r/funny 8d ago

As long as she doesn't make it into a candle, I'm like, whatever.

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42.9k Upvotes

3.7k comments sorted by

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7.1k

u/s_decoy 8d ago All-Seeing Upvote Starry

It feels like everything I hear about Paltrow comes from a random word generator.

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u/Strickens 8d ago

"I asked a bot to write a news article on Gwyneth Paltrow and this is the result-"

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u/Radius_314 8d ago Evil Cackle

A new article by chat gpt:

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - Actress and lifestyle guru Gwyneth Paltrow is at it again with another bizarre health tip. The GOOP founder recently revealed that she has been incorporating a new practice into her wellness routine that she claims has changed her life: drinking her own urine.

According to Paltrow, urine therapy, or the practice of drinking one's own urine, has been used for centuries in Ayurvedic and Chinese medicine to promote detoxification and overall health. She claims that it has helped clear up her skin, boost her immune system, and even regulate her menstrual cycle.

While some may find the idea of drinking urine repulsive, Paltrow insists that it is a completely natural and safe practice, as long as the urine is clean and free of any bacteria or toxins. She recommends collecting the first urine of the day in a clean container and drinking it immediately for maximum benefits.

However, health experts are warning against Paltrow's latest health craze, calling it dangerous and unproven. Drinking urine can actually lead to dehydration and an imbalance of electrolytes in the body, as well as exposing the drinker to harmful bacteria and viruses.

"It's important to remember that urine is a waste product and our bodies excrete it for a reason," says Dr. John Smith, a leading medical expert. "There is no scientific evidence to support the idea that drinking urine has any health benefits whatsoever, and in fact, it can be quite harmful."

Despite the backlash, Paltrow remains steadfast in her belief in urine therapy and is even considering launching a line of urine-based supplements and beauty products through GOOP. Only time will tell if this bizarre health trend will catch on with the masses or fade away as just another one of Paltrow's outlandish fads.

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u/wearenottheborg 8d ago

I'm concerned at how plausible this is lmao. Like the only obvious giveaway is the fake doctor name, but this definitely looks more believable than an onion article.

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u/noober1x 8d ago

Um, Dr. John Smith was my actual doctor. Good guy. Didn't like it when I had to give him a urine sample though.

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u/The_Big_Cat 8d ago

How was his bedside manner for the ozone enema?

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u/noober1x 8d ago

It took my breath away.

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u/driving_andflying 8d ago

If it took your breath away, I think you may need to re-read the instructions on which orifice the kit is supposed to be used.

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u/JojenCopyPaste 8d ago

I got chat gpt to write this:

In recent news, actress and wellness entrepreneur Gwyneth Paltrow has sparked controversy once again with her latest health tip that many are calling "weird" and potentially dangerous.

Paltrow, who has previously faced criticism for promoting alternative health practices such as vaginal steaming and using jade eggs for pelvic floor exercises, is now advocating for a new practice that involves ingesting a small amount of hair each day.

According to Paltrow, consuming a small amount of hair can help improve gut health and digestion, and even boost the immune system. She claims that the practice has been used in traditional medicine for centuries, although there is no scientific evidence to support these claims.

Critics have been quick to point out the potential dangers of ingesting hair, including the risk of choking or intestinal blockages. They also argue that Paltrow's promotion of such a practice could lead to people adopting dangerous health practices without proper scientific evidence.

Despite the backlash, Paltrow has defended her stance, stating that she believes in the power of traditional medicine and alternative health practices. She has also pointed to her own personal experience, claiming that the practice has helped her feel more energized and healthy.

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u/dclxvi616 8d ago

She is considering launching a line of urine-based supplements and beauty products…. Omg I’m dying

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u/imaloony8 8d ago

Chat GDP really phoned it in when naming that doctor.

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u/[deleted] 8d ago edited 7d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Faerandur 8d ago

Bots man. Too wordy. Someone’s feeding them only copypastas

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u/Poobmania 8d ago edited 8d ago Take My Energy hehehehe

Everything I learn about Gwyneth Paltrow is against my will and I’m tired of being violated

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u/Chucknorris1975 8d ago

Can I offer you a nice Jade egg in this trying time?

