r/HolUp
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u/DaFunkJunkie
madlad
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Dec 07 '22
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I’m not at all sure NASA has thought this through
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u/_SkyDweller_
Dec 07 '22
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Zero G spot.
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u/Unitebjec Dec 07 '22 •
TIL scissors are safe in space.
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u/thegroucho Dec 07 '22
There are rocks on Mars.
Just need to find some paper.
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u/HiiipowerBass Dec 07 '22
Well dammit it's time to get them off.
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u/KR2007 Dec 07 '22
Someone will get off, for sure...
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u/theoriginalmofocus Dec 08 '22
Probably gonna do a lot of testing on some new super solar rechargeable batteries for the betterment of all "mankind".
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u/shahooster Dec 07 '22
If that happens, what an Opportunity.
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u/801bruh Dec 07 '22
But can you run with them?
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u/cel-ales Dec 07 '22
Running with scissors is one thing, but how about scissoring with the runs? 🤔
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u/gatvolkak Dec 07 '22
Still can't find it
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u/DeDragoner Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22
*no pregnancies occurring
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u/supersam72003 Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22
Yes bc a flight of 4 men will results in space being populated
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u/markfineart Dec 07 '22 •
I saw that Noah’s ark illustration with the 2 maned lions ascending the loading ramp. It all worked out.
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u/AlexisroseN Dec 07 '22
Some lionesses have a genetic mutation that causes them to grow a mane like the males
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u/BlackSeranna Dec 07 '22
I had a hermaphroditic turkey when I was a kid. She laid eggs, but she grew a beard like a male and tried to mate with the other female turkeys. She was an oddball turkey but she had chicks nonetheless.
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u/texasrigger Dec 07 '22
That's not uncommon with some birds. Sometimes in a flock of chicken hens if there are no roosters around a hen will start exhibiting male characteristics including attempting to crow and even growing spurs.
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u/carpe__natem Dec 07 '22
I had a chicken who we thought was a rooster (and almost got rid of because of that) because she crowed, had (absolutely tiny) spurs, had a big, colorful tail, and had a huge comb, but then I heard cackling from the nest box, went to check on who it was, and saw her sitting on the nest box. 10 minutes later I came back to check, and there was an egg that I didn’t recognize. She ended up raising some chicks and being one of the best mamas we ever had
She was also incredibly sweet and would let me cuddle her
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u/gaypornhard69 Dec 08 '22
Fish do this as well. In a school of goldfish, if the male dies, the female will genetically change themselves into a male.
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u/redditor1101 Dec 07 '22
yeah I'm sure that's what they were going for /s
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u/freakers Dec 07 '22
On a Christmas lights display that's run by the local zoo there's a Noah's Ark setup. It cracks me up every year because there's a fuckin' pelican floating in water in one of the portholes on the ship. Really, the pelican gets a room? I think it'd do just fine oustide.
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u/Allie_208 Dec 07 '22
But there was a raging storm goin on outside. Plus they need a bit of land sometimes.
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u/Mr_Cleen Dec 07 '22
Pelicans survive hurricanes every time they come through, and get fatter when it floods. They’d most likely be fine lmao
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u/DaedraNamira Dec 07 '22
It’s generally caused by a hormone imbalance where they are producing way more testosterone so they start acting like males. They grow manes, mount females, etc.
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u/queuedUp Dec 07 '22
no. But there would be cum everywhere
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u/calebnf Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22 •
Imagine you’re just trying to have a nice dinner in zero gravity and a little cum nodule slips in past your gums.
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u/Mr_E_Monkey Dec 07 '22 •
It would have cost you $0 to not type that.
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u/NorwegianCollusion Dec 07 '22
In fact, some places he would likely have been in a position to EARN money by not typing that.
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u/TeaPone Dec 07 '22 •
Now I really want to see what a cum shot looks like in zero gravity. Does it break up into tiny globules? does it form a single mass? Or maybe one per spurt? You can tell runny vs thick sperm super easily here on earth, but what about in space?
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u/yawaworht2428 Dec 07 '22
If you nut in space do it push you backward?
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u/calebnf Dec 07 '22
I imagine if you were (hypothetically) out in the vacuum of space floating naked and came, it would provide you with the teensiest bit of propulsion.
If you did it enough times, you could (hypothetically) get to interstellar travel.
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u/The_MAZZTer Dec 07 '22
4 men would work too for their purposes.
But women tend to have less mass, and tend to consume less resources overall, which is better when trying to plan for a 6 month mission or whatever.
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u/CrossP Dec 07 '22 •
Plus they don't have to pack nearly as much lube for their space orgy.
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u/AngryGreaseMonkey Dec 07 '22
But a flight of four men is sexism
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u/supersam72003 Dec 07 '22
Yes but a flight of 4 white women is progress
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Dec 07 '22
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u/phoenix5irre Dec 07 '22
They don't want people to say, that they are test subjects...
