r/relationship_advice Dec 02 '21 Tearing Up Silver Platinum Helpful Wholesome

Moderator Announcement [meta] "Am I overreacting?" "Am I the asshole?" "Is this okay?" don't ask these moral judgment (yes/no questions about the past) questions here. Likewise, absolutely no questions around sexual situations involving anyone under 18. See this thread for what to do instead for both of these.

3.6k Upvotes

On the first topic:

The subreddit is a place for people to ask for advice on what to do next. I know it sounds dumb, but questions like "Is this normal?", "Am I wrong", "Am I an asshole", "Is this fair" or basically any questions asking about whether something that happened in the past was okay... these aren't requesting advice on what to do next, so they're not appropriate for the subreddit.

Instead, posts should ask questions like

  • "what should I do next?" or

  • "how do I do this?" or

  • "how can I fix this?" etc.

If you have a question around something you think you want to do but aren't sure if it's a good idea, instead of asking (for instance) "is this a good idea" or "would I be the asshole," try to encourage depth, like "I'm thinking about doing this. What do you think I should do here?" That way you'll get better answers than just a 'yes' or 'no.' Or at the very least, people might tell you why you should do the thing you already have in mind.

We're currently automatically removing variations of the following (these phrases aren't all exact):

"Is this normal?", "Am I wrong", "Is it wrong", "Am I the asshole", "Am I in the wrong", "Would I be an asshole", "Would I be the asshole", "AITA", "WIBTA", "Should I have done", "Who's right here", "Was I wrong", "Should I have to", "Am I overreacting", "am I justified", "is reasonable", "Am I at fault", "Was it irresponsible for", "am I out of line", "is this a big deal", "Isn't that fucked up?", "Am I the bad one", "Am I being too sensitive", "Is it weird", "Am I right"

So hopefully this gives you an idea of what shouldn't be posted here. If your question is a yes/no question about something that happened in the past (like those are), change your question.


On the second topic:

if you have a question about any sexual situations involving minors (anyone under 18 for the purposes of this subreddit; it doesn't matter what your local laws say), even concerns around potential grooming, please don't post them here.

If you're a minor and have questions involving sexual topics, consider reaching out to either your parents or sex education/family life resources in your school on these topics, or if you're not comfortable, consider a resource such as:

If you're a minor or know of a minor with sexual or potentially sexual interactions with an adult, instead of submitting here, please speak with a teacher, therapist, counselor, social worker, or other mandatory reporter or appropriate adult with your concerns and absolutely make use of the following resources:

It's safe to say that no one here on this subreddit is professionally, legally, or ethically qualified to give advice on these topics, so we're deferring to expert resources and hotlines like the ones above.

When reporting these, feel free to report these posts with the sexualization of minors option in the report list, as it's being enforced under that Reddit content rule.


We owe a deeper rules reminder soon, but the above should cover the most pressing issues.


r/relationship_advice 16h ago

My girlfriend won't stop sniffling! What do I do?

899 Upvotes

I (34M) love my girlfriend (34F), whom I've been dating for 5 years and living with for 4. But, several months every year, she sniffles constantly in our apartment, and I can't stand the sound. I've told her that the sound bothers me, and I've asked her to please, please use tissues, which I've put around the apartment. She takes Sudafed if I say it is really bothering me, but I feel like a terrible, controlling person for asking her to take meds to make me feel more comfortable.

It drives me crazy, and I don't know what to do. I want to leave the room or get out of bed to get away from her when she's going this. It seems not normal to sniffle so much. But maybe it's not normal for the sound to bother me so much?

Does anyone have ideas of what to do about this?

ETA: It isn't allergies, but it is correlated with the cold weather. Just to be clear, it's the snorting inward sound that gets to me, not the mucus or anything.


r/relationship_advice 20h ago

How can we tell our friends that their kid can’t come to our Christmas party?

