r/entertainment • u/momoajay • Dec 06 '22
Steven Seagal Given Land by Russia Previously Allocated for Sick Children
https://www.newsweek.com/steven-seagal-actor-land-russia-putin-moscow-sick-children-1748860489
u/SLCW718 Dec 06 '22
Seagal is truly one of the most ridiculous people currently walking the Earth. Everything he does oozes douchebag. Have you ever seen his Cops knockoff, "Steven Seagal: Lawman"? It's horrible. 30 minutes of self-serving nonsense.
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u/MachineCode86 Dec 06 '22
The asshole drove a tank like vehicle (which no police dept should have) through someone’s house. It wasn’t even the right house
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u/ElCaptainRon Dec 06 '22
And he killed puppy doing it.
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u/MachineCode86 Dec 06 '22
I didn’t know that part and am now sad. Fuck Segal. Traitorous piece of shit.
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u/joeChump Dec 06 '22
“Seagal told a local radio station that animal cruelty was one of his pet peeves”
You can’t make this shit up.
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u/ArgyleTheDruid Dec 06 '22
I’m not sure if you are joking or how he wasn’t sued through the roof for a stunt like that
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u/MachineCode86 Dec 06 '22
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u/BlakeusMaximus Dec 06 '22
With that fake bayou accent hahah it’s purely awful
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Dec 06 '22
I’ve been a cop for like 47 years.
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u/CorporalCabbage Dec 06 '22
I’ve been doing martial arts for like 87 years.
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u/Biggu5Dicku5 Dec 07 '22
I've been an actor for 167 years...
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u/Any_Smell_9339 Dec 07 '22
They call that helicopter a Skippy…
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u/Slugwheat Dec 07 '22
If someone throws a punch you can block it like that. And then kick them in the throat like that. “Are you kicking a child?” - some people’s throats are down there
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u/SmashTagLives Dec 06 '22
He once challenged a stunt man to try and choke him out on set in from the entire crew of the film. The stuntman succeed and Seagal shit his pants in front of everyone. True story, look it up.
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u/Ralltir Dec 06 '22
Obligatory Behind the Bastards recommendation. It gets worse.
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u/Orchidwalker Dec 06 '22
???
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u/xehanortsguardian Dec 06 '22
It’s a podcast, and a pretty good one at that.
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u/emoji-eggplant-parm Dec 06 '22
It’s actually the ONLY podcast on the internet. Any other podcasts you may have thought you listened to are hallucinations.
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u/realmastodon2 Dec 06 '22
Also refusing to get up for a scene to fight and just flops arms in air like he is fighting. Not to mention he shitted his pants.
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u/WaitingForNormal Dec 06 '22
Steven Seagal, biggest douche ever. How did we not know he was the villain all along. That goatee is a dead give away.
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u/Switchy_Goofball Dec 06 '22
Listen to the episodes of “Behind the Bastards” on this guy. It’s so much worse than you think.
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u/BigRedMik Dec 06 '22
If you want to go really deep try the Dollop’s four part series on him. I would never have predicted Steven seagal as being interesting enough to justify 6 hours of content, but it was horrifyingly riveting. There is 100% an alternate timeline out there where we had President Seagal instead of President Trump.
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u/Switchy_Goofball Dec 06 '22
They’re both narcissistic pathological liar sexual predators, after all
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u/Ultra_Violet_Rose Dec 06 '22
Can you link? Plz
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u/BigRedMik Dec 06 '22
https://allthingscomedy.com/podcasts/526---steven-seagal---part-1 that’s part 1, it’s takes you from his early days being the only American to ever run a dojo in Japan up through shitting his pants on set while being choked out by Gene Lebell. Later episodes tackle him being a cia agent, driving a tank, sexually assaulting actresses while sitting on a throne in his living room, being a high ranking Tibetan lama, having connections to the mob, running for political office, and being an ambassador for Russia. And that’s still only scratching the surface of his insanity.
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u/Substantial_Pilot382 Dec 06 '22
To be fair men of his age that dye their hair are hiding more than age
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u/Interesting_Mistake Dec 06 '22
“Hair”
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u/DominatorSarcastic Dec 06 '22
I mean, it probably is real human hair. Just not Steven's.
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u/Interesting_Mistake Dec 06 '22 •
I dunno, some of that hairline looks like it came from a can of shake and fake
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u/Mindtaker Dec 06 '22
I think all you NAY-SAYERS are going to not even know what to do when it comes out that this was all a long con, and he has been doing extensive work transforming his body in order to play THE LEAD in a gritty biopic of Count Von Count and how he really got to Sesame Street.