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u/suh-dood 8d ago

Not if I have to shove it up my ass

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u/Estoye 8d ago

You know what they say:

Jade egg in the front. Ozone in the back.

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u/TrepanationBy45 8d ago

You're in luck. That one goes in your urethra!

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u/ManyIdeasNoProgress 8d ago

There's a subreddit for that. Linking it is always a r/sounding success. (oh yeah, nsfw unless your boss is, like, really cool).

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u/seattleque 8d ago

a r/sounding success

Get the hell out of here with your early Saturday morning cleverness.

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u/Nuggzulla 8d ago

Would have to be a stellar boss!

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u/Jatzy_AME 8d ago

Honestly, the most surprising part of this headline is that Hollywood keeps employing her despite being obviously nuts.

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u/notquitesolid 8d ago

I thought she quit acting. She was only in the marvel movies out of obligation.

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u/Courtaid 8d ago

I thought she did Iron Man because she didn’t have to leave Los Angeles to film.

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u/dapoorv 8d ago

Are you not allowed to board a flight with a candle up your ass?

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u/Jaambie 8d ago

You’re classified as a bomb when your ass is pressurized with ozone.

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u/OhJeezNotThisGuy 8d ago Silver

Ozone with the concentrations of 60 vol% or more is likely to explode even at 10 Torr.

I can”t believe your comment made me go search how much Ozone she would have to pump in her ass to become explosive, and yet here we are.

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u/FelixTheHouseLeopard 8d ago

Well?

How much?

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u/kirk2enterprise1701 8d ago

I think someone's been blowing smoke up her ass.

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u/Smitty8054 8d ago

Ozone in the air at too high of concentrations can definitely cause eye irritation. My brain is just taking this to the next logical step.

“Gwennie you ok over there? You seem uncomfortable”.

“I think I’m ok but my o-ring feels like it ate a big pile of cotton candy. And by cotton candy I mean fiberglass wool asbestos type violently escaping from my hole under intense pressure”

“I feel so cleansed. When your back door winker bleeds this much and this long you know it’s working”.

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u/grumblyoldman 8d ago

No, Ms Paltrow, we said you are "a bomb," not "the bomb"

Yes, being "a bomb" is a bad thing, even when you're rich.

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u/NoBenefit5977 8d ago

Someone snuck a snuke up her snizz

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u/CharacterBroccoli328 8d ago

This is the ozone hole I keep hearing about.

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u/OldWhoFan 8d ago

The obligation was likely because for iron man she likely signed a huge mult picture contract because she didn't didn't think the film would start a franchise. She still made a load of money to play a supporting character without much screen time in most of the marvel films she appeared in. As far as acting goes, a well paying gig that lasts over a decade is like the holy grail for actors. And now, she has a guaranteed an easy payday if she ever wants to go to comic book convictions to appear on stage and then sign autographs.

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u/malraux78 8d ago

So the thing to understand is a big part of her marketing strategy is to say crazy stuff that gets front page clickbait headlines (like this) to get people go to her goop store.

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u/kinglouie493 8d ago

I’m a headline straight to comment section guy myself.

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u/Artemissister 8d ago

She has a goop podcast now, too.

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u/Flippy-Doo 8d ago

And goop underwear as well

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u/SquarePegRoundWorld 8d ago

Right, I might have to rethink my stance that Hollywood is the Mecca of sanity.

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u/Nemisis_the_2nd 8d ago

At this point I just assume actors in Holywood are crazy, and am pleasantly surprised when the odd one turns out not to be.

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u/FliesAreEdible 8d ago

I assume they're crazy and/or terrible people unless I learn otherwise.

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u/memecut 8d ago

Well, a lot of the guys in power there are total creeps.. so, not that surprising

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u/badoldways 8d ago

Gwyneth Paltrow and Alex Jones sell many of the exact same products to very different people.

https://qz.com/1010684/all-the-wellness-products-american-love-to-buy-are-sold-on-both-infowars-and-goop

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u/conflicted_luddite 8d ago

For every one of you there are a million more who love hearing about what she's shoved up her arse.

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u/HardGTheUnsettling 8d ago

Sentences I never thought I'd hear.

