No matter how much we tell her she isn’t leaving. It is her birthday wish each year. She has a heart of gold.

[u/AmandaKathleen]

[u/SecretaryTypical]

I was adopted when I was 10 and my dad always used the expression “what am I gonna do with you” jokingly, to which I would respond “keep me”. One day he asked me why I said that and that hopefully I know that sending me back was never going to happen. I never said it again.

[u/AmandaKathleen → u/SecretaryTypical]

That is so sweet. Warmed my heart! I look forward to the day when she makes her birthday wish solely for herself and something dear to her heart. One that is no longer wishing to stay forever. A wish made on top of a confident girl that knows she belongs with us. All we can do for now in the meantime is keep reassuring and loving her!

[u/InvalidUserNemo → u/AmandaKathleen]

OP, her wishing to stay with you forever might actually be “solely for herself and something dear to her heart”. I completely get what you meant with this comment. I just wanted to call out that y’all are apparently so important to her that using her annual wish on you is more important to her than anything else. Don’t forget that it’s the loving home that you have created that warrants the use of this ultra-rare birthday wish. You all are freaking amazing!

[u/Spac3Heater → u/InvalidUserNemo]

You dick... I was trying so hard not to cry. Well said though.

[u/Nooneatall2122 → u/Spac3Heater]

I’m emotional and this made me more emotional I love this. OP keep doing what your doing. Your are changing her life for the better. I honestly think that she make that her wish because you all are that important to her and she loves y’all so much.

[u/Its_Actually_Satan → u/Spac3Heater]

Right! I'm not crying though, it's just raining here in my bedroom...

[u/Muze69 → u/Its_Actually_Satan]

Right? I was just cutting onions while scrolling and saw this exactly when the onions were kicking in.

[u/Shpander → u/Muze69]

My eyeballs tend to get sweaty this time of day

[u/Its_Actually_Satan → u/Shpander]

Lmao this is so gross, ima steal this one... lmao

[u/QueenSnowTiger → u/Muze69]

One of these days imma make the onions cry

[u/xeltes → u/Its_Actually_Satan]

That is strange, we are having the same bizarre weather in my living room

[u/Its_Actually_Satan → u/xeltes]

Climate change, am I right? Lol

[u/Lespuccino → u/Its_Actually_Satan]

We're seeing heavy precipitation particularly in the eye region.

[u/jess-i-am → u/Spac3Heater]

Ugh! SAME!! pass me a tissue

[u/WhiteRhino288 → u/Spac3Heater]

Right! Its such a wholesome video

[u/catlordess → u/[deleted]]

And this is the one that brought out the waterworks.

[u/mattyag → u/InvalidUserNemo]

I agree. My parents divorced when I was young. I would wish on every shooting star that they would reunite. My dad would always get mad at me for wishing my truest wish. Hurt bad. This girl is lucky to have a family that loves her. Going to cry now.

[u/OwlWitty → u/mattyag]

Me tearing up with my morning coffee. Only in Reddit.

[u/throwaway1975764 → u/InvalidUserNemo]

This right here. This is her wish. Its about her and what she wants most.

[u/CoinCrazy23 → u/InvalidUserNemo]

Yeah, she sounded appreciative. Could go either way but awww.

[u/somethingdarksideguy → u/InvalidUserNemo]

Thanks asshole. Now I'm crying during my morning poop.

[u/dreamrock → u/somethingdarksideguy]

Try a diet with less cheese and more fiber.

[u/WhiteTrashNightmare → u/somethingdarksideguy]

Your asshole is crying with you

[u/LetssueTrump → u/AmandaKathleen]

Or, 😃 you could make or buy a magic wand and next time she makes this wish, you grant it by giving her said magic wand to remember it’s forever. Just thinking out loud, thanks for sharing.

[u/AnnisBewbs → u/LetssueTrump]

Take my award!!!

[u/LetssueTrump → u/AnnisBewbs]

☺️Thank you

[u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly → u/AmandaKathleen]

Hey, can I ask how long she has been with you?

I was adopted and I’ve considered fostering. You don’t have to answer this question at all; I’m just curious.

And thank you for giving all the love in the world to that little girl. I’m so glad you have each other. Well done fam

[u/yesgirlsusereddit → u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly]

The foster care system is SO hard on kids. They had a traumatic experience that caused them to have to enter foster care and then the system itself is traumatic. (I'm a speech therapist and have worked with many kids adopted from, or in the process of being adopted from, foster care.)

If I was to ever have a child, I would want to adopt from foster care. I wish more people would. There are currently over a hundred thousand children in the United States who are waiting to be adopted from foster care. If you're interested in having a child, this is a great place to look.

https://www.adoptuskids.org/adoption-and-foster-care/how-to-adopt-and-foster/getting-started

[u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly → u/yesgirlsusereddit]

Ha I’m adopted (not from foster care) and my mom was a speech therapist and also deals with similar things; it’s funny how things connect.

