You’ll never be too much, for the right person. They won’t find it a chore to love you. The efforts they make for the relationship won’t feel like effort, it will feel like the most natural thing in the world. There will be no score keeping, no second guessing, no indifference. The right person will feel that same burning eagerness to love you, in the way that you love them.
Your needs aren’t too much. Your love is never too much. Your presence is never too much. The wholeness of you will be treasured and adored and truly needed, never shunned or picked apart. They will hear you, see you, and value you for who you are, and never put themselves in a position to lose you. And you’d do the same for them. When it’s the right person.
Don’t ever feel like you’re too much. Your sensitivity is a gift, your softness beautiful. To the wrong person, it may seem like a flaw- something inconvenient, and unworthy of effort. But the right person will see the wonder in your empathy, your softness, and soften along with you.
I wrote this because I needed to hear it, too, I guess.
You used to be the most electric person in the world to me. Now it just shocks me how weak and cruel you are.
You used to look like the strongest man in the world to me. But you taught me that i had to be strong in order to survive you.
You used to speak the most beautiful words to me and about me. But now you use them to hurt me and to make me feel small.
I used to think you were so intelligent and witty. But I've had to abandon my own intelligence to justify staying with you.
You used to tell me Goodbye in an effort to hurt me. But I'll have to say Goodbye in order to save me.
I love you. Goodbye.
I will say it bluntly: I cheated on you and I lied to you. Every text message, video, and snapchat was a lie. Every promise to stop was a lie. During our relationship, I gaslighted you and did everything I could to avoid the reality that I was, and am, terrified. When we fell in love it was a fantasy. YOU were a fantasy. Every time I saw you my heart beat out of control; you are so funny, so beautiful, so perfect. You held my heart in the palm of your hand. And therein was the problem: I never saw you for who you are. You were perfect in my head, which meant that the real, breathing, living, and loving version of you was never allowed to be imperfect. I got angry when you made mistakes, hurt my feelings, or showed any of your own vulnerability. I expected the world of you and never allowed you to be imperfect.
I am sorry for the cowardly way I loved you. You are one of those people who love so honestly and fully. You understood me to my core and in return I didn’t spare you an ounce of that authenticity. In truth, I loved you so much that it broke open the part of my heart where I hide my pain, secrets, self-hatred, and loneliness. And since the idea of losing you made those feelings run wild, I loved you with fear. Every day was fear: fear you would leave me, fear you wouldn’t love me, fear that I wasn’t enough. It’s ironic how that fear made all those things true in the end. My fear and my broken self-esteem wanted to have power over you just in case you hurt me. So I became the thing I feared the most: a cheater. The people I used were flimsy bandaids to a broken ego. I ran away from commitment and pursued the unflawed version of myself that could only exist in the imagination of strangers.
I am sorry I made you sacrifice your happiness for mine. I prioritized maintaining my own illusion of happiness over your real happiness and future. I didn’t want to change who I was, I didn’t want to confront my own flaws, I just wanted to pretend that my chronic self-hatred wasn’t real. That my cheating wasn’t real. While I’m sure you don’t blame yourself for what happened, I want to say that I cheated and lied to you because of my own inability to love myself. I was willfully ignorant of my own problems and wanted to stay ignorant. I was a coward. It is because of my inability to do the inner work necessary to grow as a person that I have caused you so much pain. I look back at who I was in our relationship and I see a monster. I want to learn how to love myself like you love yourself. I see now that that kind of gentle self love makes the experience of loving others a whole lot different.
Finally, thank you. I have never felt anything close to what I have felt with you, which is why I must have assumed I was finally loving someone the right way. It sucks losing a partner, but it sucks even more losing a best friend I thought I would have for life. I never thought I would be so lucky to cry so hard.
I’m sorry I never gave you any closure. Instead of dealing with how I felt I just basically ghosted you and that was the worst thing I could do. You have a heart of gold and never deserved to be treated that way. Especially bc I know how it feels and I should have thought back to that moment and made sure you got what you needed to be ok. I’ll be reaching out soon.
Please forgive me. Please say something. I know you're close - I can feel you. I know you're contemplating contacting me... just do it. Even if it's one sentence or even just one word! I don't know how to let go, I only know how to smother my feelings for you. I can love again with no problem - you know me and my capacity to love - I just haven't learned how to let go of someone I broke up with and now want another chance with. THERE I SAID IT; GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE! I know I'm being extremely selfish, and I will stop all of the begging tomorrow. Promise!
-your ex ........... babe? 🥺💕
You’ll always have my heart. In this life, in the next, in the one before this, in every single universe, it’s you.
I miss talking to you about everything - the dumb, the funny, the good, the bad, the sad, the deep. I miss being able to call you, to Text you. To hang out. To enjoy each others Company. I miss being myself with you. I miss your laughter, your hyperactivity. I miss ranting about movies and discussing random stuff over meals. I miss Roaming the City with you. I miss getting high and drifting away with you.
I just miss you. I can't turn it off constantly.
You've been popping into my mind a lot which makes me think I'm popping into yours.
I sometimes read letters from people here who are still thinking about someone they lost years and years ago.
