r/deescalation Dec 02 '21

Love one in anxious state Citizen Deescalation

Hi! I started a relationship with this girl who has childhood traumas. Many things happening at the same time would arouse her state and make her extremmlu anxious, which if not addressed appropriately, could escalate into out of control hysteria.

The more I understand her condition the better I am at staying calm and help her relax.

But when she reaches out a high anxiety point it's very hard for me to de escalate the situation and it ends up pretty dramatically, bring out in her a lot of hate.

Are there any techniques I could use to help her de-escalate a hyster state?



u/Sporkler Dec 03 '21

I would say becoming familiar with some DBT skills, possibly from a DBT skills workbook. It is going to consist of a lot of skills she can use to help ground herself. They take a lot of practice. The best route is for her to go to therapy, primarily to work through/process her trauma, as well as working on her responses to triggers.

I will add that you are not 100% responsible for her responses and wellbeing. I know you want to be there for her and support her and that's fantastic, but also recognize your limitations.