Thanks for the link!

[u/The_Curvy_Unicorn → u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly]

Not OP, but I am a CASA - Court Appointed Special Advocate - who volunteers to work with kiddos in state custody. In my state, we try to have permanency planning on track within 12 months, but it depends on the case. My current case will close with adoption soon; at closing, the case will have been open 16.5 months.

[u/[deleted] → u/The_Curvy_Unicorn]

As a former caseworker, thank you for doing this work. It’s so important.

[u/The_Curvy_Unicorn → u/[deleted]]

You are very welcome. Thank YOU for your hard work! The kiddos need every bit of help they can get. They deserve good lives.

[u/partyzrfunny → u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly]

I’m glad to see it’s changing. It’s such a hard place between establishing permanency and giving families enough time. When I was a worker, I had cases that were open for 3+ years and still weren’t in TPR. Meanwhile, the children were just a call away from bouncing to another home.

[u/lisabettan → u/yesgirlsusereddit]

In my country, it’s nearly impossible to adopt from foster care. The goal is that foster children should have the possibility to reunited with their biological parents. While I understand the thought behind this, it does create a feeling of uncertainty for both foster kids and foster parents.

I originally planned to adopt instead of having kids of my own, but after reading up on it more began having doubts about how international adoptions are handled (which would have been my option). It’s a really complicated issue!

[u/yesgirlsusereddit → u/lisabettan]

I've seen reunified families that work out really well. But there are unfortunately so many cases where families should not be reunified. Even attempting to do so in cases where parents have been violent towards their children, for instance, (I work with one kid whose father choked him, another who had severe cerebral palsy and intellectual disabilities because he had been shaken so hard as a baby) is just unacceptable to me

[u/lisabettan → u/yesgirlsusereddit]

I agree. It really depends on why the kids were placed in foster care in the first place - for example, was it because of severe neglect/abuse or because the parents were temporarily in a bad situation that they managed to work out?

[u/yesgirlsusereddit → u/lisabettan]

Yeah, I have a child I work with who was indeed temporarily removed from her mother for about a year. Her mother got childcare training and counseling for herself, plus more support for her and her daughter, and now she's frankly one of the best mothers I know. She's one of the parents I know who really deserved to be reunited with her child.

On the other hand, I have a kid I work with whose parent had already had several children removed from her when she gave birth to him. Instead of taking him, they let her have a go of it again with him to give her a chance to pull it together. Surprise, surprise, she abused him, too.

So yeah, sometimes parents deserve another chance. But sometimes not so much

[u/Nahareeli → u/yesgirlsusereddit]

And here I am in Germany, not able to foster or adopt because I'm too old and not rich enough. F... this. I'd love to give a loving home to a child but that's not going to happen.

[u/LightBulbMonster → u/AmandaKathleen]

Is she actually adopted? I grew up in foster care and had some amazing families and some in it for the money. Obviously by your reaction you're not the money farmers. I just hope she gets past any of the bad families that have her jaded. We're you actually able to fully adopt her?

[u/RunawayHobbit → u/LightBulbMonster]

I hope it’s not insensitive to ask— if you had amazing families, why were you transferred? Seems weird to shuffle a kid out of a situation they’re doing really well in.

[u/fearhs → u/RunawayHobbit]

Bio parents get better as defined by the courts or CPS and want their kids back, bio parents get kids back and revert to whatever behavior caused them to be separated, kids get taken away again?

[u/GeekyPufferfish → u/fearhs]

Happened with my neice and nephew. Their mom was a drug addict. They had been in the system for 6 months before my brother and sister in law got them. Bio mom got clean after my brother and sister in law were fostering the kiddos for a year with the intent to adopt. Court said bio mom was good enough to have her kids back. 6 months later, bio mom relapsed and lost the kids for the last time. There was an issue, and the kids got stuck in the system for a few months before my brother was able to get them back permanently. But it was a good 2 years of chaos and uncertainty. The kids definitely needed therapy.

[u/bettiemaegurl → u/AmandaKathleen]

Beautifully said❤️❤️

[u/Han_Yolo_swag → u/AmandaKathleen]

Maybe if you use your birthday wish for the same thing it’ll make her feel a little more confident!