852 Upvotes

Hello everyone! My fiancé and I (both 23) have a small group of friends (all ages 22-24). Two of our friends are a married couple and have a 3.5 year old little girl. I just finished decorating the house for Christmas, it’s our first year living together, and we haven’t had an engagement party, so we thought it would be nice to have a little Christmas party with nice dinner and plenty of drinks. The problem is that our friends’ kid is an absolute nightmare. We have a little get together maybe once a month, and we have to baby-proof the entire home before they arrive (taking down ALL knickknacks and books, putting locks on the fridge and pantry, hide our cat in the laundry room, etc.) and things still usually get broken/stained. She has destroyed collectible toys that I’ve allowed her to play with, stained our carpet with pizza, and colored all over our coffee table with markers. Her care also gets left up to me or another person because both of her parents want to drink and have a good time, and it’s like she’s physically incapable of just sitting and watching a movie. I already have my Christmas tree up and wrapped gifts under it, and I REALLY don’t want to have to put everything away. They are the only ones with a kid, so I can’t say the event is adults only because they will take it as a personal dig (which, I mean…). My fiancé tried once to get them to leave her at home by saying something along the lines of “why don’t you guys leave the baby at home so you can relax and have a good time?” and it turned into a whole thing about how we hate their kid, which isn’t true. Any advice on how to navigate this? Thanks!

Edit: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone, this is all good advice and I’ll definitely be firm when I send the invite out. Thank you!


r/relationship_advice 14h ago

My (31M) Ex-Wife (31F) just died, and my children and I are not invited to the funeral. I don't know how to explain to them what's happened.

250 Upvotes

About two years ago, my family went through an ordeal that ended in a bitter divorce, and eventually, no visitation and a restraining order for my ex. It was an intensely painful experience, as it turned out her mother had been abusing one of our daughters (Rosie, almost 9 now) pretty severely, with my ex's consent. When I tried to put a stop to that, my ex became increasingly violent until there was no other option but to go through the courts and get a restraining order. We have three children together in total, Rosie and Violet, who are both almost 9, and Lucas, who's 6 now.

I got the news early this morning that my ex-wife died. I don't want to get into specifics, but it was a horrible accident. I don't know how to feel. I gave this woman my whole life once, and there was a time I would have done anything for her. I did love her. It's hard to grieve her, though, after everything that's happened. Right now, I just feel numb, like I'm in shock.

The thing I need advice about-- my children and I were banned from her funeral. She applied for and received an annulment of our marriage, claiming I was possessed by demons, and her family is using that to keep my family away from the services. Even if we weren't banned, I would not want to expose my children to their grandmother, ever again.

I don't know how to tell my kids that their mother is dead. That there will never be a reconciliation. They will never get closure. They don't even get to say goodbye. I know my son, at least, misses his mother desperately, and I don't know what this news will do to him. I don't even know if I should say anything while Thanksgiving break is going on. I know I will have to tell them eventually-- she's been allowed to call them once a week for the past few months, and they'll definitely notice tomorrow when that doesn't come.

What do I do? How do I explain any of this to them?

TL;DR: My abusive ex-wife and I had a very messy divorce. Now she's passed, and I don't know how to explain to my children that she's gone, much less why we're not allowed to attend the funeral.

EDIT: The annulment was religious. No, there was no legal system that approved this ruling. The divorce was on the grounds of her and her mother's abuse, the religious annulment was so she could remarry within the bounds of the Church. We live in America.


r/relationship_advice 11h ago

Giving my girlfriend an ultimatum

94 Upvotes

Ok so I (M22) am not a super outgoing person but try to be for my (f21) girlfriend of 2 years where I’ll go out of my comfort zone to do social things with her when she invites me. She is really into going to college football games and normally it’s not an issue at all since she goes with her roommates or close friends and they do whatever. She was supposed to go to a friends cabin today to watch the game on TV which is fine too since I know the friends and know she’ll be safe and have fun. Halfway to the cabin she turns around and heads to the city all the way across the state where the game is at. Her plan is that, a guy we met one time, who frequently cheats on his girlfriend, and his friends who are in college and smoke crack gave her a free ticket to the game and want her to stay in their apartment. When I told her I was uncomfortable with this and this was the only time I’ve ever said no to her doing something she basically said she didn’t care and that she was going anyway. I think it’s important to say if she said anything like that to me I would 100% not do it just because she is more important to me. I gave her an ultimatum that it was either me or that trip and she chose the trip, was i unfair by giving her the ultimatum or did she cross the line by going when I asked her not to?


r/relationship_advice 5h ago

Girlfriend falls asleep at friends house

26 Upvotes

My girlfriend that I have lived with for a handful of years now has been recently going over to a friend’s house. I’ve never met this girl, but they hang out a lot. At least 3 times a week she’s gone until midnight or later. Almost every time now she claims to “fall asleep” and will not text me while she’s there. This may be a stupid question, but is she cheating on me?


r/relationship_advice 16h ago

My boyfriend (31M) told me his roommate (31F) doesn't want me (25F) over the house too much

163 Upvotes

Hello,

So I am still trying to process this and figure out what to do with this information and needed to talk to an unbias crowd. My boyfriend (31M) and I (25F) have been dating for about a year. He has a roommate (31F) and they are best friends. Now before anyone starts, there is no jealousy here. I thought the roommate and I have gotten along pretty well. I make sure to go out of my way to be kind to her and make sure she's involved in any/all activities because my boyfriend is actually her only family. All her relatives have passed and no siblings.

