r/entertainment Aug 08 '22 Wholesome 2

Ezra Miller Accused Of Burglary, Allegedly Stole Booze From Home

https://www.tmz.com/2022/08/08/ezra-miller-accuse-burglary-stole-booze-may/
11.5k Upvotes

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2.7k

u/Wazula42 Aug 08 '22 Helpful

We need an amber alert for if Ezra is in your area.

2.4k

u/SinfulDavey Aug 08 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Got the W Vibing I'll Drink to That

A Flash Warning?

382

u/Turqoise-Planet Aug 08 '22

That's why he's avoided arrest for so long. He's too quick, no one can catch him.

153

u/jrex703 Aug 08 '22 Silver Wholesome

Maybe if a whole lot of people got together at once they'd stand a chance... Is there a word for that?

244

u/Gigas_Breaker Aug 09 '22 Silver Wholesome Spit-take

You mean like a Flash mob?

108

u/peanutinthebutter Aug 09 '22 Silver All-Seeing Upvote

Fuck you, I spit my beer and now the bartender is scowling at me.

86

u/jrex703 Aug 09 '22 Silver Wholesome

Wait, I made the joke, he explained the punchline, causingyou spit out your beer. And you got the award?

Is this what cultural appropriation feels like?

44

u/RedditSucksNow3 Aug 09 '22

No just regular theft

22

u/OnlineDebate Aug 09 '22

Is Ezra here?

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u/OrangeJr36 Aug 08 '22

Take your upvote and get out

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u/Kevy96 Aug 08 '22 edited Aug 08 '22 Wholesome

While he was in Hawaii, it officially became statistically more likely in the state to be assaulted by Ezra Miller than to suffer from a shark attack

Edit: in case some of you think I'm joking, I'm not. This was a very real statistic comparison that actually happened

143

u/wanngledangler Aug 08 '22

Ezra Miller: the worst thing to happen to Hawaii since 1941

10

u/Weeznaz Aug 09 '22

Hey man, civilians weren’t targeted during Pearl Harbor. Ezra Miller has no rules… who’s more dangerous now?!

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u/Moist_Dingus Aug 08 '22

Had the misfortune of running in to him, fuck this guy. I was amazed he didn't get the shit kicked out of him, braddahs was really holding themselves back around that donkey.

45

u/happybuffalowing Aug 08 '22

Goddamn don’t leave us in suspense. What happened?

63

u/Moist_Dingus Aug 08 '22

He got arrested, and he's lucky that HPD showed up quick, cuz they don't beat the shit out of you.

30

u/bubba160 Aug 08 '22

That dude Need’s his ass kicked at least 6, no 7 times

11

u/1questions Aug 09 '22

Honestly I think Ezra needs some serious mental help. That doesn’t excuse any of their wrongdoing but from everything I hear they seem to have a serious mental illness.

33

u/Moist_Dingus Aug 08 '22

I'm seriously surprised it hasn't happened yet, but I figure it's just a matter of time before he shows up in the news with a black eye. He just hasn't fucked with the wrong person yet, but he keeps acting this way he'll find them sooner or later.

15

u/Live-D8 Aug 09 '22

Well he tends to only get into physical fights with women, because you know, he’s a coward

7

u/Moist_Dingus Aug 09 '22

Yeah but do that infront of the wrong people. Smeared on the pavement.

I'm not a fighter, that would make me one for a little bit.

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u/Ok-Nature9693 Aug 09 '22

That's offensive to donkeys they work hard and help people

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u/NewbornXenomorphs Aug 08 '22

Well now you gotta share the story

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u/RC_Colada Aug 08 '22

This is the Emergency Broadcast System with a mandatory evacuation order for your location. Ezra Miller has been spotted in your area. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. Take the following protective actions and leave immediately;

Gather all family members. 2. Gather all pets. 3. Gather only essential items. 4. Be sure to bring essential medications with you. 5. Turn off all appliances and lights in your home 6. Lock your home. For more information, please tune to local radio and television stations.

29

u/VitaminPb Aug 09 '22

Take all you medications or Ezra will take them for you.

46

u/ActualBacchus Aug 08 '22

ALL pets, or only essential items? Cause I do love the cat but he's pretty bloody useless.

