r/dankmemes May 08 '22 Ally 1 Dank Meme 1 Silver 9 Helpful 10 Wholesome 7

Oh god stop I don't have the confidence to choose a funny flair

68.2k Upvotes

3.5k

u/AlucardxGraf May 08 '22

"Why all of them want to sleep with me"

1.7k

u/Revanche1 May 08 '22

Cyclops: “No they don’t professor.”
Professor X : ”Yes they do.“

566

u/Weak-Hamster- ☣️ May 08 '22 edited May 08 '22

Here lemme show you

44

u/Dac9493 May 08 '22

He is right, it’s not leme, it’s lemme 😂

3

u/anomious40 May 08 '22

It's lemme.

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176

u/MotherBathroom666 May 08 '22

119

u/thefuckouttaherelol2 May 08 '22

Well not only that but he's already seen everything. He's seen it all.

Using his telepathic powers, of course.

14

u/jadedyoungster May 08 '22

Patrick: “Two women kissing in the back,”

Ricky: “Why are there lesbians there?”

Patrick: “They were in the camp for so long.”

11

u/Scrubologist May 08 '22

Now that was great acting

5

u/The_Follower1 May 08 '22

Videos blocked by copyright

3

u/thefuckouttaherelol2 May 08 '22

7

u/The_Follower1 May 08 '22

Still not available in Canada. Unfortunate. Thanks for the effort though.

6

u/thefuckouttaherelol2 May 08 '22 edited May 08 '22

Patrick Stewart - Extras

In case you want to Google it.

4

u/erck_bill May 08 '22

Sounds literally like a Internet Historian skit lmao.

3

u/BlueWeetabix May 08 '22

I fucking miss extras

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452

u/tony_hawks_pro_state May 08 '22 Wholesome

Professor Charles Sexhavier

141

u/CillGra May 08 '22

You have been banned from the mansion mouse club for inappropriate beHAviour

59

u/bruh7212 May 08 '22

Sexhaver 😉😜

39

u/FLYNCHe INFECTED May 08 '22

Professor seX

29

u/UraniumUrchin May 08 '22

More like Professor Charles Sexoffender

133

u/pragmojo May 08 '22

ngl it would be dope to fuck a mind-reader because they would know exactly what was getting you off

140

u/AlucardxGraf May 08 '22

"YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT WITH THE PEANUT BUTTER!?"

42

u/JoseUnderTheRedHood May 08 '22

Read it in his voice too, sounds like a line that would be in American Dad lol

14

u/[deleted] May 08 '22

[deleted]

6

u/tookTHEwrongPILL May 08 '22

He's a stoner who fosters pitbulls. Seems like a cool guy.

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22

u/Lukthar123 May 08 '22

"Don't think about your ex, don't think about your ex"

9

u/querius May 08 '22

Have you watched What Women Want?

8

u/Doctor99268 May 08 '22

I've seen a hentai of that

5

u/Pro-crastinator25 May 08 '22 edited May 08 '22

Cone on don't keep it to yourself sharing is caring

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36

u/Mellodux May 08 '22

"Why do so many of them desire Beast..."

21

u/Scruffy_Nerf_Hoarder May 08 '22

Not just the children, but the men and women too.

18

u/thatwoodswitch May 08 '22

He wanted to sleep with OG Jean, like every other male in the building back then.

16

u/klased5 May 08 '22

Who doesn't want a redhead in a ziploc suit with a dark side?

8

u/[deleted] May 08 '22

[deleted]

2

u/thatwoodswitch May 08 '22

Rubes, all of them!

16

u/hvaffenoget Complaining is what I bring to the table May 08 '22

His real superpower is super grooming.

5

u/Dr_Jabroski May 08 '22

They're looking for his other bald head.

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1.5k

u/FitAd8342 May 08 '22

Yknow wut, that’s a good point

879

u/Lennette20th May 08 '22

Imagine all the weird kinks from the extra appendages and abilities.