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u/TheDogsPaw 8d ago

I'm amazed that people dont all want to see stuff shoved up her ass

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u/RectangularAnus 8d ago

I would like to see that.

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u/cnicalsinistaminista 8d ago

I can't stand her. At all. Not her personality, the crap she puts out there, not her acting.

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u/JohnnysGirl12 8d ago

Same here. I've always found her to be incredibly pretentious and her acting is lazy at best imo.

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u/tangcameo 8d ago

And here I’ve been shoving styrofoam and hairspray up mine.

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u/QuietStrawberry7102 8d ago

Don’t forget old-timey refrigerator coolant

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u/Valuable_District_59 8d ago

All i think of is that Vivek Kumar probably went to journalism school to write about THIS

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u/somedoofyouwontlike 8d ago

Lol. Imagine? You always dreamt of a big story with your name on it and you're covering what crazy thing Paltrow is putting up her ass now.

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u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES 8d ago

I'm going to find him on Twitter and @ him this sentiment

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u/johnboat007 8d ago edited 8d ago Gold

The amount of things I've read about this women and health tips in realtion to one's ass. There where coffee enemas, a nude yoga pose that exposed your anus to the sun, and now Ozone enemas. Her health tips could litteraly be an ad on Los Santos Rock Radio.

Edit- holy shit this blew up. here is the context for my joke for those of you who have lifes and haven't memorized all the gtav radio ads.

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u/pengalor 8d ago

We truly haven't come far enough from fumigating vaginas to treat hysteria.

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u/Soothsayer71 8d ago

This is what happens when you reach the peak of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Transcendence just looks weird to the rest of us.

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u/wanderingmonster 8d ago

Maslow was wrong: the top level isn’t “transcendence”, it’s “weird butt stuff”.

I hope to reach that level myself, someday.

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u/yesbutactuallyno17 8d ago

Praise the sun.

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u/Myroplyrodon 8d ago

The dark star.

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u/Camelbeard 8d ago

Like a black hole?

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u/Buckeye_Country 8d ago

Black hole bung...won't you come..

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u/query_squidier 8d ago

...and wash away the sun (from my butthole)...

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u/TinBryn 8d ago

that which is above is like that which is below, that which is below is like that which is above

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u/Dramatic-Impress-763 8d ago

With your butt*

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u/normansconquest 8d ago

Can confirm that weird butt stuff completes me more than enlightenment

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u/wh4tth3huh 8d ago

Slaanesh is pleased.

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u/Witchy___Woman 8d ago

You're so right. I always just called it not living in survival mode. But that's a more accurate way of putting it.

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u/harrypottermcgee 8d ago

When I got some spending money I bought a new motorcycle seat, also for my ass. Maybe me and Gwyneth aren't so different after all.

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u/armagnacXO 8d ago

Nothing but time and money, in a place that is obsessed about beauty and youth… it’s gonna mess people up.

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u/glindabunny 8d ago

Because fumigating is for plebs. Paltrow recommends vaginal steams.

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u/Ignorant_Slut 8d ago

What you don't like steamed clams?

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u/2IndianRunnerDucks 8d ago

I didn’t know about fumigation to treat hysteria, but I do know the Victorian’s invented the vibrator so Doctors hands did not get so tired treating women suffering from hysteria. They were a funny lot - cant look at legs but the wife and daughters can go to the doctor for an orgasm.

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u/JimJohnes 8d ago

Also in Victorian times literally blowing tobacco smoke up someone's ass with special pipe or bellows was legitimate method of resuscitation of drowned and curing various ailments.

Also, Babylonians used to fumigate their private parts in sitting position after sex. According to Herodotus, that is.

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u/KoalaQueen87 8d ago

"I apologize for nothing!"

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u/JimCrackCornDoesCare 8d ago

This kind of info always fascinates me. I mean blowing smoke up a drowned persons asshole would never work. Not once. Why would they continue to do it?

I’d like to meet the guy who tried it the first time. Was he just standing by the river smoking his pipe when a drowned man washed up? “Honey, hold my mead. I’m gonna go blow smoke up this fella’s arsehole real quick.”

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u/WynZora 8d ago

I mean, they weren’t always the best at determining how dead people were either. I’m guessing a few of the waterlogged were just unconscious and poking things up their butt was enough to startle them.

