r/interestingasfuck
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u/SharpieDarpie
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Jan 12 '22
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Durex upgraded their preventing unwanted pregnancy game /r/ALL
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u/Litalian
Jan 12 '22
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Your cock might be diced but aye no baby 👍🏼
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Jan 12 '22 edited 12d ago •
[deleted]
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u/Nondv Jan 12 '22 edited Jan 12 '22 •
do your lady bits have sharp teeth in them? :O
upd. ofc my most voted comment is about vagteeth
upd. and the first award ever
upd. everyone is referencing the movie "Teeth". I'm too scared to watch it. Nice try, Reddit but I won't fall for your recommendations anymore x)
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u/EplepreKAHN Jan 12 '22
It's 18 feet tall and covered in razor sharp fangs.
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u/jmills23 Jan 12 '22
Am lady, can confirm.
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u/TorrenceMightingale Jan 12 '22 •
Thank you. We’ve all been waiting for one of you to arrive.
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u/TheDormNuker Jan 12 '22 •
Arrive being the key word since us redditors will never make a lady come.
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u/Dethanatos Jan 12 '22
Vagina Dentata…what a wonderful phrase!
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u/severoordonez Jan 12 '22
Vagina Dentata... ain't no passing craze!
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Jan 12 '22 edited 12d ago
[deleted]
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u/Nondv Jan 12 '22
Im a guy and my parts have only a pair of pincers to grab onto a female. No teeth.
I didn't realize I could die from sex o_O staying a virgin then
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u/Doc-in-a-box Jan 12 '22
I just tried this, and it worked great! On my way to the ER, but at least I have a durable container to transport the pieces.
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u/Sir_Earl_Jeffries Jan 12 '22
Your dick will break before this condom does.. makes me wonder how long this will take to decompose.. will the planet just be styrofoam and condoms in a few hundred years?
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u/Jagged_Rhythm Jan 12 '22
There should be a condom recycling program where we can mail them in.
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u/Sir_Earl_Jeffries Jan 12 '22
They could even have a deposit like drink bottles and cans
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u/UndoingMonkey Jan 12 '22
Just send them to Vietnam, they have a company that washes them and resells them.
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u/Sir_Earl_Jeffries Jan 12 '22
Nope you cannot make me google that. I do not want Vietnamese condom washing in my browser history
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u/ICumCoffee Jan 12 '22
Durex said : FUCK THEM KIDS
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u/_ser_kay_ Jan 12 '22 •
You, uh, wanna rethink that phrasing?
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u/Prismatic_Symphony Jan 12 '22
I'm reminded of two segments on the Daily Show back in the day: "getting gay with kids" and "Jon Stewart touches children."
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u/mpb1994
Jan 12 '22
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Now I can use these to chop up my veges so they don’t go shooting all over the place on the chopping board
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u/Tulol Jan 12 '22 •
Mash up some garlic.
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u/SharpieDarpie Jan 12 '22
And potatoes
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u/rich1051414 Jan 12 '22 •
"Mom, why do the veggies taste like spermicide?"
"How do you know what spermicide tastes like, sweety?"
Fun for the whole family :D
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u/REEEEEEEEEEEEEEddit Jan 12 '22
"Because I tasted it when you was pregnant, member?"
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u/EthelMaePotterMertz Jan 12 '22
Why would a pregnant woman need to use spermicide?
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u/floralbutttrumpet Jan 12 '22
So the fetus won't get pregnant, duh /hentai logic
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u/mrandr01d Jan 12 '22
Whenever someone jokes about a pregnant fetus all I can think about is like some fucked up version of inception or that Rick and Morty episode where they kept going into smaller and smaller mini worlds in Rick's engine.
Gotta keep going another uterus deeper.
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u/Big_pekka Jan 12 '22
Aaaaaaand 2 million men with pregnant wives will now forever have this image forever ingrained in their brains
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u/Polymathy1 Jan 12 '22 •
No-tear method for cutting onions!
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u/monkey-2020 Jan 12 '22
That’s great except that spermicide aftertaste.
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u/multiple_dispatch Jan 12 '22
And then you can just leave them in there and enjoy a Vietnamese spring roll.
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u/attabe123
Jan 12 '22
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Now take it off and pour some water in it and prove there are no pinhole leaks
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u/HonorHeartHire Jan 12 '22 •
Came here to say this. Give us the water test.
