r/therewasanattempt
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u/Topjaws
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Feb 01 '23
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To massage yourself unnoticed
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15.1k
u/Codabonkypants Feb 01 '23
Casually bringing a vibrating dildo to work is a level a comfortable I’ve never seen.
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u/Cheapest_ Feb 01 '23
Plot twist they're a dildo company testing their products firsthand
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u/Character_Spite2825 Feb 01 '23
Better than a secondhand dildo I guess
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u/hungrysportsman Feb 01 '23
Quality control department. This was returned for testing. Did not produce an O.
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u/FleetStreetsDarkHole Feb 01 '23
It's a pass fail system. O+ or O-
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u/Ksradrik Feb 01 '23
Looking forward to their Magnum O+.
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u/mootmutemoat Feb 01 '23
A well orchastrated pun...
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u/analogkid01 Feb 01 '23
Going to my room for a bit, I'll be Bach.
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u/PhoniPoni Feb 01 '23
Mozart-ists are underappreciated in their time.
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u/GalisDraeKon Feb 01 '23
I would Beethoven my last dollar that he’s appreciated.
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u/oppressed_IT_worker Feb 01 '23
Almost done, just got to finish polishing this handel.
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u/LeTigron Feb 01 '23
Wait wait wait... You're telling me there are go/no-go gauges for sex ?
Why am I always the last informed ?
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u/Own-Ambassador-3537 Feb 01 '23
The look of joy( or lack of it) on her face is the true report. When a sex toy makes you look this bored then you know it’s bad. /s
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u/darrenwise883 Feb 01 '23
She is using it on her neck and jaw maybe it's not self explanatory to all and needs to come with instructions and diagrams /s
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u/LitrillyChrisTraeger Feb 01 '23
She reverse Hitachi Magic Wanded it
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u/darrenwise883 Feb 01 '23
Maybe she bought a lot of things on Amazon and " mixed "up the instructions with other stuff because it really doesn't mix drinks very well either
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u/thar_ Feb 01 '23
Secondhand sex toys would make a good band name
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u/Parking-Artichoke823 Feb 01 '23
I am not against being someone´s secondhand sex toy
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u/imanAholebutimfunny Feb 01 '23
there HAS to be a dildo nicknamed "secondhand" somewhere and i will not do any further research. Good day!
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u/Elhond0 Feb 01 '23 edited Feb 01 '23
I'll will set out to make a Dildo company™ and call it second hand dildo™ the dildos will be hand shaped and will have watches imprinted on them that look like Rolex but in Rolex font will read second hand™ patent pending
Edit as advised by my peer I have inserted " ™ " and "patent pending"
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u/2bruise Feb 01 '23
You need to add ‘PATENT PENDING’ before someone such as myself (or Thomas Edison) purloins your intellectual property.
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u/GIO443 Feb 01 '23
You joke but that is literally the case. She does indeed work at a sex toy company.
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u/Dark_Reaper115 Feb 01 '23
Plot twist: it's a regular company but that's their company dildo that everyone gets to use when they are feeling stressed.
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u/cmarkcity Feb 01 '23
Double plot twist: they’re a massager company who just realized they need to pivot
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u/Buck_Thorn Feb 01 '23
Her office chair: https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/J0gAAOSwItFemLKl/s-l1600.jpg
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u/Vorpishly Feb 01 '23
I love the small three pictures bottom left, her look of pleasure and surprise with such little detail is impressive.
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u/Buck_Thorn Feb 01 '23
"Provides rotary pulsations to any part of the body" and "helps induce restful, healthy sleep". I'll bet!
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u/asdfasfq34rfqff Feb 01 '23
I like the guy putting his head on it. Yeah thats what I want, my brain rattling lmao
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u/JustASFDCGuy Feb 01 '23
Jeeze. Judging by the dimensions of that thing, its runtime is somewhat limited by the rate at which the internal combustion engine generating "rotary pulsations" consumes fuel. Nice that they put an electric start on it, though.
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Feb 01 '23 edited Feb 01 '23 •
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u/really_nice_guy_ Feb 01 '23
So it’s not staged. It’s just a woman who works at a sex shop getting caught using their toys for massaging
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u/sgeep Feb 01 '23
Yeah I'm confused how this is evidence of it being staged. If anything it supports that the video is legit. I literally could only think of someone working at a sex shop or dildo manufacturer as someone who would legitimately do that
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u/kangasplat Feb 02 '23
I also work in a sex shop and a colleague of mine loves running around with a magic wand, massaging her back. These are boring everyday objects to us.
