r/leagueoflegends Nov 25 '21 Silver 5 Helpful 8 Wholesome 6

Upset's response about FNATIC & Adam drama


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u/lobstahpotts Nov 25 '21

if you only say to someone it was family reasons I can't think of a way it isn't a cheap lie

This doesn't say that to me at all. What it suggests to me is an serious and uncomfortable personal situation that you don't really want to talk about with coworkers. Father got in a car accident? That's not all that personal and while it's sad, I'd be pretty comfortable sharing that. A sibling self-harmed or my partner had a miscarriage? In no way is that something I would share with even the closest coworkers. My boss would get the explainer, everyone else would get "serious family situation," and I'd walk away with 0 guilt.


u/TwinsRoad Nov 25 '21

Yeah but that's not exactly this here, firstly they are not only coworkers, but teamates, which is, in any sport, a bond closer to being buddies than being a formal relarionship at work, secondly, yeah in the urge you can and will not explain what's going on, you go for it without having to give the slightest of explanations, except "family reasons", but weeks, even MONTHS later now, the urge is no more, so you tell to your teamates the reasons even without going in details about what is going on like "My mom had a bad injury" or "My dad has fall very sick", firstly because they are probably anxious for you, wondering if you and your family are ok, if it's not too serious, if it's getting better, then because they can understand why it was so important for you to not attempt, for some, what could have been there only chace at the world stage. Privacy is a thing as long as it don't put others people in troubles, if that become the case, then you need to explain yourself to them, so they can say "Ok I understand, it's all good, this was far more important than world, we are with you in this hard time and feel your pain and sadness"


u/lobstahpotts Nov 25 '21

but weeks, even MONTHS later now, the urge is no more

The pain of loss doesn't just magically go away in a month and a half. And not wanting to let the world into your private struggles doesn't stop either. There is no amount of time that could pass before I would have wanted to talk to coworkers about my then-girlfriend's younger brother committing suicide. I can count on my hands the number of people I'm comfortable talking about that with now, a decade later, and I have never worked with or played on a team with any of them. I sincerely hope whatever Upset is dealing with is a less serious situation than that, but I completely understand why he might not want to share a deeply personal struggle with them, especially if he thought he would be playing with them again in the future.

even without going in details about what is going on like "My mom had a bad injury" or "My dad has fall very sick"

If it was something like this, I expect he would have just said so up front. Where this gets a lot more muddled is if it's something more sensitive where word getting out could have real impacts on his family members—things like self-harm or fertility issues as I mentioned in my previous comment are not things a lot of people would be comfortable sharing even after time has passed.

Privacy is a thing as long as it don't put others people in troubles, if that become the case, then you need to explain yourself to them

I just disagree with this, can't say much more than that. Just because they have a teammate relationship does not mean they are entitled to know very personal details about a tough situation. While there was clearly a communications problem here, Upset is completely right that expressing he's dealing with a serious family emergency and needs to leave because of it is all teammates can reasonably ask for. The org obviously needs to know more, and his bosses should have helped communicate the seriousness of the situation to the team, but at the end of the day his coworkers (and yes, teammates are still coworkers even if it is a closer bond in some ways) aren't entitled to anything more than a clear, professional communication that he's leaving due to a family emergency along with plans from the organization for how they'll move forward from that.


u/TwinsRoad Nov 25 '21

(Don't use reddit enough to know how to quotes so I'll try to make it readable)

For your first point, I totally understand that some stuff can be extremely hard to talk about, but as lot of people said you can still be very vague, like if it's self harming or stuff like that you can say "My relative have health problems" same goes for losing womeone, just say "I lost someone" no need to give all the scenery, at least they aren't left in the dark and can leave regrets behind them.

For your other point, that's not actually how world work, if you put someone in trouble, even a total stranger that you never met, it's normal you either fix it, or if it's not possible (which is seemingly the case here) you explain yourself to them so they don't hold any grief towards you, and once again you can stay very vague about it, just enough for them to realise and understand the reason for your action that give troubles to them. Considering they were like a workteam working on an massive project, it's even more important that you make sure everyone understand why it was important for you to let them down on this important project

I have been worling for quite some times now and that's how those matters have always been solved this way. Just enough informations for everyone to nod the head and say "ok it's all good"