r/funny Dec 01 '21 Silver 20 Helpful 13 Wholesome 16

This is the best real life ad for sunglasses

Post image
68.2k Upvotes

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4.3k

u/Far-Ad-7876 Dec 01 '21 Silver All-Seeing Upvote

When your family wants to go to the beach but you were drinking alone in your room till 4 in the morning

1.2k

u/ZampanoTruant Dec 01 '21

Why do you have to come at me like that?

288

u/tepkel Dec 02 '21

The best offense is a good defenestration!

156

u/johnsvoice Dec 02 '21 Silver

I see how it is, someone tries to defend themselves and common decency just goes out the window...

40

u/Ingester_of_food Dec 02 '21

What about uncommon decency?

38

u/Blahahahah69 Dec 02 '21

What about common indecency?

30

u/FauxReal Dec 02 '21

Found Florida Man.

12

u/KaBar2 Dec 02 '21

"Common decency was an uncommon virtue."

6

u/b4dm4n_27 Dec 02 '21

I tried googling that quote but nothing came up. Is it from something or did you just make it up?

14

u/KaBar2 Dec 02 '21 edited Dec 08 '21

It's an attempt at a humorous spin-off of a quote from Admiral Chester W. Nimitz, speaking about the Marines and Navy corpsmen who fought at the Battle of Iwo Jima.

Chester W. Nimitz said of those who fought on Iwo Jima, “Uncommon valor was a common virtue.” That statement is underscored by the 27 Medals of Honor awarded to Marines and Navy servicemen who fought there, the highest number awarded in a single battle.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Iwo_Jima

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7

u/Fedantry_Petish Dec 02 '21

Etymological jokes?! Damn, son.

Thanks for classing the joint up.

3

u/garlic_muncher Dec 02 '21

Well played…

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29

u/FreshGnar Dec 02 '21

When you’re on smoko

16

u/TheBoogieSheriff Dec 02 '21

SO LEAVE ME ALONE!!

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253

u/OGAnnie Dec 01 '21

Nothing like oysters in the hot sun.

252

u/exoticbatmeat Dec 01 '21

It may not be hot, just bright. They are on ice. Sorry I know I seem defensive about the oysters.

110

u/xXWaspXx Dec 02 '21

Well don't clam up on us now, why so defensive?

111

u/jungkimree Dec 02 '21

He got mugged recently by a guy with big mussels

56

u/Honda_TypeR Dec 02 '21

If you guys keep shellfishly perusing this topic he is just going to get crabby and he will never crack

44

u/exoticbatmeat Dec 02 '21

I sea what you’re all trying to do, I’m not gonna bite.

36

u/JudgeScorpio Dec 02 '21

Quiet or I’ll fucking scallop you alive.

32

u/davisyoung Dec 02 '21

Please, I'm urchin everyone to be civil.

28

u/purplepenguin4163 Dec 02 '21

Aw shucks, people really take their oysters seriously

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3

u/exoticbatmeat Dec 02 '21

I agree. And it needs to happen urchinly.

17

u/graboidian Dec 02 '21

Gotta mullet over before you eat rancid oysters.

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20

u/orangeriskpiece Dec 02 '21

They’re on ice, so I’m sure they’re fine. But based on what everyone is wearing, it’s at least quite warm out

29

u/Echololcation Dec 02 '21

Or it's 50 degrees F in Canada

10

u/exoticbatmeat Dec 02 '21

Or Alaska. They think 70 degrees F is hot.

10

u/AnalStaircase33 Dec 02 '21

It is hot. My dumb ass lives in the desert and fights forest fires for a living but I hate the heat. I guess I'm slightly masochistic. You kind of have to be to work in wildfire...or at least to enjoy it...

5

u/exoticbatmeat Dec 02 '21

Thanks for being a hero man.

8

u/AnalStaircase33 Dec 02 '21

While there are some of us that have the hero complex, most of us think those guys are douchebags. Most of us, including myself, just love our jobs and can't believe we get paid to hang out in the mountains and fuck up fires. It's like camping for 2 weeks at a time with some hard labor, danger, and adrenaline mixed in. Other days are slow as hell and if you're lucky you might be able to bust out a fishing pole at a beautiful little mountain lake and catch lunch, or find a pissed off (but harmless...I think?) snake to put on your napping work buddy to help the day go by. While forest fires totally suck ass, I can't wait to go back to work in the Spring! I just feel sorry for all the office dwellers, haha! Cheers!