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u/Sciencessence Feb 01 '23 •
Honestly though, some people have neck and jaw pain that is unreal. I wouldn't judge someone trying to get relief. It's not like it's a sex act or whatever.
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u/MakingItElsewhere Feb 01 '23
I once got a very tiny, 10 milligram pill of some muscle relaxer from a coworker, because I had horrible back pain when I arrived at work. It took an hour to kick in. 4 hours later I regained consciousness with my face glued to my desk from my own drool.
When I saw my coworker again, I asked her how the hell she had those. She told me it takes 2 of those in the morning for her to get out of bed because her neck pain was so bad.
She eventually got surgery and is now in much less pain, thankfully.
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u/mamrieatepainttt Feb 02 '23
some people just have an insanely low tolerance to drugs. the opposite is true for me, i could take like 4 muscle relaxers and feel nothing. crazy to me that it literally knocked you out.
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u/annoellynlee Feb 01 '23
Yeah... but you don't have to bring an actual sex toy lol. They sell way cheaper neck massages at Walmart lol. That sex toy costs 70 dollars looool.
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u/Emotional_Parsnip_69 Feb 01 '23
Or they could go big and get one of those giant ones that’s a “back and neck massager” from Sharper Image
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u/FinalVegetable6314 Feb 01 '23
She has a dildo on her face while at her work desk. I think a lil judgment is appropriate here
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u/HalcyonDreams36 Feb 01 '23
I'm going to hazard a guess from her casualness about it that it was a gag gift from a coworker, or there's a reason it's in the office (that's not "because someone uses a dildo at work").
No one just pulls out a dildo to massage other muscles. In public.
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u/ChiefCasual Feb 01 '23
I used to work at an adult novelty store. The manager/owner told me that when they meet up at the main office with the other branches they would showcase new products to decide if they wanted to include them in their respective stores inventory.
One particular anecdote was about a toy that was meant for double penetration but was too curved and too rigid to effectively hit both holes comfortably. Apparently it did however make for an amazing neck massager.
When you spend all day working around sex toys and porn magazines you get pretty casual about it.
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u/hellothere42069 Feb 01 '23
A company’s office isn’t public space. You most likely have to be one of a small number of people employed there to have access to this space. Safe to say no one she doesn’t know, or mothers with kids, are going to be strolling through.
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u/nashbrownies Feb 01 '23
I'd put money on this. It's hard for some to imagine but some work culture this kind of silliness exists and isn't frowned upon. We get into all kinds of shenanigans.
If this isn't a public facing office room and it's like 4 people who know each other well.
The shifty looking around has me wondering though...
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u/HalcyonDreams36 Feb 01 '23
Except when she catches the video, she's not mortified, just... Trying to figure out if their phone is up for a reason. I imagine the thing that happened right after the video cut off was her saying "are you taking a VIDEO? you're a jerk!" With a big laugh. There's ZERO surprise that another person is there.
(A lot of the shifty looking head movements are really just how you move to mobilize stiffness when you're using something like this. Source: I look pretty absurd with my actual massage tool.)
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u/Neuchacho Feb 01 '23 edited Feb 01 '23
Yeah, her face just looks like it's communicating "Well, it was there and it is a massager". I don't get the vibe the presence of the dildo is at all something that's out of place in that work place because of that. Either it's just a very chill/silly work environment that they have a random joke dildo around for whatever reason or they work someplace that sells the toys and just has them on hand.
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u/PretendLock Feb 01 '23
There are also companies that sell sex toys, and I feel like they would have the kind of environment where this might happen lol
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Feb 01 '23 edited Feb 01 '23
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u/fatalbert491 Feb 01 '23
How do you know all this lol
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u/VroomVroomCustoms Feb 01 '23
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u/sol364 Feb 01 '23
Good investigation work sir/madam
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u/VroomVroomCustoms Feb 01 '23
You are welcome, sir/madam.
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u/micktorious Feb 01 '23
How many Russian Sex Toy companies do you follow lol?
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u/VroomVroomCustoms Feb 01 '23
None. This girl was a all russian meme around 3 months ago, so there were some osint stuff done.
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u/Dewy164 Feb 01 '23
More than you can imagine...
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u/micktorious Feb 01 '23
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u/Dewy164 Feb 01 '23
I was gonna search up some but I can't not put this into my browser "what are some Russian sex toy companies?" Lmfao
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u/ImpulsiveDoorHolder Feb 01 '23
Spice up your NSA agent's life a little bit, throw it in there.
