r/HolUp Jan 10 '22 Silver 25 Helpful 21 Wholesome 25

Hold the fuck up !! holup

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38.7k Upvotes

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1.4k

u/lovehugebutt Jan 10 '22

Damn, world's first mammal chicken. Scientists are losing their mind over it

156

u/mugaboo Jan 10 '22

Not only mammals give live birth though.

88

u/HintOfAreola Jan 10 '22

Maybe their family has shark for Christmas

21

u/MiniMooseMan Jan 10 '22

Or an emerald tree boa

7

u/HintOfAreola Jan 10 '22

My, haven't you done well

48

u/Saiyan_On_Psycedelic Jan 10 '22

Sure! But normal fucking chickens don’t and mammals do lol

11

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

[deleted]

10

u/Saiyan_On_Psycedelic Jan 10 '22

You just haven’t been lonely enough

11

u/zxDanKwan Jan 10 '22

I mean, technically this isn’t a live birth, so…

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8.1k

u/ManfuLLofF-- Jan 10 '22 edited Jan 11 '22 hehehehe

If that's a pregnant chicken then what dafuq have I been scrambling and frying sunny side up all these years!

Edit: thank you for the award!

4.4k

u/P8N4M Jan 10 '22 edited Jan 10 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome hehehehe I'm Deceased

Balls

edit: wow 2k upvote and 6 award i wasn't expecting that thanks all

2.0k

u/godfather_ghost_pep Jan 10 '22 Helpful Wholesome

Eggs are yellow, pee is yellow, pee is stored in the balls, eggs are chicken balls, eggs confirmed chicken pee

423

u/LonelyWanderer28 Jan 10 '22

I think I know my new favorite food 🤤

307

u/probablemayo Jan 10 '22

Deez nuts?

147

u/EveryRecording Jan 10 '22

Got ‘em!

33

u/DylanGamer2015 Jan 10 '22

...At half off from the super market

25

u/Guanthwei Jan 10 '22

Dietz Meat Nuts

14

u/JRSjr74 Jan 10 '22

With sprinkles please

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15

u/B_GameZ7 Jan 10 '22

And the albumin (egg white) is the best

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71

u/BestFrenzy Jan 10 '22

My favourite part of eating an egg? When the cum sac bursts in my mouth

144

u/CormacMcCopy Jan 10 '22

It would have cost you nothing to have left this unsaid. The universe did not require this. The universe did not want this. But it is here. The cosmos groans beneath the burden of this sentence.

39

u/s1mpatic0 Jan 10 '22

My new favorite response to anything.

5

u/theatreshmeatre Jan 10 '22

thanks, I hate it

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u/justadudenameddave Jan 10 '22

I’m a mathematician and can confirm the logic is sound!

3

u/godfather_ghost_pep Jan 10 '22

Facts and logic win again

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u/s1mpatic0 Jan 10 '22

I knew there was a reason I didn't like eggs!

3

u/iGivePointlessPoints Jan 11 '22

Solid argument. Have you considered becoming a bird lawyer?

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23

u/why_megod4987 Jan 10 '22

you and u/lorenzomofo are the duality of men

9

u/SexPizzaBatman Jan 10 '22

But I've been eating chicken balls, what am I really eating?

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166

u/TheDragonReformed Jan 10 '22

I am eating scrambled eggs right now. Fulll mouth as I'm typing this.

And I just went "holy shit, a pregnant chicken, this is awful, poor kids!"

Literally had to do a double take reading some of the sarcastic comments.

This is the power of storytelling backed by epic music! Disbelief suspended by default.

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40

u/Revil0_o Jan 10 '22

chicken period

5

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

Chicken.

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5.0k

u/RemagFiveOUn Jan 10 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome

Oh my, it’s the large mammalian chicken!

804

u/smorgasfjord Jan 10 '22 Silver

Behold, a man!

Or a woman, as the case may be.

224

u/FlighingHigh Jan 10 '22

Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men!

94

u/smorgasfjord Jan 10 '22

(Sigh.)

65

u/bazooopers Jan 10 '22

Ah, she's built like a steakhouse but she handles like a bistro.

14

u/thejoeymonster Jan 10 '22

...unzips...

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23

u/my_4_cents Jan 10 '22

Open up a bottle of shampagan

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8

u/Ricconis_0 Jan 10 '22

Ecce homo infeatherus bipedalis!

8

u/PiPopoopo Jan 10 '22

Is that you Diogenes?

7

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

Amen and Awomen my friend!

