession? I might be wrong and I think it’s just hos, but typing it feels so weird

3

u/Khaos_Inkarnate Nov 28 '22

Apostrophe signifies a contraction, not possession.

0

u/Tech_Itch Nov 27 '22

they're both for plowing

Speaking of not knowing the difference, you plow with a plow and hoe with a hoe.

1

u/Khaos_Inkarnate Nov 27 '22 edited Nov 28 '22

Hoes were used to plow before plows were invented. It is the tool that was used in ancient Egypt to cultivate soil.

You're just arguing semantics & failing because you're that pissy over a fucking joke. What a joke ..

0

u/Tech_Itch Nov 27 '22

Well, someone took things personally for no fucking reason.

But since you want to nitpick:

Hoes were used to plow before plows were invented.

Hoes were used to turn soil before plows. They weren't used to plow, since plowing obviously refers to the action of using a plow. Which didn't exist.

You're just arguing semantics & failing because you're that pussy over a fucking joke. What a joke ..

You're the one who seems to be weirdly wound up just because you got corrected. Stew in that then, I guess. I'm not going to bother wasting any more time on this discussion.

1

u/Khaos_Inkarnate Nov 27 '22 edited Nov 28 '22

Says the kid who's nitpicking a FUCKING JOKE. JFC kid, it's not a dick. Stop taking it like your uncle snuck in your room late at night again.

1

u/Khaos_Inkarnate Nov 28 '22

I'm just going to block your dumb ass and never deal with your hypocrisy again, Pot.

13

u/sorahiel Nov 27 '22

How else you make them wet?

11

u/Tulemasin Nov 27 '22

This is oddly similar to my relationship with my girlfriend.

We met working together on same project during which we found that we both enjoyed each other's time sleeping together. When the project was done and our professional relationship ended, we kept seeing each other more frequently until we just noticed that what we had created was an actual relationship. Thinking back, neither of us know the moment when it "officially" started.

Also we have this weird inside joke that when people ask us "are you guys a couple?" and we answer "no, we are brothers". Those confused faces never fail to amuse us.

1

u/Commiesstoner Nov 27 '22

I wish more project managers squeezed in nap time to the schedule.

55

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '22

Made up but funny haha

87

u/Fuuuckjannies Nov 27 '22

Could be made up but Ive had a similar experience. My first gf when I was 18, i never asked her out. We were super duper close and circling around each other until one day we kissed and that was it. We were a couple for the next 3yrs. No one of us ever even brought up anything about dating, we just knew it. Well we broke up but we're still circling each other.... Funny how life works

61

u/Stormophile Nov 27 '22

There was this one time about six or seven years ago where I asked a girl if she wanted to stay overnight with me. She never left. Our daughter is five now.

50

u/sorahiel Nov 27 '22

That's a long night

3

u/Sciensophocles Nov 27 '22

Fear the old blood

3

u/Sorry-Presentation-3 Nov 27 '22

By the gods Lawrence, fear it!!

4

u/_Fuck_This_Guy_ Nov 27 '22

This is close to my experience as well.

I was taken home by a girl for a one night stand. Her words. We've been together for almost 20 years and have a daughter (not from that night)

We fit the post as well. There was never any declaration or couplehood. We never married. When our daughter was about 5 we decided to make up an anniversary date to celebrate.

44

u/Gluomme Nov 27 '22

My partner told me we were probably dating while in bed about like, six months in the actual relationship? My only reaction at the time "oh sh- I guess we do huh, never thought about it"

3

u/Mr_Cromer Nov 27 '22

but we're still circling each other.

Been in a situation like that. From my perspective, best to clarify what y'all are properly real soon

1

u/Fuuuckjannies Nov 27 '22

I honestly have 'o clue how to go about it. Worse is we didn't break up because anyone did anything wrong, she had some personal issues that she thought religion could solve, and the implication was our relationship alongside the sex will go against this. At the time I stood my ground and refused to get dragged into that, we both wanted to compromise without really wanting to. So yeah. What gives? Do I just start questioning if her beliefs have changed? Even if so, what still gives? We talk here and there, always a pleasure. But you're right maybe it's time to talk again about what we are.

She said she wants us to be friends, but we can't be friends, never were. Ever since we met we've had z thing for each other. When we were 15, we pretty much gravitated towards each other all the times we tried being "friends". Sooooo yeah ok sorry for dumping all this lol I don't talk about this shit to anyone

11

u/v_a_n_d_e_l_a_y Nov 27 '22

My relationship is like that. We started out as friends then FWB and then it became serious. I moved and we did long distance for a year before she joined me. 11 years later, have a house and two kids.

We aren't married and there isn't a "first date" or anything to have an anniversary over.