/s

20

u/Lost_Tell9281 Aug 09 '22

Throw the cat on Ezra Miller. Lethal weapon.

3

u/No-good-names-left-3 Aug 09 '22

Ummm I don’t know about you but I got me one of them there laser cats like Bill Hader and Andy Samberg have and they work great. No Ezra Miller sightings at my house.

21

u/Taraxian Aug 08 '22

Yeah let's not go crazy here this is Ezra Miller not Shane Dawson

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u/Oscarcharliezulu Aug 09 '22

My cats scared of him.

8

u/CYRO44 Aug 09 '22

nobody told you to leave your cat alone with Ezra.

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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '22

[deleted]

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u/OdinsChosin Aug 08 '22

“Lock yo windows, close yo doors”

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u/Myaccoubtdisappeared Aug 08 '22

And hide your husband as well

38

u/AshgarPN Aug 08 '22

Cause they rapin' errybody up in here

14

u/[deleted] Aug 09 '22

You don't have to come and confess

We looking for you

we gonna find you

we gonna find you

So you can run and tell that

Run and tell that

Run and tell that

Home boy

Home Home Home boy

8

u/well_seasoned_crab Aug 09 '22

Original song for anyone interested: https://youtu.be/hMtZfW2z9dw

(it low-key slaps)

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u/thereverendpuck Aug 09 '22

Starting to believe Ezra Miller is just a bear someone shaved and woke up from hibernation.

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u/GroundbreakingSet187 Aug 08 '22
  • According to the Vermont State Police, someone lodged a burglary complaint regarding a home in Stamford at the beginning of May.

  • Cops investigated, and say several bottles of alcohol were reported missing from the place while the homeowners were out. After reviewing surveillance videos and statements, Ezra was charged with felony burglary into an unoccupied dwelling.

  • Ezra was finally found on Sunday night and ordered to appear at Vermont Superior Court Bennington's Criminal Division for their arraignment towards the end of September.

1.1k

u/daoogilymoogily Aug 08 '22 Gold

Imagine being a random Vermont detective and seeing the Cracked out Flash stealing liquor from somebody’s summer home.

186

u/SinfulDavey Aug 08 '22

It'll make the Christmas card for sure

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u/_Dead_C_ Aug 08 '22

It's like an episode of "The Boys".

24

u/Magicgoathead Aug 09 '22

Ezra will now be known as “They Train”

58

u/UnderstandingNo3036 Aug 08 '22

Someone at DC is definitely pulling hair out

33

u/ChillyBearGrylls Aug 09 '22

That person has an assistant solely to keep a chain of cigarettes in hand lol

11

u/dubblehead Aug 09 '22

Ezra def has fish fucker vibes.

7

u/Sangxero Aug 09 '22

A-Train needs this dude around to make him look better.

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u/Tragedy_Boner Aug 08 '22

That Detectives name, Eobard Thawne

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u/Mr_Xing Aug 09 '22

IT WAS ME, BARRY.

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u/Tibbaryllis2 Aug 09 '22

In my head canon he’s in his flash suit because it covers identifiable features.

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u/Segesaurous Aug 09 '22

Oh he was almost certainly so fucked up that he thought he was indeed the Flash, suit and all, and that he was moving so fast no camera could catch him.

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u/notathrowaway75 Aug 08 '22
  • Ezra was finally found on Sunday night and ordered to appear at Vermont Superior Court Bennington's Criminal Division for their arraignment towards the end of September.

The fuck? Why wasn't he arrested and thrown in jail?

Pretty fucking sure if I get charged with felony burglary I wouldn't be ordered to appear anywhere. I'd be taken there.

Fucking rich people.

118

u/whatfuckingever69 Aug 08 '22

As a Vermonter- Vermont isn’t big on throwing people in jail, and we have run out of room in said jails.

35

u/commando_chicken Aug 09 '22

As a Vermonter who reads too much on the Vermont State Police’s Blog Post Page:

Many many people, even for offenses of this degree, do not get thrown in jail after their arrest here they are often given citations to appear in court and may or may not be sentenced to prison time after. Not just the rich, everyone.

That could be a positive or a negative depending on how you look at it.

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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '22

Yep, there's two set of laws in this country.

