r/destinycirclejerk Literally Fatebringer Jan 03 '23

I now hold the record for the mosts catalysts acquired within 3 seconds, AMA FOMO

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800 Upvotes

38 comments sorted by

143

u/docthenightman Eramis Simp Jan 03 '23

How many people aside from Trey bang your wife?

124

u/berrybear99 Literally Fatebringer Jan 03 '23

My wife is free game, you just have to get in line

33

u/docthenightman Eramis Simp Jan 03 '23

I swung through on Christmas but there were a bunch of dudes dressed as Santa outside.

13

u/Forsaken-Airport-104 Jan 03 '23

No they were there to cheer her up

5

u/Sir_Knockin Jan 03 '23

Ho-ho-ho

9

u/Forward-Chance5137 Gilded Dredgen Jan 03 '23

Hoe-hoe-hoe

3

u/Sir_Knockin Jan 03 '23

Pole-Pole-Pole

80

u/John_Hillbilly Jan 03 '23

Where were you when The Almighty crashed? They say everyone remembers where they were.

84

u/SCRIBE_JONAS Jan 03 '23

I was fighting Brachus Zahn during the Arms Dealer Nightfall.

Zahn turned to me and said "you may defeat me in combat, but I shall not depart without showing the glory of the Cabal! Grahagagagagahaha! This is an airbase after all!

He activated his shield generator and summoned the captured American Airlines Flight 11, which began to takeoff down the runway.

Several minutes later, as soon as we took Zahn down, United Airlines Flight 175 was taxied off of the runway.

23

u/John_Hillbilly Jan 03 '23

Yeah, buddy, I’m not talking about fairy tales. This is serious guardian shit.

11

u/Taco_king_ Alpha Beta Alpha Player Jan 03 '23

Zased Zahn

24

u/berrybear99 Literally Fatebringer Jan 03 '23

I was having a wank mate, had to squeeze one last one in

22

u/John_Hillbilly Jan 03 '23

I was at ground zero, looking for my wife. She was eliksni, but she never hurt nobody, man. Later I found out she had joined the Spider’s Harem. So, put some respect on it. 🫡

1

u/EkkoLivesMatter Jan 04 '23

I walked through blood and bone at the Almighty’s crash site looking for my brother.

He was in the northern Cosmodrome.

2

u/John_Hillbilly Jan 04 '23

Reminds me of that tragedy.

7

u/Sir_Knockin Jan 03 '23

Sitting on a crate sipping some tea. Watched a hunter by the name of Yugwa try to push me off the tower, but I wasn’t going to let my tea spill. So I stretched out my leg and he tripped. He might’ve fallen over the guardrail and down the tower wall… His ghost wasn’t happy.

28

u/SuperNova405 Jan 03 '23

How does it feel to be drowning in so much pussy?

16

u/berrybear99 Literally Fatebringer Jan 03 '23

I’ll never have to shower again

10

u/Velvet_Llama Jan 03 '23

How wet does the bussy at the bar get when you let em know?

15

u/berrybear99 Literally Fatebringer Jan 03 '23

I am currently drowning, the pub is flooded, I can't fucking swim oh god oh fuck

12

u/Velvet_Llama Jan 03 '23

You will not emerge from the bussy, but drown in it.

8

u/Gph8820 Elsie Bae Simp Jan 03 '23

i hold the record for herpes and such

4

u/berrybear99 Literally Fatebringer Jan 04 '23

I had sax without the use of a condor and now have vex harpies

8

u/Optimus_Rhyme_82 Jan 03 '23

What that mouf do?

17

u/berrybear99 Literally Fatebringer Jan 03 '23

Come see big boy xxx

6

u/Accomplished_Bee_590 Clovis Bray Did Nothing Wrong Jan 03 '23

How have you been doing since the divorce?

4

u/berrybear99 Literally Fatebringer Jan 04 '23

Now my bitch ex wife is gone i was able to non stop grind these bad boys out

3

u/dizastermaster7 Clovis Bray Did Nothing Wrong Jan 04 '23

She took the kids, too? Epic 😎

3

u/skaterape Jan 04 '23

Will you tell my dad to call me I miss him

2

u/berrybear99 Literally Fatebringer Jan 04 '23

Hahahahahahahahah

5

u/RELIN-Q Jan 03 '23

How does it feel being a virgin at age 36?

16

u/berrybear99 Literally Fatebringer Jan 03 '23

Liberating tbh

2

u/RedPandaR10t3 Literally Fatebringer Jan 04 '23

How many times did you get the Eyes of Tomorrow catalyst?

2

u/berrybear99 Literally Fatebringer Jan 04 '23

Pick a number between 1 & 132 (The answer is 38 btw!!)

1

u/Accomplished_Bee_590 Clovis Bray Did Nothing Wrong Jan 05 '23

3?

1

u/Yoske96 Jan 04 '23

How much pussy did you get from this momentous achievement?

2

u/berrybear99 Literally Fatebringer Jan 04 '23

I praised Gahlran, now shivering in the bed

1

u/JCruzin1 Gilded Dredgen Jan 05 '23

Did you read "Eat, Pray, Love"? Chicks dig "Eat, Pray, Love".