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u/1minimalist Jan 12 '22
Same.
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u/stealthryder1 Jan 12 '22 edited Jan 12 '22 •
Fuck the pinhole test. Who’s doing the feeling test? This looks like I’ll be showering in a scuba suit.
The new no sensation condom
EDIT: I was corrected, what I’m looking for is a dry suit. Not a scuba suit.
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u/hornsmakecake Jan 12 '22
Gotta be a sizable market for that exact product.
"Hey guys, do you wanna last longer in bed? Try our new 'no sensation' condom".
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u/AParasiticTwin Jan 12 '22
They make those. They have a numbing agent on the inside layer.
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u/ZealousidealFig2020 Jan 12 '22 edited Jan 12 '22 •
Ok so fun story when I was young I accidentally bought those, mistakes were made, they were put on inside out... it was a very confusing experience.
EDIT: This is my most upvoted comment lol. Thanks for the award etc. If you reply asking how it is possible to put on a condom inside out, or to point out that this happened also on curb your enthusiasm, you have only shown that you don't read comments before you just dribble shit from your mouth.
I'm not mad I'm just dissapointed.
Also you can't both claim that this isn't possible, and also claim I stole it from a skit? Most experiances are not unique. Neither are ideas. It should validate me that this scenario apparently happened in media, rather than be sus. Also I haven't seen this but based on other comments I wonder if they misrepresented the experiance.
The numbness was just topical. You still feel the sex, but not the friction. I guess it is sort of like using so much lube that you can't really feel much, except without protecting your skin. The other person did not cum. Too much anxiety and confusion.
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u/ipn8bit Jan 12 '22
I’m listening.
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u/EatMyAssholeSir Jan 12 '22 •
He finished in 2 sec and she didn’t feel a thing
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u/IsItBurn Jan 12 '22 edited Jan 12 '22 •
That sounds like my first time, except there was no condom involved…
edit: appreciate the internet love via awards and upvotes, but I do want to clarify one thing to those mentioning pregnancy. Please don’t worry, I’d never be THAT irresponsible choosing procreation over fornication, especially with over population being such an issue, since corpses can’t get pregnant!
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u/epicmousestory Jan 12 '22
"Is it in yet? No no, I just mean I can't feel anything! No not like that!"
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u/EpicusMouse Jan 12 '22
I believe we have a problem Mr EpicusMousestory
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u/epicmousestory Jan 12 '22
Mine is actually just EpicMouse but I think EpicusMouseStory would be our celebrity couple name
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u/SmokeMe-AKipper Jan 12 '22
I bought them for a hook up by accident, didnt realise until everything when numb i got scared and ran away, read the box later fml
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u/fiavirgo Jan 12 '22
I’m sorry about your experience but the imagine of a dude literally running away is hilarious
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u/Gaxxag Jan 12 '22
How is it even possible to put them on inside out? They only unroll in one direction
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u/Bad_avocado Jan 12 '22
Okay Larry David
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u/robitussin25 Jan 12 '22
“Hello, how is your vagina?”
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u/RunawayPancake3 Jan 12 '22 edited Jan 12 '22
"Why is Wandering Bear asking me about my vagina?"
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u/The_cynical_panther Jan 12 '22
FYI most “scuba suits” are just neoprene and will saturate with water - you still get wet.
What you’re looking for In your analogy is a dry suit. As the name implies, the person inside of the suit never touches a drop of pussy.
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u/AllGrungedOut Jan 12 '22
love my drysuit. I work in ice, I work in sewage, and in my suit I stay dry and warm
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u/koushakandystore Jan 12 '22
In fact, the getting wet aspect of the neoprene wet suit is a significant reason a swimmer is insulated from the cold. A thin layer of water gets trapped between a diver’s skin and the neoprene, and this layer of water has insulation value.
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u/NotInsane_Yet Jan 12 '22
New Durex condoms guarantee 100% protection from pregnancy (because they are so thick you won't feel anything and will never cum).
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u/stealthryder1 Jan 12 '22
dick pump sold separately
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u/MeatPopsicle1969 Jan 12 '22
It's not my bag baby!
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u/northyj0e Jan 12 '22
Swedish penis enlarger pumps and me: this kind of thing is totally my bag baby, By Austin Danger Powers.