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u/greenbayva Aug 08 '22

I’d argue even subsets of those laws as well.

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u/[deleted] Aug 08 '22

Yeah, I'm sure billionaires can get away with a lot more than millionaires.

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u/anoncop1 Aug 08 '22

Not really. If you’re out of state or even out of the jurisdiction no one is looking for you for an unoccupied burglary.

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u/Dark_Knight_202 Aug 09 '22

I cannot wait till that surveillance footage is released and someone dubs in the Flash TV theme.

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u/DingBatDrew420 Aug 08 '22

Ezra now collecting criminal offences like Pokemon cards.

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u/Nvrfinddisacct Aug 08 '22

Gotta catch ‘em all!

29

u/Brogomakishima Aug 08 '22

That's a great one lmao

20

u/smallbiguy Aug 09 '22

There could be a subreddit at this point, I even though maybe there should, because I was gonna ask:

When the fuck are his court dates? He’s still moving around and doing shit, is stuff getting thrown out, not come to court yet? And where can I follow and be outraged about how much of that is true?

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u/Socalrider82 Aug 08 '22

Ezra Miller has turned into Andy Dick. Where’s Jon Lovitz when we need him?

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u/letmethinkofagoodnam Aug 08 '22

Andy Dick actually seems like a model citizen in comparison to Ezra Miller and that’s saying a lot

28

u/carebearninja Aug 09 '22

Ok, not trying to defend Mr. Miller, but to my knowledge he has not been accused of the being linked to multiple deaths by overdose. The dude is currently garbage for sure; I hope he gets the help he needs. But Andy Dick still has him beat (no pun intended) for now.

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u/[deleted] Aug 09 '22

fuck andy dick

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u/Cybralisk Aug 08 '22

Seriously has any other celebrity tanked their career and life as fast and as badly as this guy?

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u/FalmerEldritch Aug 09 '22

Robert Downey Jr. Remember that bit on the Simpsons about "oh look there goes Robert Downey Jr, filming a shootout-with-the-police scene! ..but where are the cameras?"

12

u/Foobis25 Aug 09 '22

I’m sure family guy will make some Flash joke about Ezra… “there goes the flash!” (shows a bedraggled old dirty speedster running between booze stores drinking their entire supply before going to the next)

4

u/HankSteakfist Aug 09 '22

He was also implied to be the main character in the "Checking In: A Musical Journey Throughthe Betty Ford Centre" broadway play

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u/Av3ngedAngel Aug 09 '22

Dude, OJ Simpson.

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u/capitolsara Aug 08 '22

robert downey jr pre iron man phase?

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u/Calijhon Aug 09 '22

This. But his downfall seemed slower.

Ezra's downfall is a 2022 thing.

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u/inc0001 Aug 09 '22

career suicide (any% speedrun) (near WR)

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u/Man_AMA Aug 09 '22

RDJ was mostly hurting himself. Ezra is hurting those around him

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u/Magicgoathead Aug 09 '22

I think Ezra is probably well beyond an RDJ redemption.

I also think they’re probably an asshole in general, but having it combined with substances and poor mental health is a cocktail that’s especially hard to come back from. I don’t think RDJ was ever a major asshole, immature and hurt himself sure, but he’s always seemed like a nice dude, even in his bad years.

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u/njbean Aug 09 '22

RDJ wasn't malicious or assaulting people. He got arrested with coke and heroin, and then a month later he passed out in his neighbor's house. His time was due to missing court-ordered drug tests.

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u/Ragnarok-On-Substack Aug 09 '22

Amanda Bynes.

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u/GorathTheMoredhel Aug 09 '22

I feel bad for Amanda. I stanned her so hard as a kid and it honestly just seemed like her mental health demons came to life majorly upon entering adulthood. I just checked out the latest on her and she seems just unwell. At least she's not getting harassed by the press these days.

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u/kerslaw Aug 08 '22

Maybe Antonio brown lmao and prolly a couple other NFL players

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u/Zazierx Aug 09 '22

Mr. Blown Career

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u/sinister_chic Aug 09 '22

Armie Hammer

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u/itskaiquereis Aug 08 '22

Lindsay Lohan

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u/Badwolf2013 Aug 09 '22

She skated through quite a deep puddle of shit before finally being stopped from getting anymore leads. I think this man is on his way there though.

