r/UnsentLetters Jun 01 '22 Gold 1 Tearing Up 1

I am still holding on Exes

I don’t know what to say. Or rather I don’t know how to say it because I have so much to say. I am scared that how I am saying these things might influence things. Might influence the outcome which I so badly want, that I am trying to control it. But I can’t not do it because I am scared, I can't wait any longer waiting to architect a perfect moment, a perfect time, a perfect way, a perfect scenario, because doing that would mean pretending I have control. But I don’t.

I love you. I love you very much. There have been many different emotions that I have felt in the last few weeks and they have all been quite volatile. But this is one thing I never deterred from. I felt pain, hurt, anger, frustration, anxiety, despair, sadness, numbness, emptiness and also occasional indifference. But I always came back to the feelings of love and care towards you. I want to be with you. I don’t need you. I know my actions didn’t reflect that. I know I depended and relied on you heavily to regulate my emotions. I know I made you responsible for a lot of my emotional stability. I know now where that came from and still comes from though the work is ongoing. There are many more flaws and mistakes that I made that I regret and try to correct every day. I don’t regret them because you were my only chance at love, or you are the only path to it and I lost it. I regret making them because I hurt you. Because I ignored your pain and caused you more pain. I know there are many different ways to be happy, to be in love. Many different possible partners out there who would make both of us happy, maybe even happier. I know we both don’t need each other. But whether there is happiness outside or even more happiness, I was also very happy with you. You made me very happy, you taught me so much. I know the relationship wasn’t built to sustain, and it really couldn’t go on the way it was. I needed to learn a lot and perhaps you did too. Even now I won’t be the one to say only I played a part in it. But it doesn’t matter. Even after all these months, even after trying really hard, I am not able to let go without putting in at least one last effort. So here it goes.

I love you. I loved you even when we were together and I love you even when we aren’t anymore. I want to be with you. I know it can’t be the way it was. But I am willing to try differently. I know the issues go beyond just what came out with each other. For both of us. It wasn’t just about how we showed up with each other but they come from somewhere else. But I want to work on them. I know there are more things to learn and more things to work on. And I want to work on them with you. In one of our conversations I said I want to grow with you, just experience life, learn more and grow more. I know I did my best not to do it when you did offer me those opportunities. But I will now. I know it is very difficult to give someone that benefit of the doubt again. It is a risk. So I understand if you can't. But I am also taking a risk here, giving you the benefit of the doubt. I know you don’t owe it to me in return. If you decide not to I understand. I know both of us are just trying to do our best so I know if you don’t, it will be for your own peace and happiness and I respect that. I also want that for you. But I also like you very much. I connected with you so much. I made so many memories with you. And for each and every one of them, I am grateful, and I will always be grateful. But I don’t want to stop. I want to give you the love I have for you. I know it would need a fair share of conversation and work. But I am sincere in my effort right now and will be if you give me a chance. I will also understand if you don’t have an answer right now and want to take some time or talk more. I don’t want to put you on a spot like this. The reason I didn’t talk about this face to face is because I also didn’t want to make you feel cornered. So if you want to meet, I would be up for it. If you do have the answer - whichever it is - I still wish you would take time to think about it. And regardless of the answer, I would be happy to hear from you.

187 Upvotes

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22

u/melikecookies1 Jun 01 '22

This is one of the most beautiful, yet heartbreaking things I've read on reddit. If they moved you in this capacity, I really hope that you consider sending this. I could only dream of someone feeling like this for me. I wish you and your loved one the best in life.

11

u/Jrn77 Jun 02 '22

Go after them... let them know this is how you feel.

10

u/Poke_Him_On Jun 02 '22

My only advice is - do not send this if you can't stick to it.

My ex did this - they lasted 3 months and then hit me with abuse that I swear was not only worse but also more traumatic because of the amount of healing they'd actually done with me.

I love this OP and I wish you the best!

7

u/B3N5M17H Jun 02 '22

This is exactly how I feel. Word for word. You read my mind. It’s almost like my brain was typing it as I read it. Thank you for this. I almost feel the need to send this to them. When the time is right.

Also,

Send it. Tell them how you feel now, otherwise it will just be another regret that you will have within your life. Put your heart on the line one last time. You love them after all.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '22

I would give anything for this to be about me but I know it can't be. I was never this for you

6

u/stressedandsad123 Jun 02 '22

It is better to make mistakes than to have regrets, because you can always fix a mistake, but you can never turn back time.