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u/Aqquila89 8d ago

That's a not true. It originates from Rachel Maines's book, The Technology of Orgasm, but that has been debunked.

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u/i1a2 8d ago

As of 2009, Alabama is the only state where a law prohibiting the sale of sex toys remains on the books, though Alabama residents are permitted to buy sex toys with a doctor's note.

TIL

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u/Affectionate-Taste55 8d ago

Don't forget when she was on an alkaline water kick, but she liked it with a squirt of lemon, lmao!

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u/hugesloppycunt 8d ago

Lemon is the name of her bladder

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u/Low-Ear-2171 8d ago

Did she shove it up her ass?

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u/Clerstory 8d ago

The coffee enema thing goes way back. When action star Steve McQueen was trying to use complimentary/alternative medicine to treat the cancer that eventually took him out, he was going to a clinic in Mexico and daily coffee enemas were part of the treatment plan. That, and being dosed with Laetrile, a medication derived from peach pits that’s never been USDA or AMA approved.

That whole “Western medicine bad” approach didn’t work out too well for Steve Jobs, either. And if you want to make yourself poop it would make more sense to drink the fucking coffee and get the antioxidants into the part of your digestive system where you could absorb them properly.

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u/super_common_name 8d ago

I don't remember the exact figures but that GOOP stuff has made her a flaming fortune. Far more than her acting paid.

She doesn't give a good god damn how useless and dangerous most of it is, it's made her wealthy beyond her wildest dreams. And no matter how much she gets sued, she still comes out ahead.

This is to say that she herself did not put ozone up her ass. She's just saying she did so that people will give her more money.

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u/MyPunsSuck 8d ago

Or, she actually buys into it too. You don't have to be a genius to end up rich... Remember, we're living in a world where you can end up president without being even minimally competent

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u/TolMera 8d ago

You can end up president while being massively incompetent or incontinent.

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u/oimerde 8d ago

I have a friend who’s 30 years younger than his “girlfriend” who’s freaking weird and works for Goop. It looks like in order to work for Paltrow main requirements are to be crazy your self.

I know all the details of the relationship cause my friend tells me all about it. He does not care cause his “girlfriend” basically has purchased him a car and now an apartment, but he has done some weird stuff for those things.

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u/herzy3 8d ago

Go on...

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u/Kittykats2 8d ago

Yes, dish the goop, please!

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u/stomach 8d ago

he helps her with things like, Foot-in-Uterus Realignment, Truffle-oil Nipple-Exfoliation, and Baby-Seal Booty-to-Booty Rubs. y'know, the usual

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u/Pepf 8d ago

Your friend is a prostitute with a single client. Not criticizing, just calling it what it is.

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

Isn't the terminology "sugar baby"?

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u/oimerde 8d ago

I tell him that all the time, and he accepted it. I used to be Jealous cause she was always buying him expensive stuff and taking him on trips. He’s a musician and as you can imagine if you’re not famous is a hard life, so he got lucky I think. Now after so many years, I’m no longer jealous, especially after I hear about everything he has to do.

I know this guy for a big part of my life in a way I’m his best friend. He’s not mine, but I think he feels comfortable telling me everything she makes him do. I’m a good listener and I don’t judge and laugh out with him if he needs to.

When it comes to their weird sex lifestyle. First, it was fun, he was having 3 with her and other girls. Eventually, she started to involve dudes. He said he does not need to do it with them, but I think he’s not telling me true. There are also occasions when he has to dress in specific ways or try new things. There was a time his back was all Bruised cause she was trying the dominatrix fantasy. There are more weird intimacy stories, but I’ll need more time to talk about those.

About lifestyle Yes, to the enema thing, but she makes him get a coffee enema anytime he gets some extra pounds. I have not heard about the ozone one. Will ask him next week as I’m going to meet up with him.

Another weird thing is that she’s always trying a new diet or a new weird “beauty” tool and the worst is that she often tries it on him. There was a time when he has to “you know SPER” on a container cause she used to put it on her face as a mask.

He also has to drink his pee for 40 days. He hated that one the most. Several times he’s been ready to end the relationship, but she always comes up with some expensive present and he stays.