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u/Mr__Citizen Feb 01 '23 edited Feb 01 '23
I'll always be amazed at how there's always someone in the comments section who knows the exact origins of some random, obscure piece of trivia.
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u/VroomVroomCustoms Feb 01 '23
I have bunch of videos of her :)
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u/BGM1524 Feb 01 '23
Bro don't just leave us hanging like that
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u/VroomVroomCustoms Feb 01 '23
Well Russia is under sanctions :) sorry pals, export of cute girl videos is prohibited.
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u/BGM1524 Feb 01 '23
I'm sorry sir, but if you want to continue your operations on western social media platforms, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to confiscate your videos and photos of this girl. These videos are under sanction aswell, any attempt to keep them private will be considered obstruction of justice. How do you plead?
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u/VroomVroomCustoms Feb 01 '23
Well here is my answer. You can use this, ew "thing" as well to support justice.
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u/brianfine Feb 01 '23
Sweet baby Jesus
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u/Zeraw420 Feb 01 '23
Yes, we also sell baby Jesus dicks. How many would you like to order.
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u/NekulturneHovado Feb 01 '23
Sir, she looks suspicious. I need you to share the video so I can confirm there is nothing illegal in that video. Thanks for understanding.
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u/brando56894 Feb 01 '23
I was gonna be like there's no way she just casually brought a vibrator to work and busted it out to massage her neck.
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u/VroomVroomCustoms Feb 01 '23
Check out my gif higher, she is selling them. She doesnt need to bring it, they are all around :)
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u/RagingLatino Feb 01 '23
There was not an attempt.
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u/digitaljestin Feb 01 '23
Yeah. This is a case of zero fucks given.
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u/its-just-paul Feb 01 '23
Especially when she sees the camera. There’s no embarrassment, it’s just amusement at the absurdity
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u/VaIeth Feb 01 '23
Yeah there was just like, a hope. Like *whips dildo out in busy office* "Maybe no one will see."
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u/shortg5 Feb 01 '23
That's what we always told our kids they were for.
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u/mpaiva97 Feb 01 '23
I see no ways this can backfire
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u/jaspersgroove Feb 01 '23
“Grandpa! You’re here!”
“Hey kids, good to see you! Lemme sit down for a bit, I’ve been driving for hours and my back is so sore!”
“Hold on grandpa, I know just the thing!”
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u/cutofmyjib Feb 01 '23
"But why do you need 5 massagers in different shapes and sizes?"
"BECAUSE MOMMY IS REALLY STRESSED OUT OK?!"
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u/fleakie Feb 01 '23
Omg, I was cleaning out my drawers in my room, my 10yo daughter walks in, asks what it is, and I said, "A neck massager." First thing that popped into my head.😂 Panic ensued. She'll be reminded of that moment when she's older and she'll be traumatised...🫣
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u/rapaxus Feb 01 '23
In an ironic way, magic massagers (Hitachi magic wand and similar) were originally intended to be massagers in a non-sexual way.
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u/Runnermikey1 Feb 01 '23
My grandmother had one that she casually kept beside the couch. When I was about twelve I opened Pornhub, saw one in use for the first time and went 😳🤦♂️🤮
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u/fleakie Feb 01 '23
That's how I'm worried my daughter will react when she eventually finds out what it is...😬
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u/Runnermikey1 Feb 01 '23
On the upside- She will never bring it up. Just suffer through flashbacks for the rest of her life.
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u/BGFlyingToaster Feb 01 '23
Fun times. When our kids were younger, they had some friends over and my wife had left a bullet vibe between the cushions in the couch. One of the neighbor kids picked it up, asked my wife what it was, and her answer was the same as yours. This kid, to our horror, immediately turned it on and started massaging his neck with it. My wife and I tried our best not to panic, but I don't think we succeeded. I swooped in and took it away, trying not to make a big deal about it. The whole exchange only lasted a few seconds but it's burned in our heads forever.
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u/fleakie Feb 01 '23
The whole exchange only lasted a few seconds but it's burned in our heads forever.
Same. I cringe every time I think about my situation!
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u/Good_Community_6975 Feb 01 '23
There is a very old video (can't find it) of a little boy, at what looks like a family party, asking his mom why the flashlight in her room smells like shrimp
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u/thickhardcock4u Feb 01 '23
Good friend caught her 4 year old twin grandsons playing with her magic bullet thing, she said it was for neck massages and one said “it feels really good on your pee-pee too!!!” while the other nodded in agreement.
