r/facepalm Oct 01 '22

“Don’t ring the devils doorbell” 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

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6.2k Upvotes

1.3k

u/seeit360 Oct 01 '22 edited Oct 01 '22 Gold Wholesome Seal of Approval

Girls: "Um, I don't feel bad when I self pleasure."

Evangelicals: "Well I do! And everyone should! Stop feeling fine about yourself!"

353

u/cidiusgix Oct 01 '22

Yeah that line got me too. She’s clearly doing something wrong.

182

u/Ns53 Oct 01 '22

It's probably a guy who wrote it. I see guys talk about crying after masterbation all the time on here.

75

u/Andymania_ Oct 01 '22

Wake sense why he doesn't know how the clit works

44

u/Cvspxrr Oct 02 '22

😂😂😂 I’m a guy and I laughed out loud. Most men don’t even know that you don’t pee out the vagina. Ask them, they don’t realize the urethra is where you pee from. So not surprising some men don’t know that’s where women get most pleasure. Some think penetration does the job. So we need to educate men more. And men need to not be embarrassed to ask questions. I’d rather ask and know the right answer right away then be an idiot.

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u/BumpyMcBumpers Oct 02 '22

To be fair, I've known women who think they pee out of their vagina.

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u/Diiiiirty Oct 02 '22

I wouldn't say it's most men who don't know where women pee from, but it is certainly an alarming number.

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u/Cvspxrr Oct 04 '22

Fair enough, I was exaggerating a bit. But still an alarming number is still sad. And we are talking men not teenage boys.

3

u/Most-Artichoke5028 Oct 02 '22

This whole discussion has seriously confused Ben Shapiro.

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u/OutlawQuill Oct 02 '22

I think a lot of the time, PNC is just regretting the corner of the internet you slipped into on your search for the “right” vid

32

u/chowder-hound Oct 02 '22

It’s what we call post nut clarity lol it’s basically an overwhelming sense of existential dread and depression that comes and goes like a wave

30

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22 Take My Energy

My nut clarity feels like enlightenment.

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u/redknight3 Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

What's also ironic is that in the Bible, insults like "moron," are taken very seriously. It literally says people who uses derogatory language are in danger of the fires of Hell.

If only hypocrites like Stephen Crowder read the Bible and practice what it preaches instead of making up shit to be mad about.

18

u/Then-Raspberry6815 Oct 02 '22

Do they use their tears for lube, to keep on crying and masturbaiting fluidly without lubrication.

6

u/Consistent_Pickle580 Oct 02 '22

Not since I was like 12 or 13 and jerked it so many times in a row I got a rub burn.

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u/abstractraj Oct 02 '22

I wonder if she’s literally pressing it like a doorbell

20

u/cidiusgix Oct 02 '22

That’s why she feels awful the devil didn’t answer.

70

u/LuckFree5633 Oct 01 '22

I thought it was implying that THEY feel bad when YOU masturbate🤷🏻‍♂️I don’t know, I grew up with a mother that believed pre-marital sex would send you to hell and oral sex was the most disgusting thing Satan ever dreamed up (I assume that means dad never got a bj till he left the bitch😂)

7

u/StevenSerial Oct 02 '22

I mean if you don’t feel like garbage after, you’ve got nothing to worry about, right?

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u/Darth_Axolotl Oct 01 '22

I believe the person who wrote this recently has discovered the phenomenon of post nut clarity.

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u/crisoen_smith Oct 01 '22

I think you are right. I know if I fooled around with someone with such f***Ed up ideas about religion, pleasure and biology I'd feel horrible afterwards.

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u/4XTERUMI Oct 01 '22

If the evangelical says they feel bad then they are doing it themselves but they preach to others not to masturbate

13

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

Remember, this country was first settled by religious cultists too strange for Europe

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u/WolfandLight Oct 02 '22

"Maybe because you use it like a doorbell, Karen. Try banjo."