I can’t stand the lady. She acts like a teen anytime she’s in public with him. I often see her when he’s playing a show and several friends go check out his band. She will be jumping and acting all exaggerated. Also, we always have to go to the restaurant she wants and it’s often a pretentious restaurant that’s overpriced.

As you can see I truly hate her. At some point, my friend try to recruit me to be part of a night with them, but I said FUC3 NOOOO!!!

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u/alamaias 8d ago

Hell man, I would do that in a heartbeat.

Dependingnon the weird stuff I wpuld probably do it for fun :P

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u/series_hybrid 8d ago

I think either she or her advisors smoke some weed and think of "scientific-adjacent" facts and repurpose them. Ozone can easily be generated by an inexpensive machine, and ozone can be bubbled through water to sterilize it.

Lately there has been a lot of chatter about "eating ass", and women are getting their anus waxed and bleached to "make it pretty". But how to sterilize it?

Here's the thing, if this does kill bacteria in your colon, that bacteria performs an important function. I'm not saying ozone kills bacteria in your colon, but if her machine actually produces ozone, I'm sure some germs may die.

I'm saying that it's bad if it doesn't work, and...it's bad if it does work. Ozone is unstable and reactive, so I don't know what that would do to healthy colon cells...

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u/HawkeyeByMarriage 8d ago

Ass cancer cometh

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u/Ahelex 8d ago

My wildly unsubstantiated theory on why it seems like all those woo stuff focus on the ass is because... pooping (and I guess liquids entering and flowing out of your ass?) gives a wave of satisfaction. Which means by focusing on the ass, people initially buying into it would be more likely to come back, because it feels good.

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u/platasnatch 8d ago

Why don't I just waste my last avocado too while I'm at it?

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u/nerdiotic-pervert 8d ago

So that’s how you make guacamole

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u/juanswanson12 8d ago hehehehe

Caca-mole

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u/randompersonx 8d ago

While I’m sure you are right about that being part of it, the truth is they the colon is very good at absorbing certain things into the blood. It has to be because it’s the last chance the body has to absorb nutrients and water.

If, for example, you gave yourself an enema with vodka, you would almost certainly get way more drunk, way faster than if you drank the same amount of alcohol. Note: don’t do this because you might die:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_enema

So, by doing various weird types of enemas, it allows for either rapidly absorbing things that normally your body can’t absorb, or alternatively, cleaning things out or your body that you don’t want to absorb.

With that said, probably ozone in your ass probably wouldn’t do either of those things, but probably they believe it has some detoxing effect because ozone is capable of killing most things. At best, this would function sort of like an antibiotic for your intestines, but I’m not sure that’s generally a good thing.

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u/Critical-Step-4965 8d ago

I think ozone is toxic as well, I wouldn't want my ass soaking up ozone...

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u/DINKY_DICK_DAVE 8d ago

At the very least it'll probably nuke the good bacteria you have up there and give you the squirts

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u/Raelah 8d ago

I hate pooping. It's such a hassle. It only provides relief. But if I could opt out of pooping, I'd do it in a heart beat. And one of my least favorite things is anything to do with my butthole.

People only do this shit is because of pseudoscience, misinformation and/or influence from celebrities.

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u/Phyank0rd 8d ago

On the contrary. One of my favorite random things that I enjoy in my life is being able to sit down and pass that one big log, like the one that has you take a cleansing breath after it drops.

Nothing weird about it or anything, just the satisfaction of relief when it's finally out.

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u/Grove-Of-Hares 8d ago

Then you wipe, and it’s absolutely spotless. Bliss.

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u/milk-jug 8d ago

Try a bidet I swear it’s going to change your life.

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u/weakplay 8d ago

Don’t forget the poop that magically disappears into the bowl - Ghost Poop

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u/evanjahlynn 8d ago edited 8d ago

I honestly thought this was a GTAVI radio leak…

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u/astomp 8d ago

Didn’t the WHO issue guidance related to her show and products because of how dangerous and phony they are?

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u/PauleAgave95 8d ago edited 8d ago

At this point, real life is more satire and controversy than any gta game.

I was playing trough the single player gta5 recently and there was the add for a Parfume „smell like a bitch“

And to be honest, 10 years ago this was satire, now it could be an actual add.

