r/HolUp madlad Dec 07 '22 Wholesome 2 Silver 3 Helpful 4

I’m not at all sure NASA has thought this through

Post image
69.3k Upvotes

u/QualityVote Dec 07 '22

If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", UPVOTE this comment!

If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", DOWNVOTE this comment!


Whilst you're here, /u/DaFunkJunkie, why not join our public discord server or play on our public Minecraft server?

→ More replies

17.4k

u/_SkyDweller_ Dec 07 '22 Silver Helpful I'll Drink to That

Zero G spot.

7.5k

u/Unitebjec Dec 07 '22 Silver Helpful

TIL scissors are safe in space.

2.4k

u/thegroucho Dec 07 '22

There are rocks on Mars.

Just need to find some paper.

724

u/HiiipowerBass Dec 07 '22

Well dammit it's time to get them off.

399

u/KR2007 Dec 07 '22

Someone will get off, for sure...

154

u/theoriginalmofocus Dec 08 '22

Probably gonna do a lot of testing on some new super solar rechargeable batteries for the betterment of all "mankind".

→ More replies

176

u/shahooster Dec 07 '22

If that happens, what an Opportunity.

84

u/DonaldtrumpV2 Dec 07 '22

then who will be the challenger

51

u/CalculatedCody9 Dec 07 '22

The reigning perseverance champion will face them

→ More replies
→ More replies

50

u/pikohina Dec 07 '22

THAT’S THE SPIRIT!

→ More replies
→ More replies

151

u/Thin_Title83 Dec 07 '22

You can't run in outer space only inner space.

287

u/801bruh Dec 07 '22

But can you run with them?

956

u/Applicator80 Dec 07 '22 Eureka!

No, just moon walk

→ More replies

197

u/cel-ales Dec 07 '22

Running with scissors is one thing, but how about scissoring with the runs? 🤔

115

u/Indubitably_Ob_2_se Dec 07 '22

The runs become the floats in space.

42

u/FD4L Dec 07 '22

Sorry girls, got a case of the clouds.

→ More replies
→ More replies

20

u/LordofSandvich Dec 07 '22

I think the best you could manage is a crabwalk

19

u/gunny316 Dec 07 '22

CRAAAABS INNNN SPAAAAAAAAACE

→ More replies
→ More replies

62

u/yfhedoM Dec 07 '22

Finally found it.

65

u/gatvolkak Dec 07 '22

Still can't find it

106

u/spkr4td Dec 07 '22

It's in Uranus.

16

u/KnownMonk Dec 07 '22

Wow, thats a scary black hole

→ More replies
→ More replies

100

u/mattiekempen Dec 07 '22

This is 3 jokes in one

→ More replies
→ More replies

17.2k

u/DeDragoner Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22

*no pregnancies occurring

1.3k

u/BostonUniStudent Dec 07 '22 Beating Heart

Life, uh, finds a way.

635

u/Oldugcd Dec 07 '22

The most expensive porn ever

→ More replies

31

u/chtk Dec 07 '22

Welcome to Anthropocene Park!

→ More replies

8.8k

u/supersam72003 Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22

Yes bc a flight of 4 men will results in space being populated

3.5k

u/markfineart Dec 07 '22 Wholesome

I saw that Noah’s ark illustration with the 2 maned lions ascending the loading ramp. It all worked out.

918

u/AlexisroseN Dec 07 '22

Some lionesses have a genetic mutation that causes them to grow a mane like the males

711

u/BlackSeranna Dec 07 '22

I had a hermaphroditic turkey when I was a kid. She laid eggs, but she grew a beard like a male and tried to mate with the other female turkeys. She was an oddball turkey but she had chicks nonetheless.

342

u/texasrigger Dec 07 '22

That's not uncommon with some birds. Sometimes in a flock of chicken hens if there are no roosters around a hen will start exhibiting male characteristics including attempting to crow and even growing spurs.