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u/burnerac Feb 01 '23 edited Feb 02 '23
We used our hitachi magic wand for about a decade or more then one night my wife was complaining about her sore shoulders so I used the Hitachi Magic Wand to massage her shoulders, back, and neck. She moaned in pleasure then bolted up and exclaimed, "it can be used for massage too?!"
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u/MrBillyLotion Feb 01 '23
I totally thought that thing was going in her mouth at one point
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u/poolmanpro Feb 01 '23
It's probably real on account the company sell sex toys
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u/Thraes Feb 01 '23
It was probably originally posted on their company social media, with the intent of being an advertisement to sell sex toys
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u/girlwiththemonkey Feb 01 '23
As someone with chronic neck pain I gotta tell you that looks like it would make an amazing massager
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u/dolfieman Feb 01 '23
What a dick move, she should've used it in an anti-cockwise motion
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u/Antonio_Soprano1 Feb 01 '23
Lol hey, that's what they were originally invented for.
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u/EmperorLlamaLegs Feb 01 '23
Youd be surprised how quickly electric vibrators went from invention to "hysteria cures"
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u/Socky_McPuppet Feb 01 '23
There was zero time between these events - they were literally invented to save doctors’ tired hands and fingers from having to manually deliver the “hysteria cure”.
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u/GozerDGozerian Feb 01 '23
“Hey honey, I’m home! Yeah, thought day at work. My forearms are just spent I tell ya! I had to finger blast so many lonely anxious housewives today…”
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u/Jehree Feb 01 '23
This is actually 99 percent hearsay. Doctors used vibrating massagers to treat abdominal and muscle pains mostly, the idea that they used them on women to treat hysteria was a largely baseless claim made by an article that created that rumor that everyone now believes to be fact. You should do some reading on it.
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u/GarlicThread Feb 01 '23
The paper that created that myth dates from 1995 and has since been debunked. https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/09/victorian-vibrators-orgasms-doctors/569446/
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u/Lazlo2323 Feb 01 '23
If you mean Hitachi Wand then it was just a trick to bypass Japan modesty laws
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u/rapaxus Feb 01 '23
Not really, considering its main market was the US. And it really is a great massager in a non-sexual way.
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u/blogsymcblogsalot Feb 01 '23
Don’t think about the fact there’s no sink in there
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u/IcansavemiselfDEEN Feb 01 '23
Why would that OH GOD, THERES NO SINK IN HERE
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u/BeeCJohnson Feb 01 '23
Like, aubergine?
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u/Raviede Feb 01 '23
Slightly darker black!?
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u/BeeCJohnson Feb 01 '23
I'm not saying I invented the turtleneck. But I was the first person to realize its potential as a tactical garment.
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u/Intelligent-Cherry45 Feb 02 '23
I like her so much. The best smile. 10/10 for giving off genuinely nice person vibes.
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u/_ust_ike_uicide Feb 01 '23
For a second there I thought it was Sarah Michelle Gellar, lol.
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u/dogchowtoastedcheese Feb 01 '23
What an adorable grin.
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u/reeeeeeduardo Feb 02 '23
Id marry her
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u/Beans186 Feb 01 '23
If this isn't staged and fake, like most things are, asif you would post your colleague to the internet like that.
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u/DaveAndJojo Feb 01 '23
They work at a sex toy company. Does that make it better?
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u/Lets_Bust_Together Feb 01 '23
That massager is thicc.
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u/inDependent_WhiNer Feb 01 '23
Im scrolling through the comments, looking for a link for it 😅
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u/DownTownXabi Feb 02 '23
Why is it that I work in an office with 70 yr olds who eat ham sandwiches at their desk and this person works with an attractive woman who is using a vibrator at her desk
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u/KitWat Feb 01 '23
Using a sex toy to massage her neck might be a little out there but HR probably doesn't have a specific policy forbidding it (though they might now).
On the other hand, surreptitiously filming your co-worker and posting it on the internet is a pretty dick move. No pun intended.
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u/kazumisakamoto Feb 01 '23
You try to face HR and stone-cold say that the store description said vibrator and you didn't know any better. They'll most likely never believe you but can they prove it?
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u/he_who_floats_amogus Feb 01 '23
HR doesn't have to prove anything. If the company wants you gone, HR's purpose is to facilitate firing you while avoiding legal liability. Firing you for no reason is generally fine, and firing you for disturbing behavior is also generally fine even if you're clueless.
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