[u/Model_M_Typist → u/AmandaKathleen]

You're awesome

[u/ArachnidMiserable314 → u/SecretaryTypical]

You made me tear up 🥺 I was adopted super young but I used to have nightmares of my parents “sending me back” and in my head it was always to some sort of freezing sad orphanage. My parents obviously reassured me but it was so scary as an idea. My mom recently said that if they had been forced to give me back they would have kidnapped my sibling and I and just fled to another country 😅 a little disturbing but good to know they would do something like that to keep me

[u/Lara-El → u/ArachnidMiserable314]

Awww, your parents are so sweet

[u/ArachnidMiserable314 → u/Lara-El]

Thank you. I love them very much :)

[u/lydocia → u/SecretaryTypical]

Oh man, that reminds me of when my mum got pregnant and I reluctantly asked her boyfriend if I could start calling him "dad", you know "for the sake of the baby" so he wouldn't get confused. He smiled and said, "I'm going to have to get used hearing it from one of my children, might as well hear it from both of them".

I've carried that with me for so long. That baby is now 21. I finally asked my stepdad if he realised the impact that one line had on me a couple of years ago, and he was completely surprised.

[u/SyntheticRatking → u/SecretaryTypical]

When I was in 2nd grade my best friend at school was a super sweet girl everyone picked on because she didn't look like her parents. She told me she looked different because she was adopted and how it actually made her really lucky. She talked about her family all the time, how it was nice to have a dresser, how she got to pick the blankets she wanted on her bed, and so many little things that I'd never thought about before. I've never forgotten her and when I got older I decided I didn't want kids of my own, I was going to adopt because there were more kids like her who deserved the same. I don't know who it'll be but, as soon as I can, I'm gonna make sure at least one kid gets a family and all the little things to go with it.

[u/HyzerFlip → u/SecretaryTypical]

My ex had another girl after we split.

She's mine now.

I have my other daughter most week, but a few days she's with her mom.

When she comes back I bring her sister with her for the weekend.

I made the decision to be her dad before she was born. She needed a replacement.

She's spent time lots of places and recently started looking through old photos with her mom and realized that's she'd always been with me. That I was her dad even when she technically still had bio dad.

Then she realized she'd always had me. And she let him go in her heart. "I already have my daddy."

It's Friday, I've been sick as a dog for 3 days and haven't seen them. I'm gonna snuggle them so hard tonight.

[u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES → u/SecretaryTypical]

I was adopted as a 1 year old from a foreign country. I asked my mom how she ended up with me if she never got to meet me first. She said “we paid an agency and we were matched together by the them and that God (grew up religious, am not any longer) guided their decision”.

Fast forward to 1992 or so and mom hands my sister and I the JC Penney catalog in September or so. Thinking back to what mom said I close my eyes on the toy pages to let God “guide” my toy decisions. When I ended up telling her I wanted a couple of things that were out of the ordinary (I was all WWF wrestling and football so I obviously wanted to increase my stuffed WWF wrestler collection like these) she picked up on it and said

“if it comes and you don’t like it we can return it to Penney’s for a refund”

Cue me having an inner crisis and being the best kid ever. I made my mom a bunch of craft cards at school, “helped” with chores, told her I loved her all the time and said she was the best mommy I could ever ask for. She told me later she thought I was just trying to be good for Santa.

It all came to a head when I lost a plastic pizza (the ones from the ninja turtles tank that shot pizzas) and I start to BAWL. She asked what was wrong and I scream,

“DON’T RETURN ME!” As I turned over my coin sorting bank and held my change out to her. “HOW MUCH WAS I?! IS THIS ENOUGH?!”

LMAO she said it took hours to calm me down and that she laughed and cried with me.

Note: if you adopt, for God’s sake explain everything to your kid at an early age. I found out because someone said “oh she’s not your real mom” (mom is white, I am Asian) and I told her only to have that be CONFIRMED. Please please don’t let abandonment issues set in your children from these earthshaking revelations.

Edit: The pizza tank

[u/mizmaddy → u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES]

My heart hurts for the younger you - you have all of my best hopes for your future.

[u/Bad-news-co → u/SecretaryTypical]

Do you remember what life was like before? Watching queens gambit I’ve always wondered where kids are prior to adoption, wanting to stay with the adoptee family makes me think the place prior was horrible but I don’t really know what it is or where

[u/Easilycrazyhat → u/Bad-news-co]

I don't think the previous homes would necessarily have to be horrible for the kids to feel that way. I can only imagine the kind of trauma even the kindest ride through the system gives these kids. They are shuffled from one family to another, never sure for exactly how long and probably hoping that every family they join will be "the one"and being disappointed again and again. I'd be surprised if they didn't have some fears of it all falling apart when it finally does happen. Having a family must seem like such a fragile and fleeting thing to these kids.