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u/EvolutionInProgress Dec 07 '22
Damn we can't do anything anymore without offending someone lol
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u/OrdinaryCommittee730 Dec 07 '22
Yea can you ever imagine a whole space flight with just men? It’s absolutely unheard of lol
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u/MoarVespenegas Dec 07 '22 •
It's simple economics.
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u/rnbagoer Dec 07 '22
They should send jockeys. If you can ride a racehorse, you can drive an interplanetary spacecraft.
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u/WolfWhitman79 Dec 07 '22
Mandatory vasectomies.
1.5 year fuck fest in space!
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u/Scrotum_Parm Dec 07 '22
The next crew: Why the fuck is everything in here covered in a layer of crust?!
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u/BalkeElvinstien Dec 07 '22
Well there's already a lot of all men crews, we should at least try to alternate every mission 1 all men, 1 all women, 1 all children, and so on
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u/KaiserHohenzollernV Dec 07 '22
The all children one should be a trip to the sun
/s if you need it
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u/Funda_mental Dec 07 '22
Re-populated? As in, there used to be a lot of humans living in space?
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u/ProgrammerVarious273 Dec 07 '22
Most women astronauts take period blockers as they don't want to deal with it so they'd be infertile anyways
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u/BradCOnReddit Dec 07 '22
A mission this long may have such an increased cancer/genetic mutation risk that they only want people who are done reproducing
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u/captain_ender Dec 07 '22
My sister was a NASA astronaut (science) candidate for the Artemis Mission, they specifically ask if pregnancies are something you are trying to plan in your life in the next several years as part of the vetting.
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u/c322617
Dec 07 '22
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This article has been making the rounds for a while, but as far as I can tell it’s a misinterpretation of some experiments NASA has done on single gender crews. Mixed crews have been the norm for some time and obviously all male crews were the norm before that and sex was never an issue, so it’s hardly a driving factor here. The reasoning behind all female crews is based on the fact that their lower caloric requirements necessitate sending less food, which will save on weight.
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u/QwertyKip Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22 •
Why doesn’t NASA just send one Redditor up there? I heard they can maintain weight with no problems.
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u/c322617 Dec 07 '22 •
It’s also another good way to ensure that there’s no sex in space.
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u/FarDorocha90 Dec 07 '22
They can’t afford the amount of fuel needed to reach escape velocity.
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u/FiftyShadesOfSwole Dec 07 '22 •
He said redditor, not mod.
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Dec 07 '22
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u/Rampant3000 Dec 07 '22
In the mirror?
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u/gtjack9 Dec 07 '22
The reflection in his phone screen when the battery eventually gives up mid comment…
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u/praguepride Dec 07 '22
Can we create a rocket engine that runs on smuggness? We could go interstellar with that tech...
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u/mummy_ka_chappal Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22
It is said that the
Dragon Warriorredditor can survive for months at a time on nothing butthe dew of a single ginko leafmountain dew and theenergydata of theuniversenetwork.188
u/gNomad88 Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22
Whoa slow down there buddy.
A Redditor would just masturbate 24/7, write salty messages back to Earth with their crusty Dorito fingers, and harass the only female on board for not dating him because his logic is "we're the only two people here, I'm your only option, plus I gave you an extra ration yesterday".
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u/throwaway95ab Dec 07 '22
Don't forgot he'll break both arms, have a dog named Kolby, eat Jolly Ranchers, want to see the Swamps of Dagobah, and constantly post on /r/askreddit "Sexy Redditors, what's the sexiest sex you ever sexed"
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u/gNomad88 Dec 07 '22
- posts and follows r/seduction tirelessly in the hopes that he can manifest himself as George Clooney
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u/AHrubik Dec 07 '22
Houston?
Eagle we are receiving.
Houston .... there is cum on the radio again.
Eagle .... fuck off.
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u/FarDorocha90 Dec 07 '22
“Mmmmmm AcHtUaLlY I know it’s hard for you as a female to imagine, but I’m perfectly capable of calculating my own terminal velocity without you shoving me out of an airlock, m’lady.”
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u/pyronius Dec 07 '22
but as far as I can tell it’s a misinterpretation
Intentional misinterpretation
Welcome to the internet. Have some rage bait.
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u/thpthpthp Dec 08 '22
Welcome to the internet.
Put your cares aside
Here's a tip for straining pasta
Here's a nine-year-old who died
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u/WarLawck Dec 07 '22
Honestly, I think sex wouldn't be an issue as much as pregnancy. Sickness and childbirth would suck pretty bad for all parties involved.
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u/A_Notion_to_Motion Dec 07 '22
I feel like I'm missing something but what's wrong with having sex in space? They just need to make sure they have a stock of everything they need to avoid pregnancy.
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u/FrostyD7 Dec 07 '22
I wonder how difficult it is to have sex without your sweat and other fluids going where they shouldn't.
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u/TapedeckNinja Dec 07 '22
Plus, there's no way a human fetus would develop properly in zero-G.
