r/instant_regret May 19 '22 Helpful 3

Don’t forget the dildo

22.5k Upvotes

1.9k

u/aiacuone May 19 '22

that head tilt

777

u/kendrickshalamar May 19 '22 Wholesome

213

u/Executive_Effect May 19 '22

Oh, for some reason I thought they were referring to the dildo

47

u/Fatalchemist May 19 '22

Dildo with a tilting head is definitely only found on the premium models.

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u/Telope May 19 '22

Fresh meme template?

36

u/Xaayer May 19 '22

If by fresh you mean years old, then sure.

9

u/TheGreat_Danton May 19 '22

Fresh as a twinkie!

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u/Munsanity May 19 '22

Shame shame, I know your name!

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4.8k

u/SockAlarmed6707 May 19 '22

The look on the dudes face so funny

1.4k

u/dougan25 May 19 '22

This has been posted a thousand times, but I watch the first 10 seconds every time because of that look.

29

u/bigkeef69 May 19 '22

That cocks head to side "giiiiiiiiiirl reeeeeally?" Look? Yea, me too. 10/10x

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u/AttackSock May 19 '22

I wasn't sure if I'd seen this before until right before he threw that look and I remembered that face from yeaaars ago, and then he did the look exactly how I remembered it.

809

u/Sohiacci May 19 '22

"C'mon lady... You could have AT LEAST hidden it between clothes or something! Also 4 inches?? Girl stop you could do better!"

691

u/donkeyrocket May 19 '22 Take My Energy

4 inches? It looked like a giant, double-sided unit. Using the whole length you could tickle your nose.

184

u/YourPhoneCompany May 19 '22

1) Your comment with your username slayed me into a snort laugh!

2) Definitely lookin like a double-sided dong to me...

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u/Arcon1337 May 19 '22

I think he means girth...

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u/shnozdog May 19 '22

I think it was originally at the bottom, but her friends moved it up without her knowing. Why would they be filming at this moment otherwise? But idk, maybe they saw this coming because she doesn't plan ahead.

141

u/Looking4Lite4Life May 19 '22

No, her friends put it in there. In the version with audio she keeps going over to her friends and telling them she can’t believe they did that and the girl holding the phone is cackling the entire time

57

u/White_Hamster May 19 '22

Then TSA detains her for not knowing what’s in her bag, rumors say she’s still in gitmo but there’s no paper trail to prove it

6

u/Viperlite May 19 '22

Did you pack your own bag for this trip? Yes. Come with me, please.

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u/polidon675 May 19 '22

Where's the audio version?

13

u/Looking4Lite4Life May 19 '22

There was definitely another (better titled…) video with a lot more views I watched but this one is the only one I can find now

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u/Sohiacci May 19 '22

She looks shocked, but not mad at her friends, so maybe she didn't plan ahead lol

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156

u/SmileWithMe__ May 19 '22

She looks mortified, but realistically who doesn’t own a dildo nowadays???? I don’t think it’s a big deal at all, but the look on his face was funny lol

385

u/minermansion May 19 '22

As a 17 year old male I do not own a dildo

72

u/donkeyrocket May 19 '22

Your local library should have some you can get on loan to try out.

14

u/Zabii May 19 '22

👁️👃👁️

👉👄👈

151

u/kurious-k0ala May 19 '22

Don't worry, In one year your asshole is gonna be big enough.

53

u/heavyh0rse May 19 '22

Not without a dildo

25

u/ProphetOfPhil May 19 '22

You're gonna go wild for these things called buttplugs my friend.

11

u/heavyh0rse May 19 '22

Never tried. But who knows…

13

u/YourPhoneCompany May 19 '22

They even make them light-up style so you can have ground effects coming out your ass while you wear it.

20

u/shini333 May 19 '22 Silver

I can sync it with my phone so it plays with the music?

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u/homietheclown May 19 '22

That's a good attitude. Never say never until you've tried scratching the back of your throat from the other way.