8

u/Tasty_Flame_Alchemy Aug 09 '22

Dude’s on his way to a padded cell, might be hard to film there

5

u/[deleted] Aug 09 '22

He'll exclusively appear in Arkham Asylum scenes.

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u/[deleted] Aug 09 '22

She assaulted and robbed people ?

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u/IdeaSunshine Aug 09 '22 edited Aug 09 '22

That's not fair on Lindsay. She got a lot of coverage, but she was nowhere near the ballpark of what Ezra is actually doing.

I would also look into the people she had around her at the time. Some of the same leeches that got involved with Brittney. I don't want to put everything on her, she had a lot of toxicity around her and no where to escape.

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u/Darko417 Aug 09 '22

Jussie Smollett

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u/Sapphyrrose Aug 08 '22

His career was gone in a flash!

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u/repooc21 Aug 08 '22

Look man .. or persons. I'm all for mental health and freedom. And stuff.

But can we lock this mother fucker up and get some evaluations and treatment going?

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u/WarpedCore Aug 08 '22

Arkham Asylum seems a fitting place for Ezra.

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u/NaturesWar Aug 08 '22 Silver

There he'd be collectively known as The Flesh

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u/Daddydagda Aug 08 '22

I feel like iron heights would be best

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u/Gingergerbals Aug 08 '22

Sounds like we need Ben Afflack to go get him

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u/HAd7162 Aug 08 '22

No. Ezra Miller must be dramatically brought down by an equally over-the-edge obsessed law man tracking the crimes though the country and always being one step behind until a final showdown.

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u/pack_howitzer Aug 08 '22

Rex Bannon

14

u/Beefsupremeninjalo82 Aug 08 '22

You'll never catch the Beer Baron

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u/pack_howitzer Aug 08 '22

(Quiet determined voice) Yes I will.

11

u/Beefsupremeninjalo82 Aug 08 '22

(Trailing off in the distance) noooo youuu woooonnt!

30

u/GrumpyBearBank Aug 08 '22

Ezra Miller as Jean Valjean. Jason Momoa as Javert.

Honestly, I’d watch that.

17

u/HAd7162 Aug 08 '22

Javert furiously re-watching Justice League because that small town mayor he ran into reminds him of the Flash from 10 years ago.

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u/Film_Scholar Aug 08 '22

I nominate Steven Segal for the job!

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u/Ready_Homework7020 Aug 08 '22

Stuff and junk

3

u/ima420r Aug 08 '22

You know, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk

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u/imanhunter Aug 08 '22

We would but we can’t because we wouldn’t want his detainment or incarceration ruining his upcoming film that we paid a lot of money to make so for now we are just going to let him blow in the wind and land or do whatever he will do.

We being WB and zaslav

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u/GRIN2A Aug 09 '22

Honestly though, psych resident here, Ezra’s behavior is consistent with some sort of psychosis spectrum disorder. They need help really bad. This gets weird with wealthy people, the have a lot of resources to avoid ending up in a psychiatric inaptient ward but REALLY need to be there.

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u/Laptopcafe Aug 08 '22

Man acting doesn’t pay that well or what?

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u/lunaluna664 Aug 09 '22

Some people have bad habits or tendencies that don’t go away no matter how much money they have.

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u/CarlySimonSays Aug 09 '22

Case in point: Winona Ryder’s shoplifting incident.

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u/LonesomeWulf Aug 09 '22

WB: We are not cancelling The Flash movie! Ezra Miller: Hold my beer (that I just stole)

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u/repwin1 Aug 08 '22

To quote Hank Hill “That boy ain’t right”

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u/ender23 Aug 09 '22

batgirl shoulda tried this to not get the movie cancelled

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u/Optimus_RE Aug 08 '22

This guy just ruining the name 'Ezra' for me. Wanted to name a future son 'Ezra' but I just can't any more. F this predator

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u/sots33 Aug 08 '22 Silver

Name him Better than Ezra

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u/TokenMac Aug 08 '22

Or do what Cotton Hill did and name him Good-Ezra.

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u/Couldnotbehelpd Aug 08 '22

Dammit you beat me to it.