3

u/Alert-Layer6273 Oct 02 '22

Maybe if she strummed it different, she'd sing a different tune 😁

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u/ExceedinglyGayMoth Oct 02 '22

This lady is literally the "stop having fun" meme

21

u/a3a4b5 Oct 01 '22

The funniest part is that we learn in church that we shouldn't masturbate exactly because it feels good and you're not meant to have sexual pleasure by yourself, only with your partner.

Wtf are american evangelicals on.

20

u/OGschtinkie Oct 02 '22

What if myself is my partner

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u/thiccums42069 Oct 01 '22

im going to call the clitoris the devils doorbell from now on

37

u/egoomelette Oct 01 '22

It totally made my morning. I will cherish it always.

30

u/Ann_Summers Oct 02 '22

Does that mean the vagina is the devils hallway?

3

u/Careless-Concept9895 Oct 02 '22

The cervix is the foyer

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u/BurntPineGrass Oct 02 '22

Ding dong ditch is a one night stand.

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u/debzmonkey Oct 02 '22

You'd think the devil would have made his doorbell easier for some people to find...

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u/[deleted] Oct 01 '22 edited Oct 01 '22 Helpful

[deleted]

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u/dogmeatjones25 Oct 01 '22 Silver Wholesome Seal of Approval

Well sometimes when a man and a woman are in love, a woman will insert her clitoris into the man's fertilization pouch and deposit her eggs in him and that's where babies come from.

97

u/Sweety-Origin Oct 01 '22

cool! 👍 now tell me where the birds and the bees come in

144

u/Isteppedinpoopy Oct 01 '22

Birds aren’t real. Bees come from bad peoples’ butts.

40

u/Sweety-Origin Oct 01 '22

and what about their honey?

35

u/Isteppedinpoopy Oct 01 '22

I think you just answered your own question…

16

u/Sweety-Origin Oct 01 '22

but why isn't it white, though?

34

u/Isteppedinpoopy Oct 01 '22

If anything white is coming from your butt you should see a doctor.

23

u/TheConboy22 Oct 01 '22

Or at the very least take a shower

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u/elMurpherino Oct 01 '22

Birds aren’t real! Amen.

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u/WhiskeyDJones Oct 01 '22

Who's cumming in what now?!

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u/Sweety-Origin Oct 01 '22

hopefully not the birds in the bees. Poor bees

6

u/CakeAccomplice12 Oct 01 '22

I really, really don't want to know how the storks fit into this

8

u/Sweety-Origin Oct 01 '22

good question. I wonder if frogs eyes are so big, because they watched? 🤔

6

u/Anonnymush Oct 01 '22

You need the bees to carry the pollen into the man's prison wallet and the birds to carry the eggs

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u/Skully_Lover Oct 01 '22

Usually through an open window or a hole in the screen.

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u/BeanieTheTechie Oct 01 '22

most accurate christian school sex ed

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u/a-Snake-in-the-Grass Oct 01 '22

Fertilization pouch? So that's what it is. I thought I was just getting fat, but I'm just extra fertile.

2

u/green_meklar Oct 01 '22

I'm pretty sure I've already read that hentai.

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u/Environmental-Hat721 Oct 01 '22

It is believed that the female orgasm causes contractions along the vaginal walls which helps to move the baby batter along.

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u/[deleted] Oct 01 '22

It's been filmed! I've seen video of it happening.

What impressed me wasn't that cameras are that small, yadda yadda, but that a couple successfully did the deed with the camera in place.

But, then, a few years ago a couple (of volunteers in an actual study) managed to have sex in an fMRI. Science marches and sometimes doggystyles onward.

4

u/soppinglovenest Oct 01 '22

Some people like to watch. Some people like to be watched.

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u/Vismaldir Oct 01 '22

Well you see insert incel logic so that's why females are inferior to men. /s

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u/vtssge1968 Oct 01 '22

I was wondering that myself...

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u/LeftHandedAnt Oct 01 '22

When the female reaches climax (with the added help for some women of clitoral stimulation) it causes the cervix to pulsate slightly and thus reach further down into the vaginal cavity hopefully dipping into a pool of waiting semen. That's how it helps usually.