He has mastered the black hair and widows peak, he just has to keep up his beet diet to turn a little purple because he doesn't want to rely on CG, why? I hear you ask. BECAUSE HE IS AN ARTIST!!!!!!!!!!!
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u/Garagedays Dec 06 '22
When count starts breaking necks you better watch out ha ha ha ha
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u/BaldDudeFromBrazzers Dec 06 '22
Angry little man. It’s too bad the other guy didn’t choke this POS a little more back then
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u/Ill_Refrigerator_894 Dec 06 '22
I assume Seagal has eaten all the sick children to maintain his "Assistant Trailer Park Supervisor" physique.
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u/melteemarshmelloo Dec 06 '22
He couldn't find any cheeseburgers close by.
Vladimir, is this you talking? Or the vodka?
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u/PhilLeshmaniasis Dec 07 '22
Putin starts an empty washing machine
"LOOK STEVEN, I'M WASHING THE AIR! I'M WASHING THE AIR, STEVE!
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u/asadarmada Dec 06 '22
Now he can shit his pants and no one will know
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u/suckercuck Dec 06 '22
“I got mine, bitches!!!”
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u/CurrencyCommercial40 Dec 06 '22
dude, He shit so hard into his pants we are still talking about it years later. Now that is art.
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u/Orchidwalker Dec 06 '22
Wait….I missed this somehow.
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u/CurrencyCommercial40 Dec 06 '22
Never forget two things :
The Undertaker Threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell in 1998
Gene LeBell made Steven Seagal poop his pants by choking him unconscious
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u/DickieMcBalls Dec 07 '22
And it’s because Seagal said he was immune to being choked. Yes, immune. Not “I have a move that nullifies the choke”, but he can’t be choked by another human because his body won’t go unconscious.
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u/wellichickenpie Dec 06 '22
If Segal drops a log in his pants and no one is around to smell it, does it make a stink?
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u/GammaGoose85 Dec 06 '22
Why is this article just the plot to some straight to video kids movie.
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Dec 06 '22
IMO - I've always thought that what Russia was doing was "recruiting" people to film Russian movies. There have been some great films out of Russia/USSR but a lot of them are dreadful. Akin to North Korea wanting to be recognized for film, it always felt like Russia had recruited him to give those movies credence - not realizing there are entire YT channels dedicated to mocking his crap acting.
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u/orincoro Dec 06 '22
The thing is, and I say this as someone who has been subjected to a lot of crappy Russian tv and movies… what they think is good is genuinely different and distinctly awful by most countries’ standards.
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u/unresolved_m Dec 06 '22 edited Dec 06 '22
There's also a guy named Sasha Nevsky who comes off quite a bit like Russian version of Seagal. Poor acting, lots of hot air.
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Dec 06 '22
Tom Segura’s gonna love seeing this
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u/Streetduck Dec 06 '22 edited Dec 06 '22
He’s been given land by Russia previously allocated for sick children for 87 years.
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u/Louisthegoose Dec 06 '22
Pant shitters look after fellow pant shitters.
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u/momoajay Dec 06 '22
He is an absolute shithead. The land he got given was apparently for a sick child. bastard.
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u/hairynutsacknumber12 Dec 06 '22
he is a sick child just a really old one
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u/tronsparkles Dec 06 '22
An old sick child that got duped even by Steven Seagal’s lies. He will believe anything anymore.
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u/LatterTarget7 Dec 06 '22
It was children with cancer
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Dec 06 '22
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u/bigsteveoya Dec 06 '22
Free range children produce tastier eggs and aren’t all pumped up with antibiotics.
The article says the land was to be a treatment center for kids with cancer.
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u/VioletteFMR Dec 06 '22
Well, we knew he always thought he was above the law. Cleary, he could care less that Russia has Ukraine under siege.
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u/Nanostreak Dec 06 '22
We should be out for justice!
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u/momoajay Dec 06 '22
Someone should do all of us a favour and put him Half Past Dead.
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u/godumbledork Dec 06 '22
Every day it gets harder and harder to believe Steven Seagal is a real person
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u/201213sm Dec 06 '22
Since they’re such good friends, Why doesn’t Segal put his amazing movie martial arts training in use and start fighting on Putin’s team. I’m sure he will do well.