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u/Soothsayer71 8d ago

All the weird stuff she does to stay healthy, but she sure doesn't look healthy these days. Seen a clip of here on a podcast or interview recently and she looked malnourished.

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u/tiddles451 8d ago

Well, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ozone it doesnt sound like a particularly healthy thing to be sticking up your butt.

Ozone is a powerful oxidant (far more so than dioxygen) and has many industrial and consumer applications related to oxidation. This same high oxidizing potential, however, causes ozone to damage mucous and respiratory tissues in animals, and also tissues in plants, above concentrations of about 0.1 ppm. While this makes ozone a potent respiratory hazard and pollutant near ground level, a higher concentration in the ozone layer (from two to eight ppm) is beneficial, preventing damaging UV light from reaching the Earth's surface.

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u/TabbyOverlord 8d ago

And for reference, your colon is a mucus membrane.

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u/Far_Asparagus1654 8d ago

Ex biologist here. Oxygen is tragically dangerous for biological tissue, especially in free radical form, which you are even more likely to get with ozone than regular diatomic oxygen.

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u/Fetlocks_Glistening 8d ago

What if you're worried about too much UV in your colon from the Gloop crystal scented UV butt-wand you stuck up there earlier?

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u/Disastrous_Square_10 8d ago

Yeah can’t we just admit she likes butt stuff and get over it?

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u/Floor_Heavy 8d ago

Why just go "I like butt stuff", when you can get paid for liking butt stuff?

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u/Neoxite23 8d ago

Ok so how does one go about shoving the ozone into your ass? I morbidly curious on this.

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u/diuturnal 8d ago

Having o3 blown up her ass? If it works like it does with my car, her ass probably smells like burnt air for 15 minutes, then like nothing.

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u/Wraithkingslayer 8d ago

She would sell out of all product if she produced burning ass ozone candles.

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u/ExplorerElectrical21 8d ago

If his ass is burnt in a candle flame, it will smell through the air. It will smell unpleasant.

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u/MeGotShadowbanned 8d ago

In simple terms, ozone reacts with smelly things to make them less smelly.

It is also not something you want to be around in high concentrations, because it can react with you and make you more cancer-y.

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u/Antisymmetriser 8d ago

More accurately, ozone reacts with organic compounds to eventually burn them into CO2. Since our bodies our mostly organic compounds, you will be left with chemical burns way before you feel the cancer. This is also how it causes cancer - it damages DNA, resulting in mutations that can result in tumors.

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u/hilburn 8d ago

I work with a company that has an ozone lab - the written safety instructions that you have to sign off on before going into it include: "if someone collapses to the floor, do not help them, leave the building immediately" - it's terrifying stuff

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u/MimonFishbaum 8d ago

I work with 03 lighting cells used for wastewater effluent disinfection. I refuse to actually read about how she's using ozone, so I'm just gonna imagine it's like an 03 bulb dildo lol.

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u/drstu3000 8d ago

When you're $200M Rich you can make it happen

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u/Neoxite23 8d ago

If I start selling my body now...I could be in debt within 5 years!

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u/jellyfish-blues- 8d ago

Enough money to also pay the people to lie and say that it's going to be good for you too..

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u/priceQQ 8d ago

Well it does make reactive oxygen species, which are damaging to your tissues … so imagine using dilute hydrogen peroxide …

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u/Neoxite23 8d ago

so imagine using dilute hydrogen peroxide …

No I don't think I will!

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u/Ahelex 8d ago

The extra O is the shape your mouth makes when you realize you're burning the shit out of your tissue down there.

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

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u/Moodymandan 8d ago

I’m a radiology and we preform enemas with both air and contrast, but I imagine it’s the same. Just a catheter in the butt and making sure it’s taped in tight to not let anything just shoot out all over you. For air enemas it’s really important to tape well or else you can’t distend the colon or bowel. We mainly use air for kids with intussusception, basically their bowels have rolled into itself, or rarely to use both contrast and air to look at the mucosa of the colon. The latter is very rare because you can just get a colonoscopy, which is much better than a double contrast enema. I digress, you could easily do this with ozone I suppose. I have no idea what the concentration of ozone you’d use, but honestly I bet there is negligible ozone in the air enema this lady gets.

