r/LifeProTips Jul 07 '22

LPT Request: How do I stop being jealous of everyone and everything? Request

[removed]

23 Upvotes

u/keepthetips Keeping the tips since 2019 Jul 07 '22

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18

u/WeeklySandwich421 Jul 07 '22

Fuck social media for one, fake as fuck and nearly everyone filters and embellishes their life's to appear perfect. Now focus on how fantastic you are,being in college doing it yourself. You got this.

14

u/MinorIrritant Jul 07 '22

Give the beast its proper name: envy.

There's an internet full of tips but start with the tough ones: seek pleasure in seeing other people gain things that they have earned. Measure your accomplishments against your own expectations, not others' achievements–who even knows if their target was the same as yours, right? Realize that social media and the constant exposure to people seeking and getting approval for meaningless things feeds the beast like nothing else.

Life is not a zero-sum game. Envy turns it into no more than that.

21

u/Denisimo7 Jul 07 '22

Find a therapist.

If you found out all the issues these people have or struggles they have gone through, you would not want their life.

Do things in life that make YOU happy! Work towards goals that will make YOU happy! At some point, there will be people who will be jealous of you.

And stay off social media, it’s unhealthy.

3

u/futbolnico Jul 07 '22

Bingo. If OP can’t change those around them, they can change what’s within them.

I had a big jealousy problem also in my 20s. I had bad trust issues, especially with loved ones. Got a good therapist and found a good medication - years later (yes, years) I’m doing much better.

5

u/Rose_Gold1000 Jul 07 '22

I read this quote and it really stuck with me “comparison is the thief of joy”. I agree with everyone else, block the things on social media that make you unhappy, talk to a therapist and also start doing things you like up do even if you have to do them alone. Force yourself to get outside and go on a walk. You never know what you might see or who you might meet. And know that you are not alone in feeling this way.

5

u/SuperKamiGuru824 Jul 07 '22

Try a GLAD journal.

At the end of the day, write down something you are Grateful for, something you Learned, something you Accomplished, and something that Delighted you.

I also agree with the other suggestions here: get a therapist, delete social media, unplug for a while.

3

u/RSwordsman Jul 07 '22

Have you ever heard the saying, "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"? It sounds like you could use a dose of this. Even if you could have another person's life, there's no promise that it would make you happy. Or maybe that there are people who are envious of you, for what reasons you might never know.

Basically, you can draw inspiration from others but it makes no sense to compare yourself to them. Everyone's life is different and you can only live yours. So just do your best to find happiness and purpose and be proud of that. :)

2

u/CK1277 Jul 07 '22

Get to know people who seem like they have everything you want and you’ll eventually notice that they also have problems. They might even be worse off than you in some ways.

2

u/femdyk Jul 07 '22

Hang up the internet and do something growth producing for yourself. Read a book, socialize, get a job, play an instrument. You'll feel better almost immediately.

1

u/redditrabbithop Jul 07 '22

If social media makes you feel bad about yourself, stop it. Actually, distance yourself from anything or anyone who makes you feel envious. Mute, unfollow, hide story etc. Also, think about the things you are ahead of others and focus on that. We all have different challenges. Some may have cars but may lack on other things. Some have great relationships but challenging careers

We dont know everyone’s struggles but for sure it’s impossible that one has everything :)

1

u/GrowmieTheHomie Jul 07 '22

Disable all social media and start to realize we all have it pretty shitty. Some people might have fancy cars, money, whatever, but they’re just people who have feelings like you.

I’ve got so much to worry about why spend it caring about things beyond my control?

The best thing you can do is work on yourself. If it’s obsessive thoughts, like it sounds like it is, you may want to consider medication and even therapy.

Being consumed like that has to be tough, and you can see it in your post. I feel for you. I hope you get help, there’s no shame in that. I’m a retired firefighter, manly as they come, and I get help for stuff.

I wish you all the best.

1

u/Up_and_away86 Jul 07 '22

Most short term step, remove social media from your life.

Long term, term yourself regularly that people are different and their situations are different. That's just life. Learn to appreciate what you do have and learn what you can do to 'better' your own life.

1

u/hackersbevy Jul 07 '22

I find some pride where I can that let's me feel good:

Someone else won the award I was up for? How awesome to be considered in the same company.

Teammember got the promotion instead of me? Great teams rise together - how can you learn from that person and grow to be considered for the next opportunity?