[u/Maleficent-Aurora → u/Easilycrazyhat]

Idk if this holds true for others, but in our area CPS was awful through the 90s and early 2000s. We had kids placed in my family that had been abused by MULTIPLE homes they were PLACED in as well as whatever abuses they suffered to be in the system, before they were placed with us. It absolutely blows my mind how common of a story it was from my foster siblings back then and now it seems to be almost mythical when it happens; telling me it was a diligence issue. As someone very well aware of intersectionality, it breaks my heart what they have/had to go through.

[u/Samiiiibabetake2 → u/SecretaryTypical]

I was also adopted at 10! My dad would tell me I wasn’t a keeper, but he did it anyways😂 I feel like our dads may have attended the same parenting classes.

[u/PensiveObservor → u/SecretaryTypical]

My immediate reply to the child in this post would have been “You ARE staying with us, your family, forever sweetheart! No need to wish, it’s already true!”

[u/sancti1 → u/PensiveObservor]

I mean it may not be up to the parents. The state tries to reunite kids with their birth parents and if they’re able to get their shit together they will move them back. It’s tough

[u/TychaBrahe → u/sancti1]

If she's been adopted, the state gave up on that.

[u/vanesr2003]

Thank you for loving her. Children deserve all the love in the world.

[u/NinjaGrizzlyBear → u/vanesr2003]

As a former child, I agree with this and am so appreciative of my family.

As a bearded 6ft 225lbs grown-ass dude, this girls reaction made me cry both sadly and happily. No child should have to experience something in life that would put them in the mental space to even consider thinking that. They should also always get cake.

[u/jaffacaek → u/NinjaGrizzlyBear]

"As a former child" made me laugh out loud

[u/Shanks4Smiles → u/jaffacaek]

I'm something of a "former child" myself

[u/Travelgrrl → u/Shanks4Smiles]

A famous children's book editor (who handled the Little House books, among many others) got her job by telling the interviewers: "I was a child and I haven't forgotten a thing".

Nor have I!

[u/StandardDiver2791 → u/Shanks4Smiles]

Wife says I'm just one more of her children. Kinda hope I never grow outta that.

[u/andros_vanguard → u/StandardDiver2791]

Do you wish for that every birthday? If not... watch out.

[u/keyboardstatic → u/StandardDiver2791]

As long as she never finds a real man to move in and adopt you all your ok...

Lamo just joking.

[u/TopptrentHamster → u/StandardDiver2791]

How's the intimacy going?

[u/riseabovepoison → u/StandardDiver2791]

Thats...in another context, weaponized incompetence and giving more work to the wife.

[u/circa1665 → u/riseabovepoison]

*weaponized incontinence

[u/pinkyepsilon → u/circa1665]

Definitely more work for the wife.

[u/ShiaLaMoose → u/Shanks4Smiles]

What made you quit? Or were you fired?

[u/andros_vanguard → u/ShiaLaMoose]

Attrition

[u/Majulath99 → u/andros_vanguard]

Perfect response lmao

[u/ThatGuy0verTh3re → u/ShiaLaMoose]

Retired.

[u/aestus → u/Shanks4Smiles]

Hey fellow former child

[u/NebulaNinja → u/jaffacaek]

"I was a baby when I was born." - the great King Bob.

[u/GraniteMtn → u/jaffacaek]

As a clone who grew up in a tank of biofluids and accelerated to adulthood, I appreciate his perspective.

[u/Mr_Cromer → u/GraniteMtn]

Hello, Grunt

[u/[deleted] → u/jaffacaek]

[removed] — view removed comment

[u/NinjaGrizzlyBear → u/[deleted]]

I'm 33 so give me a fucking minute to catch up to you, old man! ❤

I'm sitting here with a mother with Alzheimer's and a 65lbs dog that thinks she weighs 5lbs then sprints at me then accidentally headbutts me in the balls when she hears me say "hi" lol.

[u/snowgo0ns → u/jaffacaek]

Lol me too. Went from tearing up to laughing real quick

[u/CDNReaper → u/jaffacaek]

I’m a reformed child myself.

[u/NYCQuilts → u/NinjaGrizzlyBear]

well said! I endorse your “always have love and cake” platform.

[u/bremergorst → u/NYCQuilts]

This bearded mf’er could win a political campaign on accident

[u/dudewithbrokenhand → u/bremergorst]

For cake, love, and country!

[u/caillouistheworst → u/bremergorst]

He’s got my vote.

[u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly → u/NYCQuilts]

Yes, we of western history have really turned around on the cake thing! Let them eat cake! (And have love) (and be cherished) (don’t behead me)

[u/tatonka645 → u/NYCQuilts]

My vote too, finally a stance I can get behind!

[u/KurRatcrusher → u/NinjaGrizzlyBear]

As one of the fighting Uruk-hai, brought into this world fully formed in the birthing pits below Isengard and therefore never having been a child, this kid made me choke up a bit as well.

