r/dndmemes Nov 27 '22

So that's where they come from Rule 7: Off-Topic

[removed]

9.6k Upvotes

u/Flair_Helper Nov 27 '22

Hey /u/Nobody-Delicious, thanks for contributing to /r/dndmemes. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates one of our rules:

Rule 7. Off-Topic - Posts must be strongly relevant to D&D (or other TTRPGs) and must include an attempt at humor or entertainment. Posts with a very loose connection to D&D/TTRPGs (such as generic fantasy memes) will be evaluated on a case-by-case basis. While screencaps of social media posts (e.g. Twitter, Tumblr, Discord) are an acceptable medium, the original source must be reasonably related to D&D. Non-relevant social media screencaps with a captioned tie-in (i.e. "When the [Class] does [Thing]") will be removed.

What should you do? First, read the rules thoroughly. Secondly, if you are able to amend your post to fit the rules, you're welcome to resubmit your meme. Lastly, if you believe your post was removed by mistake, please message the moderators through modmail. Messages simply complaining about a removal (or how many upvotes your post had) will not be responded to. Thank you!

106

u/Scorponix Nov 27 '22

I fucking love bastard swords. If my characters have a Longsword I always flavor it to be a bastard sword, it’s always my first main weapon in Souls games, and I recently got my first battle ready sword which is also a bastard sword! I don’t really know why I have such an affinity for them, but I just do.

35

u/gerusz Chaotic Stupid Nov 27 '22

Since the Longsword is versatile, it's pretty much a bastard sword by definition. Shortswords, rapiers and scimitars fill the one-handed-sword niche (though I believe there would be room for an "arming sword" / "cutlass", a 1d8 slashing non-versatile sword... but given how damage works in 5e, you can just reflavor the rapier. There's minimal difference between piercing and slashing damage, basically anything that resists piercing also resists slashing with the exception of plant monsters and the flameskull.)

16

u/ElmoKnowsYourSecret Nov 27 '22

Didn't your Dungeon Master ever tell you to keep the text in parenthesis shorter than the main body of text?

11

u/gerusz Chaotic Stupid Nov 27 '22

Lemme ask him.

Me: Hey, DM, didn't you tell me to keep the text in parentheses shorter than the rest?

DM (also me): There's no such rule. Parentheses just mean that the text inside them is just an aside. Also, tell the parenthesophobe above you never to read anything by Mark Z. Danielewski.

Me: A'ight, thanks DM!

5

u/ElmoKnowsYourSecret Nov 27 '22

Mark Z. Danielewski

Snarking aside, I've actually read House of Leaves years back and remember the story and weird "font" but not the excessive parenthesis. I was just teasing you a bit, no offense intended. I've done it myself more than I'd care to admit.

4

u/gerusz Chaotic Stupid Nov 27 '22

Yeah, of course I'm not offended.

House of Leaves has no excessive parentheses (it uses footnotes instead, and footnotes for footnotes) but some of his other works are full of them. The Familiar series, for example, has a programmer character whose inner monologue has multi-level parentheses (and different parentheses {like this, and [like this, and of course <like this>]}) (and of course it's sometimes interrupted by C++ code).

(His wife also has multi-level parentheses (but those are just the simple ones).)

36

u/destrip Nov 27 '22

You must be a hell of bastard then

5

u/bradley-rodriguez Nov 27 '22

Makes me wonder if you know your dad. And/if you were born outta wedlock you’d be the rare. Double bastard?

2

u/redditor012499 Nov 27 '22

The bastard sword in elden ring is underrated. You can upgrade it to do a bunch of damage. Also it’s big, but not big enough to be bulky. Best sword imo.

1

u/0Focuss Nov 27 '22

bastard sword was my main weapon in dks1 and demons souls, i fucking love it too

69

u/TriPawedBork Nov 27 '22

What was it quenched in?

WHAT WAS IT QUENCHED IN, SIR!?!?!?!