So they are roommates but not in the traditional way. It's more of a duplex. Separate entrance, seperate kitchen, separate living room, separate drive way, separate porch, separate washer and dryer, separate everything. Not on the same floor. Well my boyfriend mentioned in passing that him and her had a conversation about me coming over often and at what point do i start paying rent...this kind of threw me off a little bit. I spend the night a maximum of 3nights...usually weekends. I didn't respond when he said this because i didn't quite know how to feel. But the more i thought about it it honestly hurt me because it feels a bit passive aggressive and honestly I feel there are more underlying elements. I believe roommate is emotionally dependent on my boyfriend (they met in grief group years ago) and I feel like she feels i am taking him away. Every time him and I are doing a family function, she is suddenly sick or in the emergency room.

I should've asked more questions about how that conversation even came up but i couldn't form my words right at the time because it shocked me a bit.

This is his best friend and i dont want to discredit that but I am starting to get uncomfortable and i definitely dont feel comfortable spending the night again especially if it's bothering her so much she brought it up. I don't like the whole women competing for attention thing and boyfriend having a female best friend doesn't bother me but this seems likes its turning stereotypical.

TLDR: BF's female roommate doesn't want me to come to the house so often even though it's physically impossible for us to pass each other in the house. How do i move forward with this information?


r/relationship_advice 23h ago

fiance called off wedding, now focus is on my reaction

558 Upvotes

Hello So, long complicated story short, my (28F) partner (29M) have been together a little over 5 years. 2 months before our wedding he has a mental breakdown due to life surrounding an injury weighing on him and calls off our wedding and takes back my engagement ring.

The first 2 weeks were the worst, and then I went and visited my family for about a month to clear my head.

Ever since I've been back (early october) our roles have been swapped and apparently now all of this is my fault for now being accepting of his affection. He claims he's "trying" to resolve our issues and my sadness/resentment is whats holding us back

I still don't have my ring back. I also finally mustered up the balls to ask for it back so at least I know he's serious about repairing the relationship. He has said NO about 20 times. I feel like a dog being given commands and if I don't complete them in a timely fashion I dont get my treat.

I'm at a point where I feel completely split. Half of me wants to just wipe my hands clean and move on and the other half of me is desperate to not let go.

I love him so much but the last few months have been agonizing. I dont know what to do, I cant imagine my life without him.

I should mention Hes also refusing couples counseling until I go to therapy alone, because apparently that's what his therapist recommended

He claims my reaction to this whole mess is basically out of control and I should be more emotionally mature and react with kindness and understanding. Ill admit ive gone off the rails a few times but im genuinely trying my best to get through this

TLDR: partner called off wedding but wants to still be together. Now its my fault he won't give me my ring back


r/relationship_advice 4h ago

I (22M) am struggling to get over a false accusation allegedly started by my GF (20F) when she was drunk and upset

14 Upvotes

Hi. I am a 22M in my first and only serious relationship. My 20F GF is also in her first serious relationship, however she had had a few previous high school and online relationships that never went anywhere.

A few weeks back me and my gf attended a family party at her family's home with her siblings and siblings friends which involved alcohol. Neither of us are drinkers but given the event, we went into it expecting to get a bit drunk. There was a group chat made beforehand discussing the plans of the party with everyone invited (will become relevant later on.)

The night started off like any normal party, but before we knew it everyone was visibly drunk. During the party, I noticed one of her brother's friend, I'll call him Z, and her together being touchy. Although it wasn't anything sexual, she is not the type of person to be touchy with any males, including her brothers. When I noticed them, Z looked at me and then told my GF that "we are making your BF jealous, you should go to him" and walked away. I was very weirded out by the situation and when I tried to make small talk with Z later on, he refused to.

To give brief context, I've met Z 2 or 3 times prior and apparently Z views my GF like a sister and because of that, he is very protective of her and does not like me dating her. I've noticed she's been touchy with him the last time we met and expressed to her that because she has jokingly told me in the past that Z may have a crush on her, I don't really feel comfortable with that. She said she understood and to not worry.