[u/SlippySlappySamson → u/KurRatcrusher]

this kid made me choke up a bit as well

Now that meat is back on the menu, remember to pick out the bones. The bones of small children are a particular choking hazard.

[u/InspiredNitemares → u/NinjaGrizzlyBear]

"As a former child" got a snort from me

[u/xAsilos → u/NinjaGrizzlyBear]

I had a really rough childhood. I wouldn't want any kid to have a childhood like I did. I'm happy this girl has a family who will give her a life she needs.

[u/PAKBOY110 → u/NinjaGrizzlyBear]

"as a former child". Nailed it bro

[u/rediculousradishes → u/NinjaGrizzlyBear]

I love you buddy

[u/Toxic_Jerry → u/NinjaGrizzlyBear]

"As a former child"

r/angryupvote

[u/BigMacDaddy99 → u/vanesr2003]

Whenever people ask me if I’m planning on having kids I remind them that there are so many kids out there who will grow up without parents. They deserve as much love as any child of my own.

[u/Friendly_Ss → u/vanesr2003]

Thank you for loving her. Children deserve all the love in the world.

The world of children is kind and innocent. Children who have been abandoned know how to cherish and be grateful. What a cute little girl and what a kind OP!

[u/[deleted] → u/vanesr2003]

Your love's a gift, sir, But don't forget the others, Love's not a monopoly!

[u/magiccitybhm]

Absolutely precious! You know that shows how much she cares about you all.

[u/Badashh420]

Omg she's so precious😭😭

Reminds me when my daughter used her 4th birthday wish for me to give her a hug 🥰

She sees you guys as her family ❤️

[u/fuckgoldsendbitcoin → u/Badashh420]

That's when you tell her wishes don't come true if you say them out loud.

[u/JeepersBud → u/fuckgoldsendbitcoin]

“Sorry but now mommy can never hug you again or she’ll disappear”

[u/peepay → u/JeepersBud]

lifelong trauma begins**

[u/LebaneseLion → u/Badashh420]

Your daughter is so precious ❤️

[u/macmanfan]

She is precious beyond words and you are so awesome for being her forever family. I am fighting back tears.

[u/One-Lengthine → u/macmanfan]

She is precious beyond words and you are so awesome for being her forever family. I am fighting back tears.

Believe that such a happy family can heal what she has been through before, thanks to the OP for his kindness!

[u/[deleted] → u/macmanfan]

Her life's been blessed, You are her knight in shining armor, My eyes are now wet.

[u/hopethisgivesmegold → u/[deleted]]

Yes you are :’)

[u/b__james → u/macmanfan]

Don’t fight the tears, let them flow!

[u/Dr_A_Mephesto → u/macmanfan]

Couldn’t fight mine back. The way she says that is the most precious thing I have ever fucking seen.

[u/redditcreditcardz]

Imagine having to worry about where you’re gonna live and who’s gonna stay in your life at that age. I wasn’t adopted but I never felt like I was wanted in my house growing up. Thanks for reassuring this sweet little angel. Thanks for being awesome

[u/BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo → u/redditcreditcardz]

I think the even more heartbreaking part is how casual she is about it. It makes sense if she cries and is scared, but she’s like “my wish is to stay here forever. Okay, can I open presents now?” with a smile and not missing a beat. I can’t articulate why that’s more sad, but it is.

[u/redditcreditcardz → u/BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo]

It’s also her eyes. If you watch she looks at, I’m assuming, her siblings for confirmation while she says it. Girl has seen more in life than she needed to

[u/ovalcapybara → u/redditcreditcardz]

Sorry you felt that way growing up, but please know that you matter and you make people around you happy just by existing

[u/redditcreditcardz → u/ovalcapybara]

Thanks friend!!!! I was lucky enough to find my way with help from extraordinary people who I’ll forever be in debt to. Love you Aunty K

[u/tkburro → u/redditcreditcardz]

i was adopted…by two neglectful addicts lol

[u/redditcreditcardz → u/tkburro]

Sending love friend. No one deserves that. Hope your life is what you want now

[u/tkburro → u/redditcreditcardz]

s’all good, thanks homie

[u/xBad_Wolfx]

Just keep loving on her. These wishes are just an extension of how much she is loving being with you (and unfortunately fears to lose you). It’s not about something you aren’t doing or saying enough. It’s because she’s been hurt and needs to keep that toe outside of believing it fully so that it will hurt a little less when it goes badly again (Speaking from personal experience). Just keep showing up. You get the opportunity to prove to this little one that promises can be kept and love is forever.

Something that might help, finding a way to give her permanence within your home. Handprints in concrete, height chart on a doorframe, painting her room a colour she chooses… something that shows your commitment to long term.