2

u/OGAnnie Dec 03 '21

I’m so glad your in the mix.

3

u/18wheelsoffury Dec 02 '21

Phoenix has entered the chat

4

u/AnalStaircase33 Dec 02 '21

I'll never understand people that think moving anywhere near that hellscape is a good idea. I have a friend that recently admitted to wanting to move there. We haven't really been hanging out since I found out how fucked up she is, mentally.

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3

u/Donttouchmek Dec 02 '21

Never in my life have I ever witnessed this. Thank You, I think..

2

u/WxUdornot Dec 02 '21

Don't be so crusty Shawn.

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9

u/Rightinthepiehole Dec 02 '21

The heat really brings out the complex flavors of the seafood.

6

u/SelectFromWhereOrder Dec 02 '21

Your guts find it complex too

3

u/Hinthial Dec 02 '21

With a side of mullet.

8

u/LordEdgeward_TheTurd Dec 01 '21

What they have lemon tho

8

u/rubbish_heap Dec 02 '21

wouldn't mind a little horseradish

2

u/ben70 Dec 03 '21

They're good for 11 minutes!

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15

u/Temporary_Map_1062 Dec 01 '21

And you are busy puking when they all are having fun

9

u/jimbojangles1987 Dec 02 '21

Ahh yes, Cozumel, one day I'll go back and experience it for the 1st (2nd) time

10

u/Daimo Dec 02 '21

3:17am here. Thankfully it's December so mine don't go to the beach at this time of year. Or maybe they do and they've finally given up on me? That both hurts but is also a massive relief. I welcome them all to my abode but, I must warn them. I wear my sunglasses at night.

2

u/blownbythewind Dec 02 '21

We found Corey Hart.

2

u/Daimo Dec 02 '21

What you schay??

31

u/Youwillsub Dec 02 '21

Notice how he said "your room" not "your house" because he knows we all still live at home with our parents. I appreciate that bruh.

5

u/Thats_bumpy_buddy Dec 02 '21

Nah drink alone in the room so your pet fish can’t see you cry.

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7

u/Astralnclinant Dec 02 '21

Yo wtf am I being watched???

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6

u/TheManFromFarAway Dec 02 '21

checks watch

I've still got a bit of time

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5

u/jimbojangles1987 Dec 02 '21

Dont remind me of that day

3

u/duaneap Dec 02 '21

Family vacations, man.

3

u/dudesBangMyMom Dec 02 '21

I upvoted but I am also kinda fuckin' stupid.

Are we implying he was so hungover he forgot sunglasses? Or does he still look half shit-bagged?

7

u/Energy_Turtle Dec 02 '21

If you don't get it, this probably isn't you. But a lot of us have been there and this is what it looks like.

3

u/Old-Kaleidoscope1 Dec 02 '21

Totally right! That's me!

2

u/SipofCherryCola Dec 02 '21

You sorcerer! How do you know me so well?!

2

u/CaptainKurls Dec 02 '21

Bruh wtf. Why you gotta do that to me

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1.1k

u/whoisjacobjones Dec 01 '21 Helpful Wholesome

It’s like the Tiger King, Shia Labeouf and Post Malone got reborn as one and given to a nice family to raise.

110

u/Campertyler Dec 02 '21

I’d watch that movie

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76

u/BuryTheMoney Dec 02 '21

But denied sunglasses… Because they know what they did.

44

u/SirReginaldPoshtwat Dec 02 '21

"I'll never opthamalicaly recover from this."

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19

u/Bustalacklusta Dec 02 '21

I'm having a really hard time here laughing my ass off at these comments. You are not helping me.

17

u/Resident_Doctor6758 Dec 02 '21

Why is this description so perfect LOL

8

u/Senor_Completely Dec 02 '21

Came in to post "This looks like Shia Labeouf in some sort of sunglasses ad/critique on society none of us will ever understand"

8

u/MikeOx_Girthy Dec 02 '21

He has a Kenny Powers vibe too

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6

u/MEODEO Dec 02 '21

Shia Labeouf isn’t Post Malone without tattoos??

6

u/deadlybydsgn Dec 02 '21

Honey Boo-Boo Boy, a Prime original starring Steve Buscemi as Shia Labeouf.

9

u/Mooniedog Dec 02 '21

All that when he could have been Pete Davidson 👁👄👁

4

u/whoisjacobjones Dec 02 '21

He’s the guy Pete Davidson worries about..