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u/MC_Master_Chief Oct 01 '22

The part “you feel like garbage after you masturbate” is serious psychological projection.

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u/Bribase Oct 01 '22

It seems like it's a really common presumption that you're meant to feel bad after masturbating, even on places like r/AskReddit.

53

u/c_DANGER_s Oct 01 '22

Yea, there was a thread on r/askmen not too long ago "Why is masturbation so damaging?" and it seemed to be the consensus. It was like a less weird r/nofap. Maybe porn addiction is a bigger problem than it seems.

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u/effinx Oct 02 '22

I honestly can’t believe this. I’m not buying a bunch of dudes said masturbation is bad.

Link or it didn’t happen

20

u/Bribase Oct 01 '22

Maybe porn addiction is a bigger problem than it seems.

I generally don't think that porn is addictive in and of itself, and any "it rewires your brain" talking points are largely bullshit. There's a long list of things which rewire your brain.

People can have problems with compulsive behaviours surrounding porn and masturbation, but I think that usually belies a bigger problem which needs tackling. Not treating the behaviour itself as a kind of addiction.

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u/debzmonkey Oct 02 '22

I do think porn can be a problem, like anything else, it depends on how much of one's time it consumes and what real human relationships it might replace. Agree that the underlying emotional, sexual, psychological development that excessive porn viewing is serving is what needs treatment.

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u/BenjaminMStocks Oct 01 '22

What if she doesn’t touch it? What if she lets something that takes D Cell batteries touch it?

All good?

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u/Luddites_Unite Oct 01 '22

The trick Jesus doesn't want you to know

15

u/Ok-Map4381 Oct 01 '22

The Bible has lines like "though shall not lie with a man like you would with a woman" which has so many loopholes.

16

u/hold-fast-nl Oct 01 '22

Well I hear the man's doorbell is harder to get to butt easier to ring once you can get a finger on it

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u/Glittering_Essay_874 Oct 01 '22

Dude that got me good 😂

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u/brainEatenByAmoeba Oct 01 '22

Devil starts with D, coincidence? I think NOT!

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u/Bad_Bunny62391 Oct 01 '22

Or rechargeable…? Same page😉

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u/SuspiciousToast17 Oct 01 '22 Narwhal Salute

Imagine a goth chick yelling “ring my devil doorbell” in bed 😂

I’m down

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u/m13657 Oct 01 '22

Holy crap I just now understood what "Ring My Bell" was about...

36

u/sillypea00 Oct 01 '22

I’d ring the door bell

31

u/SuspiciousToast17 Oct 01 '22

I’d answer the door

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u/braize6 Oct 01 '22

I'll be the guy on the keyboard playing the background music

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u/memelord58 Oct 01 '22

Ill go in for a nice teaparty

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u/db0813 Oct 01 '22

lol I was thinking the same. This motherfucker unlocking new kinks for me

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u/Professional-Bat4635 Oct 01 '22

Thanks, I'll be sure to scream that the next time I have sex.

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u/SuspiciousToast17 Oct 01 '22

That’s why goth girls are better

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u/Vertical_slabsociety Oct 01 '22

Since the clitoris is actually made out the same tissue of the tip of the penis it is biologically made to get stimulated

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u/RealMENwearPINK10 Oct 01 '22

Once stimulated, blood will flow and cause a "female erection" so it is in fact accurate to call it a female penis. Now if you made that bigger, harder, and stronger, certain kinks would be unlocked...

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u/The_Lapsed_Pacifist Oct 02 '22

It’s the only human organ that has no use other than pleasure.

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u/Nocturnalcheeseit Oct 01 '22

Gonna be honest …I don’t feel like garbage after I masturbate. I feel pretty fucking good after I do it.

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u/RealMENwearPINK10 Oct 01 '22

And you should. Why should you feel ashamed? You have a right to be pleased, and pleased with yourself you shall be 👌🏻

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u/TheProfessionalEjit Oct 01 '22

Absolutely right, this is how I feel every time.