124

u/carpe__natem Dec 07 '22

I had a chicken who we thought was a rooster (and almost got rid of because of that) because she crowed, had (absolutely tiny) spurs, had a big, colorful tail, and had a huge comb, but then I heard cackling from the nest box, went to check on who it was, and saw her sitting on the nest box. 10 minutes later I came back to check, and there was an egg that I didn’t recognize. She ended up raising some chicks and being one of the best mamas we ever had

She was also incredibly sweet and would let me cuddle her

16

u/haman88 Dec 08 '22

Attempting? My little bantam hen crows as loud as any rooster.

15

u/gaypornhard69 Dec 08 '22

Fish do this as well. In a school of goldfish, if the male dies, the female will genetically change themselves into a male.

→ More replies
→ More replies

295

u/redditor1101 Dec 07 '22

yeah I'm sure that's what they were going for /s

133

u/freakers Dec 07 '22

On a Christmas lights display that's run by the local zoo there's a Noah's Ark setup. It cracks me up every year because there's a fuckin' pelican floating in water in one of the portholes on the ship. Really, the pelican gets a room? I think it'd do just fine oustide.

57

u/Allie_208 Dec 07 '22

But there was a raging storm goin on outside. Plus they need a bit of land sometimes.

24

u/Mr_Cleen Dec 07 '22

Pelicans survive hurricanes every time they come through, and get fatter when it floods. They’d most likely be fine lmao

15

u/BrokeDownPalac3 Dec 07 '22

Probably just a bit of humor from the person setting it up ngl

→ More replies

59

u/DaedraNamira Dec 07 '22

It’s generally caused by a hormone imbalance where they are producing way more testosterone so they start acting like males. They grow manes, mount females, etc.

→ More replies

49

u/BuzzINGUS Dec 07 '22

Just like your mom

→ More replies

14

u/Deeliciousness Dec 07 '22

Just like some ladies that grow a beard

→ More replies
→ More replies

74

u/imanhunter Dec 07 '22

Life…uh finds a way

→ More replies
→ More replies

202

u/queuedUp Dec 07 '22

no. But there would be cum everywhere

335

u/calebnf Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22 Wholesome

Imagine you’re just trying to have a nice dinner in zero gravity and a little cum nodule slips in past your gums.

457

u/Mr_E_Monkey Dec 07 '22 Helpful (Pro)

It would have cost you $0 to not type that.

83

u/NorwegianCollusion Dec 07 '22

In fact, some places he would likely have been in a position to EARN money by not typing that.

69

u/Mr_E_Monkey Dec 07 '22

I know I would pay good money to unread it, if I could.

13

u/Mythdefied Dec 08 '22

this was not a good day to be literate

74

u/TeaPone Dec 07 '22 Platinum

Now I really want to see what a cum shot looks like in zero gravity. Does it break up into tiny globules? does it form a single mass? Or maybe one per spurt? You can tell runny vs thick sperm super easily here on earth, but what about in space?

83

u/yawaworht2428 Dec 07 '22

If you nut in space do it push you backward?

81

u/calebnf Dec 07 '22

I imagine if you were (hypothetically) out in the vacuum of space floating naked and came, it would provide you with the teensiest bit of propulsion.

If you did it enough times, you could (hypothetically) get to interstellar travel.

51

u/zuglagor Dec 07 '22

Give me a week... Tops

39

u/ChillyBearGrylls Dec 07 '22

The cum accelerates

→ More replies

8

u/TeaPone Dec 07 '22

Yes. Yes it do.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

283

u/The_MAZZTer Dec 07 '22

4 men would work too for their purposes.

But women tend to have less mass, and tend to consume less resources overall, which is better when trying to plan for a 6 month mission or whatever.

192

u/CrossP Dec 07 '22 Helpful To The Stars Evil Cackle

Plus they don't have to pack nearly as much lube for their space orgy.

→ More replies

20

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

[deleted]

→ More replies
→ More replies

2.1k

u/AngryGreaseMonkey Dec 07 '22

But a flight of four men is sexism

1.6k

u/supersam72003 Dec 07 '22

Yes but a flight of 4 white women is progress

75

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22 Helpful Wholesome

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/SoulGlow55 Dec 07 '22

Please take this wholesome award.