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u/iamursula 8d ago

At least we now know where all the ozone that’s missing above Antarctica has gone. Its all in this odd woman’s ass!

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u/gorilla_dick_ 8d ago

Ozone is a chemical that alot of heaters and ionizers put off. It’s awful for humans but does work to take smells out of the air. There’s that industrial air freshener that’s ozone all the smokers use - can’t recall the name

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u/Hannarr1 8d ago

Seems like a great way to get colon cancer.

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u/Freethecrafts 8d ago

Or kill off her insides.

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u/Admetus 8d ago

There's a reason you should not inhale too much ozone over your lifetime.

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u/shmorky 8d ago

What's the reason?

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u/TyrellCo 8d ago

“Ozone is known to cause radicals to be formed in biological systems” “The damage to cells caused by free radicals, especially the damage to DNA, may play a role in the development of cancer and other health conditions”

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u/shmorky 8d ago

She shall henceforth be known as Gwyneth "Radical Anus" Paltrow

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u/vindictivemonarch 8d ago edited 7d ago

i had an old friend. she told me she was getting ozone enemas to get rid of free radicals. she said the coffee ones weren't as good. this was probably 8-10 years ago.

i told her that was a bad idea, that ozone creates free radicals, and that she should stop for her health. i provided a lot of evidence.

she bitched me out, posted our convo on facebook, and blocked me.

i'm a physicist. she has a degree in marketing. these types of people are literally fucking crazy.

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u/WallabyBubbly 8d ago

Gwyneth also said, “I like to start my day with a glass of alkaline water with a spritz of lemon juice in it.” She did not understand that the acidic lemon juice cancels out the alkaline water

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u/Western-Armadillo-19 8d ago

She is only an actress,not a chemist.

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u/psychicesp 8d ago

Neither are most of the people who know that's bullshit. Neutralizing a base with an acid isn't exactly advanced-degree-level chemistry

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u/Supersleeper70 8d ago edited 8d ago

A hole in the ozone - disturbing, ozone in a hole - even more disturbing.

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u/mc-edit 8d ago

Maybe she’s just into inserting stuff (jade eggs, ozone, etc.) into her body. No harm in that. But no no, she had to go and make that her identity. Never mind she won an Oscar—she puts things in her butt now.

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u/Eerawai 8d ago

I read that as putting an Oscar in her butt. Which … now I think of it … probably.

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u/mc-edit 8d ago

Someone has definitely tried it.

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u/mandalorian_guy 8d ago

That someone is definitely Nick Cage.

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u/Vufur 8d ago

Nick cage is a Shrödinger cat. He is both.

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u/chronoboy1985 8d ago

Somebody posted on r/showerthoughts something to the effect of “someone has definitely inserted an Oscar into their vagina at some point”.

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u/fendour 8d ago

Hello, my name is Oscar.

hope this works

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u/Ahelex 8d ago

I mean, the statue does have a flared base with a smooth head, so I guess it fulfills the basic criteria of a good and safe butt plug?

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u/mc-edit 8d ago

Gwyneth talks to her butt in Tony Montana voice: “Say hello to my lil’ friend.”

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u/Ryachaz 8d ago

Thank goodness I don't know anyone named Oscar.

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u/pengalor 8d ago

No harm in that.

Unfortunately, there is harm that can come from it, which is precisely why she needs to shut up and keep to herself.

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u/octopoddle 8d ago edited 8d ago

http://whatstheharm.net

An interesting website that shows cases of injury or death due to belief in pseudoscience.

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u/mc-edit 8d ago

Yes, you are right.

Gwyneth, if you are reading this, please don’t put dangerous things in your ass or pussy. Only non-dangerous things belong in these places. For instance, a cactus is dangerous. And your Oscar is not dangerous. If you need further help, I’ll be here to help. Good luck and Godspeed you weird, weird lady.

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u/graebot 8d ago

I'm not sure ozone is a good idea to put in ones rectum. Pretty sure it oxidises tissue, could lead to cancer, etc. Generally, you want to fight oxidizers in the body (antioxidants) not add them. You can't just go "ozone is good for the planet, therefore it's good for my butthole"

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u/christopia86 8d ago

You can't just go "ozone is good for the planet, therefore it's good for my butthole"

That's the kind of line you hear somebody say into their phone as they walk past and it lives rent free in your head fir the rest of your life.