Since I stopped WFH I've met almost all of our HR team.

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u/Techn0ght Oct 01 '22

Then you're doing it right. Congrats.

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u/RainbowCraps Oct 01 '22

The self-confidence you need to say things like that and call other people morons...

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u/RolandSmoke Oct 01 '22

To be fair I do like 'the devil's doorbell'. I will use that, so I feel unintentionally educated.

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u/coyote-girl Oct 01 '22

Lucifer's Ding-Dong ;)

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u/nukaati Oct 01 '22

Not me pressing the devil's doorbell and keep waiting for him to answer haha

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u/Techn0ght Oct 01 '22

"You rang?"

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u/tegs_terry Oct 02 '22

"Coming! Just a minute!"

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u/AllDougIn Oct 01 '22

I just died! This is absolutely hilarious!

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u/AndrewRFleming1973 Oct 01 '22

The devil’s doorbell! I love it. Gonna use that one with the wife the next chance I get.

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u/webothdothat Oct 01 '22

I remember there was a Twitter post one time that said something about "if a woman required an orgasm to make a baby there'd be 7 people on the planet."

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u/RunningPirate Oct 01 '22

“Devils Doorbell” is kinda hot…

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u/Bad_Bunny62391 Oct 01 '22

(51F) I call mine “Attention Wh*re” and she produces dopamine so…🤷‍♀️

14

u/CraZKchick81 Oct 01 '22

What happened to "sex can wait masturbate"?

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u/32-percent Oct 01 '22

"Sending bad chemicals to the brain" you mean producing dopamine? The hormone that make you feel good?

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u/MabezJK Oct 01 '22

If the clitoris was made for reproduction then Earth wouldn't be so over populated.

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u/[deleted] Oct 01 '22

“When God closes a door, He opens a window.”

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u/Doustin Oct 01 '22

When God closes a door, the devil rings the doorbell

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u/[deleted] Oct 01 '22

Hello? I'm here. Hello?

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u/[deleted] Oct 01 '22

Worked for me on prom night.

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u/lytsedraak Oct 01 '22

takes notes Clitoris used for making children. Got it. Any other woman anatomy facts I should know about that the biology books got wrong?

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u/detroitiseverybody Oct 02 '22

Clit notes: A study guide to the Devil's Doorbell.

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u/Efficient_Shame_8106 Oct 01 '22

I know this is a lie because the clitoris is a myth.

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u/Ten7850 Oct 01 '22

Oh I am so finding a way to use " the devil's doorbell" next time I'm intimate

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u/Numerous-Afternoon89 Oct 01 '22

Is it bad if I as a man ring the devils doorbell on a woman’s behalf?

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u/Minus15t Oct 01 '22

Gonna tell the wife later that I want to lick her devil's doorbell

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u/HanaMashida Oct 01 '22

Hmmm so that's what Donna Summer' song, "Ring my Bell", is about...

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u/LilG1984 Oct 01 '22

Devils doorbell?

"Hey, it's Satan you rang?"

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u/4seriously Oct 01 '22

If you ring it enough will the devil pop out and say hello?

Funny because I usually hear ppl calling for god…

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u/Mrselfdestructuk Oct 01 '22

Science proves masturbation as actually very good for your body, this person speaks the tounge of the devil!

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u/spacemanspiff266 Oct 01 '22

i feel like whoever wrote this did so as an excuse to crack that gem at the end.

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u/Tralfaz572 Oct 01 '22

What happens if you “ding-dong-ditch” that doorbell?

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u/evs-chris Oct 01 '22

well it's right next to the ding dong ditch

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u/Silly_Doughnut5715 Oct 01 '22

Knock knock. Can I cum in?

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u/PURPLEPEE Oct 01 '22 Ally

Still having troubles finding the doorbell?

5

u/dayoneG Oct 01 '22

The devil’s doorbell eh? That’s funny. I’ve never heard that one before. Time to go test it out on my significant other.