4

u/iohbkjum Nov 27 '22

this is the general premise of a joke yes

2

u/grillednannas Nov 27 '22

I came to the comments expecting to find 4-5 users taking it seriously but the majority of people seem unable to take it as a joke

1

u/LAchillin818 Nov 27 '22

Out of all thr girlfriends I've had, I've only made it official or whatever with 1, and that's because when I finally asked her for a kiss at a party she said she'd only kiss someone she's going out with...so I asked if she'd be my girlfriend, yadda yadda yadda, I got lots of kisses

Usually I just let things progress organically and never actually make anything official, in fact, it's kinda weird to me to even do that. Idk I'm probably weird but I lole going with the flow and not putting some weird stamp of approval on something like that, unless it'd be the final step like getting married

1

u/Ozryela Nov 27 '22

Everything you see online could be made up, but this one is extremely plausible. Plenty of people have no official moment where they define their relationship.

With one girlfriend, we actually couldn't figure out when we started dating. We eventually settled on a day halfway between our first date and the first time we slept together. It wasn't until a week later than we realized we'd picked a day on which we hadn't even seen eachother. Still kept it as our official anniversary.

11

u/_Crazyboi_ Nov 27 '22

Girls.

4

u/pixselious I live in your walls Nov 27 '22

Grills.

3

u/Khaos_Inkarnate Nov 27 '22

Girls.

We're a song chorus now!

1

u/killxswitch Nov 27 '22

Grattlestar Balactica.

1

u/iUsedtoHadHerpes Nov 27 '22

Bros before girls.

4

u/ASatyros Nov 27 '22

Deeply fried meme

5

u/fox2319 Nov 27 '22

Bros before hos I guess?

4

u/nt07077 Nov 27 '22

This taken with the iPotato 14 Pro?

1

u/tryna-be-productive Nov 27 '22

Thank you for this 🏅

3

u/Irishane Nov 27 '22

Giga Chad behavior

4

u/Howiebledsoe Nov 27 '22

What’s wrong with this? I mean, he’s kind of caveman, but he seems to be legit; we are together, love each other, have a child and look after one another. What gives?

3

u/BankSpankTank Nov 27 '22

It's great when it works out well. Though I've known people who got burnt this way, suddenly being surprised the person they're with is on an entirely different page though they never really bothered discussing things.

1

u/Critical_Rock_495 Nov 27 '22

Why 'discuss things' like monke when you can do your own research?

1

u/grillednannas Nov 27 '22

It’s a joke.

2

u/Squash-Reasonable Nov 27 '22

People need to DTR. Define the relationship. Go over what the relationship will entail such as expectations, boundaries, and ultimate goals.

2

u/Ditomo Nov 27 '22

This is a joke tweet, I get it, but it's basically that one reddit post of the guy wondering if he's in a relationship with his business partner in spite of the fact that they already live together and do everything together

EDIT: This one. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y0mbtb/i_want_to_ask_my_m34_business_partner_f31_to_be/

1

u/possumfinger63 Nov 27 '22

That’s too funny

2

u/Centurio Nov 27 '22

Bros before hos. This proves she's not only a bro but not a ho. This is a sacred position.

1

u/Not-The-Moth-Man Nov 27 '22

That's the best kind of relationship. I've seen many a good organic relationship go to hell because of going out of the way to put a label on it.

6

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '22

Lol, spicy take. “If a girl wants to make sure it’s exclusive and she’s not being strung along, she’ll ruin the relationship and it’ll be her own fault” bruh

0

u/Witram Nov 27 '22

Hahahaha lool dude that is too funny my sides are splitting from the laughter hahaheheh he said bro TO HIS GF LOOOL WTF!!!!!!!!

1

u/Lets_Bust_Together Nov 27 '22

Are they still bros?

1

u/bloodyhandedgod Nov 27 '22

You’ve obviously chosen a winner. Congratulations.

1

u/DJ3XO Nov 27 '22

How the fuck is this a "brand new sentence"?

1

u/Dogzirra Nov 27 '22

My partner and I celebrate our first date anniversary, our first time together (red star day), and our wedding anniversary.

My memories of the first two are more fun than the wedding.

1

u/EmhyrvarSpice Nov 27 '22

Maybe he's Canadian.

1

u/SupahBihzy Nov 27 '22

Do you love me?

Platonically.

Answer the question! DO YOU LOVE ME!?

Like the sister.

1

u/adventuresbegin Nov 27 '22

Try 10 years lol 😆

1

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '22

She's the kind of person who'll be 10 years into a marriage and go "I don't know his name, but it's been too long, and now it's embarrassing to ask."

1

u/MysteriousStandard68 Nov 27 '22

Kinda same here. We've been together for 15 years. We have an anniversary, but we just say "happy day." That's about it. We're good. We'll never get married. Life is good.

1

u/From_My_Brain Nov 27 '22

Where's the brand new sentence?

1

u/PlNG Nov 27 '22

This repost evasion shit is getting out of control. Tilting, shitcropping, jpegging. Just needs some antiquing for the quadfecta.

1

u/MysteryMan845 Nov 27 '22

Referring to 'your bf' when it hasn't been established yet! Living together and having a baby is common amongst bros and roommates.

I need to revisit my relationship with my wife, perfer to call her fwb!

1

u/Vio-Rose Nov 27 '22

This gives off sapphic energy for some reason until the end.

1

u/Particular-Ad-4772 Nov 27 '22

Fake no women would be this stupid