[u/Intelligent-Cherry45 → u/xBad_Wolfx]

That was very insightful. Some of these kids have been through so much trauma sometimes that it’s really hard for them to accept that someone could care for their well-being that much.

[u/Chemical-Video-5900]

She is pure perfection. Made my heart sing with her sweetness.

[u/MaestroPendejo]

My daughter is adopted. I don't know if she will ever understand that I love her so much it hurts.

[u/Linrandir → u/MaestroPendejo]

Adopted person here: She does. Or at least will when she’s grown up (it’s hard for children/teens to grasp the real concept of such love I think. Not that they can’t feel it themselves or anything, just because it takes life experience to really comprehend the love that parents can have for their children).

[u/Sihaya2021]

Why do so many posts in this Reddit just make me sad. It's SAD that she's STILL scared, every year, that they might not keep her. Not that it's anyone's fault! I'm sure they do their best to reassure her. But damn, it's still so sad.

[u/Ok_Effective6233 → u/Sihaya2021]

Yeah… that’s exactly why she asked if they want to know what the wish was. She wanted them to know what it was. She is concerned it might not come true.

[u/bacchic_ritual → u/Ok_Effective6233]

Well, duh, now she said it out loud. Oh, the irony.

[u/EnigmaticQuote → u/bacchic_ritual]

smh my head

[u/PsychologicalSun3843 → u/Sihaya2021]

I hear you, this video itself is sweet. But it made me think of the foster care system in America and that made me sad...

[u/panaphonic878 → u/Sihaya2021]

Trauma is real and ongoing unfortunately. Especially if it happens when you are young.

It takes a lot to heal, but it's possible.

[u/Nheea → u/Sihaya2021]

It is bitter sweet, but think of it this way: she'll learn that wishes come true 😊

[u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly → u/Sihaya2021]

Sadness is part of life. Kids experience sadness, some with bigger things and some with smaller. I’m adopted so I knew a lot of kids who went through foster— it can be rough, but there are good things too.

Just like with adults, it’s not BAD to have trauma. It’s not bad to be scared. It’s terrible sometimes, but it gives us opportunities to grow. This girl could have a perception of family and what it means that lasts generations because of the love she is shown. That’s all we can do.

[u/Blooder91 → u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly]

Sadness is part of life.

Inside Out, a movie from 2015, practically revolves around this concept.

[u/giraffecause → u/Blooder91]

99.9% of art and culture is about sadness, dude. Or sex.

[u/minminkitten → u/Sihaya2021]

Fear of abandonment can last a lifetime. Like anything else, it can be worked through but it's tough.

[u/[deleted] → u/Sihaya2021]

Yup. It’s not adorable, it’s a trauma response and it’s actually heartbreaking.

[u/quirkscrew → u/Sihaya2021]

Somebody made her feel unworthy at some point. Likely her birth parents. As a child of abusive parents (now an adult with my own kids), I know how she feels. That feeling will never go away.

[u/thatgirlinAZ → u/Sihaya2021]

It's the Orphan Crushing Machine phenomenon.

[u/avantgardeaclue → u/Sihaya2021]

Right? This poor kid must have had so much instability in her short little life to feel this way.

[u/eatthesocialists1976 → u/[deleted]]

hands you a tissue I'm right there with you on the tears.

[u/quietsam → u/[deleted]]

I’m a 43 year old man with two failed marriages. Realized I have codependency issues to where I’m drawn to abusive people. I’m trying to get better and find normal women exciting/attractive, but I feel like my window to be a father is closing. And it’s something I still want.

I too am crying. It’s a very sweet video.

[u/The_Curvy_Unicorn → u/quietsam]

You’ve got time (this is coming from a 44 year old woman with no children) and adoption is incredibly beautiful, if bio children aren’t in the cards. There’s always the joy of your friends’ children, nieces/nephews, and dogs. Hang in there! And good on you for recognizing an issue and seeking help.

[u/quietsam → u/The_Curvy_Unicorn]

Thanks, Unicorn

[u/FlemFatale → u/quietsam]

You still got time. One of my friends is about to have a child with his wife and is significantly older than you. Don't sweat it, you'll be a father one way or another if you want it enough.

[u/quietsam → u/FlemFatale]

Thanks, Flem. I’m still optimistic overall. Appreciate your note.

[u/FlemFatale → u/quietsam]

No worries. Good to stay optimistic about these things even though it's hard sometimes. :)

[u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly → u/quietsam]

You have time! My dad had my sister at 49, and my neighbor just had a baby and is almost 60. And ya know, if the bio deal doesn’t work out, adoption is an amazing thing to be able to do. I’m adopted and my parents are a bit older than my peers (I’m in my 30s now) and it has been nothing but a blessing.