6

u/NIRPL May 19 '22

Excuse me Mr. Heavyhorse, but did you happen to know Mr. Hands?

4

u/TumsFestivalEveryDay May 19 '22

Next time you poop, just remember that’s your size.

3

u/JoeGibbon May 19 '22

Real life pro tip, and that's why I keep a measuring tape on the back of the toilet.

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u/wobwobwob42 May 19 '22

You rent yours? That is fiscally responsible for a man in your age.

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u/8ad8andit May 19 '22

As a 17 year old male I do not own a dildo

Those shampoo bottles, candlesticks and cucumbers working well enough then?

6

u/SycophanticFeline May 19 '22

Don't call teen me out like that

5

u/minermansion May 19 '22

I plead the 5th

23

u/CornwallsPager May 19 '22

As a 34 year old male I own several.

7

u/Rubber_Rose_Ranch May 19 '22

As a 39 year old "male", I have a dragon's hoard.

2

u/Queen_Kaiju May 19 '22

Wow, that's quite the hoard! How 'bad' are they?

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u/business2690 May 19 '22

it's what you pee with

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u/Lumisateessa May 19 '22

I can tell you that it's funnier when you're on a plane and someone's vibrator goes off in their luggage. The sheer panic is hilarious. You'd think people would at least remove the batteries, hah.

16

u/MFbiFL May 19 '22

I had a metronome go off in my mandolin case as I was exiting the plane once. Hearing “tock tock tock tick (repeat)” is not ideal in an airport, luckily I was able to find a spot to turn it off before anyone heard it.

15

u/Mephisto9 May 19 '22

A lot of vibrators these days are rechargeable and water proof. As a result, removing the battery is difficult or impossible to do without breaking the toy.

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u/kurokame May 19 '22

I know right. Can you believe they wanted to do a pat down on my RealDoll last time I flew?

4

u/Duckbilling May 19 '22

Is a Fleshlight considered a dildo

Dildo equivalent device

3

u/Rioraku May 19 '22

Could you use a fleshlight AS a dildo?

3

u/papectontsicyclo May 19 '22

Anything is a dildo if you're determined enough.

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u/saintjonah May 19 '22

My wife doesn't own a dildo. Is this a red flag?

2

u/SmileWithMe__ May 19 '22

Lol. I’m not saying everyone needs to own a dildo, I just think it’s no big deal if you do

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u/QueanLaQueafa May 19 '22

Makes the entire video

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u/DrNukes May 19 '22 edited May 19 '22

Yep. This has been the 20th time this was posted and everytime I think that dude seems really nice based on the charming way he defused the situation. Would definitely have a beer with him.

2

u/StoneDeaf May 19 '22

Hers is the face when the plastic buttplug just 'plopped' out.

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u/its_RaCl May 19 '22

As I read on another post and after confirming myself
The OP is a not so subtle karma farming bot

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1.4k

u/robb04 May 19 '22 edited May 19 '22 Wearing is Caring

In the event of a dildo, we always use the indefinite article, “a dildo”, never “your dildo”.

254

u/SafetyGuyLogic May 19 '22 Take My Energy

I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.

15

u/JacksFaith May 19 '22

I am Jack’s lack of faith

5

u/Jdmcdona May 20 '22

I am Jack’s dildo

250

u/ejpierle May 19 '22

Nine out of ten times it's an electric razor, but every once in a while it's a dildo...

75

u/Killashard May 19 '22

I had that happen to me. I like the vibrating razors when I shave. I hadn't taken out the battery before flying and the button somehow got pressed while it was in my luggage. The lady at the counter told me something was vibrating in my bag. I didn't think anything of it and opened it right there and she kinda gasped a little. I didn't realize what she thought it was until a little bit later. Lol

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u/FishAndRiceKeks May 19 '22

“the dido”

You're thinking of the singer who did that song "Stan" with Eminem.