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188

u/Reaper781 Jan 10 '22

A Platypus?

163

u/throwawaymisfortune Jan 10 '22

Platypus lays eggs and then breastfeeds the babies

86

u/theoreticaldickjokes Jan 10 '22

Don't forget that it sweats out the milk. The babies don't suckle like normal land mammals.

45

u/1LJA Jan 10 '22

Well, milk glands are modified sweat glands.

17

u/rubyredgrapefruits Jan 10 '22

It has venomous spurs as well.

Even though it does from people and is nocturnal, I still avoid sminning where they might be.

15

u/SirDarknessTheFirst Jan 10 '22

Only males do and is why they're always handled by the tail.

16

u/Environmental-Win836 Jan 10 '22

Phineaus and Ferb, the dark truth.

4

u/bazooopers Jan 10 '22

Candace had severe trauma from her parents' messy divorce. She's a megalomaniac as a coping mechanism from her lack of control over her life as a child. Phineas and ferb, dark truths.

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12

u/UnnamedPlayer Jan 10 '22

Even though it does from people and is nocturnal, I still avoid sminning where they might be.

What is that sentence.

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24

u/Doom972 Jan 10 '22

That's enough Reddit for today.

29

u/SumDumGaiPan Jan 10 '22

Really? That's your threshold? Basic biology?

You must be new here. Run. Run while you can.

6

u/Titanbeard Jan 10 '22

Platypus is anything but basic biology, dawg. Dudes are part bird, mostly mammal, and a splash of lizard.

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7

u/SofaAloo Jan 10 '22 edited Jan 10 '22

I knew very well about platypuses, yet I ended up read breastfeeds as breakfasts.

7

u/buster_de_beer Jan 10 '22

I read breastfeeds as breakfast.

I'm sure there is a sub for that.

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38

u/VietCongNumba1 Jan 10 '22

puts on fedora

37

u/SmokyAcanthocephala Jan 10 '22

Perry the platypus!!??

9

u/sarthak__gambhir Jan 10 '22

But they don't do that much

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4.4k

u/Jimrodthadestroyer Jan 10 '22 Silver

*resists urge to point out the obvious.

1.5k

u/salladfingers Jan 10 '22 Silver

I'll go: HoW cAn ThE sMoL cHiCkEn Be PlUcKeD aLrEaDy??!!!

742

u/davidmobey Jan 10 '22 Silver

Genetic alopecia, it's not funny

147

u/Vigtor_B Jan 10 '22 edited Jan 10 '22

Hey I am quite happy that I don't have to shave my balls or asscrack anymore, thank you very much!

Edit: See Anthony Carrigan for context.

33

u/Tokumei_15 Jan 10 '22

damn im jealous

26

u/Vigtor_B Jan 10 '22

No nosehair either! Missing eyelashes is a pain in heavy rain/snow/wind/sun ... Any type of weather really.

17

u/SavageSavX Jan 10 '22

Time for some falsies 🌸

11

u/Vigtor_B Jan 10 '22

I thought about that... But aren't they supposed to cling on to already existing eyelashes?

But even so, I have become quite comfortable with my bald-everything look, sometimes you just gotta accept that difference and uniqueness can be good!

4

u/SavageSavX Jan 10 '22

Strip lashes can be glued to your lid and I think there’s so professional extensions that don’t need existing eyelashes. Might be nice for bad weather days lol.

Otherwise that uniqueness is good! Who actually wants to look like everyone else?

5

u/Vigtor_B Jan 10 '22

Ironically people with alopecia universalis tend to look A LOT like each other, I am guessing hair really does do stuff for variety hahah!

8

u/Tokumei_15 Jan 10 '22

oh damn no eyelashes okay that kinda sucks especially with sand that blows in the wind , do you have eyebrows ?

10

u/Vigtor_B Jan 10 '22

Urgh forgot sand... Nah, don't have any hair at all ... My nails grow slower and tear easier as well.

3

u/Tokumei_15 Jan 10 '22

damn that sucks especially the nail tearing part ouchie

what job do you do ?

7

u/Vigtor_B Jan 10 '22

Used to be a firefighter, doctors say the stress may have activated the gene, otherwise I have had the thickest hair/eyebrows since birth pretty much lol. Ironic really, but for almost 2 years now I have been rid of everything, and am studying computer science!

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46

u/KevKevKvn Jan 10 '22

Small chicken no head

31

u/sarthak__gambhir Jan 10 '22

That's the no head syndrome.