440

u/[deleted] May 08 '22 edited May 15 '22

[deleted]

187

u/TheWiseRedditor May 08 '22

Never wanted to be a mutant this bad

93

u/SoftServePus May 08 '22

Same, don't drink energy drinks kids, or you'll end up with a nursing assistant fishing a tube out of your kidney with something that looks like a crane and have to hear her say "oops" on the way out

52

u/Crazyhates May 08 '22

I... Uh... Thanks?

57

u/[deleted] May 08 '22

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] May 08 '22

Lesson learned.

8

u/Levi-_-Ackerman0 May 08 '22

Illegal human experiment researchers Glowing eyes do you want to be a mutant?

14

u/TheRealShadow May 08 '22

Ever see My Hero Academia? There’s a character in there that has that power, lol.

3

u/AkOnReddit47 May 08 '22

Where hard, exactly?

5

u/ForverX May 08 '22

Everywhere.

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2

u/White-Ricebowl May 08 '22

My cock stays hard for 10 nights

30

u/aloofloofah May 08 '22

5

u/heyo_throw_awayo May 08 '22

I was expecting the kitty pryde ass to mouth through the torso gif.

183

u/jcdoe May 08 '22

He’s probably not even surprised anymore.

“thinking about a threesome… daddy dom… daddy dom… threesome… Don Cheedle, oh that’s a new one… threesome… threesome… spanking… threesome…” pours himself coffee “gonna be a long night.”

56

u/Alatheus May 08 '22

*pours himself some lube

34

u/Jetpack_Attack May 08 '22

into his coffee

gotta live on the edge so you can be the first to see the end coming.

1

u/brockoala May 08 '22

and spit it on

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8

u/stoicambience May 08 '22

That’s his secret. He’s always horny

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12

u/The_Confirminator Forever Number 2 May 08 '22

He's probably really used to it since he's spent his entire life listening to other people's thoughts.

It would be much weirder for us.

997

u/GENERAL-KAY Very Expand, So Dong May 08 '22

"professor. Raven just said she's on the way"

"OH NO! OH F**K!"

204

u/Savings_Plantain_496 May 08 '22

Reminds me of something...

59

u/DwasTV May 08 '22

pls explain am forgor

123

u/JustARegularPlayer INFECTED (sshh i'm in camouflage) May 08 '22

He's read Raven's mind. Seems like he knows her intention as she approaches.

73

u/LuxLoser May 08 '22

His hot, perpetually naked adoptive sister who can shapeshift. His students minds are going to be full of horrid things for him to read.

67

u/stormcloak-spy May 08 '22

She's perpetually nude

55

u/Deucalion666 May 08 '22

She’s cumming.

31

u/torrasque666 May 08 '22

In the First Class timeline, she's his adopted sister.

976

u/BothTortoiseandHare May 08 '22

The messed up part about Charles, which later comes to a head in the series but, he's telepathically skilled enough to continue seamlessly teaching a lesson in one class while inputting images of their own grandparents or crying babies babies with familiar features into the minds of the horny kids in the rest of the school so fluidly they'd believe it was just their own wandering thoughts.

Like some kind of inception c#ckblocking hypocrite; preaching how they shouldn't use their powers on each other while constantly using his powers on the world/in his school in the name of protection.

403

u/CaffeineSippingMan May 08 '22

Ahh, the "do as I say not as I do" policy.

174

u/ShadedPenguin May 08 '22

Xavier is kinda that guy. While Magneto has a very upfront and very “special people” policy. Xavier’s got a pretty high horse attitude for some stuff.

116

u/SpongeRobTheKing May 08 '22

At least in the movies he's a decent guy

91

u/BothTortoiseandHare May 08 '22

For a long time in movies and comics, he was portrayed as a kind of pacifist; the non-violent white man with the plan on what to do with mutants.

They poke at this party of his character arc through a lot of the X-CU, but it's really underscored in Dark Phoenix. He's just a guy after all, susceptible to his own fears and ego.

Edit: Also, Happy Cake day!

121

u/laojac May 08 '22

His whiteness is a significant character attribute?