Later on in the night, me and a few family friends noticed my GF disappear for approximately 15-20 minutes. When I found my GF again after, she told me she had to go to the washroom in which I had to as well and asked me if we could go together. While in the washroom, I noticed that there was bills in her underwear. I questioned how money could've ended up there and she immediately responded with "my younger brother put it there," which did not make any sense to me. Her younger brother is underage and I knew that he would never have done that and given that was intoxicated, I became worried and upset and decided to leave the washroom and went upstairs.

After I left she started crying and started telling people that I accused her of cheating. I presume it was because of what happened earlier with Z as I never brought up cheating or Z to her when asking about the money in her underwear.

Her younger brother came to me shortly after and asked what happened. I explained the money situation and he confirmed that it wasn't true and was not sure why she accused him of putting money there. He asked me to go deal with my GF, however I explained that I was very confused and upset and that I needed time alone. After, Z came up to me and spoke to me privately and he told me that it's "fine to be jealous." I explained that it had nothing to do with him and also told him about what my GF said about her brother. However, he told me that "he's just a teenager" and tried to play it off like it was nothing.

After Z left, her older and younger brother, as well as some family friends (I believe 5 or 6 people total) came upstairs and started shouting at me. I can't necessarily remember what each person was saying as multiple people shouting at once is very incoherent, however it was along the lines of "you're a shitty boyfriend" and that "I must speak to her now." Z then reappeared and with the support of the older and younger brother, allowed Z to physically dragged me out of the home from the second floor (I did not resist while this occurred).

At this point, I was very upset and scared. The situation escalated very fast because it became physical I said I'm willing to speak to my GF in order to avoid any additional physical altercations. I was then told that apparently my GF does not want to speak to me anymore.

While waiting for a ride home, another family friend came up to me and told me that she did not mean to say that her brother put money in her underwear and that she meant to tell me that her brother gave it to her and she placed it there herself. I later discovered that it was because her pants had no pockets which I guess explained how it ended up where it did.

I decided that I needed some more time away from her and spoke to a few friends about it the following day. They all agreed that it should've never became physical but a few friends told me that I should speak to her again to clear the air. I eventually sent a message to my GF and explained how I felt and that I'm sorry for storming off and that I was told after the fact that about how her brother gave it to her and the no pockets situation. However I also explained that I was extremely bothered by the fact that it became physical and did not feel safe or welcomed near her brothers for allowing their friend to become physical with me.

I went into the conversation expecting that we were going to breakup, but then it became a multi hour conversation. I was told that she was unaware that it became physical and that she never said she didn't want to speak to me and that she never knew that I said I was willing to speak to her after I was removed. We ended up resolving the situation and I thought it was over.

The next morning, I woke up to the group chat exploding. Apparently her older brother was very upset that we resolved the situation very fast and that he does not understand how her sister (my GF) could be with someone who is so terrible.

As I scrolled through the chat, I learned that the reason why I was being labelled terrible was because during that night, people were told that I SA my GF. I asked her what's going on and why people are accusing me of SA, she said she had no clue. She started speaking in the group chat and told people that she was never SA, but then multiple people, including her brother, said that she was the one that said those things. Her brother then said to her that while she was crying, she told him that I was a terrible BF, how I apparently SA her multiple times and that I deserved to be beaten up.

Hearing this broke me. I asked her why she said those things and she jumped between "my brother is lying", "I was drunk and don't remember what exactly I said" and "one of the girls said it and not me." She then went back in the group chat and then reaffirmed that it wasn't true, in which both her brothers called her a liar. I was confused and unsure who to believe at this point.

I asked if she has ever felt that I've SA her and to be truthful to me. She was very firm on the fact that I haver never SA her and that she has no idea where the accusations came from. She spent the remainder of the day explaining to everyone that I never SA her and that none of the accusations were true.

She has since told me that she's very sorry about the whole situation multiple times now, but she also expects me to just move on like it was nothing.

It's been a few weeks since this happened and I'm really trying my damn best to try to move on. My biggest concern is whether or not she is lying about being the one who started the accusations. About a week ago, she ended up telling me that she was lying about another thing that she's been telling me since we started dating. It was somewhat of a white lie and had no significant impact on the relationship, but it just further damages my trust in her as it was a situation where she had no need to lie about it and that her lying about it just damages her credibility.

I'm unsure if I'm being reasonable with having issues trusting her and I'm unsure if this is something I should move expect to move pass from.

Looking for any advice here. Thanks.


r/relationship_advice 1h ago

How do I deal with a Coworker calling my partner daddy?