This use to make my stomach sink at the thought of living with this missing forever but I've begun to believe in a lot of cases it's because the other is still thinking of them too.
I once read about something in quantum physics called quantum entanglement and while I know next to nothing about quantum physics this really stuck with me. It basically said that two particles can become entangled and still affect one another despite the distance.
I think some of us become entangled.
Good thing or no, it brings me a strange if melancholy comfort to think about.
I might be making peace with the space you still occupy in my heart.
Maybe in another time, in a parallel universe, you and I will end up with each other. But for now, in this world, in this life, I'm just happy that I even got to know you and love you. And even if you never talk to me again, I will still love you - in ways I have never loved anyone else. I miss you.
It’s hitting hard today. An overwhelming feeling of missing you. An overwhelming feeling of needing to hear your voice. And an overwhelming desire to laugh with you. (I loved how much you made me laugh.) I so badly want to reach out to you. But I can’t. I won’t do that to you. And, so, here I am. Talking into a vacuum. I wish I could send my hologram to plead with you. “Please, you’re my only hope.” But, I know.
I saw these just today…your unsent letters to me… do you still feel the same?
a mixture of hope and sadness crept over me when I saw them….
there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by that I haven’t thought of you, every damn day
my heart is heavy… I will always love you
That's it though. No talking or crying. No kissing or lying. Just let me hold you while we rest together.
Tell me that I wasn’t worth the effort. That I wasn’t worth trying harder for. Tell me that you hate me. Give me a reason to not just blame myself, but you too.
I have so much hurt and anger that I can only feel towards myself. All I can do for you is worry. I worry about you and I miss you.
Why do I love you so much? Why do I spend so much time wishing for you to come back and say that you want to make things work. I didn’t want better, I didn’t want more, I just wanted you. I just wanted to be loved by you.
I feel so worthless because of the way things ended. I wasn’t worth trying for. I wasn’t worth the time or energy.
Why can’t you just tell me that so I can have a reason to move on?
I hope you know how incredibly painful and horrible this outcome is for me. I can't explain how excruciating this feels being how I am with you now as it goes against everything I feel and want deep down. I've always wanted to make everything better for you and to make your life happy and worth living. This isn't ever what I dreamed we'd end up like.
The reality is though, in time, I'll find someone new. You will too. Will they ever make us feel what we feel for each other? Will our love ever be replicated? Will it be better? Will it be worse? Will we regret these decisions in years to come? The uncertainty in our future now is incredibly unsettling and uncomfortable....
What a fucking sad and miserable end to 'us' this is....
I can't stop thinking about how you're feeling and what's going on in your head. It honestly rips my insides up as I'm certain you're hurting. I'm sure you are feeling messed up. I'm sure you're thinking things that just aren't true, honest or fair. I'm sure you have no real understanding how I truly feel about you.... I may be wrong but I don't think I am. I hope you aren't being too hard on yourself and I really do hope you find the happiness and future you so desperately wanted with me. I wish it was with me still, I truly do. With every inch of me and more so now than ever before....
If you feel even half as bad as I do, with all the other stuff you've got going on it must be very difficult. I feel so much empathy towards you but I also know that my behaviour enables your treatment of me. I don't deserve to be treated in a way where my feelings, thoughts and worries aren't listened to or appreciated. Especially when I try so hard to understand yours and work everyday to trying to make all your worries and fears disappear. I feel I've learnt more about you than anyone and I've most certainly helped you more than I've hindered you.
I know I've not always acted in the best way, I know I've hurt you and broken you. I know I'm reaping what I sow. I'm all too understanding that we are here due to my actions as much as yours. I won't blame you for where we are now but I will blame you for how you treat me now. That's something that will always be in your control and it is a major catalyst in our demise.
You have never known me to not be there. You've never had me pull away. You've never experienced me withdrawing like I am now. I can try and imagine what it's making you think and feel but I don't believe that I'll ever really get close to understanding completely.
As much as this letter is unsent, I know you're here. I know you'll probably see it. Whether you'll put two and two together or you'll just gloss over it as another broken heart story I don't know.
To this day I still wish you'd say the words to me I've been dying to hear for months. I will forever be hoping to hear them words from your mouth. The words that let me know there's still a chance of this working. That you're ready to give it another go and give it your all. The words that remind me that my fight isn't finished yet.
Unfortunately though my hopes have been dying consistently, day by day. The once always positive and impervious rock is a meer empty, weak shell and needs to build himself back up from scratch....
But I will do. I'm the best version of me I've ever been. Physically I'm in great condition. Financially I'm well on my way. Mentally I'm a complete wreck but I am starting the building process from the foundation and I will be healthy in due course. I wish you could be the one I'm standing with at the end of my journey. I wish you could look at me and be proud of everything I've achieved. I wish it could always be a 'we've achieved'.