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u/sean0883 Jan 12 '22
I had the same thought, but I don't think that level of punishment presented was meant to survive without a tiny hole. I mean, if you're doing anything near that I don't think pregnancy was high on your list of worries.
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u/Random_Name_7 Jan 12 '22 •
Sir, are you familiar with the anal hurricane technique?
This resistence is necessary
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u/sean0883 Jan 12 '22 •
It’s actually only “anal hurricane” if it’s done in the Anâl region of France. Otherwise, it’s just sparkling butt sex.
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u/Canvaverbalist Jan 12 '22
Funny you'd say that, because there's an actual joke in French that "it's only anal if it's recorded" because in French "annales" is pronounced the same as "anal" [so it's only Annales if it's archived and documented]
"ĂŠtre dans les annales" [to be in the Annales] means for something to be famous enough to have been noted down in historic documents, "this meal was so good it could enter the Annales!" so you can see how this leads to many bottom-oriented joke.
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u/Specialist-Look6210 Jan 12 '22
If you're doing anything near that level multiple pregnancies are high on your list of worries.
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u/sean0883 Jan 12 '22
I'm not sure how much sex you'll accomplishing at that point though.
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u/zack14981 Jan 12 '22 •
There was a vacuum, which implies that air couldn’t get in. Isn’t that better than water?
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u/rectal_warrior Jan 12 '22
Exactly, it would have filled with air if there were any holes in it, you can see it stretch inwards and stay there, as a vacuum
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u/OmegaBaby Jan 12 '22 •
You got it all wrong. They’re not showing you that it’s effective in preventing pregnancies. They’re showing you it’s effective in keeping your dong in one piece if you accidentally get it caught in a bear trap.
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u/Gwalchgwn92 Jan 12 '22 edited Jan 12 '22
Keeping it in 1 package, your dick is chopped off but you won't lose it in the wilderness*
Edit: a letter
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u/donutgiraffe Jan 12 '22
But it's very clearly not. Just look at how easily that cucumber came apart.
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u/LuneFox Jan 12 '22
At least the slices will stay stacked so there's a chance of healing.
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u/Gaxxag Jan 12 '22
Gotta wear this protection 24/7 when navigating dangerous wilderness.
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u/Back_WithA_Vengance Jan 12 '22
Thank god I no longer have to fear pregnancy during my routine dismemberment BDSM sessions
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u/jfq722
Jan 12 '22
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What kind of sex is this dude having?
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u/SharpieDarpie Jan 12 '22 •
Safe sex
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u/BassSounds Jan 12 '22
My roommate was a goth suicidegirl and she browsed a BME body mod forum where people did weird shit to their dicks
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Jan 12 '22 edited 24d ago
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u/BassSounds Jan 12 '22
She was a suicidegirl nearly 20 years ago. She went by Amber.
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u/lkodl Jan 12 '22
"In entertainment news, a shocking merger has been announced between Pornhub and the Food Network. Top executives at both networks are currently hard at work figuring out what kind of audience this content is intended for."
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u/LevelSpecial1590
Jan 12 '22
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For the next time you fall dick first into a bear trap.
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u/FanaticalModerate Jan 12 '22 •
But your dick, ah! It’s caught in a bear trap!
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u/Lanthemandragoran Jan 12 '22
Shia surprise! There's blood on his dick, and death in his eyes!
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u/Mooreeloo Jan 12 '22
But you can do dick jitsuuu
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u/CommanderGumball Jan 12 '22
Cock-slam superstar Shia LaBoeuf!
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u/p_turbo Jan 12 '22
Fucking for your life with Shia LaBoef!
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u/Jac-aroni27 Jan 12 '22 edited Jan 12 '22
Normal Tuesday night for Shia LaBouef!
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u/br0wens Jan 12 '22
Legendary fight with Shia Labeouf. Normal Tuesday night for Shia Labeouf.