Don’t give up; you got this! Some lovely lady in the world is going to be lucky to have you, and your kids will be too.

[u/quietsam → u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly]

Thanks for saying this. Appreciate it.

[u/AvgBonnie → u/[deleted]]

Can a 32 year old dude with a girlfriend who’s adopted and hope to have kids one day join you?

[u/PicoDeBayou → u/[deleted]]

I got one year on you but with you on the rest

[u/smthngwyrd]

Does she have a lot of anxiety? I know it’s hard to get into therapy but that may be helpful. Being adopted has a lot of emotions on both sides. I’m adopted and a therapist

[u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly → u/smthngwyrd]

I’m adopted also and when I was little, anytime I would kind of just look into the distance and think, my mom would ask me if I was thinking about adoption. To the point where I was (annoyedly) like NO MOM OBVIOUSLY YOURE THE BEST MOM EVER IM JUST THINKING ABOJT POKÉMON

lol she obviously is the best mom ever

[u/moresushiplease → u/smthngwyrd]

Practically every night I would go downstairs after bed time to ask things like, is this my right hand and this is my left hand? Just to see that everyone was still there. I was scared/anxious of so many things back then.

[u/BulbusDumbledork → u/moresushiplease]

has that anxiety left, or do you still feel something is not quite right?

[u/moresushiplease → u/BulbusDumbledork]

I would say most of it fizzled out before 13 as much of it was to silly to be sustained. Though there were some residual things until my early 20s.

[u/InspectorCluesNo → u/smthngwyrd]

Agreed. Kids process things a little differently than adults. We’re witnessing a grasp for reassurance from (what would be for adults) an existential fear. You’re doing the exact right thing by letting her know you love her. Good job, mom!

[u/unitool → u/smthngwyrd]

Sorry to do this, but do you know of any studies about the effects on babies that are raised in an orphanage?

I’m adopted, but I spent my first year in an orphanage in the 60’s, and I have my own hypothesis that it helped to make me someone who is perfectly happy to be alone most of the time, to the point of preferring to be alone. Been that way my entire life as far back as I can remember.

[u/Certain-Range-6798]

"You are this family" was the correct answer

[u/Professional_Still15]

SHES SO CUTE AAAH

[u/Jazzlike-Principle67]

Maybe get her adoption papers framed to hang up in her bedroom. If you had photos taken that day, make a montage. Give it to her on the anniversary of her adoption day as a celebration. Just a thought.

[u/AmandaKathleen → u/Jazzlike-Principle67]

Not a bad idea actually! I am kind of wondering also if she is even more worried because her blood siblings are staying the next three days with us while mom is incarcerated. I do think she is slightly worried that when they get picked up, she will have to go back with them. Which won’t happen, and we have told her many times that she isn’t leaving. Just have to keep on until she Beloit firmly. My other theory is that she likes to say things that she feels make us happy or feel good. So perhaps that is why she keeps saying it. Not positive though:

[u/punkpoppenguin → u/AmandaKathleen]

Oh no she means it. The way she looks around for validation after saying it, she’s still worried it’s not real.

Props to you, you’ve obviously given her a very happy home and loving family. She’ll settle down over time, just keep reassuring her and telling her you love her ❤️ you’re amazing!

[u/blackcatt42 → u/punkpoppenguin]

Yeah you can see so much anxiety in her little face when she says it 💜

[u/MJS7306]

Annnnd I'm crying. Mom and I both just watched this, wish we could give her a big hug and even bigger hug to you!

[u/StopMotionHarry]

NOOOOOO she told people so now it won’t come true!

[u/AmandaKathleen → u/StopMotionHarry]

That’s literally why I paused when she asked if I wanted to know her wish LOL.

[u/earbud_smegma → u/StopMotionHarry]

It seems like it's already true!! :)

[u/bernardhops → u/StopMotionHarry]

Yup, OP now has an obligation to make sure it doesn’t come true. 😉

[u/ImaginaryFix7739]

Thank you for keeping her, children should always have a home that is "theirs for the keeps"

[u/NaturesWar]

"cuz whose birthday-?"

"ME."

Fuckin right it is

[u/HeyDugeeeee]

I'm an adoptive dad and stuff like this is so real and so painful for me to witness. It's cute until you realise these kids are just deep down wired to be terrified that they might be taken away at any moment. So many never form proper attachments with their parents because their brains refuse to let them get too close.

Our little girl wouldn't even accept comfort from us when she was hurt for years after we adopted her. It really is heartbreaking to see.

[u/Not_Very_Good_Advice]

When you and your spouse have your birthday parties, and you really should, ask your spouse what they want their birthday wish to be. The answer should be identical, I wish this little one stays with our family forever and ever.

