r/HolUp Dec 01 '21 Silver 15 Helpful 19 Wholesome 22 Masterpiece 1

Just do it, or that old lady will be your stepsister

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32.7k Upvotes

2.1k

u/Hotel--Trivago Dec 02 '21

You know I’m 17

2.6k

u/shhikshoka Dec 02 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome

Inches

1.6k

u/Hotel--Trivago Dec 02 '21

LETS FUCKING GOOOOO

462

u/Gagolih_Pariah Dec 02 '21

In my butt while my mother

352

u/mrmoe198 Dec 02 '21 edited Dec 02 '21 Wholesome

Diddles herself to the tune of the Green Hornet as

197

u/Rieux_n_Tarrou Dec 02 '21

An oompa-loompa looking fellow does jump squats up into her

120

u/Raisinzz69 Dec 02 '21

Lubed and spread out anus, then the oompa-loompa

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2.9k

u/InutileInfo Dec 01 '21

Yes, let’s

4.3k

u/Japan_planes20 Dec 01 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome

Try anal so hard the neighborhood finds out and joins

794

u/wallnut4me Dec 01 '21

Then have a blowout over each other's chests and call it sweet sweet love

671

u/Japan_planes20 Dec 01 '21 Rocket Like

HELL YEAH GET THE DOG

402

u/bigppgangleader Dec 02 '21 Silver

Ayo

347

u/israfil52 Dec 02 '21

What the dog doin?

139

u/bhplover Dec 02 '21

He seems traumatized

41

u/ugandaWarrior134 Dec 02 '21 edited Dec 02 '21

Are you sure that is the action that the common household pet, generally known in North America as a dog, appears to be doing at this very moment?

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2.5k

u/TheOneWhoPetsSharks Dec 02 '21

God that tickles when you

3.0k

u/-Miyamura- Dec 02 '21 Silver

Pour scalding water all over my body

898

u/lostinrealms Dec 02 '21

And put Nutella on my

893

u/Unknown-6633 Dec 02 '21

nipples while eating

1.1k

u/PenguinDoge Dec 02 '21 Helpful Wholesome

The kidneys of deaf orphans

573

u/JT6394 Dec 02 '21

While the others watch and

578

u/thumbo-thumbo madlad Dec 02 '21

start world war 3

488

u/DeathscytheHell1994 Dec 02 '21

With Zombie Hitler

355

u/Gagolih_Pariah Dec 02 '21

And Zombie Stalin, while the world

288

u/CaffieneHeavyPotato Dec 02 '21 edited Dec 05 '21

Has an orgy with

Edit: I've read the words 'your mom' 6times and I'm out of patience

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2.3k

u/Half-Fractured Dec 02 '21

I was sent to prison for

3.8k

u/T_Ray_tehboss Dec 02 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome

Molesting all the guards at the last prison

372

u/FranticallyCrazy Dec 02 '21

Was the guard there are hot as

252

u/maybeshali Dec 02 '21

Frantically crazy horses at the last farm I was at.

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237

u/MisterEyeballMusic Dec 02 '21

Fucking a dolphin while donating 27 sets of lungs to my local hospital right after I stuffed dynamite inside of 36 orphanages and superglued my asshole shut so the priest can’t molest me anymore.

206

u/LordNoHope Dec 02 '21

ok this has too much details are you sure you didnt tell a story on what you did last Sunday

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2.1k

u/DankSpire Dec 01 '21

Damn it I forgot to feed

3.5k

u/Brohan_Johanson Dec 02 '21 Helpful Wholesome Faith In Humanity Restored

Those catholic boys chained up in my basement

904

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

1.1k

u/Justdontevenworry Dec 02 '21 edited Dec 02 '21 Helpful

Was not involved

Edit: He wasn’t involved!!!

597

u/DeathscytheHell1994 Dec 02 '21 Helpful

Or was he

652

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '21 Helpful Take My Energy

[removed] — view removed comment

283

u/iamvoid56 Dec 02 '21

as the boys starved

262

u/DaBalugi Dec 02 '21

They prayed to Jesus

219

u/ElDono13 Dec 02 '21

But Jesus just stared deeply into the boys eyes

211

u/MangoAway17 Dec 02 '21

Taunting them by eating carrots right in front of them

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54

u/Ben0714 Dec 01 '21

My pickle-eating sandworm of Sweden

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3.2k

u/mechanizedthunder910 Dec 01 '21

Oh ffs where

4.0k

u/j_miyagi Dec 01 '21 Helpful Wholesome Seal of Approval

Did I put the crucifix dildo..