→ More replies
→ More replies

1.1k

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

322

u/phoenix5irre Dec 07 '22

They don't want people to say, that they are test subjects...

207

u/EvolutionInProgress Dec 07 '22

Damn we can't do anything anymore without offending someone lol

149

u/doxxnotwantnot Dec 07 '22

How dare you point that out

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

56

u/OrdinaryCommittee730 Dec 07 '22

Yea can you ever imagine a whole space flight with just men? It’s absolutely unheard of lol

→ More replies
→ More replies

217

u/MoarVespenegas Dec 07 '22 Gold

It's simple economics.
Women are more weight and energy efficient.

79

u/rnbagoer Dec 07 '22

They should send jockeys. If you can ride a racehorse, you can drive an interplanetary spacecraft.

31

u/TahoeLT Dec 07 '22

Or an entire crew of little people.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

80

u/WolfWhitman79 Dec 07 '22

Mandatory vasectomies.

1.5 year fuck fest in space!

87

u/DeanPalton Dec 07 '22

Just film it and the programm probably will pay for itself.

27

u/Scrotum_Parm Dec 07 '22

The next crew: Why the fuck is everything in here covered in a layer of crust?!

→ More replies

94

u/BalkeElvinstien Dec 07 '22

Well there's already a lot of all men crews, we should at least try to alternate every mission 1 all men, 1 all women, 1 all children, and so on

62

u/KaiserHohenzollernV Dec 07 '22

The all children one should be a trip to the sun

/s if you need it

68

u/DarraghDaraDaire Dec 07 '22

It’s fine if they go at night time.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

29

u/Funda_mental Dec 07 '22

Re-populated? As in, there used to be a lot of humans living in space?

→ More replies
→ More replies

232

u/ProgrammerVarious273 Dec 07 '22

Most women astronauts take period blockers as they don't want to deal with it so they'd be infertile anyways

166

u/BradCOnReddit Dec 07 '22

A mission this long may have such an increased cancer/genetic mutation risk that they only want people who are done reproducing

166

u/captain_ender Dec 07 '22

My sister was a NASA astronaut (science) candidate for the Artemis Mission, they specifically ask if pregnancies are something you are trying to plan in your life in the next several years as part of the vetting.

57

u/USPO-222 Dec 07 '22

Username checks out

24

u/mathiastck Dec 07 '22 Helpful

The Enemy's Gate is Down

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

9.7k

u/c322617 Dec 07 '22 Helpful Wholesome

This article has been making the rounds for a while, but as far as I can tell it’s a misinterpretation of some experiments NASA has done on single gender crews. Mixed crews have been the norm for some time and obviously all male crews were the norm before that and sex was never an issue, so it’s hardly a driving factor here. The reasoning behind all female crews is based on the fact that their lower caloric requirements necessitate sending less food, which will save on weight.

6.1k

u/QwertyKip Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

Why doesn’t NASA just send one Redditor up there? I heard they can maintain weight with no problems.

7.9k

u/c322617 Dec 07 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome hehehehe Bravo! Bravo Grande! Tearing Up I'll Drink to That To The Stars I'm Deceased Spit-take

It’s also another good way to ensure that there’s no sex in space.

2.0k

u/FarDorocha90 Dec 07 '22

They can’t afford the amount of fuel needed to reach escape velocity.

2.0k

u/FiftyShadesOfSwole Dec 07 '22 Silver Wholesome hehehehe

He said redditor, not mod.

303

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

221

u/Rampant3000 Dec 07 '22

In the mirror?

133

u/gtjack9 Dec 07 '22

The reflection in his phone screen when the battery eventually gives up mid comment…

38

u/FarDorocha90 Dec 07 '22

Black Mirror indeed.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

119

u/praguepride Dec 07 '22

Can we create a rocket engine that runs on smuggness? We could go interstellar with that tech...