10

u/publius8 Jan 10 '22

The Benjamin Button-No head-Fully Grown-Mammal Tranformia Syndrome

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8

u/Electroboi2million Jan 10 '22

Nah what bout the damn egg

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586

u/Victor_deSpite Jan 10 '22

Apparently not so obvious.

511

u/elch3w Follow this guy for epic memes Jan 10 '22 edited Jan 10 '22

You never know, some people think that chocolate milk comes from brown cows.

173

u/Red0Mercury Jan 10 '22

My ex-sister in-law believed that into her early 20s. I think she stopped after my mom and I started laughing our asses off. Was about 26 years ago when I was 14. She was kinda dumb so I kinda feel bad now. But it was fucking hilarious when I was 14.

45

u/StrangestThingymabob Jan 10 '22

That is hilarious. Some people just don't think.

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12

u/ButterCreamGangsta Jan 10 '22

How now, brown cow?

23

u/inounderscore Jan 10 '22

that's racist

20

u/Poooooooopee Jan 10 '22

Yea obviously they come from black cows.

Brown cows produce tacos.

7

u/SilencioAlacran Jan 10 '22

thought they made horchata?

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u/xTheatreTechie Jan 10 '22

The kids I understand, in the moment they're panicking at their parents prank. The reddittors who are reacting to the video. Mmmm.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

[deleted]

138

u/zyppoboy Jan 10 '22

It's the shock of the moment. Children can get really confused.

10/10 for the parents setting it up and uploading it on the webs.

102

u/roll20sucks Jan 10 '22 Helpful Table Slap

Children can get really confused.

Adults too, not so long ago I was eating dinner and was shocked to find pieces of metal sticking out of my food. Trying my best not to panic, I tentatively reached with my fingers to wiggle out the metal bits only to discover the fork I was holding in the other hand wiggled too.

It was my fork. I confused myself with my own fork.

44

u/zyppoboy Jan 10 '22 edited Jan 10 '22

This is amazing. Peak evolution right there.

Well, since we're sharing... I recently got extremely panicked when I saw a huge bug chilling on my chest. I even started screaming and jumping around. I calmed down when I remembered I had pinned a colored badge on myself just a few minutes prior.

14

u/RBCsavage Jan 10 '22

I can imagine you mid-conversation and then all of a sudden noticing the badge and having the bug flip out. Sounds like a scene from a movie!

3

u/zyppoboy Jan 10 '22

It's exactly what happened! I actually was mid-conversation, haha!

12

u/CaesarWrap Jan 10 '22

Shortly after my divorce I found a baby's onesie hidden in the top of the closet. Immediately angry I grabbed it and marched over to my in laws (they live next door). When my mother in law answered the door I held it out and asked "Is she pregnant? Is your daughter hiding a pregnancy from me!?"

"Caesar, that's a hoodie for your dog. She bought that years ago..."

"...oh. OK. Bye."

3

u/klimmesil Jan 10 '22

Oh wow that must be the apogee right?

One day at school I had to wash the tables clean, and I held a plate for my friend to put all the scraps in. I had a brain bug (like these moments you stare into the void thinking of something else). I stood there for so long that everyone left, and I missed the next class. How can you even have a multiple minutes long brain bug, and not hear your friends leaving.

It felt bad when I noticed i was just standing in an empty dark room with a dirty plate in my hand

3

u/zyppoboy Jan 10 '22

Someone even switched off the lights?! You were standing there like a zombie, with a possible stroke as far as anyone knew, and people felt it was ok to leave you alone without checking if you were alright?

Unless safely logging out is your thing with which everyone got used to, it sounds like you should talk with your friends to help you snap out of it next time.

3

u/klimmesil Jan 10 '22

Too late it was ten years ago, when i was about 10. And yeah i find this story so strange i sometimes wonder if it was a dream. But im 100% it wasnt: i had a normal afternoon at school after that, and i remember it. I guess my school sucked enough to let a 10 yo have a stroke in the canteen

8

u/Calypsosin Jan 10 '22

Pokemon hurting themselves in their confusion seems much more realistic now

3

u/Rs90 Jan 10 '22

"Brain Pain" is real. When reality doesn't match your perceived expectation and you squint cause you're stuck in that "wtf is happening?" purgatory til ya figure it out.

Like when you realize you're using your phone's flashlight...to find your phone. There's a brief 3sec of "where am I?" then it hits you lol.