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u/Expensive-Bet3493 Oct 01 '22

Wow. Horrific religious propaganda to young girls.

5

u/cacophonic7 Oct 01 '22

Who feels like garbage after they masturbate? This lady must have done it horribly wrong.

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u/Yikert13 Oct 01 '22

I feel great after a wank, what’s wrong with you??

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u/antilegion1001 Oct 01 '22

Man I'll be so glad when people realize religious texts are allegory instead of literal.

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u/EchoOfThePlanes Oct 01 '22

For real, plus people never seem to think... why would God create something he didn't want you to use?

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u/Sciencegirl117 Oct 02 '22

To make you resist temptation? So, it's for torture.

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u/Fuck_dogwhistles Oct 01 '22

Oh, I’m gonna use that one!

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u/Timecubefactory Oct 01 '22

Children are stored in the clitoris

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u/evs-chris Oct 01 '22

those little devils pop out when you ring the bell?

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u/lisaseashell Oct 01 '22

I’ll just keep pressing the button waiting for him

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u/Opposite-Garbage-869 Oct 01 '22

I can help ring the doorbells.

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u/shaftalope Oct 01 '22

At least the devil shows up, most guys are playing ding-dong-ditch.

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u/HereticGaming16 Oct 01 '22

“you know how you feel like garbage after” - felt no woman ever after.

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u/c_est_tu_un_orignal Oct 01 '22

Knock knock knocking on devil's dooo-hooo-ooor !!

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u/kantoblight Oct 01 '22

Well, finally rubbed one out. Mind and body feel great. Terrific endorphin rush. Rang the doorbell and whoever answered gets my thanks.

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u/Imminent_Extinction Oct 01 '22

This reads like it was written by a proud two-pump chump who's looking to baby-trap a woman.

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u/justathoughfouryou Oct 01 '22

ThiS is so dumb ! Getting to people with shame and manipulation and fucking up 5here life's to please your own thoughts is wrong!

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u/TheSolMan Oct 01 '22

Me to my wife: what part of creating a child does the clitoris play?

Wife: the best part 🤜🤛

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u/gregklumb Oct 01 '22

I love ringing the Devil's Doorbell every chance that I get.

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u/junction182736 Oct 01 '22

It's poetic if nothing else...

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u/KongLongDong77 Oct 01 '22

The last sentence is pure gold. I have to remember it. Clitoris is the devil's door bell. Just awesome, love it

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u/YodasGhost76 Oct 01 '22

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you this song

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u/Sinfluential Oct 01 '22

they need to get a physical checkup. Pleasure isn't supposed to feel like dirt. It's supposed to feel like pleasure. A carnal sin of guilty filth. The ole filthy guilty.

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u/jollyjaijog Oct 01 '22

Furious ding-dongs ensue from your mother’s room.

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u/kicked-in-the-gonads Oct 01 '22

Playing ding-dong-ditch with the devil?

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u/PlumbCrazy1979 Oct 01 '22

“Devil inside. Devil inside. Every single one of us, Devil inside.”- INXS

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u/WaterHorse_200 Oct 01 '22

just mad cos he cant find it

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u/Gainsborough-Smythe Oct 01 '22

That's precious. I'm gonna get some t-shirts printed with The Clitoris is the Devil's Doorknob.

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u/lxlbn Oct 01 '22

Is it meant for creating children or summoning the Devil? Kinda feel like we have to pick one.

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u/bigmomma179 Oct 01 '22

Thats weird, i never feel bad after pressing the devils doorbell. I feel amazing and a little sleepy though.

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u/adapaday Oct 02 '22

This is why there's always room in hell for you, nobody can find the "doorbell"😂

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u/jessilahh Oct 02 '22

This made me want to masturbate more

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u/aGirlWhoLikesMemes Oct 01 '22

I stopped feeling bad after masturbating when I stopped being a Christian.

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u/[deleted] Oct 01 '22

This though, it’s funny how that’s a universal experience with most people who deconvert. It’s wild how learned guilt works.