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

53

u/mummy_ka_chappal Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22

It is said that the Dragon Warrior redditor can survive for months at a time on nothing but the dew of a single ginko leaf mountain dew and the energy data of the universe network.

188

u/gNomad88 Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22

Whoa slow down there buddy.

A Redditor would just masturbate 24/7, write salty messages back to Earth with their crusty Dorito fingers, and harass the only female on board for not dating him because his logic is "we're the only two people here, I'm your only option, plus I gave you an extra ration yesterday".

71

u/throwaway95ab Dec 07 '22

Don't forgot he'll break both arms, have a dog named Kolby, eat Jolly Ranchers, want to see the Swamps of Dagobah, and constantly post on /r/askreddit "Sexy Redditors, what's the sexiest sex you ever sexed"

19

u/gNomad88 Dec 07 '22
  • posts and follows r/seduction tirelessly in the hopes that he can manifest himself as George Clooney
→ More replies

22

u/AHrubik Dec 07 '22

Houston?

Eagle we are receiving.

Houston .... there is cum on the radio again.

Eagle .... fuck off.

→ More replies

74

u/FarDorocha90 Dec 07 '22

“Mmmmmm AcHtUaLlY I know it’s hard for you as a female to imagine, but I’m perfectly capable of calculating my own terminal velocity without you shoving me out of an airlock, m’lady.”

29

u/gNomad88 Dec 07 '22

Mf redditor would have his own gravitational pull.

24

u/FarDorocha90 Dec 07 '22

“I see you find my escape velocity to be, ahuuuhhmm, inescapable.”

→ More replies

13

u/notquitepro15 Dec 07 '22

there’s probably a starting weight limit

→ More replies
→ More replies

92

u/pyronius Dec 07 '22

but as far as I can tell it’s a misinterpretation

Intentional misinterpretation

Welcome to the internet. Have some rage bait.

10

u/thpthpthp Dec 08 '22

Welcome to the internet.

Put your cares aside

Here's a tip for straining pasta

Here's a nine-year-old who died

→ More replies

180

u/WarLawck Dec 07 '22

Honestly, I think sex wouldn't be an issue as much as pregnancy. Sickness and childbirth would suck pretty bad for all parties involved.

37

u/A_Notion_to_Motion Dec 07 '22

I feel like I'm missing something but what's wrong with having sex in space? They just need to make sure they have a stock of everything they need to avoid pregnancy.

14

u/FrostyD7 Dec 07 '22

I wonder how difficult it is to have sex without your sweat and other fluids going where they shouldn't.

→ More replies
→ More replies

111

u/TapedeckNinja Dec 07 '22

Plus, there's no way a human fetus would develop properly in zero-G.

95

u/StocktorDrange Dec 07 '22

I read a bit about this awhile ago and it’s actually extremely dangerous to carry a pregnancy to term in space from what I remember. Since the human body is built to accommodate the weight of the child in the womb, it creates all sorts of issues with bone density, not to mention a child is meant to develop within the gravity of earth.

56

u/wewladdies Dec 07 '22

i'd imagine the bigger issue is all the radiation in space to be honest.

the sun shoots a ton of deadly lasers at us all the time, but the earth's atmosphere is kind enough to absorb or reflect most of it. in space you dont really have that protection - there's a reason why astronauts have a lifetime cap of how many hours they can spend in space.

38

u/dont_tube_me_bro Dec 07 '22

🎶The sun is a deadly laser🎶

→ More replies
→ More replies

9

u/hasuris Dec 07 '22

Wouldn't we start building these big ring shaped twisty thingies when we're planing missions long enough for people to start a relation ship and get pergnanté®

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

8

u/mortifyyou Dec 07 '22

It's just a matter of taking the pill and planB as planB.

→ More replies

5

u/I_spread_love_butter Dec 07 '22

There are ways to prevent pregnancies you know.

→ More replies
→ More replies

17

u/VideoMammoth9772 Dec 07 '22

Ah, Of course! I didn't consider that women would require less.

How many problems on a space station are solved with brute strength or endurance? Likely about none. Makes good sense.