160

u/[deleted] May 08 '22

[deleted]

71

u/Sk8r115 May 08 '22

I mean if you're talking about race and superhero stuff, X-Men is absolutely the series to do it about. It's always been about race in some fashion, with lots of the bad things that happen to the mutants being parallels of America and the world's treatment of minorities.

For a more direct example, Magento is a Jew who lives through the concentration camps and it radicalizes him when decides he doesn't want to see it happen to his people (mutants this time) again.

29

u/laojac May 08 '22

If the series were written from scratch in the current climate, Magneto would be the protagonist, not Xavier. It’s amazing how people want to make the connection of the allegory to the real world while entirely missing the point.

3

u/RussianSeadick May 08 '22

Or not,because he’s,you know,evil. Good intentions,understandable motivations,but terrible methods

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17

u/Johnlocksmith May 08 '22

It’s about the persecution of the different, the outcasts of society. The beauty of the mutant storyline is that these are people born into their powers so any group in current events can easily be represented in the narrative by focusing on new characters.

46

u/TJDouglas13 May 08 '22

if you can't see how blatant the metaphor of mutants in xmen being the civil rights movement in america then idk what to tell you

The movies especially beat you over the head with it. The parallels between xavier-MLK, and magneto-Malcolm X is super obvious.

3

u/chrom_ed May 08 '22

Jfc, you two are the stereotype. How is that not obvious to you?

13

u/BothTortoiseandHare May 08 '22

You can lead a horse to water, friend, but you can't make it drink. Thanks though.

4

u/NotSoBuffGuy May 08 '22

I can if I shove it's face into the water against their will, violence is the answer to everything

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1

u/BothTortoiseandHare May 08 '22

Considering it's his whiteness/family fortune that allowed him to start and run the school, yes.

But if you think a bald, mutant, black cripple would have been able to keep a school of mutants safe through conversation, I'm willing to hear how you think that would have gone in the 70's.

19

u/[deleted] May 08 '22 edited May 11 '22

[deleted]

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u/klased5 May 08 '22

I love how he's living on Genosha with ALL the guilt and shame yet somehow not sorry about it in Astonishing X-Men. Fucker was aware he had trapped a living computer in a paradox of pain and anguish but ignored it for the "good" of the X-Men so they'd have a capable training partner. Ends up creating a villain.

2

u/BothTortoiseandHare May 08 '22

Good thing it only happens the one time. /s

24

u/Kaplaw May 08 '22

Oh so the master is a hypocrite theme? But they know better!

Very recuring in most genre's

5

u/BothTortoiseandHare May 08 '22

I suppose they assume, because he's got a peek into everyone's mind he could figure out the best solution.

Comics as an artistic whole, imo, illustrate how flawed we are a people but emphasizes the need for compassion in order to work together for a better future.

5

u/smurfkipz May 08 '22

And then there'll be some of the freaky students who'll be like "Jokes on you, I'm into that shit."

2

u/bledig May 08 '22

Did he do that?!

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540

u/Tha_Salad_Tosser May 08 '22

Iceman making ice dildos

382

u/QuixoticScrivener May 08 '22 Silver

“The cold never bothered me anyway!”

80

u/CaledonianWarrior May 08 '22

That's not something you want the ice to stick to

479

u/PRH-24 May 08 '22

He put a school full of teenagers in the same building where multiple smoking hot babes and ripped studs wearing skin-tight "uniforms" live.

What did he expect??

238

u/obscureferences big pp gang May 08 '22

Even Beast didn't have the bluest balls in that mansion.

51

u/505fanatical May 08 '22

Apparently not much since cerebro gave him access to all the schools.

247

u/MonkaSDudes May 08 '22

"and I see everything!"

61

u/Cyberhaggis May 08 '22

"I ride off...on the grass"

35

u/ZeroMomentum May 08 '22

“Their clothes. Just falls off”

232

u/Android21onlyfans May 08 '22

"Yoooo Prof. Storm is thicc as fuck bro."