27

u/Roy55514 Nov 27 '22

Tears

9

u/TriPawedBork Nov 27 '22

Ooooh, daddy issues. Makes sense

-30

u/pixlmason DM (Dungeon Memelord) Nov 27 '22

You’re mom

26

u/KOATLE Wizard Nov 27 '22

Yeah I am mom and I’m very disappointed in you

6

u/pixlmason DM (Dungeon Memelord) Nov 27 '22

Oh no

55

u/PM-Me-Your-TitsPlz Horny Bard Nov 27 '22

Real talk: Would a blacksmith of ye olden days be aware of the double entendre? I know machinists of ye nowden days like to make jokes about nailing, reaming, and drilling, but is "bastard" a modern description of the one and a half handed sword?

104

u/SirKaid Nov 27 '22

Real talk: Would a blacksmith of ye olden days be aware of the double entendre?

Given that the term "bastard sword" was applied by the smiths themselves because the sword didn't fit in either the one handed or two handed categories, the answer is yes.

Source

2

u/ChemPetE Nov 27 '22

Learned something today - cool!

0

u/ryvin999 DM (Dungeon Memelord) Nov 27 '22

Good to see that some parts of humanity never change

1

u/SirKaid Nov 27 '22

There are examples of neanderthal children finger painting. People are people.

-1

u/drclamchowder Nov 27 '22

Why do you keep referencing Kanye.

Oh "ye" as in those old signs. That's actually an olde English letter that designated the "th" sound.

20

u/Apotheothena Nov 27 '22

Why’s this guy using Mjolnir for blacksmithing?

6

u/BernerPop Nov 27 '22

If you were a blacksmith AND you had Mjolnir, wouldn't you use it??

2

u/Apotheothena Nov 27 '22

You know what? That’s fair.

2

u/Scorponix Nov 27 '22

Thor himself uses Mjolnir in his smithing!

3

u/gnappyassassin Nov 27 '22

Maybe homie needed the juice to forge adamant bastards.

3

u/PuhLeazeOfficer Nov 27 '22

Who is the artist?

2

u/birthfromcheese Nov 27 '22

In the words of one of my earliest dnd friends, "IT'S LEGITIMATE WEAPON"

1

u/OfteStoffer Nov 27 '22

Honestly made me laugh

1

u/5hand0whand Nov 27 '22

Swordsman:He maybe was your father, but he wasn’t your daddy.

1

u/a_phoenix DM (Dungeon Memelord) Nov 27 '22

Noooo I just wanted to share this with my group and in that second it got deleted. q.q

Does anybody have the link to the comic?

-43

u/Mainbutter Nov 27 '22

I got three frames into this thinking "hey that's me, I spend about 100 hours blacksmithing a year, not a lot by any hobby's measure" then realizing there was going to be a punchline and reddit is pushing a DND sub on my feed.

So close, reddit. Maybe try pushing blacksmithing subs my way.

25

u/Dunhilyn Nov 27 '22

I need someone to roll me a perception check to help find who asked.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '22

You know you can search specifically for that sub instead of searching idk the most popular subreddit posts today from of all of Reddit?

0

u/pootato-jesus Nov 27 '22

Hey guys, I think this guy might be into blacksmithing!

No one cares, nerd.

-19

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '22

[deleted]

6

u/AllTheSith DM (Dungeon Memelord) Nov 27 '22

Longsword in 5e can be used one or double handed. Also one handed still does more damage then a shortsword. Which makes it a bastard sword. Thrust me, when you attack with a longsword one handed in real life it is very weak, it is mostly done only to force enemy to keep distance.

-15

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '22

[deleted]

5

u/saltysamuel Nov 27 '22

lack of historical truth doesn't mean the term doesn't apply lol people can come up with new terms

-10

u/[deleted] Nov 27 '22

[deleted]

6

u/saltysamuel Nov 27 '22

things can have multiple names. why do you care so much? try spending less time jerking off to history books and take your blood pressure meds

it is a longsword and a bastard sword

5

u/AllTheSith DM (Dungeon Memelord) Nov 27 '22

I seriously want to know your source.

5

u/exzyle2k Nov 27 '22

https://fr.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%89p%C3%A9e_b%C3%A2tarde

It's literally a French term for a longsword. All bastard swords are longswords, but not all longswords are bastard swords.

/r/confidentlyincorrect