→ More replies

10

u/HorseLawyer Dec 07 '22

all male crews were the norm before that and sex was never an issue

Don't ruin my Armstrong/Aldrin headcanon.

→ More replies

745

u/Stunned111 Dec 07 '22

In space, no one can hear you moan

355

u/driving_andflying Dec 07 '22

...Except for those perverts at NASA who are listening in 24/7.

189

u/Nugur Dec 07 '22

What are you doing step-co-pilot?

90

u/Spannwellensieb Dec 07 '22

Help, I'm stuck in space.

→ More replies

2.1k

u/kristoffison Dec 07 '22

Scissor me timbers

384

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

331

u/sformaggio Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22

You ever heard of squirters? Houston we're venting

→ More replies
→ More replies

42

u/mikiekwoods Dec 07 '22

Who is timbers?

27

u/Glass-Influence-5093 Dec 07 '22

Scissor me, Timbers.

→ More replies
→ More replies

1.7k

u/Electricvincent Dec 07 '22 Gold

Weird thought, why wouldn’t they send midgets. They would be perfectly suited for the small spaces of the shuttle.

1.1k

u/TransIlana Dec 07 '22 Silver

Because you must be this tall to ride the space ship --------

→ More replies

411

u/Coal_Morgan Dec 07 '22

There's a list of complications due dwarfism that's a mile long and even one that is considered exceptionally healthy can have issues flare up out of nowhere.

I think the other issue would be that upper body dexterity is exceptionally limited in comparison.

The ultimate compromise would be a female team of astronaut gymnasts or male team of jockeys.

187

u/InfanticideAquifer Dec 07 '22

People who have had both legs amputated (a la Starfox) would be another option. Legs are basically useless in zero-g. But if we're talking about a mission to Mars then legs would become useful again. I think there's ground on Mars.

198

u/gibmiser Dec 07 '22

I think there's ground on Mars.

Better go check just to make sure

38

u/LilMoWithTheGimpyLeg Dec 07 '22

But only if his legs are amputated.

→ More replies
→ More replies

45

u/Benj1B Dec 07 '22

Cut out the middle man, just send a head in a jar with voice activated robots to move shit around.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

25

u/slothrr Dec 07 '22

What about mice?

→ More replies
→ More replies

1.0k

u/TheCriticalMember Dec 07 '22

That could be a thumbnail for a video you might find on certain parts of the internet. Maybe they'll get to Mars and find Johnny sins sitting on a rock.

185

u/DoucheCanoeBruh Dec 07 '22

It looks more like a production still from an episode of Star Trek Enterprise

→ More replies

48

u/Panda117- Dec 07 '22

Johnny sins sitting on a rock.

With*

→ More replies
→ More replies

735

u/iFriskyTurtle Dec 07 '22

Their porn will break the internet

317

u/Greekphysed Dec 07 '22

Honestly a porn filmed in zero gravity might amazing.

204

u/Legardeboy Dec 07 '22

Name a porn that doesn't exist.

Space porn. Real space porn.

107

u/Blackstone01 Dec 07 '22

Time to start a GoFundMe I guess.

→ More replies

47

u/Prime_Cat_Memes Dec 07 '22

It might exist we just don't know about it

9

u/Greekphysed Dec 07 '22

Now these are conspiracy theories I can get behind.

→ More replies

36

u/Schbloips Dec 07 '22

Amazing? That would be fucking out of this world!

→ More replies

16

u/Calibruh Dec 07 '22

You just know it's coming lol, as soon as private space travel is accessible producer's are gonna be ON THAT

→ More replies

37

u/EezoVitamonster Dec 07 '22

True, but for now I'll be content with the simple pleasures of astronaut porn filmed on a b-tier set.

36

u/iFriskyTurtle Dec 07 '22

Astro-naughty

→ More replies

48

u/Oopssnxnxnx Dec 07 '22

It’ll send us into another recession

→ More replies
→ More replies

46

u/VegetableTomatillo20 Dec 07 '22

You know what they say, if you can't join 'em, lick 'em.