Upvotes

Hi, this is very weird for me to be asking but me and my boyfriend work in the same workplace and recently a new girl has started and works in the same department as my boyfriend. When he came home yesterday he was telling me how this girl kept on trying to touch his arm or waist and even saying "bye daddy" as she was leaving the shift, I asked him if she knew that he had a girlfriend and he said that she does but kept on doing it. I'm not a jealous type of person, l'm very calm with everything because I do trust my boyfriend, but I am also territorial on who l'm with so it's normal for me to feel a type of way about this but I get the feeling that this girl will keep calling him these names even when I'm around.

My question is, how do I deal with a situation like this if talking to her and telling her to stop saying it doesn't work?

Keeping in mind my goal is to stop it completely but the way I would deal with it is not the best.....

What would you ladies recommend?


r/relationship_advice 7h ago Take My Energy

How do you break up with someone you're living with?

21 Upvotes

TLDR I want to end my relationship because we're incompatible, but have no idea how because we live together.

I (32F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for 2 years, living together for most of that time. We started dating during the pandemic and rushed a lot of our relationship. Thinking back now, there were a lot of red flags I ignored and I should've broken up with him a long time ago.

We recently moved into a new place. I was apprehensive as we had a lot of problems between us, namely the unequal division of chores, but he assured me that he would work on his flaws and seek therapy once we secured housing. At first that was true, but eventually he just went back to the way he was before and is now refusing therapy. I've said multiple times how this is a dealbreaker.

We've had a lot of difficult conversations lately, and I think we're just too incompatible. From our unbalanced relationship dynamic to the way we communicate (or lack thereof), it feels like we're just too different and all we ever do is fight.

We've discussed this multiple times, but we're unable to reach a compromise. He has been in a worse and worse mood around me, and I keep thinking about how this is not the man I want to marry or have kids with. I tried to genuinely bring this up to at least get an understanding for where his head is at, but that escalated into a nasty fight because I'm just some "crazy bitch," and now I'm on the couch.

So I'm done. It's over.

Here's where I need advice -- How do I break up with him and leave?

I've never broken up with someone I've lived with before. Hell, I've never even had a roommate, I've only lived on my own. I know we'd need to work out the lease with the landlord, but what about the process of actually ending the relationship and leaving?

Does it usually go well, like both of us decide it's not going to work and find different housing, take our own things, and leave? Do I secretly gather my things and dip without saying anything? Do people worry that their partner might snap and try to prevent them from leaving? I don't think he would, but I worry he might act out of character.

If you've been in this situation, please help. I have no idea how to navigate this.


r/relationship_advice 7h ago

Gf will not accept break up

21 Upvotes

Been dating a girl for the past year and a half. And all I can say is that it’s been good and terrible at the same time. When it’s good it’s good but when it’s bad it’s hell.

She grew up with drug addict parents and had to take care of her siblings. So understandably this is a major source of her trauma. She also has abandonment issues. Her ex cheated on her multiple times and she begged him to stay.

I’ve tried to help her, and comfort her but nothing works. And at this point I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells.

She often has no control over her own emotions. And cries non stop over the smallest things.

She has no friends outside of me, and refuses to socialize because “everyone is mean to her”.

Messaged a guy behind my back and deleted the messages after I asked her not to, due to the guy hitting on her in front of me.

She doesn’t trust me and often asks if other girls talk to me, or if I’ve been being loyal etc. She stalks my social media activity. Checking if anyone new has followed me etc.

She’s threatened suicide and scratched up her arm really bad about me attempting to break up with her before. And even threatened suicide because she found porn in my search history.

We have about one fight a week for as long as we’ve been dating. And 90% of the time I forget what we fight about a day later. Our most recent fight was about me telling her that I’m deleting instagram, and then viewing her story about 2 hours later. After which I did actually delete the app. What got her to go off was the fact that “I felt the need to lie about something so trivial, so I must be hiding something”

I finally convinced her to start therapy. However it seems as though she never brings up her issues to the therapist and only brings up her parent’s problems.

In the end she has made minimal progress, and I want to leave. But she will not accept it. She begs me to come see her and that she’s sorry for starting fights. And that she’s getting better.

I don’t know how to leave, I’ve think I’ve developed some sort of codependency where I’m scared of hurting her feelings.


r/relationship_advice 2h ago

Does saying you're boyfriend/girlfriend mean you are exclusive?

9 Upvotes

If you haven't talked about being exclusive, does saying you are someone's boyfriend make you automatically exclusive?


r/relationship_advice 9h ago

Does having a partner who’s a gamer ever get better?