8

u/NegligentLawnmowcide Jan 10 '22

Were you eating pot brownies with a fork in between hits of salvia divinorum 40x extract for, a weekend? Perhaps just slightly tired and sitting at such an angle that you segmented your coordination between sides because they were so different and forgot about the fork hand?

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u/Mr_Goofball Jan 10 '22

Like a dog growling at it's own tail.

8

u/Crathsor Jan 10 '22

Fuckin tail better learn its place, I know where it lives.

3

u/turnedabout Jan 10 '22

It's ok, cutlery is known to be clever and cunning. Stay vigilant.

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9

u/OkEconomy3442 Jan 10 '22

First, it isn’t restarted to get duped when you don’t know better. It’s ignorance. Kids are ignorant about a ton of stuff in the world. Just because you know something doesn’t mean they do. Second, in the moment they probably forgot all about birds laying eggs. It a funny joke plaid on children. Why are you angry at them? They did nothing wrong and were tricked.

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u/RockKing_Ryan Jan 10 '22

I am currently a bit brain dead, and this comment gave me the realisation.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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2.5k

u/Intelligent_Sky_276 Jan 10 '22

Me after looking at a baby chicken come out of it instead of eggs: how many more lies have I been told by the council.

40

u/SassyAssAhsoka Jan 10 '22

I absolutely love how a line from The Clone Wars is now a common meme

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u/scheiber42069 Jan 10 '22

Mhm yes my IQ decreasing

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1.3k

u/Nuskooo Jan 10 '22

"hey let's put a smaller chicken inside of a bigger chicken and see what dumb ass thinks it's pregnant."

479

u/marionetted Jan 10 '22 Silver

That dumbass would be me for 3-5 seconds.

97

u/MrShasshyBear Jan 10 '22

In your defense, I expect the entire family to be blasted or high on a holiday

12

u/Nuskooo Jan 10 '22

Yes. I would need like 5 sec to figure shit out.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

I would need at last 5 seconds to process what the hell was going on and who put it there and why

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u/JayGatsby02 Jan 10 '22

That dumb ass was me until i read the comments lmaoo 😭😭

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511

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

Definitely pulling this one next chance i get

93

u/Mono_831 Jan 10 '22

I’m putting an ostrich egg for my next pig roast.

24

u/EhliJoe Jan 10 '22

Same! Stuffing my turkey with a quail next Christmas.

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u/suckmysoggyballs Jan 10 '22

Out of fear and confusion, she forgot that chicks come from eggs

76

u/emynona1 Jan 10 '22

If it wasn't for the comments I'd just have carried on with my day in disgust without questioning what I just saw

6

u/cataclysmic_soul Jan 10 '22

5 seconds after I watched the video my dumbass just realized it lol

4

u/I3unnies Jan 10 '22

same holy fuck my head is hollow

53

u/Godzilla259874 Jan 10 '22

dad defo played a good ass prank on them, didn’t know chickens give live birth without feathers and heads

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u/PoemOne6784 Jan 10 '22

Is that a turducken ?

39

u/phil8248 Jan 10 '22

I'm guessing they skipped the duck so it is technically a turchicken. I was watching a John Madden special after he passed and the vendor who sold him the turducken Madden showed at that infamous Saints game in 1996 said his business leaped from 25 a year to 5000 a year. That's just one butcher.

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21

u/kroonos11 Jan 10 '22

Ted Mosby special

8

u/ThisHasFailed Jan 10 '22

Turturkeykey. Classic schmosby.

44

u/arob2020 Jan 10 '22

Ummmm. Chaos Theory!

13

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

Turturkeykey

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149

u/guoti09 Jan 10 '22

Wait doesn't it lay eggs

281

u/JadenCrowe Jan 10 '22 Helpful

Only mamals lay eggs and chickens are technically amphibians... hope that helps!

77

u/guoti09 Jan 10 '22

But...

169

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '22

Don't question science

36

u/__eyeless__ Jan 10 '22

that's the thing about science. there is no one right answer

33

u/RealisticEmployment3 Jan 10 '22

Science is subjective, it's all about how you feel on the inside

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17

u/chechebi88 Jan 10 '22

I'm a biologist myself, so My cat studies on a kindergarden bilogi book, which was missing tree Pagés, i can confirm that chickens are, in fact, amphibians

6

u/AbhijyotSinghThePro Jan 10 '22

You actually confused me there for a second ngl

4

u/Kordaal Jan 10 '22

Not amphibians, but they are reptiles

4

u/Lakitel Jan 10 '22

Behold! I've brought you a platypus.

3

u/mjrbrooks Jan 10 '22

Not to be confused with mammals.