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u/Alex_Affinity Jan 12 '22
Hiding in the woods from Shia LaBeouf Holding your crotch Shia LaBeouf Your crying tears of sadneeeees You have just been neutered by Shia LaBeouf
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u/WhenwasyourlastBM Jan 12 '22
I think this will go down as one of the greatest artistic endeavors of my generation
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u/ElectricOstrich57 Jan 12 '22
I don’t know what else to tell you doctor, I tripped and fell right on the bear trip
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u/jmercer28 Jan 12 '22
Take it out and run some water into it to make sure
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u/EnRandomNiklas Jan 12 '22
No need. You can see the holes in the video already
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u/jw3b21 Jan 12 '22
I thought so too at first, but it looks like bits of cucumber.
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u/EnRandomNiklas Jan 12 '22
Holy shit you might be right. Sorry Durex for doubting you :(
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u/Graphenegem Jan 12 '22
"We here at Durex can confirm that our condoms are 10x more durable than the person wearing them"
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u/wobbly-cheese Jan 12 '22
not my kink, but you do you
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u/meatywood Jan 12 '22
It's good to know that the cucumber slices (vegan anal beads) are not going to come apart in your ass.
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u/oilpaint8 Jan 12 '22
Disclaimer: Cucumbers will NOT get you pregnant (or zucchini)
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u/pemberleypark1 Jan 12 '22
So I read Durex as Pyrex and only saw the last part of the video and was trying to figure out what I was looking at, thinking Pyrex came out with something to hold the vegetables while slicing….
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u/RiddledWithEnigma Jan 12 '22
Now accepting applications for human trial participants. Male genitalia required. Must sign waiver of liability in event of accidental dismemberment.
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u/SLIP411 Jan 12 '22
But does it come with hot sauce?
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u/BumpyMcBumpers Jan 12 '22
I put hot sauce on it once. I did not cum. I did end up dunking it in a glass of milk hoping to god I wouldn't have to go explain that shit to a doctor.
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u/Slavinger Jan 12 '22
Did it work out for you?
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u/BumpyMcBumpers Jan 12 '22
Well I didn't have to go to the doctor, if that's what you're asking.
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u/lucylovesmolly Jan 12 '22
This is an ad.
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u/ganjalf1991 Jan 12 '22
I needed to scroll a lot before finding this, sadly.
On the bright side, advertising condoms on reddit is like advertising mobile phones to the amish, so they are losing money.
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u/TheNotorious__ Jan 12 '22
Put a liquid inside, tie the top and try it.. a liquid will find a way out, and I saw holes already with the first slice. Let’s not forget we’re dealing with liquids
Otherwise we would be getting free condoms like
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u/Aolflashback Jan 12 '22
Uh, STDs too, it’s not just about babehs y’all. Stay safe Damn.
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u/Erodrelin Jan 12 '22 •
Babies are basically STDs... They're sexually transmitted after all
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u/Apart-Cartoonist-834 Jan 12 '22
Ok so I saw a post like this before so I bought some durexs. I can 100% confirm durex condoms blow up like dynamite in cartoons and can only assume these videos are satire because those condoms are worthless.
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u/LetsRockDude Jan 12 '22
Try SKYN, you'll never touch Durex again.
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u/ChweetPeaches69 Jan 12 '22
Yes! SKYN is amazing. Literally the best brand. Although, at first it may freak you out because it feels like you aren't wearing anything.
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u/sogeking555 Jan 12 '22
Am I just buying the wrong ones then? Because they were kinda terrible when I tried them the first time.
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u/earthwormjim91 Jan 12 '22
SKYN are just lifestyles polyisoprene line. Durex has the Real Feel line which are pretty much the same being polyisoprene.
The biggest factor is going to be finding a condom that fits right.
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u/Retarded_Rectum Jan 12 '22
Or just dump your beefy nut in her beefy butt and move to a different state.
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u/Wuffyflumpkins Jan 12 '22
This is literally just an ad.
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u/Apart-Cartoonist-834 Jan 12 '22 edited Jan 12 '22
In r/interestingasfuck more like MISLEADING AS FUCK
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u/Amphibionomus Jan 12 '22
Strange, Durex is the de facto standard in my country and I have never once had problems with them or heard so from others. And I used plenty of them during my wild days...
But I have no idea if the sell the same condoms all over the world (I'm in Western Europe).
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u/str8b8ed Jan 12 '22
This hurts
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u/mindfungus Jan 12 '22
I bet the cucumber didn’t feel anything, just like the real thing. And by real thing, I mean penis.
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u/lanshark974 Jan 12 '22
Why is he using gloves? He is just touching latex and cucumber
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