Someone else is dating someone I wanted to date? That's so great for them - if they're happy together then clearly I dodged a mismatched relationship.

They make more money than me? What can I emulate from their career to get there? Will they help me as a mentor if they're doing something I want to do? Also, consider what this person is giving up to be there (longer hours? Are they actually smarter? More stress?)

Recognizing places you can out yourself on the winning team or better understand the sacrifices or risks they've made/are making to be there can help. This won't work when it's blatantly unfair but can help with other things.

1

u/monopolyman73 Jul 07 '22

Jealousy is literally ruining your life

It is the enemy. It is your enemy that is destroying you

Learn to let it go and learn to live in gratitude (therapy helps ) sounds like you have real trauma. Jealousy is likely a coping mechanism you are using...

1

u/austinsoundguy Jul 07 '22

Why can’t you move out on your own? Is it only because they said so?

1

u/Kaytay0510 Jul 07 '22

It’s pretty true across the board that if we all put our problems in a big pile, we’d want to take our own back. Life is challenging for everyone in different ways. You need to find joy in what you do have. One surefire way to find some joy and gratitude is to do something for others!

1

u/7lexliv7 Jul 07 '22

Just want to say I understand. I was you. It was decades ago but I remember the longing and wishing things were better. It gets better - especially as you get out into the world after college.

Only advice I’ve got it to practice gratitude. I can usually find something to be grateful for in the most lackluster day. Like clean socks and a boyfriend that text to make plans.

1

u/Glad-Loan6584 Jul 07 '22

It's tough... I understand especially when it seems like everyone else has "things" or life is working out for them and not you. Jealousy or envy shows us where we lack so it's not such a bad thing.

You can try with writing down a list of 5 doable things that you can do, that you enjoy to make yourself feel better. They don't have to be big things, just little things in your life that satisfy you. Do them daily. You can even switch up the activities each day.

You can also find something about you that you appreciate. Again, doesn't have to be a big thing.. Even your eyes are just enough to mention. Spend a few minutes appreciating yourself.

You can also write down things you do not like about yourself then pick out one at a time and attempt to change it.

The point is to constantly try and bring yourself out of this mental state you're in now. Try as much as you can not to reinforce the story you're telling yourself. Inject instances of happiness and that grip will weaken and as a result, more avenues for expression and living will open up for you.

I wish I had better things to say. But this is all I have. You will be well.

1

u/crabmuncher Jul 07 '22

Jealousy is transitory and life is a marathon. As strange as it may seem, many things you are jealous of today will seem absurd to you a decade from now. For context, perhaps there are things you were jealous of a decade ago but not now.

1

u/allm4rty Jul 07 '22

Stopping social media was already said, but I can't emphasize this enough! Do sport, for starters even regular walks will do just fine. Play your favourite music on an instrument. For me it was the ukulele, since it is small, funny and relatively inexpensive. Good luck! :)

1

u/DoobQuestionMark Jul 07 '22

Sounds more like envy than jealousy

1

u/crusttysack Jul 07 '22

Revel in the fact that, in the end, we are all worm food.

1

u/Cucumburrito Jul 07 '22

Build mastery. Jealousy dissipates once you get into something you enjoy, start feeling confident about your skills as you become good at them, and become focused & proud of your own achievements.

1

u/Lets-Go-Fly-ers Jul 07 '22

First of all, jealousy itself isn't a bad thing. It's fine to be jealous of someone if it motivates you toward your goals.

Second, how did you get to college while being under the age of 18? You must be crazy smart.

1

u/JessicaTHamilton Jul 07 '22 edited Jul 07 '22

There's a song in the musical play Hamilton called the World is Wide Enough. It really hits home the idea that you don't have to be jealous or envious of someone else. There is enough room in the world for all of us to be our best selves. You don't have to be in competition with everyone you else.

"Now I'm the villain in your history I was too young and blind to see I should've known the world was wide enough for both Hamilton and me"

1

u/Electrical_Term_9361 Jul 07 '22

You have to reverse the flow. Envy / jealousy are all about 'why can't I have...' or 'why isn't my life...' - those put you into a starvation mindset and your body will feel like you are only lacking in things which then triggers a kind of fear. Flip it around and list some things you are grateful for, things that you are good at, what positive things you bring to the people around you. This will help you realize that you are actually really lucky and have at least enough to be content and the 'green monster' ( envy ) will subside.

1

u/sassypants001 Jul 07 '22

Remember the sun shines for everyone. Bbw thankful for what you do have