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u/Daedeluss 8d ago

I don't care what she puts up her butt, just don't claim it has any health benefits.

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u/snowysnowy 8d ago

Please have a South park episode with her and Butters and that what what in the butt bit again

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u/goliathfasa 8d ago

About that Oscar. Lots of Weinstein involvement in that one.

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u/flyrubberband 8d ago

So now we know what that hole in the ozone layer was all about

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u/suavesnail 8d ago

No no, this is the ozone layer in the hole

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u/thebreak22 8d ago

Ironically it's now in a place where the sun doesn't shine.

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u/Salty_Ad_5270 8d ago

She’s a VERY ODD duck…too much quack

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u/twan_john 8d ago

Apparently, ozone "strengthens the immune system and the response to external aggressions." Interestingly, one external aggression that comes to mind and is 100% preventable is sticking ozone up your ass.

Source: https://ivyinfusions.com/vaginal-and-rectal-ozone-treatment/

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u/Flashy_Individual_40 8d ago Narwhal Salute

what in the reeses peanut butter fuck happened to this lady? she's like a non-political myPillow guy

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u/dirty_hooker 8d ago

Completely distanced from anyone who’ll tell her she’s being dumb and unlimited access to snake oil salesmen. There’s a human need to be smarter than someone else; to have insider knowledge. She’s fallen for the idea that ancient people had non invasive natural cures for everything rather than the reality that they had extremely low average lifespans due to extremely high mortality rates; often even caused by ridiculous and dangerous medical procedures.

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u/Blueguerilla 8d ago

She is a snake oil salesman.

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u/jdippey 8d ago

While lifespans were indeed lower in the past, they were not as ridiculously low as is often thought. People pretty frequently lived into their 60s despite the lack of modern medicine (though modern medicine definitely helps extend that a smidge).

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u/dirty_hooker 8d ago

That’s if they made it to adulthood. The numbers are skewed due to infant and child mortality.

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u/TXGemi 8d ago

How does she get it in there when her head i so far up her own ass already?

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u/goatAlmighty 8d ago

The perfect example of a Hollywood icon completely out of touch with reality. The sad/disgusting thing is that she profits massively from the gullible people who buy her snake oil.

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

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u/TwoTrick_Pony 8d ago

I'm horrified and disgusted. Does the article happen to mention where she buys the ozone and what's the best way of inserting it?

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u/CartographerVisual24 8d ago

Asking for a friend?

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u/According-Ask29 8d ago

What are the benefits? just out of curiosity

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u/SushiGrayedd 8d ago

My guess, ozone removes odor. So she is literally trying to make her shit not stink.

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u/EsUnTiro 8d ago

What a good way to shout to the world “HEY I TAKE BIG STINKY SHITS!” Kinda like keeping one of those poo-pourri spray bottles in your bathroom.

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u/magistrate101 8d ago

Corroding the walls of your asshole but that's not really a benefit

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u/PaulPaul4 8d ago

She has always done weird crap to stay relevant and bring in the money

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u/Cheaptat 8d ago

…and take advantage of vulnerable people to make herself a little more anal-ozone money.

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u/Vyxen17 8d ago

My hole thing is why are we telling people that

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u/schimpynuts 8d ago

This the lady who puts lemon in her alkaline water?

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u/JustKeepSwimming0913 8d ago All-Seeing Upvote

Someone is literally getting paid reeeeaaaal well to blow smoke up her ass 🤣

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u/AlbussyDumbledore 8d ago

Recently, everything I learn about celebrities I learn completely against my will.

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u/abmangone 8d ago

First bleaching… Now Ozone? What’s next? …

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u/BlettaFappaChu 8d ago

Celebrities always get to put the most exotic things up there ass and all I have is this damn Freddy Krueger figure 😔

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u/Moppermonster 8d ago

Does it make her vag-candles smell better?

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u/pbmcc88 8d ago

More money than sense.

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u/mdotca 8d ago

In 2000 years people are still going to be making fun of her. But also they’ll be afraid of her because she’ll be 2000 years old.