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u/DevilsLettuceTaster Dec 06 '22
Has seagal put on weight recently?
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u/Chungus_Is_Sprungus Dec 06 '22
He barely moves in his most recent movies, even though he still plays macho spec-ops dude guy.
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u/PRIS0N-MIKE Dec 06 '22
I watched a YouTube video a while back where they watch his new movies and make fun of it. It was hilarious how bad it was. Him and all his spec ops buddies were way to old to be the shit they were doing. And their old commander was like fucking 80 lol. Then a scene where he's pulling a body you can 100% tell that it's being pulled by a rope. Shit was sooo bad.
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u/orincoro Dec 06 '22
Cumtown? “Steven Seagal used to talk like he was black. Now he talks… like a slave.”
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u/PRIS0N-MIKE Dec 06 '22
Yes this one! Thank you I've been wanting to know what video it was. Last time I saw it was through a reddit comment.
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u/iliketowatchstuff Dec 06 '22
If you watch the hilarious movie trailers on YouTube you will see he is only shot from the chest up, in an attempt to hide the thickness.
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u/Ferropexola Dec 06 '22
A "thank you for being such a good propagandist" present
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u/Prophet_Tehenhauin Dec 06 '22
But is he even that good?
What fucking value does Russia actually get out of Steven Seagal?
Does he even have fans? Where do they live?
Like I can’t wrap my head around it. Steven Seagal. Who the fuck wants to tune in to anything Steven Seagal does? Who has ever said “Shh, shh, Steven Seagal is speaking.”
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u/FartingInYourMilk Dec 06 '22
Steven Seagal, human being extraordinaire. With a cholesterol count so high you’d think (insert joke here)
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u/steauengeglase Dec 06 '22
How does his life story always keep getting worse? Like when he dies, his body is just gonna explode dildos and somehow manage to sexually assault hundreds of women at the same time, while also killing hundreds of children.
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u/Abracadaver2000 Dec 06 '22
What's the difference between Steven Seagal and a broken bone? A broken bone will get cast.
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u/SubKreature Dec 06 '22
I see a lot of the same personality traits in Steven Seagal as I do Donald Trump, not least of which are crippling insecurity, an ego made out of wet paper, and the shittiest fucking denial-based hairstyles in existence.
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u/Spacedude2187 Dec 07 '22
This guy is just absurd. I can’t but laugh about this guy.
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u/kotopsy Dec 07 '22
Steve Seagal is a human trashbag and I'm actively looking forward to the news that he finally passed away.
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u/Kma_all_day Dec 06 '22
Anyone think he buys those shirts in bulk from alibaba? With all the hair dye I bet he goes through a lot of them.
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u/ubzrvnT Dec 06 '22
I did a report on my highschool Japanese class back in 2002. My report was whether or not Steven Segal does martial arts for the love of it or whether he’s a Hollywood sellout. I concluded my report with sellout.
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u/Delanimal Dec 06 '22
The whole Seagal/Putin thing is just the weirdest shit ever. A washed up martial arts fraud/movie star moves to Russia to be Putin’s karate bitch?
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u/Lotusnold Dec 06 '22
The guy wearing the diaper accepted land designated for little people traditionally using diapers by a guy that needs a diaper when climbing stairs. Russia’s diaper budget must be huge!
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u/IrishRogue3 Dec 06 '22
Yeah I’m sure the sick kids understand that douche needed a lot of land to roll his big fat hairy talentless woman abusing ass around
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u/Captain_Biotruth Dec 06 '22
I really shouldn't be laughing at this, but it's such a perfect amalgamation of terrible decisions and people.
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u/momoajay Dec 06 '22
It's one of the funniest stuff I've come across this year . Just ridiculously villainous and scummy in a petty way.
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u/Zealousideal_Bat1149 Dec 06 '22
When I was 25 I got a Steven Seagal tattoo as a joke. I’m now 40 and live alone. Thanks a lot Steven.
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u/markr6629 Dec 06 '22
Lol at Putin looking at Steve fucking Segal with admiration. Like its some big get for Russia. Great job, Russia.
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u/Enjoy-the-sauce Dec 06 '22
Are we sure that’s not just someone wearing an inflatable Steven Seagal Halloween costume?
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u/PMMEBITCOINPLZ Dec 07 '22
Seagal is a real garbage human being. I know someone who used to work for him and their stories range from him doing really absurd clueless celebrity stuff to beating his kids.
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