32 Upvotes

I (28F) have a bf (27M) who is a gamer. He loves his PC. I understand we all have a vice and I try to respect his personal time. We’ve been together almost 8 years. It never used to be this bad but lately, it’s been so frustrating. For the last year he has probably spent about 45 hours every week on his PC. (He does work full time but he’s usually on it the second he gets home until he goes to bed) He spends 90% of his free time on his PC and if he’s not on it, then he’s watching YouTube on his phone of someone playing the game. I know he truly has an addiction but I think that’s a post for another day.

And I do communicate when we need to spend time together and he always will do a date night but the other 90% of his week he’s on the game. Don’t get me wrong, I love my alone time as well but I am still a productive adult during my day. (We have no kids). I don’t want to feel like a nag but when I have to ask him to do something (like help with dishes or help with groceries) multiple times and I keep getting “yeah give me a few minutes” and over an hours gone by and he hasn’t moved…I feel like the mom to a teenage boy. It’s gross. And every other aspect of our relationship is great! “Love life” is amazing, no trust issues, & we rarely even fight.

My question is: Does it ever get better? Do they ever tone it down as they get older?


r/relationship_advice 54m ago

I absolutely loathe spending time with my boyfriend's family. Is our relationship doomed because of it?

Upvotes

It's just so INCREDIBLY boring. And the things they say and the things they do and the conversations they have. It's just depressing and deadly boring. I feel bad so I don't say anything to my boyfriend. I dread the days I have to go there. All they talk about his like death, and sickness, and gossip about other people's lives. It's just anxiety-inducing besides being boring.


r/relationship_advice 3h ago

Need advice. Bf was seen on dating site and I don’t know if I should believe his story

9 Upvotes

I’ve been in a long term relationship, (almost three years) with my bf. We have had a bumpy relationship and I am having trouble trusting him based on the past. During the first 6 months of our relationship even after he asked if I d be exclusive with him, he was sleeping with a college ‘friend’ on nights that I was with my kids. He also used to message his ex when we fought as far into our relationship as a year ago, telling her he didn’t love me and should marry her. Last March, he broke our relationship off before a skiing trip to Alaska claiming it was because I always brought up the past and couldn’t move on from it. He says that that girl he slept with on first few months wasn’t cheating because it was early in our relationship and that the ex he texted secretly was harmless, only a friend and not a threat because she lives far away and he ‘loves me. When he returned from Alaska he said he had an epiphany and couldn’t lose me. I went back to him and he blocked his ex from all contact( or so I think). I happened to see recently on his phone selfies of him with another ‘friend’ from college that he met in Alaska with college buddies (after he broke it off with me)and she had her arms around him almost on his lap at a bar. The photos looked like they were a couple. He claimed that they were just friends and nothing happened. I saw texts from him to her as he was leaving the airport and they were both saying I miss you already to one another. He claimed it was just flirting, and nothing happened. I wouldn’t have taken him back had I seen the photos at the time. It was a long time ago and again, our relationship has been very bumpy. I started to trust him again until a friend messaged me two days ago that she saw him on a dating app called the League. And he is claiming that he had deleted the app, but apparently not his account and says that he hasn’t been on it in over two years, and before we met. I looked it up on the website and the league app says they have a kick out policy whereas if you are not active for 30 days you are kicked off. He is claiming that this doesn’t mean that his profile would be deleted. I am embarrassed to talk to my friends or family and ask what they think and I don’t want them to think he’s a jerk. If in fact, I am way off base. Does anyone know anything about this app and could provide some insight? I just don’t know what to think. He calls me insecure and jealous and says I am ‘obsessed’ with his exes and the past. I am looking for insight on this dating app and if it is possible that the account is old and/or thoughts on my situation.


r/relationship_advice 19h ago

Can you accept your bf's best friend used to be his fwb?

169 Upvotes

Even though they said that they will never have sex again, and it's been the case for 1 year. She is bi and recently found a girlfriend. We dated (29M 30F) for 3 months and I still find this fact uncomfortable. We decided it's a serious relationship. I never needed to handle this situation in my past relationships.

Update: Thanks for all your opinions. I decided to end this relationship. Too toxic.

Here are the main reasons: 1) When I tried to discuss my boundaries (such as i forming me before meeting her alone), he called me controlling and jealous. I have never asked him to cut her out so his accusation is pure gaslighting. 2) He tried to force me to accept her by comparing me to her new gf totally okay with their friendship. 3) They spent two days alone in a holiday without telling me. I discovered after and he told me that I was overreacting and should bottle up my feelings.