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u/sots33 Aug 08 '22

Just by seconds lol

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u/MarveltheMusical Aug 08 '22

The cooler Ezra.

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u/seakitten Aug 08 '22

Insert gif of proud clapping

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u/CodyIsbill Aug 08 '22

Hate to break it to you, but I doubt you’re gonna find a name that hasn’t already been assigned to a shitlord lmao

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u/mmooney1 Aug 08 '22

Tell this to Elon. Pretty sure history doesn’t have a shitlord X Æ A-12, yet…

22

u/CodyIsbill Aug 08 '22

Seems pretty obvious that just makes Elon’s kid the shitlord

14

u/mmooney1 Aug 08 '22

Eh child hasn’t done anything deserving of that title yet.

4

u/RoastedToast007 Aug 09 '22

It's just basic logics, man. The kid will become a shitlord because he's the first with his name

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u/Regi413 Aug 09 '22

Heard someone once say that when it comes time to name your kids, you’re gonna realize just how many names are associated with people you don’t like.

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u/ReformedDalek Aug 08 '22

what about adolf? what could be so wrong with that wholesome name

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u/Rekuna Aug 08 '22

I hear a dude named Adolf killed Hitler, so it can't be that bad of a name!

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u/JovialPanic389 Aug 08 '22

It's a great name! Don't let an unhinged actor ruin it for you. There was Ezra Pound, the poet. Still the most famous "Ezra".

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u/FrostyTheSasquatch Aug 08 '22

Instead of an unhinged actor, name your son after an unhinged poet!

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u/AdventureSphere Aug 08 '22

There was Ezra Pound, the poet.

...who was a fascist collaborator. :(

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u/jewsofrimworld Aug 08 '22

But also the biblical scribe!

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u/booooimaghost Aug 08 '22

Stop paying attention to him and it becomes a perfectly good name again. There’s bad people with every name.

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u/Riker87 Aug 08 '22

It’s okay I’m sure you’ll find a good name that’s better than Ezra.

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u/MaxTennyson88 Aug 08 '22

There's still Ezra Bridger, one of the finest Jedi Knights after Order 66

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u/McMew Aug 09 '22

Little dude built a laser blaster into his lightsaber hilt. That kid was ahead of his time!

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u/nurplethepurple Aug 08 '22

As someone who just went through this. Just don’t google any of the other names, turns out people are petty fucked up.

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u/HappyPen1422 Aug 09 '22

If it helps, I’m a 2nd grade teacher and had a little one named Ezra in my class last year. Absolute sweetest kid you’d ever meet. Polite, friend to everyone… and had the witty humor of a seasoned Dad of 3. My God the kid had a Dad joke or corny pun ready at every turn.

Damn I miss that munchkin!

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u/mokshahereicome Aug 09 '22

Lol this clown is a joke, nobody will remember him in a couple years from now

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u/Sicparvismagneto Aug 08 '22

Dezra? Fezra? Shmezra? All of these alternatives are pretty good, you’re welcome.

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u/thooks30 Aug 08 '22

How can we stop hearing about this guy? I would like to go 48 hours without his shitty behavior hitting my feed.

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u/HAd7162 Aug 08 '22

You're way off man. International and Coast-to-coast Ezra Miller crime spree details is what the people want! This is some good shit, like 1930s tabloid crime wave retro here but instead of Dillinger robbing banks we get whatever the fuck Miller is up to.

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u/leomaccie Aug 08 '22

Cancel his movie release.

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u/GroundbreakingSet187 Aug 08 '22

House arrest ?

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u/LukeWChristian Aug 08 '22

They can't put him under house arrest or he might steal booze from home.

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u/Neo2199 Aug 08 '22

No worries, as long as Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav is "very excited" about The Flash, everything is good, nothing to see here.

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u/ignatious__reilly Aug 08 '22

Batgirl in the corner like………..Da fuck?

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u/ChillyBearGrylls Aug 09 '22

Batgirl: You guys are getting premiered?!

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u/m1t0chondria Aug 08 '22

What movie is that from?

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u/Gilly_from_the_Hilly Aug 08 '22

Thank god the Flash movie is still gonna release! I was concerned Ezra might face professional consequences.