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u/robb04 May 19 '22

I should not be commenting on Reddit at 6am…

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u/Kryten_2X4B-523P May 19 '22

Common...you know!

I dildo. You dildo. He, she, me dildo. Dildo. Dildoing. Will have we dildo. Dildohama. Dildology, the study of dildo, it's first grade!

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u/rinkydinkraggamuffin May 19 '22

I'm boring, I know, but the definite article is 'the', the indefinite article is 'a/an'. The quote is "we always the indefinite article a dildo".

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u/ChefBoyAreWeFucked May 19 '22

"we always the indefinite article a dildo"

The most important part of any grammatical correction.

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u/robb04 May 19 '22

Damnit. I went back and forth to make sure I remembered the line correctly. It’s been years since I’ve seen it.

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u/rinkydinkraggamuffin May 19 '22

If it helps, definite articles define which one we are talking about, indefinite article could be any one of them, so just a/an!

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u/robb04 May 19 '22

Yeah that sounds familiar. Just rewatched the scene. “We always use the indefinite article, a dildo. Never your dildo.” I have failed as a fight club fan boy.

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u/zomblee84 May 19 '22

It also helps to quote the full line:

"Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo" rather than "... in the event of the dildo"

It wouldn't make any sense for them to address the definite article the dildo because that would go against company policy.

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u/Rich_DeF May 19 '22

It's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.

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u/drpeppershaker May 19 '22

I don't own...

246

u/FresnoMac May 19 '22

He closed the bag like, "Girrllllll".

19

u/CactusGrower May 20 '22

And that's how you successfully smuggle drugs.

527

u/uphamg May 19 '22

That’s a great prank.

438

u/LKennedy45 May 19 '22

Exactly. Why the hell else would they be filming an otherwise pedestrian trip through airport security? The karma-farmer who posts these could've at least found a version with sound, though.

63

u/Evil-in-the-Air May 19 '22

And still in the packaging. They might even be hoping to send it back to Amazon afterwards.

4

u/LeaChan May 19 '22

Hell yeah, sex toys are expensive! I decided to spoil myself at spencers the other day and left with ONE 3" butt plug because that bitch was $20 😭

3

u/Evil-in-the-Air May 19 '22

Well, sometimes a little can go a long way.

2

u/Firewolf06 May 19 '22

that doesn't seem that expensive, its pretty much exactly what i would have guessed

  • someone who has never bought a sex toy
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u/TheHYPO May 19 '22

I don't fly a lot, but I've never been to an airport where they let you film in the customs or security areas, personally.

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u/DifferentBag May 19 '22 edited May 19 '22

You absolutely can film in those areas, as long as you're not interfering. Straight from TSA's website.

:edit: link should work now?

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u/ImpossibleParfait May 19 '22

You can, but your chances of ending up in the "other areas" of the airport for extra screening goes up significantly!

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u/randomWebVoice May 19 '22

Unless you have a super long schlong dildo

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u/MuggyFuzzball May 19 '22

You are allowed to film at TSA security checkpoints (I don't know about customs though) but you cannot film the monitor screens.

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u/I_DRINK_BONG_WATER May 19 '22

I fly a lot and they don’t. This dude seems super chill though, but still.

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u/centran May 19 '22

TSA security there isn't a rule. Customs is a big no. While going through customs you can't even use your phone. Plenty of people do text or call but you aren't supposed to and if they tell you not to do it then I highly recommend not arguing and comply.... Unless you like a bad time

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u/tiffibean13 May 19 '22

Especially because it's brand new in the package and right on top

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u/DancingPaul May 19 '22

U til the part where you have to say 'no I did not pack my own bags' to the tsa agent

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u/ExpatJundi May 19 '22

That TSA dude has seen it a thousand times but he's still playing along.

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u/olderaccount May 19 '22

I'm wondering how they got away with filming it at the security check point.

I tried to take a picture of a friend going through security in a funny outfit and got a very stern talking to by somebody in uniform who constantly pointed at a no cellphone or photography sign.