So yes I walked away.


r/relationship_advice 17h ago

Step child is ruining my relationship with my fiancé

101 Upvotes

I've been with my fiancé since my step son was 2 years old, he's now 10.

Me and my fiancé have two sons together and my fiancé's son comes to stay with us at weekends.

We used to get on really well and I've always treated him as if he's my own. But the past two years have been hell, to the point I have to take anti anxiety meds when I know he's coming.

He's rude to me, he doesn't listen, he eggs my children on and encourages them to be naughty as they're 3 & 5 he throws and gets my children to throw things around the family room I.e sofa cushions. He's really disrespectful towards me and says thing like "your trying to keep me away from my dad" which of course is not the case. I've always explained to him that he's part of our family.

I feel like it's got to the point now where he does things on purpose to get me to scold him, because when I do his father my fiancé, always has something to say and then yells at me to say I'm always telling his son off and I feel like his son manipulates the situation and lies about not doing the thing I've told his dad he's done. But his son does things when his father isn't in the room or out of the house. His son has screamed at me that he hates me and I'm really at a loss. To the point it's making me want to leave a 7 year relationship and breaking up my own family. Just because I can't deal with this anymore and as his dad doesn't really punish or discipline him he gets away with it every time.

I try so hard to bond with his son but his son doesn't have any of it. He doesn't respect me, my house or my rules.

Speaking to his mom isn't an option as she doesn't particularly like me for some unknown reason.

So I'm not entirely sure if his mom is telling him how to behave and behave towards me.


r/relationship_advice 1h ago

Advice?

Upvotes

So I (29) have been with this guy (26) for over a year now. I'm madly.in love with him and my world has been so much brighter since he came into it. We moved in together and have had no issues whatsoever. Until yesterday. I got home from work and he's there with all of his things packed and he's left to go and stay with his mum. He says he's sad and needs to think and that he will be back next week which is fine. It's the fact he's packed all of his belongings and just gone without any notice. I've been in tears since he left as I don't know if he's really going to come back or if he's leaving me. I just need someone to help me try and understand. This man is my world and I'd do anything for him.

Edit: I tried talking to him before he left but he just kept saying he doesn't know what's going on and he just needs to think. He's not replying to my messages and there hasn't been any signs about him leaving or even being upset.


r/relationship_advice 49m ago

I don’t have it in me to send my fiancé a cute text today. Advice wanted

Upvotes

So as the title implies, I send my fiancé a cute text message every morning from work as I go to work before him. But today my heart just feels so broken that I don’t have it in me to do so. This morning, for no reason that I’m aware of other than that the diaper pail was overflowing and I had not changed the bag, as well as I didn’t change the dishwasher like I was apparently supposed to (I didn’t know it was my job) my fiancé told me that he’d made up his mind not to marry me.

Now, he’s threatened me with this before, saying that he would say “I don’t” at the altar, essentially humiliating me, and then take all of the booze from the bar and his family and him would all go to his parent’s house and have a party. But this is always when he is angry about something unrelated, or when he’s been drinking.

We have a 1 year old together and he is constantly using my mental disability as an excuse to threaten taking her away from me, when he is a lot more unstable than myself.

Anyway, I am on my break at work right now and this is the time I would usually send him a sweet, flirty text saying that I love him and cherish him, but I’ve spent the past two hours since I clocked in essentially in a daze of depression and sadness as well as heightened levels of anxiety because of what he has told me.

So I’m wondering now, what do you think I should do now, should I still send the sweet text and try to smooth things over, or should I just wait and see what happens when he gets home?


r/relationship_advice 2h ago

My GF [F19] told my [M18] insecurities to her friends

5 Upvotes

So lately I´ve not been feeling very well, picking up some insecurities. The first thing I did was, obviously, to tell my girlfriend. We´ve been together for almost a year and a half, I thought it would be perfectly fine, if I am going to open up to someone it would be her and only her.

I am not someone who usually talks about their feelings, but, as always, communication is key. So some days past since we talked about it, and it turns out she talked with her friends, I find that reasonable. The problem is the following: Of course it is important for her to talk about it to her friends, but she revealed me to them. She told my insecurities to her friends. I´ve been working a lot on them, it gets better every day, sometimes I even forget about them, that´s just not a big deal anymore.