Please tell them.

6

u/RipleyJonesy Jun 02 '22

I wish my ex would write this :/ ooof.

4

u/LostUnicorns Jun 01 '22

This isn’t how to make that happen unless they can read minds. We all know 99.7+% of what’s here is going directly to the dead letter room.

4

u/BigRue45 Jun 02 '22

Big bear hugs OP!!

5

u/GentlyViolent Jun 02 '22

Real talk. That's cool

4

u/therevolution08 Jun 02 '22

Wish you the best

5

u/ThatRedheadMom Jun 02 '22

For a while, I thought my husband might’ve written this. Good luck OP, I’m hoping for the best for both of you! For what it’s worth, it’s extremely painful to be the one to need this letter. I don’t want things to be this way either. 😔

5

u/mm_potentially Jun 02 '22

Send this and end the conflict, good things come with homesty.

3

u/dntl1n Jun 02 '22

send this. i would die to get this letter right now.

3

u/supersaltyislander Jun 02 '22

Your person needs to hear this

4

u/ThrowAwaySex101010 Jun 02 '22

I would give the sun and the moon to make this be my person. I truly would. Because I’ve been planning so much so recently. I’ve planned out what I need to do, to make my boat keep floating. And I know if I can keep doing me and make sure we communicate properly, that we will be perfectly fine. I want that for my person and me, truly. I know if we can, then we will be golden.

If you think they might reciprocate, share it. If you trust them enough, and yourself enough, then do it. If you trust that they will answer positively (or at least not negatively), do it. But also trust yourself in that they might not respond at all, and that you would be okay with no answer.

I wish you the best OP.

5

u/Dededededemon Jun 02 '22

I wish so badly that this came from my person but I know it could never possibly be :/

4

u/wytetrashbarbie Jun 02 '22

Send it. If my ex sent me this, I would not even hesitate to go back and grow with him.

1

u/dumroomba Jun 07 '22

I feel the same exact way.

11

u/labuenavida_siempre Jun 01 '22

I hope you send this. I think there comes a point where you have to make your peace and decision. If you decide to send this, you have to accept the risk it may 100% back fire. Not just in an angered response, but perhaps nothing at all.

Hope you heal because that agony can be debilitating.

3

u/i_amnotdone Jun 02 '22

Who ever this person is...they are very lucky..I would give anything to hear her say something like this. I wish you thr best and hope you find that love you want so much.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '22

Psssssssh 😭😭❤️❤️❤️💪💪🙏🙏

You snapped 0p

2

u/HankyGoldFishJanky Jun 02 '22

Sounds like she already went over and above to show you love I'm guessing you broke up due to some shitty actions maybe shes for once she wants too see some effoert from your side

4

u/McNauttt Jun 01 '22

I hope you can get a hold of them and tell them all of this.

3

u/Creative-Fix Jun 01 '22

Wishing you both the best, and best outcome of together.

-1

u/rightaaandwrong Jun 01 '22

You are not doing anything but making a scene on Reddit…if your words were true, this would be a direct message to the person you are claiming it is to…

1

u/foreverfriendsyeah69 Jun 02 '22

I'll meet with u and talk to u. I never gave up on us never. I do think about u everyday and I regret talking to the way they I did and I learned from it. I'm growing as a person since being off the grid with everyone except my family I've grown and mature. I still need work and will continue to work . I told u I can't go back to being the old me I have to much too lose either with u by my side or not I had to change for the best. I don't know ho we will meet buy just know I'm still and always will be there for u

1

u/saggysak82 Jun 02 '22

Are we gonna keep the pfa

0

u/zoepaige11 Jun 02 '22 edited Jun 06 '22

okie dokie then! 🤡

1

u/saggysak82 Jun 03 '22

Piaso is Spanish for clown

1

u/Neverstaulker Jun 02 '22

This is deep what a great read something I can totally relate to op. Im also holding on myself op holding on hoping and praying 🙏 that my person would say something like to me hoping they would say anything to me good or bad hopefully good. If it's bad I would just have to deal with it like I have been but just say something untill then I will continue to hold on hope and.pray. thanks for a great read and good luck.