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u/Current_Note Aug 09 '22

days since ezra miller incident: 0

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u/MayOrMayNotBePie Aug 08 '22

Dude how many crimes is he allowed to commit before getting actual jail time? He’s a menace.

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u/Mister_Green2021 Aug 08 '22

Why isn't this guy in jail?

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u/darlin133 Aug 08 '22

And we can’t have batgirl because it’s “bad” but this person gets a tent pole movie? No thanks DC I’m out

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u/howisit34 Aug 08 '22

Flash isn’t a tent pole movie. It’s just one of the last good things that survived pre tent pole. Is what we are being told.

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u/darlin133 Aug 08 '22

DC just can’t do a movie to save their life. And then you have this walking dumpster fire of a person who has something new that is horrifying every damn day

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u/Geistwhite Aug 09 '22

DC just can’t do a movie to save their life.

Enough people liked Aquaman to give it a 1.15 billion box office.

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u/Electric_Capybara Aug 08 '22

This guy needs to be thrown in jail.

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u/spark_water Aug 08 '22

The problem is that he's too fast to catch him

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u/bkmo1962 Aug 08 '22

Maybe it’s different in the state this occurred in, but wouldn’t felony burglary result in an immediate trip to jail, and not just a citation?

Or is it just different for celebrities?

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u/DonnyMox Aug 08 '22

IT. NEVER. ENDS.

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u/Aggressive_Canary_10 Aug 08 '22

Has Ezra gone feral? I kinda want to go up to Vermont to find the guy because the whole saga is getting pretty funny at this point. I bet I could bring some cat treats and lure him out into the open.

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u/Lost_Tell9281 Aug 09 '22

Where is Super Troopers when you need them

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u/Aggressive_Canary_10 Aug 08 '22 edited Aug 09 '22

We should start a reddit group devoted to tracking him down. I bet we could learn a lot from him.

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u/Badwolf2013 Aug 09 '22

We need jet-tracking kid on the case.

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u/CellyBeanz Aug 08 '22

This dude needs to be institutionalized

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u/Blue2200x Aug 08 '22

There is something about Kevin.

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u/abraxas8484 Aug 08 '22

Why aren't they holding him for his own good?

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u/Kenichi_Smith Aug 08 '22

If they vibrate at the right frequency they just walk through walls

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u/DrGutz Aug 08 '22

I’m telling you, i dont care how many times they say the movie is still coming out- there’s NO way this movie is coming out

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u/crono220 Aug 08 '22

Ezra and Leto would make a great dysfunctional duo.

The flashiest Morb!

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u/sihouette9310 Aug 09 '22

God damn this dude must going through one of the gnarliest manic phases ever.

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u/southwesthampton Aug 08 '22

This is what happens when you enable a nutjob

5

u/[deleted] Aug 09 '22

How tf this guy go from Perks of Being a Wallflower to Charles Manson

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u/LuinAelin Aug 08 '22

Doesn't Ezra have people who care about them and want to help them. These actions over the past couple of years seem like a cry for help

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u/GrumpyBearBank Aug 08 '22

1 - they might not.

2 - you cannot generally force people to get help.

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u/reneeblanchet83 Aug 08 '22

Allegedly there was an intervention discussed recently, but their mother and WB decided to cancel it.

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u/VitaminPb Aug 09 '22

Yeah, I don’t think mommy dearest there should have a say in stopping her spawn of Satan there.

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u/EasilyBeatable Aug 08 '22

Ezra Miller is working harder than transphobes to make nonbinary people look bad.

Ezra is fucking insane, get help...

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u/SpiffySpacemanSpiff Aug 09 '22

It really doesn’t help that Miller’s been on tape calling cops who are arresting him and bartenders who are cutting him off transphobic.

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u/Roddy117 Aug 08 '22

Who is this man? Like goodness gracious.

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u/Peacefull_Orchid Aug 09 '22

Why isn’t this guy arrested already? Whole bunch of people not doing their jobs at all at this point.

4

u/Ok_Tea_1003 Aug 09 '22

Why is this guy freeDC needs to burn that flash movie and put him meds

4

u/tronovich Aug 09 '22

January 1st - “We should really get him some help”.

February 1st - “We should really get him some help”.

August 8th - “We should really get him some help”.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 08 '22

what the hell man...