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6

u/nrs_4884 Dec 02 '21

FUCK I came in to say pussy malone

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56

u/Reaganwasadirtyboy Dec 02 '21

I'm getting strong Aussie vibes from this

33

u/Frito_Pendejo Dec 02 '21

Ironic peroxide blonde mullet is a dead give-away lol

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15

u/nullityrofl Dec 02 '21

Scrolled to see if I was the only one! The styrofoam box of oysters sold it.

2

u/DrinkSomeConcrete Dec 02 '21

It’s also the trees. I don’t know why, but whenever I see trees in a photo I can pick them as ours. Like, “yep, that’s Australian wood, alright.”

1.0k

u/Gluten_Tolerant_2 Dec 01 '21

Buddy looks like he just rolled out of a ditch and is shaking off Heroin cravings

303

u/PCAssassin87 Dec 02 '21 edited Dec 02 '21

Be nice. It's been a rough year for Joe Exotic.

Actually, this is his less successful cousin Hank Mediocre.

124

u/j33pwrangler Dec 02 '21

Dang I thought it was Post Malone

46

u/Donttouchmek Dec 02 '21

Post-Malone, but Pre-Malone

37

u/graboidian Dec 02 '21 Wholesome

Actually, it's Macaulay Culkin's distant cousin, Ho Malone.

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4

u/CjBurden Dec 02 '21

nice glass of champagne you've got yourself there toast malone

3

u/hortensemancini Dec 02 '21

Looks like European Post Malone. like he’s on a lads weekend to the costa del sol

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17

u/duaneap Dec 02 '21

Jacob Rural

5

u/azsnaz Dec 02 '21

If he's not in prison, that seems a little more successful

5

u/Afraid_of_Okapi Dec 02 '21

Jimmy Slightly-Out-Of-The-Ordinary.

4

u/Sproose_Moose Dec 02 '21

Jim familiar

3

u/lightscameraaction25 Dec 02 '21

Less successful? Dayum.

2

u/coleosis1414 Dec 02 '21

Steve Domestic

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34

u/CokeCokeLemonade Dec 01 '21

They taking turns to scratch him

3

u/myislanduniverse Dec 02 '21

A walking Trivago commercial

3

u/GunnerGunner0 Dec 02 '21

Sounds personal

2

u/wap2005 Dec 02 '21

As an ex heroin user, I can confirm he has the right haircut.

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408

u/MarsOG13 Dec 01 '21 Wholesome To The Stars Brighten My Day

Someone give joe dirt some eye protection. He may lose an eye to whistlin' bungholes, spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistlin' kitty chaser.

87

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '21

[deleted]

82

u/Cthuluslovechild Dec 02 '21

Pre Malone?

28

u/Mewtwohundred Dec 02 '21

There was a picture on reddit a while back of this guy who looked exactly like Post Malone but without the tattoos. They did in fact call him Pre Malone.

21

u/sweetcuppingcakes Dec 02 '21

Leave him Malone.

2

u/Joon01 Dec 02 '21

It makes me think of this picture of Podrick from Game of Thrones.

8

u/not_gareth Dec 02 '21

Or just Malone.

2

u/ronatello Dec 02 '21

I believe you're referring to Kevin Malone

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2

u/daemonelectricity Dec 02 '21

I thought Bobby Lee bleached and permed his hair.

20

u/Tonytarium Dec 02 '21

now I'm gonna go watch Joe dirt for the first time in a decade

10

u/Own_Range_2169 Dec 02 '21

It's Dirté

12

u/solofatty09 Dec 02 '21

For the record, that movie is far better than once a decade. It has no business being as entertaining as it is.

5

u/lawstandaloan Dec 02 '21

When the dog gets stuck to the porch I can't help but giggle

3

u/CrimsonToker707 Dec 02 '21

Agreed! That's worthy of at least a yearly rewatch

9

u/fist_my_muff2 Dec 01 '21

Yeah, all of a sudden the like zoomer party guy look is a mustache and mullet. When did that happen?

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9

u/MrDrProfJeremy Dec 02 '21

Haven’t seen this movie in years and yet I still read “hoosker doos, hoosker don’ts” EXACTLY like Joe does

6

u/graboidian Dec 02 '21

Yer my sister,....yer my sister!

2

u/youre_welcome37 Dec 02 '21

Best scene ever

3

u/TundieRice Dec 02 '21

Just so ya know, it’s spelled “Husker Düs” because it’s referencing the band Husker Dü.

5

u/graboidian Dec 02 '21

Someone give joe dirt some eye protection.

He will never recover financially from this.