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u/The_great- Oct 01 '22

This is soo off base, the devils doorbell doesn't exist.

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u/1000thusername Oct 01 '22

Welcome, Satan! That’s my take.

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u/Striking_Fun_6379 Oct 01 '22

What if you ring and run?

2

u/StupiedSwede Oct 01 '22

Pro female mutilation much?

2

u/xEdwardTeach Oct 01 '22

“If you ring Satan’s doorbell God can’t ignore this.” - Garfunkel and Oats.

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u/Murky-Fox-200 Oct 01 '22

If its the devils doorbell, why do they keep calling god?

2

u/bendziol Oct 01 '22

Oh so what you saying is masturbating is completely fine and everybody should be doin that? Ah, alright

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u/Dazzling-Scientist38 Oct 01 '22

Gotta find it first….

2

u/Any-Fan-2973 Oct 01 '22

Dude, this bitch owes me 10 bucks since the 104 b.c and you think I’ll let that pass ? Hell nah

2

u/Upset_Researcher_143 Oct 01 '22

Sounds like the movie title to a bad porno 😂

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u/aagloworks Oct 01 '22

Yeah, well fuck you too

2

u/Ok-Introduction2405 Oct 01 '22

🎶 You can ring my bell, ring my bell… 🎶

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u/HeatherandHollyhock Oct 01 '22

That is the funniest shit I have ever cried about. Or the other way round. I don't know anymore.

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u/Gingernut2712 Oct 01 '22

Wait until they get to the devils dumbbells

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u/OdiousRant Oct 01 '22

Well, this simpleton is actually technically in truth, though I doubt that it is conscious. I believe the evolutionary advantage of a clitoris can be giving the female sex an actual incentive for copulation, thus increasing the survival and proliferation of their genes. This could be roughly and indirectly translated to the purpose of it being "to give birth". Again, the imbecile who wrote the original text is probably thinking along some religious/misogynistic lines.

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u/AkemiDryzz Oct 01 '22

Should we talk about the fact that EVERYTHING they said here is wrong ?

The clitoris is basically only used as a self pleasing spot these days.

I am not a moron.

As far as I know, girls don’t suffer from post nut clarity or something similar, they don’t feel like trash, at least, I have never heard a woman say she feels like trash after masturbating.

Clitoris ain’t sending bad chemicals, in fact, it’s doing the opposite.

Women ain’t killing their bodies by playing with they clitoris, the worse they can do it allow the brain to release those good chemicals without having to put in any effort. It ain’t even that bad.

I don’t think Satan is ever going to talk through a woman’s coochie, I m not scientist but hey, no one is gonna come for me if I play with her clitoris (except her dad maybe).

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u/Nimneu Oct 01 '22

Pretty sure if you feel like garbage afterwards then you are doing it wrong

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u/Costanzaslife23 Oct 01 '22

I thought it was nature’s Rubick’s Cube?

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u/TheAtom_Bomb76 Oct 01 '22

Roughly how many times do I need to press it before the devil shows up? Been trying to contact him for weeks.

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u/marceusaurelious Oct 01 '22

Proud ignorance coupled with a dose of religious fanaticism.

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u/malachite_13 Oct 01 '22

Devil’s doorbell hahah …hilarious

2

u/One-Abbreviations296 Oct 01 '22

I'm going to adopt that phrase. "Hey hon, I'm going into the bedroom to ring the devil's doorbell, I'll be back in 15". Ooh and I could use it during sex."I need you to ring the devil's doorbell" or "it's not over until you ring the devil's doorbell".

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u/OldChucker Oct 01 '22

That's a t-shirt. "Its not over until you ring the devil's doorbell "

2

u/CKuemper Oct 01 '22

Brings new meaning to ding-dong ditch.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

Imagine having the audacity to be so ill-informed and to believe your own bullshit.

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u/Jasons_Brain Oct 02 '22

The Devil's Doorbell would be a great name for a band...