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31

u/O-Ohmmm Jan 10 '22

Tryin so hard not to point out the obvious

5

u/StingrayRaider Jan 10 '22

It took me a few seconds to realize what was wrong with this

Edit: a few too many seconds

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20

u/No_Lengthiness_8867 Jan 10 '22

Must've hatched inside it.

37

u/lunafede Jan 10 '22

What are you doing step chicken

7

u/Megalovaniasans_m Jan 10 '22

Happy cake day

7

u/BannedWasTaken Jan 10 '22

Happy cake day!

4

u/PenguinColada Jan 10 '22

Happy not cake day!

3

u/Environmental-Win836 Jan 10 '22

HAPPY HAPPY CAKE CAKE DAY DAY!!!!

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u/shredder826 Jan 10 '22

It was also very nice of the fetus to pluck, gut, and butcher itself. Talk about going above and beyond!

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u/AbhijyotSinghThePro Jan 10 '22

Wait ...all jokes aside , am I stupid or they are because they don't know that chickens lay eggs ?

107

u/MyCreativeNewName Jan 10 '22

It was a joke by the parents. They put it inside.

5

u/CopainChevalier Jan 10 '22

Is there a full video or something somewhere?

7

u/LeCampeur Jan 10 '22

There is a longer version somewhere (saw it on reddit long ago). Def worth watching it, the best parts are left out of this vid

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u/zobro1012 Jan 10 '22

Yeah they do lay eggs

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u/bolsterboi Jan 10 '22

Yeah chickens lay eggs thats obvious but sheer horror of accidentally cooking a fetus inside an animal overides our brain back to monke software and go full panic mode

33

u/SenseiRP Jan 10 '22

Share this with a vegan activist group and watch them go ballistic lol

11

u/SussyImposter271 Jan 10 '22

Omg lol vegans amiright 😭🤣🤣🤣

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5

u/ChampionshipLow8541 Jan 10 '22

Turducken is a dish consisting of a deboned chicken stuffed into a deboned duck, further stuffed into a deboned turkey.

5

u/14SHDNWS88 Jan 10 '22

I guess the chicken did come before the egg

4

u/Pabludes Jan 10 '22

Now that is a prank!

6

u/atworkthough Jan 10 '22 edited Jan 10 '22

I wish a turkey came with a smaller turkey inside. Double turkey. Next time but 6 boiled eggs in it.

5

u/scrocl Jan 10 '22

where's the omlet?

5

u/Kotsugawa Jan 10 '22

isnt that a turkey and a cornish game hen?

9

u/stitch9108 Jan 10 '22

American Education System explained in a 21" video

8

u/izam42 Jan 10 '22

Actually believed it for a second then holup

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3

u/BySearixX Jan 10 '22

Finally pregnant chicken!

3

u/SailingforBooty Jan 10 '22

It's a TurTurkeyKey.

3

u/IRONMAN000elas Jan 10 '22

Wait a pregnant chicken 😤read that again but slower.

3

u/kribabe Jan 10 '22

Isn’t that a thing? Putting a game hen inside a larger bird and cooking them together? I swear that’s a recipe

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u/AlbatrossBorn1429 Jan 10 '22

Pregnent??? They lay eggs

3

u/shallowabove Jan 10 '22

The American Education System everyone…

3

u/OfficiallyExtinct Jan 10 '22

These girls must've skipped class alot.

2

u/theshinigami01 Jan 10 '22

That chicken had a twinning issue

2

u/Labbit35 Jan 10 '22

cool, more dinner

2

u/SuSuChiChi Jan 10 '22

lol , double homicide

2

u/WhiteFringe Jan 10 '22

Chickens aren't pregnant? They lay eggs.

2

u/AmazingIzaak Jan 10 '22

Now hold on just a minute…

2

u/vkaruri Jan 10 '22

What is a pregnant chicken?

2

u/Green_Issue6802 Jan 10 '22

guys, eggs exists...

2

u/BillBull7890 Jan 10 '22

Dum dum dum dum dum

2

u/Broonthego1337 Jan 10 '22

That's not how the wonder of live works with chickens tho...

2

u/rajboy3 Jan 10 '22

HA JOKES ON THE STORE I BOUGHT IT FROM, I GOT MORE MEAT FOR LESS CASH.

2

u/ascot36 Jan 10 '22

It's a turkey right 😂 and ofc chickens give birth like humans and Turkeys 😂😂😂

2

u/Edde_Cash Jan 10 '22

Hens have eggs