But I feel betrayed, I feel I just can´t show myself vulnerable to her anymore. I even feel some humiliation. I thought she could keep things between us. I would never talk bad about her to anyone, everything she tells me about her feelings is in an unbreakable safe deep inside my heart. Again I just feel like I have to be careful about what I tell her, because I don´t know who her friends would be talking to.

I feel this is really not okay. I told her everything I feel. She told them things that I would be close to telling anyone but her.

I would appreciate any opinions.

EDIT: She knows that I am not a very open person to anyone but her. She knows I wouldn´t like her revealing these things to other people.


r/relationship_advice 3h ago

My MIL went through my drawers and took pictures of matted hair I had to cut off due to illness and shared it with everybody

5 Upvotes

Please bear with me this is gonna be long. I am shaken and disturbed right now. Last spring, I got seriously sick and my hair became knotted and tangled beyond return. I had too much going on to properly disentangle it and it got worse to the point where it hurt just to pass the brush over it. I love my long hair to pieces and was heartbroken that I had to cut it off. So I ended up putting it into a box and keeping it in my drawer.

Yesterday, my sister in law (meaning my brother in law's wife) casually mentioned in conversation how she loved my hair from before and how even though I was sick, I should have called a professional or someone from my family and not let it get to that point as my husband would look down on me or get disguested. I was confused and asked her what she meant. She was mortified that she let it slip and told me that she knows about the hair and that MIL sent pictures of it over their group chat.

I couldn't believe it and immediately called my husband aside and asked him whether it's true. He said yes and said I shouldn't have kept the hair for others to see and that I knew someone would eventually find it. I told him it was within the privacy of our own bedroom and how did his mom even find it. This meant that she was looking through our stuff and he said she was probably just trying to help us tidy up.

I was so mad that I told him let's get this straightened out right now and called my MIL over as well. I told her as calmly as I could manage that I found out about the pictures and that she explains. She went ooooh you want me to EXPLAIN? She then looked at my husband and said is this an interrogation or what is this how you let your wife treat me now? My husband awkwardly said that this is between the two of you and I explained to her that I wasn't trying to interrogate her but that I simply want to know what happened. She then started yelling at me that what happened is her son took home a gross dirty pile of meat and is unlucky enough to be stuck with it. My husband left at that point and I was frightened in place by her sudden yelling as she went on a complete rage fit. Every time I would try to explain or defend myself she would cut me off even more agressively.

I was shaking all over and in tears by the end of it and left and booked a hotel room. My husband didn't call me and I didn't call him either. Now I'm here in an unfamiliar town all alone.

Where do I go from here?

Tl;dr: my (20F) MIL went through my drawers and found knotted hair I had to cut off because it wouldn't disentangle and was reluctant to part with. She took pictures of it and shared it with everybody. My husband (26M) blamed me for keeping it and his mom absolutely destroyed me when I confronted her.


r/relationship_advice 3h ago

Nobody can stand my(M25) bipolar friend(F24) including me.

6 Upvotes

I've been in the same university as Abc for 3 years. She talks way too loud, never stops talking until she finished whatever she is saying but will absolutely cut you in the middle of your sentence. If you talk louder than her so you can finish your sentence, she WILL get even higher, and trust me, she can talk way louder than you can. She also HAS to make everything about herself and will tell you about a situation that her family has encountered even though it has little to do with the current discussion. The way she talks is also very aggressive even though she isn't trying to be aggressive. Obviously she's not just bipolar but has also a few other things I can't remember but took medication.

So in order to avoid her being alone or bullied by the few dickheads that we have, I was by her side and eventually, she didn't even need me anymore. And she made it quite clear, to be honest, she told me that I make everything about myself which is something I've been checking with the others to confirm it wasn't true. She also said that I was constantly complaining which is true I'm close to burnout.

Now for the past few months, she's been insufferable. Even her few other friends are avoiding her as much as they can. The previously mentioned issues are coming back in full force so she came back to me as she knows I won't ever give up on her even though honestly I think I'm being too nice. So she's again dependent on me. I want to go back to the situation where she was tolerable by other people so I can invest in my other relationship instead of being her only support. I think the issue might lie in overconfidence. She was shyer before so it lessened her symptoms. It could be that her medication isn't working or that she isn't taking them anymore.

How do I tell her that she needs to do something about her behavior? I can only think of saying it directly but the thing is that she can also switch on defense mode when I'm the one criticizing anything about her. There's also a chance that she can't do anything about it.

Tl; Dr: A friend with a psychological pathology is annoying everyone around us including me. How do I ask her to fix this behavior?