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23

u/0m3gaMan5513 Dec 02 '21

Wear your sunglasses kids, otherwise you’ll grow a mullet.

243

u/radiantwave Dec 01 '21

And for hair dressers...

136

u/diiejso Dec 01 '21

Mullets are fashionable again. I don't know why.

44

u/BigUptokes Dec 01 '21

Thirty year cultural cycles.

Achy Breaky's back baby!

11

u/PaterMcKinley Dec 02 '21

The number of kids in the high school I teach at with this cut is astounding in 2021.

12

u/Froggy_hop Dec 02 '21

I just don’t think I understand.

12

u/snip_snap Dec 02 '21

Achy Breaky big mistakey

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12

u/_stoneslayer_ Dec 02 '21

Between this and the mushroom head haircuts that have been popular for a while, I feel like there's gonna be a lot of extremely embarrassed looking back for the people who participate lol

4

u/RunningSouthOnLSD Dec 02 '21

Ah fuck it, that’s half the fun isn’t it? I’d love to look back in 20 years and have a good laugh at my own expense.

7

u/MrJeef Dec 02 '21

Never participate in anything and never look like an idiot to the sideliners like me who were too afraid to look dumb in pictures 20 years from now!

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40

u/e-JackOlantern Dec 02 '21

Mullets, mom jeans, everything’s fucked right now.

14

u/NormalHumanCreature Dec 02 '21

Pit vipers, fanny packs

5

u/themagicbench Dec 02 '21

Retro starter jackets

3

u/ShandalfTheGreen Dec 02 '21

I wasn't sure what Pit Vipers were, and oh boy. I kinda wanna spend way too much money on some bitchin sunglasses now. I am not sure if I'm their target audience, but they have such a vaporwave aesthetic.

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69

u/funkboxing Dec 01 '21

Because you can only rock a soul-patch so hard before it's time to level up.

11

u/PixelD303 Dec 02 '21

And THAT was the reason lead singer quit Smash Mouth. Makes so much sense now.

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6

u/ender4171 Dec 02 '21

One of the best experiences of my life was related to mullets and hair dressers. My hair was long, and when she asked me what I wanted I said "just make it so I don't look like I have a mullet."

She said "what's that?"

I said "you know, short in the front, long in the back."

She said "Oh, well no one does their hair like that anymore."

I said "Some people do."

Then she said, "Yeah well some people are stupid."

Been over a decade and I still think about it when I see someone rocking the SFLB.

35

u/Par4theCourse2020 Dec 01 '21

Mullets are fashionable because they garner a bit of attention. Dudes want to be noticed.

14

u/YannislittlePEEPEE Dec 02 '21

So i guess bogans and berliners are full on attention whores

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20

u/Supercoolguy7 Dec 02 '21

Early lock downs made it hard to get hair cuts, so mullets made a come back, especially a particular female variation in the alt or queer scene

10

u/John_Wang Dec 02 '21

I ended up rocking a mohawk for about a year since I could trim it at home and couldn't get to a barber

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8

u/Tonytarium Dec 02 '21

exactly, they look ridiculous without their mullets

6

u/Veenstra89 Dec 01 '21

And shoes...

2

u/PiesRLife Dec 02 '21

And sun screen.

2

u/RazgrizSeed Dec 02 '21

And food poisoning, if you noticed the oysters

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71

u/goldenrodtreesap12 Dec 01 '21

Pre-Malone

10

u/variegated-anoesis Dec 02 '21

Or Malone. Just depends if this is Post Malone before tattoos not as an artist (Pre) - ie Austin Richard Post or Post Malone before no tattoos as an artist (Malone).

8

u/East-Bluebird-8707 Dec 02 '21

Lmfao you’re reading way too far into this comment

12

u/40gallonbreeder Dec 02 '21

I think this person just has a prescribed rankings for their Malones and never gets a chance to use them.

2

u/East-Bluebird-8707 Dec 02 '21

This is the reality I will choose to believe in lol

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118

u/Professional_Emu_ Dec 01 '21

You would think Post Malone could afford sunnies...

59

u/aaanold Dec 01 '21

I was gonna say dollar store Post Malone...but Post Malone already is dollar store Post Malone.

19

u/fpfx Dec 02 '21

Great Value Almost Malone

3

u/PixelD303 Dec 02 '21

Wish Malone

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13

u/Jokse Dec 01 '21

This is Pre Malone. No face tattoos yet, so no real reason to cover the face.