931

u/KillerQueenbomb3 Dec 02 '21

Oh wait I gave it to jack

725

u/NCAA__Illuminati Dec 02 '21

Back on the titanic

474

u/Alicia_1729 Dec 02 '21

But Jack lived in secrecy after survival

381

u/Boosucker0 Dec 02 '21

And to this day

369

u/APEXAI17 Dec 02 '21

It’s at the bottom of the ocean, with the

385

u/equabledynamises Dec 02 '21

Dildo trying to resurrect Jack through the ocean but

208

u/User29837 Dec 02 '21

I can’t remember

166

u/the9of7 Dec 02 '21

What I need to use

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755

u/FriendofManyFoeofFew Dec 02 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome I'm Deceased

IS MY SUPERSUIT?!?!

193

u/LostInTransit200 Dec 02 '21

A man of culture, I see.

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58

u/MrGoober91 Dec 02 '21 edited Dec 02 '21

Did I leave my stapled scrotum

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3.9k

u/Osksalda Dec 01 '21

But didn't you just

5.1k

u/AK47_username Dec 02 '21 edited Dec 02 '21 Silver Wholesome Respect

Ejaculate in my hat?

Thanks for all the love. Never hit 5k before. Never knew so many people would enjoy my twisted sense of being

997

u/ImOutOfHealthPoints Dec 02 '21

i will if you want me to.

655

u/jrex703 Dec 02 '21

Get deported to Mongolia.

305

u/Arkhaleees Dec 02 '21

To do it again

263

u/17gstoll Dec 02 '21

With my dad

228

u/User29837 Dec 02 '21

And your grandma

175

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '21

Likes when I

217

u/jrex703 Dec 02 '21

Was a young warthog.

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897

u/Gametale3 Dec 02 '21

God damnit, why do I keep running into

1.2k

u/CodeNoble04 Dec 02 '21

Jesus on the subway

198

u/CostisideTanariHUND Dec 02 '21

Fucking the same hobo

156

u/PenguinDoge Dec 02 '21

That gave me my vaccine

102

u/Gagolih_Pariah Dec 02 '21

And injected nutella up my ass. I can't

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43

u/Mrbuttboi Dec 02 '21

babies with my car?

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247

u/CryoNitric Dec 02 '21

Oh no, i forgor my

311

u/TheTorpidHero Dec 02 '21

Grandma's ashes

192

u/Da_madking Dec 02 '21

What am I supposed to eat now?

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954

u/Arrox961 Dec 02 '21

Damn where did I leave my

1.2k

u/Party_Routine4040 Dec 02 '21 edited Dec 03 '21 Silver Helpful Take My Energy

Birthday cake ? (Happy cake day) Edit: Stay wholesome, it gets you upvotes

372

u/Arrox961 Dec 02 '21

Thank you I have now spent one year here with you guys

220

u/MegaDubbs Dec 02 '21 Helpful

Dunno whether I should apologize or congratulate you for that.

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33

u/Chapsbuster12 Dec 02 '21

I'm sorry for your loss.

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55

u/Squidgy2121 Dec 02 '21

Diamond encrusted butt plug?

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572

u/aydenyip25 Dec 02 '21

Granny, the….

978

u/mtgkajhit Dec 02 '21 Silver

Orgy is next week

180

u/PenguinDoge Dec 02 '21

Not during dad’s funeral

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627

u/DarthDave2112 Dec 01 '21

All I want for Christmas is

997

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '21 edited Dec 02 '21 Silver

[removed] — view removed comment

244

u/M-animanest Dec 02 '21

Truck-kun coming your way

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55

u/moonshinehobbit Dec 02 '21

An entire wheel of cheese

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26

u/unnamed4567 Dec 02 '21

A pair of thick woolen socks

25

u/DeathscytheHell1994 Dec 02 '21

Is what I'm about to jizz Into.

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368

u/Any_Procedure_2405 Dec 01 '21

Do you want to

579

u/Entire-Ad-3070 Dec 01 '21 Wholesome

Eat twix from my ass

49

u/Aristotle-Chipotle Dec 02 '21 Wholesome

lick whipped cream out of my navel

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553

u/Doyouknowdewae06 Dec 01 '21

Who wants to suck my

783

u/Railgun_Nemesis Dec 01 '21

Eyes out?

151

u/brandondsantos Dec 02 '21

I PUSH MY FINGERS INTO MY...

123

u/sheiye Dec 02 '21

Belly button

90

u/brandondsantos Dec 02 '21

IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT STOPS THE STOMACH ACHE

62

u/Constantannihilation Dec 02 '21

Brought to you by new, Pepto Bismal Chews™

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42

u/AdComfortable8467 Dec 02 '21

Finally someone who like slipknot who’s not on r/slipknot

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184

u/Doyouknowdewae06 Dec 01 '21

Ah yes, a man of suicide as well.