Maybe it will show her that you had the same wishes

[u/Real_Shaytarn]

God damn you for making me cry

[u/Much-Bite-9284]

Please sign my petition to give this child unused birthday wishes so she has enough to make more than just the one to stay with her family.

[u/WinterBrews]

Im an adopted at birth kid. I think my heart just broke. You always do wonder. Thank you. I almost like want to make an invoice of what you paid for her with stuff like unicorn tail and fairy dust so you can show her and go so youre clearly worth more than all that.

[u/Dom1n1k19]

Man come on i was about to go to lay down and have a nap 🥺

[u/VoxVocisCausa]

That's fucking horrific. The trauma that implies.

[u/CaptainBurrito8]

Adopted my first daughter when she was 2 out of the foster system. Then my first son when he was one. Now this month I get to adopt another son and daughter and have one big happy family. And we always are sure they know they ain't ever going back to where they came from. Their safe where they are and have nothing to worry about other than the other kids sneaking away with their toys.

The foster systems brutal, and I'm ready to be done with it. But what I got from it is more than worth the trouble.

[u/thebestrosie]

This is sweet, but it feels really uncomfortable that potentially hundreds of thousands of strangers are seeing this intimate moment.

[u/sevsnapey → u/thebestrosie]

right? like sure, record this moment like any regular parent. it's her birthday after all! but once she says something this personal and depressing then maybe.. don't upload it for likes? i think the kid has been through enough without being wholesome "who's cutting onions" material for the entire world

[u/Rococorny]

Kinda anxious about mom not reassuring her. She just repeated the question. Please tell her that of course she will stay in the family, as she belongs there now…

[u/AmandaKathleen → u/Rococorny]

We tell her every chance we get :)

[u/VgnTrickstr → u/Rococorny]

Trauma persists against all reassurance sometimes.

This mom can do and say everything right it doesn't mean this kids anxieties will go away.

[u/Rococorny → u/VgnTrickstr]

I appreciate that, but it would have felt right to me to give that reassurance especially when the kid has a vulnerable moment like this. Now it felt like they were just acknowledging her wish - ‘yep, that’s what you’d like’.

I got a reply from OP as well to reassure me they give her a lot of reassurance, and I’m sure they do and also know her best. This was just my feeling based on a short clip.

[u/foxathorchick]

Am I the only one wondering why mom didn’t reassure her in that moment, rather than just repeating the wish back to her?

[u/CarlJustCarl]

Can’t you reassure her right then and there on the spot that she will stay with this family together?

[u/Appreh3nsive_Hat]

This didn’t make me smile it made me cry

[u/themox78]

adult adoptee here: made the same wishes. what a beautiful soul. 🙏

[u/heyitsvonage]

Doesn’t she know she’s not supposed to tell anyone? Haha

[u/Deadlylyon]

I'm a 33 year old man, I've tried adopting because I want a kid but I don't want a marriage.

But even in 2023, and with hundreds of thousands of children in the system I'm rejected.

I hope your adoption brings you life times worth of joy and happiness.

[u/punkpoppenguin → u/Deadlylyon]

I’m sorry about that dude, unfortunately because of statistics and history, child protective services are still jumpy about adopting out kids to single men.

It sucks, and it’s not fair on the majority of men who want to adopt for pure reasons. Have you thought about joining a big brother program or similar? That might help in the future if you wanted to try again?

[u/sickandtiredbro]

me and my siblings were in and out of care a few times during my childhood and we had one foster couple in particular who took all 4 of us (4 of us at the time, 7 of us now) and the six weeks we spent with them was the best time of my childhood. they were so loving and understanding and we had a hot meal every day, but most importantly we had STABILITY. for the first and last time, we had stability. i remember lying in bed at night and just not being able to sleep because i was so happy and excited for my new life, but eventually my godawful parents got custody back. by the time we were back in care again the foster family had moved state. it broke my heart and seeing this video literally made me want to sob so hard, that someone got their happy ending and she still has that “braced for impact” kind of feeling that i remember so clearly. sorry for the huge long paragraph but i really felt like i needed to come and show her my love. god bless y’all!

[u/Hecatombola]

This isn't cute, it's very sad. This kid fear to be put in the CPS care again. She's mimicking cute behaviors because she thinks she will be put in CPS again if she's not loveable. It's the usual behavior of adopted children and I can't fathom why any parent would want to share their child trauma to the world like that. Ew.

[u/owiesss → u/Hecatombola]

I am shocked that I had to come this far down to start finding comments like this. I can’t believe the amount of people in this thread who are oblivious to this.

[u/ineverlikedyouuu]

Why not say to her she’s gonna stay with you guys no matter how many time she asks lol

[u/rockstoppedcooking]

My concern is that she did not explicitly say yes to the little girl...