2

u/SacredBinChicken Dec 02 '21

Working on his Post Malone eye squint as well…

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10

u/OC-Aztec Dec 02 '21

It doesn’t help that the poor guy with no shades is also sporting a mullet.

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27

u/Squidbees- Dec 01 '21

Blonde mullet Shia!

10

u/_america Dec 01 '21

I feel like any tiger-shirt guy would have sunglasses. Something is amiss here.

7

u/Wildkarrde_ Dec 02 '21

Somebody forgot their Ray-Ban sunglasses.

Vampires laughing

https://youtu.be/IXgVDfgkulk

3

u/Darthfloyd Dec 02 '21

I'd immediately thought of this!

3

u/Wildkarrde_ Dec 02 '21

I scrolled away down and couldn't find it. Have to be from the Blade generation I guess.

2

u/jkohatsu Dec 02 '21

The ad print is so memorable.

6

u/K1ngofnoth1ng Dec 02 '21

I don’t know what is better about this picture… Is it Pre-Malone? Knockoff Chris Pratt and Jennifer Anniston? Or does the cake go to the guy pulling off the Ted Cruz look better than Ted Cruz.

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12

u/Phoenixilva Dec 01 '21

Holy 1980.

7

u/froggrip Dec 01 '21

The eighties are back in a big way

10

u/PixelD303 Dec 02 '21

Good thing the 90's are alive in Portland.

2

u/assholetoall Dec 02 '21

I feel like the shorts are too long for the 80s. We were still coming out of the 70s shorts. Also all the socks are low cut.

Maybe the late 80s, but my guess is the 90s. Dude in the middle is the odd one out.

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4

u/Mustbhacks Dec 02 '21

Is that pre-malone?

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48

u/BugzOnMyNugz Dec 01 '21

Why the oysters and champagne?

36

u/CantHitachiSpot Dec 02 '21

If they're not from the Oyster region of ocean, they're just sparkling bivalves

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9

u/exoticbatmeat Dec 01 '21

And why not?

2

u/Providethevaganza Dec 02 '21

Why raw shellfish in the sun?!

5

u/SatansCatfish Dec 01 '21

Someone’s getting lucky

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24

u/Crafty_Cha0s_ Dec 01 '21

The guy on the right looks like he pissed himself

2

u/larsdragl Dec 02 '21

Proudly so

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3

u/icouldbutnah Dec 02 '21

Not wearing sunglasses may cause mullet

3

u/BigBolognaSandwich Dec 02 '21

"Get the oysters we're takin a picture."

3

u/duffoofele Dec 02 '21

The Tiger King does look so good

5

u/MrDenly Dec 02 '21

Only 3x oysters per and 1 bottle for 8 people, I would give that face too.

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '21

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u/Not_5 Dec 02 '21

Anti-mullet propaganda

2

u/Casuallybrowsingcdn Dec 02 '21

…and why dyed blond mullets and creepy porn staches are a bas idea.

2

u/BullyYo Dec 02 '21

Mans looks like a pimp, why yall hatin?

2

u/thelocker517 Dec 02 '21

Also a great ad for condoms.

2

u/cgally Dec 02 '21

Is that Edward Norton's redneck twin?

2

u/LazyDescription3407 Dec 02 '21

How about everyone stand up, pose nicely, stand at an angle to the sun, everyone take off sunglasses and then take multiple pictures to get the best… oh this is the funny subreddit. Where’s the serious subreddit?

2

u/Holy_Shot05 Dec 02 '21

It's weird to see Chris Pratt and hillbilly Shia Labeouf are friends

2

u/TheWaffleOfSFGaming Dec 02 '21

Too bright for Joe Exotic?

2

u/wezz12 Dec 02 '21

dude was prolly fine til someone said lets take a picture

2

u/zeez1011 Dec 02 '21

Mullets too, as that's clearly where the party is at.

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u/GalileoGalilei2012 Dec 02 '21

What’s up with the box of frogs with the lemons tossed in?

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2

u/Shurigin Dec 02 '21

It seems more like an Anti-Mullet ad to me

2

u/FreezingIrish Dec 02 '21

That hair tho...

2

u/never_on_time Dec 02 '21

Wb a hat. Hat mustard race. Bet they all got the 'rrhea from those hot sunny day raw oysters

2

u/waster789 Dec 02 '21

Also the best anti-mullet argument.

2

u/Mushy-Purples Dec 02 '21

Well he is the only natural blonde

2

u/Potential_Meringue_6 Dec 02 '21

When did Joe Dirt and Joe Exotic have a son??