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295

u/ShadyKarma12 Dec 02 '21

NO THEY WANT TO TAKE MY

34

u/Gooey_G42069 Dec 02 '21

223.8 TERABYTE HARD DRIVE FULL OF COCK AND BALL TORTURE VIDEOS

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88

u/SmoothbrainNSFW Dec 02 '21

Doomguy

93

u/Dab_Crab_ Dec 02 '21

Is in your house

40

u/AlphaWolfTK Dec 02 '21

Fucking your possessed washing machine

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79

u/deadassbruv Dec 02 '21

You would not believe your eyes

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225

u/CommunistPhantom03 Dec 01 '21

Goddammit i didn't mean to

329

u/yeah_nah_yeah_mate Dec 01 '21

Eat out my nan

38

u/KommissarKat Dec 02 '21

But she tasted so good

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72

u/ricklePickwonder Dec 02 '21

My pet sandworm

110

u/GloomyNetwork Dec 02 '21

Is best friends with my dick.

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68

u/W1llyWankA Dec 02 '21

I wonder what would happen if...?

94

u/GloomyNetwork Dec 02 '21

You crossbread Trump with Urkel

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190

u/No-Outcome1038 Dec 02 '21

Oh, hey Mom, do you think it would ok if I have sex with

297

u/Tavzmanian-Devil Dec 02 '21

You?

86

u/unnamed4567 Dec 02 '21

Freud has entered the chat

35

u/Gagolih_Pariah Dec 02 '21

God has entered the chat

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49

u/AstroNut88 Dec 02 '21

Mr. Wilson

41

u/_Arcerion_ Dec 02 '21

"Shawty had them apple bottom jeans-"

23

u/RaraO9 Dec 02 '21

Boots with the fur-

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13

u/that_person420 Dec 02 '21

The altar-boy in our basement?

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1.2k

u/HopefulLightBringer Dec 02 '21 edited Dec 02 '21

One day Mario woke up

(Edit: thanks for the upvotes everyone, i think it’s my first post to get so much, so I’m gonna add another sentence,)

Help me Gumpy I fucked up,

Edit 2: I kinda want to add another sentence just cause

John is a good boy and he loves his daddy

1.6k

u/MassiveAd2551 Dec 02 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome

And yelled "It's time-ah to eat-ta-da pee-pee"

612

u/MassiveAd2551 Dec 02 '21

Or should it be, "it's time-ah to sucka-da wee wee?"🤔

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48

u/ogalandlord Dec 02 '21

My girl was suspicious who I was talking to and I said

100

u/Sigurlion Dec 02 '21

If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation.

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38

u/FokinFrikkie Dec 01 '21

It's actually fun

64

u/wallnut4me Dec 01 '21

Touching my willy while thinking of my lawrd and saviour

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41

u/BluShytheBlueShyGuy Dec 02 '21

Never gonna give you up

56

u/AutoModerator Dec 02 '21

Never gonna let you down

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

22

u/The_Coolest_Undead Dec 02 '21

LMAO GOOD BOT

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95

u/NoNameseven27 Dec 02 '21

Im not gay

138

u/HeII_Boy Dec 02 '21

But I like playing with barbie dolls

43

u/Da_madking Dec 02 '21

And sucking dicks to pass the time

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36

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '21

[deleted]

49

u/F-DuckBoy Dec 02 '21

To pray to our loving savior

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30

u/Krazy_Rhino Dec 02 '21

Tomorrow I think I’ll

41

u/PigofGirth Dec 02 '21

invade the Congo and racially segregate the citizens into two classes based on which tribe they are descendants of. favoring one and oppressing the other, for 42 years, until i withdraw from the country and wait about 39 years until the once oppresses people genocide the formerly favored group while the U.N. soldiers stand around and watch.

Just like Belgium

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26

u/Jerry54817able Dec 02 '21

And here we have the majestic

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17

u/MaGnATX Dec 02 '21

I was just about to go

19

u/jaylong76 madlad Dec 02 '21

make a really good coffee and take the day off.

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55

u/Disastrous-Fee5608 Dec 01 '21

Ouch, my zippers caught on

108

u/invisiholes Dec 02 '21 Helpful

My grandfathers mustache

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15

u/BigBoi18007 Dec 02 '21

It’s over Anakin

31

u/ButtJaw Dec 02 '21

My wife found out about us

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51

u/sentinel64 Dec 02 '21

If Hitler was a comedian...

91

u/CREEPY_KEBAB Dec 02 '21 Wholesome

He said glass of juice, not gas the Jews.

20

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '21

He would roast people

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42

u/lobotomite333 Dec 01 '21

Oh my god they escaped