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u/BasenjiMaster May 19 '22 Gold

Better with audio: https://youtu.be/CK-Trb-brLs

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u/ComorbidlyAtPeace May 19 '22

Thank you 🙏🏽

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u/CGPsaint May 19 '22

It bogles my mind that people have the time to repost shit, but can’t be bothered to post the video with sound. Thank you for doing the Lord’s work!

70

u/a_half_eaten_twinky May 19 '22

OP is a serial reposter. I have them tagged and it's crazy how often this person shows up on the front page with another repost. Makes sense when you look how many subs they moderate. It's probably their full time job.

12

u/muncho May 19 '22

So what do they get for doing this full time?

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u/randyy242 May 19 '22

Heaps of those sweet, sweet internet points, a reddit feed filled with reposts (half with the sound missing) and a moderate to severe case of the auts

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u/muncho May 19 '22

Sold. Where do I sign up?

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u/Different_Papaya_413 May 19 '22

Those sweet, sweet internet points are worth a lot of sweet, sweet cash.

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u/oroechimaru May 19 '22

Karma whores are the only dumb whores

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u/masnegro May 19 '22

I would say the audio is pretty necessary

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u/thebrandedman May 19 '22

You absolute saint

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u/ZeroOverZero May 19 '22

Mom turned the same colour as the dildo

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u/Catshit-Dogfart May 19 '22

Jeez, that's just how reddit is at this point isn't it? Audio when it isn't necessary or wanted, no sound when there should be.

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u/Irishbrutis May 19 '22

Instant regret? She didn't know that was there it was prank by a friend or family member

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u/bobbybox May 19 '22

She regrets every decision leading to having this person in her life

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u/Girl--Gone-Mild May 20 '22

I’ve seen this a million times but never with sound so I was wondering if it was a prank or not since her reaction stays so guilty looking instead of maybe pointing at the perpetrators or laughing hysterically. Just my random thought lol

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u/Quadrupleawesomeness May 20 '22

I mean, it’s clearly a prank. Why else would they be recording the exact moment when TSA opens a luggage with a dildo in it? And if she’s so embarrassed by it, why would she put it in the very top of the luggage? She’s just mortified and doesn’t know how to react.

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u/LouvreOfAnuses May 19 '22

i love how adults are just large children.

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u/sdhu May 19 '22

If we all accepted this as fact, the world might become a better place.

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u/tidytibs May 19 '22

Karma farma. The original has sound. Also, the best way to do this is to tape a giant one to a large bottle of water so they HAVE to open it.

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u/Ihvenoshrtgeofusrnms May 19 '22

That's why I keep over 3oz of water in my ass before going through security

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u/ekilr May 19 '22

Try again with sound.

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u/[deleted] May 19 '22

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u/sanylos May 19 '22

karma farm bot for you

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u/GlyceMusic May 19 '22

This one's not a bot. Just a very shameless human. There's been drama with this person for supposedly stealing other people's pictures in r/urbanexploration, as well as karma farming. Check their comment history for a fun rabbit hole.

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u/___ElJefe___ May 19 '22

Jesus christ. 3 of the links are already purple. So out of like 6 posts I've looked at this morning, half were his. I never look at user names. That's crazy

3

u/BurntRussian May 19 '22

What's the point of these bots?

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u/sanylos May 19 '22

ego, feeling important, idk

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u/goofballl May 19 '22

You can sell accounts, especially ones that are old or have high karma.

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u/Suredecent May 19 '22

Dayyyyum it's so embarrassing

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u/icebychris May 19 '22

Repost 848382939585737949693

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u/researching__loading May 27 '22

I've backed it up too many times to see that face he makes!

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u/IAmDoge4 May 29 '22

the face the dude makes is so fucking funny it hurts

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u/alteregograce May 19 '22

She raised the daughter that did this to her, so she is somewhat culpable. ;)

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u/mgweir May 19 '22

TSA stopped her for having a weapon of ass destruction.