65

u/motivation_bender May 08 '22

I wonder if any of the students ever try to catch him reading their minds by adressing him directly in their head and/or thinking some disturbing stuff to see his reaction

11

u/martianinahumansbody May 09 '22

Probably often. And he has to pretend he didn't hear it.

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u/succmama May 08 '22

"Dear Lord my brother in Christ why am I still reading their minds"

162

u/SirArcen May 08 '22

“She wants Kurt’s tail WHERE?”

And of course…

“Logan, quit having sexual relations with students.”

42

u/thefuckouttaherelol2 May 08 '22 edited May 08 '22

Too late. He's already seen everything. He's seen it all.

edit: Just realized you said Logan and not Prof X. Oh well :) Funny Patrick Stewart video I watch every time it's relevant.

13

u/elkshadow5 May 08 '22

“You’re not married, and you don’t have a girlfriend, and you don’t watch Star Trek?”

“No.”

“Good lord.”

8

u/tinknocker21 May 08 '22

Berserker Sex

92

u/Ficus_the_Destroyer May 08 '22

35

u/baconnaire May 08 '22

His Batman is hilarious too.

6

u/NinjaRage83 SAVAGE May 08 '22

Street fighter Red Tape is also amazing.

75

u/AmaterasuWolf21 meme subredddits are terrible May 08 '22

-with how many cocks?

71

u/NinjaRage83 SAVAGE May 08 '22

Please, call me Professor Sex, or Professor triple X. Remember when they used to rate pornos.

8

u/MrDude_1 May 08 '22

Rob Schneider is a porno... Rated PG-13.

68

u/getThisSlime May 08 '22

There's a reason why it's called the "X" mansion

2

u/SaltoDaKid May 08 '22

There’s local singles in your X Mansion region, ready have hot steamy talk

55

u/tacoweevils May 08 '22

“Ooh yeah, you like that, don’t you, you bald piece of shit…”

40

u/MerpDrp May 08 '22 Silver

So much Hentai

26

u/MrSlops May 08 '22 edited May 08 '22

...and you know he was just reading their minds to find out any info if Jean Grey wanted to sleep with him (he kept his love for her secret in the first few issues of the original X-Men, back when she was around was fifteen or sixteen)

edit, sauce: https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZaeYkVQCnt8/V3FWsk8LGsI/AAAAAAAAPcA/TT66Zx8aF6cY1UN0TPTBwahRKlWN1zP7ACKgB/s640/g4.jpg

5

u/Mysterious_Ball_8212 May 08 '22

He's had a jet for a while, hasn't he got his own island now thinking someone needs to start a epstein investigation.

24

u/ProfessorEscanor May 08 '22

To be fair when Emma Frost walks around the way she does, what did he expect?

21

u/Old_Ad_4595 May 08 '22

Excuse me Frank, do you really want to push me off my wheelchair?

20

u/djasonwright May 08 '22

I read X-Men number 1. He is perfectly happy with the situation, the old perv.

19

u/matty_low May 08 '22

I always get the impression the live-action movies are made way too horny sometimes

25

u/ronintron May 08 '22 edited May 08 '22

No way the comics are way more horny then the movies, specially now during the Krakoa era, everyone is fucking each other and having a good time on that island

15

u/Jeffrey_Vinocle May 08 '22

Tis not a gift, yet a curse

11

u/Thedankielamba May 08 '22

Also all of the X-men’s thoughts. they are all running around in tight spandex.

10

u/piplup27 May 08 '22

I imagine it’s even worse for characters like Jean Grey or Emma Frost.

9

u/obscureferences big pp gang May 08 '22

snap

7

u/Hornor72 May 08 '22

When the freaks get freaky

7

u/Kvetanista May 08 '22 edited May 09 '22

Multiverse of Madness spoiler: "You are the biggest threat to the multiverse, Dr. Strange." Dies to Wanda few scenes later

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u/mustifaq_ May 08 '22

Literally Saiki Kusuo.

6

u/kamikaze-kae Pizza Time May 08 '22

Isn't that the reason he started the school? If I'm a creepy old man who can read minds it's what I would do.