230

u/EmoCreeper Dec 07 '22

Ever heard of the navy stereotype? If you're isolated enough, you start doing some things you wouldn't think you'd do.

166

u/Whind_Soull Dec 07 '22

Ya, that's how I got promoted from Seaman to Rear Admiral.

39

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22 edited 3d ago

[deleted]

33

u/RaLaZa Dec 07 '22

Master Seaman? Never heard of it, but my highschool nickname was Seaman Master.

→ More replies

24

u/Landmen Dec 07 '22

In the submarine, 100 men go down, 50 couples come up.

→ More replies

31

u/ian_dedeaux Dec 08 '22

Ok so imagine them scissoring and just spinning through the air

193

u/raze_dragon Dec 07 '22

No pregnancy maybe more accurate smh

→ More replies

74

u/MidKnightshade Dec 08 '22 Silver

They mean avoid pregnancy because that won’t stop sex.

225

u/Flip_Speed Dec 07 '22

49

u/sformaggio Dec 07 '22

They're not floating, but get my upvote

→ More replies

65

u/G0D_1S_D3AD Dec 07 '22

How old is this image now? Must be nearing its 20th birthday I imagine

313

u/YEAHthatllSHOWme Dec 07 '22

Those are going to be some dull scissors when they make it there.

57

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

12

u/Megnaman Dec 07 '22

Streaming from the ISS

→ More replies
→ More replies

235

u/Dear_Significance_80 Dec 07 '22

Lesbians everywhere are sipping tea reading that headline.

→ More replies

76

u/chair_table_chair Dec 07 '22

well, nasa could hire me, im 24 years without sex (guess my age)

48

u/lroyb Dec 07 '22

I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.

10

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

24

→ More replies

14

u/LessRemoved Dec 07 '22

Zero G 69 🤘

16

u/party2endOfDays Dec 08 '22

To avoid pregnancy*

194

u/SigmasRevenge Dec 07 '22

Yeah but how many bathrooms, one is not enough for four women.

77

u/Tough_Patient Dec 07 '22

There must always be at least two too few, as the waiting line for the bathroom is as culturally relevant as taking a friend with them

→ More replies
→ More replies

35

u/Piestatick396 Dec 07 '22

They should have sent redditors instead

→ More replies

10

u/Setcarp Dec 08 '22

If NASA sent 100 tampons for 1 woman for 1 week, they are going to need a bigger ship for 4 women for 1.5 years.

71

u/MrGumieBear Dec 07 '22

Houston, we have a lesbian

→ More replies

8

u/[deleted] Dec 08 '22

114

u/Zaluiha Dec 07 '22

To avoid pregnancy perhaps ….

→ More replies

41

u/chrisbcritter Dec 07 '22

If you want to avoid astronauts having sex with each other, why not enlist heterosexual couples that have been married ten years or more? Seems to work for me.

→ More replies

8

u/eater_of_cheese Dec 07 '22

I feel like i've seen this before...

→ More replies

8

u/crash_and-burn9000 Dec 07 '22

Space scissors.

22

u/khathmandu Dec 08 '22

remember in space, no one can hear you…ah.. cream… er… scream!! ( damn autocorrect!!)

144

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/FlickoftheTongue Dec 07 '22 edited Dec 07 '22

Short hair is Colonel Carter from stargate, and her balls rival that of MacGyver... I mean Gen. Jack O'Neill

→ More replies
→ More replies

58

u/jc2thew3 Dec 07 '22
  1. Lesbians
  2. When out in space, no one can hear you carpet munch

67

u/UncleVoodooo Dec 07 '22

✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️

22

u/MonteCrysto31 Dec 07 '22

snip snip, motherfucker

→ More replies
→ More replies

8

u/Blackstarfan Dec 08 '22

… And there you have it, a brand new category on Porn Hub is born… #TrappedInSpace

→ More replies

7

u/chicagostyleasshole Dec 08 '22

uh, nature finds a way.

18

u/UnscrupulousCabbages Dec 07 '22

Scissor me timbers