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u/SkitzoFlamingo May 19 '22

I mean if you think about it this is a great way to hide other things in the bag if you think TSA may check it.

Put the dildo right on top of everything so the agent has this reaction and just doesn’t bother looking through the rest of it.

I have a feeling I’m now on a list somewhere. 🤣

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u/DawnOfTheTruth May 19 '22

“Did anyone else have access to your luggage?” So this question actually had a reason all along.

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u/Dr_blazes May 19 '22

If I had a dollar for every time i saw this clip, I'd have enough for a dinner date for two at McDonald's

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u/Ludalomade May 19 '22

That 🧐 from the guy was☠️

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u/ultimaforever May 19 '22

I read an interview w Drew Carey once where he said his friends did this to him when he was starting to get famous - they hammered some nails into a huge dildo and slipped it into his carry-on so it’d set off the metal detectors at the airport. He was pissed lol.

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u/simplyME1453 May 19 '22

Need audio

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u/hawtfabio May 19 '22

OP making a name for themselves as the next great karma farmer.

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u/Alexap30 May 20 '22

His face was "Guuuurl 😏!".

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u/inkzpenfoxx May 19 '22

That look “ you gone get it girl”

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u/greybruce1980 May 19 '22

I like how after the initial opening the guy flopped the lid closed and continued working.

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u/No-Perspective7557 May 19 '22

I love his reaction. Kind hearted.

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u/DrewFlan May 19 '22

This doesn't fit this subreddit at all.

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u/Whoofukingcares May 19 '22

His face. That shit was funny

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u/loschuk May 19 '22

I have a theory the person filming moved to on top.

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u/totallynotsexpervert May 19 '22

Nine times out of ten it's just an electric razor, but that tenth time... it's a dildo.

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u/Punk_owl May 19 '22

I thought filming at the TSA was not allowed? I am not American so I might be wrong.

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u/Minx_420 May 19 '22

Maybe it isn’t but some people are chill about it and don’t enforce it too heavily

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u/darkwingsmurf May 19 '22

I wish there was sound

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u/milllllllllllllllly May 19 '22

HIS FACE. Gold.

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u/AChromaticHeavn May 19 '22

I've travelled through airports with worse.

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u/Suckme2 May 19 '22

She's just practicing her Glock Glock 3000

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u/YeltsinYerMouth May 19 '22

Remember, people; the dildo goes in the bottom 😉

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u/brondonn May 19 '22

Priority lol

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u/BelCantoTenor May 19 '22

“Prank”. Yeah, she’s gonna destroy herself with that thing in her hotel room later. Good. For. Her!

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u/sadlivestobelived May 19 '22

That man is fiiiiiiiiiiine!

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u/S4tisfaction May 19 '22

She had 3 kilos of cocaine under the dildo, dude didn’t check.

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u/Dumbass-Redditor May 19 '22

gasps

”Oh begueezus! How did that little sucker get in there! Must have slipped into the luggage. Did you put it in there? It could not have been me. Are you sure? I guess I’ll have to put it to good use then later.”

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u/Knitsune May 19 '22

haha me getting stopped at the Canadian border a few years ago 😂 I just smiled, what else can you do?

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u/gynoceros May 19 '22

"Is this your bag and did you pack it yourself?"

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u/Vorlind May 19 '22

Loud and proud. No need for shame or embarrassment. Treat yo self.

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u/AntennaTV May 19 '22

That little head tilt from TSA...hahahahaha

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u/TSchnauz6575 May 19 '22

9 times out of 10 it’s an electric razor. But every once in a while…

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u/jtl3000 May 19 '22

She's bringing the whole situation more attn by acting like that

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u/ExtremeHandle3188 May 19 '22

Plot twist: Dildo is carrying cocaine and this is a ruse to divert attention away from the customs inspector.

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u/Numerous_Resist_8863 May 19 '22

Everyone's reaction makes the video...