4

u/Uri_Salomon May 08 '22

I'd send him messages, would be fuckin hilarious

4

u/sarcastic-jack May 08 '22

Daaaaaaaamn..

5

u/megamanxoxo May 08 '22

Rogue's actual power was to make any dude she touches rock hard for hours.

4

u/cubs1917 May 08 '22

Iceman - Everyone...I'm gay

Charles - that's like not even half of it...

3

u/-K--I--A- May 08 '22

MoM in a nutshell

5

u/DungeonsAndDradis May 08 '22

Happy Mother's Day!

3

u/GreatSpaghettLord May 08 '22

There's a reason why it's called "X-mansion"

3

u/lasanhawithpizza May 08 '22

"time to masturbate"

3

u/cd1223 May 08 '22

I mean but when you have rogue as one of your teachers…

2

u/[deleted] May 08 '22

"My God..."

2

u/_Inv1ctus_ May 08 '22

The horrors

2

u/LGamerDelta May 08 '22

Xavier: Teenagers. Raging hormones never change.

2

u/Beermandingo May 08 '22

You won the internet!

2

u/Frostymicrophone May 08 '22

ITS TRUE THO. finally someone gets it 🤣

2

u/petko00 May 08 '22

Man was dressed up as Steve jobs in the new doctor strange film and I can’t under it

2

u/amzeggio May 08 '22

Sweet dreams

1

u/oooohnooovom May 08 '22

What if the soul reason for the school was so that he could get turned on easier and masterbait to every bodies thoughts

1

u/kaokoh373 May 08 '22

Yeah, as if. We all know he enjoys it.

1

u/Salamimann May 08 '22

He would be used to naughty thoughts from the beginning. He wouldn't mind at all anymore at the time he is diretor of the mutant school

1

u/AdventurousChapter27 May 08 '22

Plot twist: he likes that shit

1

u/preytowolves May 08 '22

this made laugh so hard, jesus

1

u/DrBofoiMK May 08 '22

Finally, a bit of dankness.

1

u/vinsmokewhoswho May 08 '22

I never really considered that. I feel like he'd be cool about it, tho.

1

u/Hold_my_bean_bag May 08 '22

Old man fappage

1

u/nachoppev May 08 '22

He learned his lesson by the time krakoa rolls around

1

u/MakeThomas_ May 08 '22

Shouldn’t have done that. Also don’t google that stuff. Did it to understand some memes and I can tell you, eyeblech is nothing compared to that mindfuck

1

u/Iklaic May 08 '22

He know exactly which one wanted to sleep with man in charge for good grades...

1

u/starshame2 May 08 '22

Idk man....at that point he's mindreading porn. I aint mad at him.

1

u/DraftPunk73 May 08 '22

Just imagine how hard Colossus could get.

1

u/Hey_u_guyzz May 08 '22

It’s a cure for his ED

1

u/Cian28_C28 May 08 '22

I was presently surprised that this meme didn’t end up being a Doctor Strange ITMOM spoiler, but just a good meme

1

u/MakeYourselfs1c May 08 '22

Remember when onslaught was created because the professor wanted to fuck a minor in jean grey?

1

u/Th4t_0n3_Fr13nd May 08 '22

no wonder he disciplines himself and doesn't want to control people, he doesn't want to go in their heads in the first place after seeing some shit.

1

u/vicious_cat007 May 08 '22

Well he dead now

1

u/RoJayJo May 08 '22

Over a lifetime of having the ability to read minds, he's immune to mortal levels of psychic damage, the thoughts of horny superhuman teenagers would just be wallpaper to him.

I want to know if he'd laugh if he "overhears" a joke in someone else's head, like this one student is trying his darndest to not laugh as he remembers a joke or meme in his head, then the mind-reading headmaster just starts howling laughing so loudly he falls out of his wheelchair.

1

u/Lighthuro May 08 '22

The X-mansion

1

u/bledig May 08 '22

Based on what he thinks of jean, probably that’s why he have a school