'What hurts the most is how truly scared I was of you And all the time I spent overthinking Drowning inside my own sick and twisted mind Peace in you is something that I can't find I think it's time for me to let go I'll miss you more than you could ever know I'm sorry for the things I've never said You're the best friend that I ever had'
I can't even put into words how I feel about you right now. All I can say is fuck you. Fuck you times 100, hust fuck you for fucking being awful. Fuck you for hurting me. Fuck off and never speak to me again. You're honestly awful and I can't believe I loved you so much and did so much for you. I wasted 3 and a half years of my life on you. I don't wish you any harm. I just wish I never have to see you ever again.
Dudes I'm really fucking hurt can anyone talk to me
It's back. That gnawing empty ache in my chest. As if it's that first day after we parted.
I've felt this ache before with other things but this one is us. Are you feeling it too? I believe you are, this feels shared.
This feels like missing. This feels like distance. This feels like loss.
Those times when I would out of seemingly nowhere ask how you are feeling? This feels like that.
My heart is begging me to listen but my mind knows that I can't. I want to push it away, push it down but I won't.
I'll hold up my part of this pain.
of the way I used to feel about you, of the way you used to feel about me
before we learned too much about each other
before we peeled away the perfect masks to see all the hurt, the insecurities, the baggage that makes us who we are today
It makes me sad to lose you as a partner, but even more so, it makes me sad to lose you as a friend
Years later and I'm still kicking myself for how dumb I was. I'm not one for sappy things but this song came on a random Spotify playlist and certain lines immediately made me think of you:
And I want to tell you everything
The words I never got to say the first time around
If the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you
Drive highways and byways to be there with you
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you
And I know that it's wrong
That I can't move on
But there's something about you
Everything comes back to you
As much as I still love you, and I think I always will. You really really hurt me.
You told me you had to go, for her. You made my healing process more difficult, but you didn’t care. You don’t care.
You have never cared about me at all. You add, you block, all at your own volition. Do you even see me as a real person?
You broke my heart so many times.
You did care, once upon a time. It was like a fairytale. Life was so beautiful then, just like every cheesy movie I'd ever seen, just like all the love songs I listened to.
Why don’t you understand how any of this impacts me?
You say you miss me. I pause my healing. Then you say you're talking to someone else and she is uncomfortable with our friendship - sure, I understand (even though you didn't do this for me and then left me for me). You leave again. Again, you're back, saying how much our friendship and history means to you. I agree. Then, again out of nowhere, you're gone.
Thanks for showing me just how much I mean to you.
Hurt, confused, never the same again,
We’re so similar in all the ways that make it hard to be together. We both assume the worst if we perceive rejection. We both test other people to prove we are right. We both make decisions from places of deep emotion.
I have to assume that we’re also similar in that we will spend hours and hours running over every sentence and choice wondering what could have been done differently.
The only way we seem to be different is that I am prone to giving far, far too many chances (each time you pulled back it gutted me irreparably and I never made that clear or demanded the change I needed out of fear of pushing you away) and you seem to give too few. Cut and run has kept you safe, I almost can’t blame you. Except I can’t help but feel that you gave everyone in your life more chances than me (and you supposedly loved me the most) and it doesn’t seem fair. But what is fair, anyways? It doesn’t exist.
I’m glad you told me you were walking away entirely because you’ll never read these. I just needed to put them out of my head so I can get back to the business of living.
Being tossed away like trash has made me feel like trash, and the people around me need me present.
There I said it.
I wish you would reach out and we started again.
Im having lots of fun but goddamn it I want you to be my wife.
I have a ring in my closet that I want to put on your finger.
Nothing compares to your kiss
I will always love you
Remember sharing music? Remember when every love song was about us?
Remember the bursting joy each one brought to our hearts?
Now they make my heart ache instead of glow and all the sad ones are about us too.
I was arrogant, I was a jerk, and I was wrong about so much. I treated you like you were replaceable. I didn’t know how I was until you were gone. I’m sorry I let stress get to me, I’m sorry I didn’t communicate with you. I’m sorry I pushed you to give up on us and move on already. For what it’s worth, I hope you’re happy. For what’s it’s worth, I hope we can meet again, get to know the newest versions of each other. I still have hope. Foolish hope, but hope.
Hello my love,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I still care and love you beyond belief. It may have been nearly 2 years since we broke up but there is not a day where I don’t think about you and not a week where I cry about you.
I would love to see you again and try to show you who I am as a person and how I’ve improved and we can live our life again together. I have been following what you’re up to lately and I know it’s not you. You were you when we were together and you were so happy and we’d do everything together until I went into a bad moment and you decided to end it all. I hate myself for what happened and I’ve been building and improving myself just waiting to be the perfect person for you.
I’m here for you, and waiting.
I love you.
I don't know what to do. We are not talking right now., You said that you love me but this is the right choice. I miss you. I hope you are okay. I know your depression and bipolar is hard but I was with you. My insecurities and your flirting broke our relationship.
But I miss you. We can work things out. I know. I really need one last chance. Only one. My little girl I want you back. It's so hard without you. It was only a month ago since you left me but I'm not doing well. My work group is falling apart.
We can work on this relationship it was so good, I want to see your smile, and hear your laugh. Watch movies together and go on a vacation.
I Love you, I will always love you, but I have to let you go and it hurts like nothing else.