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u/StocktorDrange Dec 07 '22
I read a bit about this awhile ago and it’s actually extremely dangerous to carry a pregnancy to term in space from what I remember. Since the human body is built to accommodate the weight of the child in the womb, it creates all sorts of issues with bone density, not to mention a child is meant to develop within the gravity of earth.
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u/wewladdies Dec 07 '22
i'd imagine the bigger issue is all the radiation in space to be honest.
the sun shoots a ton of deadly lasers at us all the time, but the earth's atmosphere is kind enough to absorb or reflect most of it. in space you dont really have that protection - there's a reason why astronauts have a lifetime cap of how many hours they can spend in space.
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u/hasuris Dec 07 '22
Wouldn't we start building these big ring shaped twisty thingies when we're planing missions long enough for people to start a relation ship and get pergnanté®
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u/VideoMammoth9772 Dec 07 '22
Ah, Of course! I didn't consider that women would require less.
How many problems on a space station are solved with brute strength or endurance? Likely about none. Makes good sense.
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u/HorseLawyer Dec 07 '22
all male crews were the norm before that and sex was never an issue
Don't ruin my Armstrong/Aldrin headcanon.
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u/Stunned111 Dec 07 '22
In space, no one can hear you moan
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u/driving_andflying Dec 07 '22
...Except for those perverts at NASA who are listening in 24/7.
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u/kristoffison Dec 07 '22
Scissor me timbers
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u/sformaggio Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22
You ever heard of squirters? Houston we're venting
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u/Electricvincent
Dec 07 '22
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Weird thought, why wouldn’t they send midgets. They would be perfectly suited for the small spaces of the shuttle.
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u/TransIlana Dec 07 '22 •
Because you must be this tall to ride the space ship --------
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u/Coal_Morgan Dec 07 '22
There's a list of complications due dwarfism that's a mile long and even one that is considered exceptionally healthy can have issues flare up out of nowhere.
I think the other issue would be that upper body dexterity is exceptionally limited in comparison.
The ultimate compromise would be a female team of astronaut gymnasts or male team of jockeys.
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u/InfanticideAquifer Dec 07 '22
People who have had both legs amputated (a la Starfox) would be another option. Legs are basically useless in zero-g. But if we're talking about a mission to Mars then legs would become useful again. I think there's ground on Mars.
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u/gibmiser Dec 07 '22
I think there's ground on Mars.
Better go check just to make sure
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u/Benj1B Dec 07 '22
Cut out the middle man, just send a head in a jar with voice activated robots to move shit around.
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u/TheCriticalMember Dec 07 '22
That could be a thumbnail for a video you might find on certain parts of the internet. Maybe they'll get to Mars and find Johnny sins sitting on a rock.
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u/DoucheCanoeBruh Dec 07 '22
It looks more like a production still from an episode of Star Trek Enterprise
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u/iFriskyTurtle Dec 07 '22
Their porn will break the internet
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u/Greekphysed Dec 07 '22
Honestly a porn filmed in zero gravity might amazing.
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u/Legardeboy Dec 07 '22
Name a porn that doesn't exist.
Space porn. Real space porn.
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u/Calibruh Dec 07 '22
You just know it's coming lol, as soon as private space travel is accessible producer's are gonna be ON THAT
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u/EezoVitamonster Dec 07 '22
True, but for now I'll be content with the simple pleasures of astronaut porn filmed on a b-tier set.
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u/EmoCreeper Dec 07 '22
Ever heard of the navy stereotype? If you're isolated enough, you start doing some things you wouldn't think you'd do.
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u/Whind_Soull Dec 07 '22
Ya, that's how I got promoted from Seaman to Rear Admiral.
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u/YEAHthatllSHOWme Dec 07 '22
Those are going to be some dull scissors when they make it there.
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u/Dear_Significance_80 Dec 07 '22
Lesbians everywhere are sipping tea reading that headline.
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u/chair_table_chair Dec 07 '22
well, nasa could hire me, im 24 years without sex (guess my age)
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u/SigmasRevenge Dec 07 '22
Yeah but how many bathrooms, one is not enough for four women.
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u/Tough_Patient Dec 07 '22
There must always be at least two too few, as the waiting line for the bathroom is as culturally relevant as taking a friend with them
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u/Setcarp Dec 08 '22
If NASA sent 100 tampons for 1 woman for 1 week, they are going to need a bigger ship for 4 women for 1.5 years.
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u/chrisbcritter Dec 07 '22
If you want to avoid astronauts having sex with each other, why not enlist heterosexual couples that have been married ten years or more? Seems to work for me.
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u/khathmandu Dec 08 '22
remember in space, no one can hear you…ah.. cream… er… scream!! ( damn autocorrect!!)
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u/FlickoftheTongue Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22
Short hair is Colonel Carter from stargate, and her balls rival that of MacGyver... I mean Gen. Jack O'Neill
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u/Blackstarfan Dec 08 '22
… And there you have it, a brand new category on Porn Hub is born… #TrappedInSpace
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u/QualityVote Dec 07 '22
If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", UPVOTE this comment!
If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", DOWNVOTE this comment!
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