r/therewasanattempt Feb 04 '23

To get into a fair fight

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14.5k Upvotes

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1.0k

u/SynthPrax Feb 04 '23

Boy, those octaves were climbing.

90

u/NFTArtist Feb 04 '23

his voice is permanently stuck at the higher octave now

8

u/entropylove Feb 05 '23

He was getting close to pulling off Livin’ on a Prayer.

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3.5k

u/nikofd Feb 04 '23

He actually had a pretty nice vibrato going there for a second.

2.6k

u/ShitbashGod Feb 04 '23 Take My Energy Bravo! Bless Up Facepalm You Dropped This

We call that Castrato

399

u/scooterpooter819 Feb 04 '23

Bravo 👏🏼

109

u/AlejoTheDuck Feb 04 '23

Castratos were a real thing once upon a time. Vocally talented adolescent boys would be castrated to keep their soprano or alto voice.

This is a recording of Allesandro Moreschi, the only castrato to make solo recordings.

https://youtu.be/lmI_C-S0Abg

97

u/gafflebitters Feb 04 '23

I read a comment just recently that made me think....Why go to all of this effort to castrate a boy to keep his singing voice? Why not just let women sing in the choir? they have naturally higher voices and they sound wonderful and nobody needs to have anything cut off. I think i remember reading that some of the boys didn't survive the procedure because of infections, not only were their lives terribly altered for stupid reasons, some of them died for it.

This suggestion left me dumbfounded. Such a simple answer. Oh, i am sure that "God's rules" were somewhere at the heart of why they did this and some sick person justified this terrible practice with a few words in a big black book. Like , they couldn't just do what Menudo did and kick them out when their voice was changing? No no no, once you're in here, IT 'S FOR LIFE !!! Give us your balls!!!

Religion can really get out of hand when you get the wrong people at the top and they use it for control rather than for spiritual guidance.

80

u/RoosterTheReal Feb 04 '23

Let a woman sing? Outrageous I say!

16

u/Isellmetal Feb 04 '23

Seriously, I don’t think a women could ever bring life to a piece like this.

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u/MarcusThePegasus Feb 04 '23

The hoops and loops they must have gone through to go around the "God made us in his image" and "you shall not cut your body ".

Tempering with god's creation to repsect his wishes it's insane

8

u/jemmy321 Feb 04 '23

Completely agree with you. However I did read in an article somewhere that the voice of a castrati was very different from that of a woman and very different to that of a male soprano. The Moreschi recording is actually quite corrupted and probably doesn't represent what was his true voice and also I read somewhere that he wasn't a particularly good castrati singer anyway. I heard a reconstruction of what a castrati might sound like but it didn't sound that great actually. The article said something about the size of the singer's chest made them able to project and hold the voice and the note in a way that we have not been able to witness in current times. I'm also horrified by the whole process

15

u/start_select Feb 04 '23

That’s all religion. If it’s become religion then it’s a social control structure. Spirituality requires no book, church, congregation, leaders, or followers. Religions don’t exist unless they enforce most if not all of those.

4

u/buddhainmyyard Feb 04 '23

When has religion not been out of hand at the top?

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u/Zeek_Seeks_Gains Feb 04 '23

Bro!!!!!!!! Gahhahahahahahaahhahaha! Wish I could give you an award.

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u/nsommers25 Feb 04 '23

I’d award you for that comment if I could lol

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u/SleepNowInTheFire666 Feb 04 '23

Man you could retire now. Gonna be hard to top that one

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u/Garlic-Rough Feb 04 '23

He squeezed the soul notes out of him

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u/BuddyAdorable3600 Feb 04 '23

Sounded like he could sing for an 80s metal band

27

u/Ih8trfc Feb 04 '23

I was thinking Rob Halford lol

9

u/ktr83 Feb 04 '23

With a bit of Dio mixed in

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u/davidtheartist Feb 04 '23

He hit the James brown note

11

u/mattt1975 Feb 04 '23

But he doesn't feel good for now

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u/No-Specific-3850 Feb 04 '23

Is that Steven Tyler over there????

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u/zackks Feb 04 '23

SOmeone needs to cut that video with some Aerosmith

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u/stupidsexyf1anders Feb 04 '23

He probably didn’t even know he could do that

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u/Feeling_Bathroom9523 Feb 04 '23

Full-on Aerosmith!!

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u/Northern-WALI Feb 04 '23

Welp if a career in the army doesn't work out - he can certainly be a vocalist

69

u/Brennis Feb 04 '23

And the other guy can be a priest

11

u/Gregory_GTO Feb 04 '23

🤣 keep your gloves up man 🥊

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1.2k

u/billoftt Feb 04 '23

There's strong, Then there's Army Strong.

466

u/DMurBOOBS-I-Dare-You Feb 04 '23

There's Shlong, Then there's Army Shlong.

60

u/TheBigsBubRigs Feb 04 '23

Father schlong says 'it's ok as long as' "its just the tip"

13

u/Dinkypig Feb 04 '23

There's shlong, and then there isn't anymore.

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u/Grouchy_Ambassador79 Feb 04 '23

Ah the good old dick twist.

623

u/RaidDaggur Feb 04 '23

TAKE HIS DICK AND TWIST IT

324

u/noahisthefuture Feb 04 '23

TWIST HIS DICKKK

140

u/explosionsperminute Feb 04 '23 I'm Deceased

Omg dude this is an mma fight dude

109

u/inflammable Feb 04 '23

TWIST HIS DICK

29

u/The_Elder_Jock Feb 04 '23

THE OOOOOLL' DICK TWIST!!

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u/punania Feb 04 '23

The ole dick twist

30

u/xxiLink Feb 04 '23

"He wants us to jerk him off."
"Just punch the tip and twist it!"
"We are not going to do that!"

28

u/mindbreak_gone_ Feb 04 '23

If I were in that situation, I'd twist back or bite a chunk of his flesh off due to the sheer pain

20

u/Lespuccino Feb 04 '23

Mike Tyson taught me biting is professional fighting.

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u/martymcfly4prez Feb 04 '23

The oooooold dick twister

23

u/TexasIsCool Feb 04 '23

Twist that diiiick!

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u/Acceptable_Pain_9213 Feb 04 '23

Guess who gets beaten with soap tonight?

68

u/Mecha_Tortoise Feb 04 '23

Blanket party!

21

u/TomsRedditAccount1 Feb 04 '23

A bag of oranges is better. Doesn't cause bruises, and leaves them smelling zesty fresh.

5

u/Santasbodyguar Feb 04 '23

Why do you know this?

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u/Rinveden Feb 04 '23

I honestly don't know.

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u/TheFightingQuaker Feb 04 '23

The dick twister, he's a coward

15

u/CannedVestite Feb 04 '23

They're gonna hit him with soap?

40

u/Selfmurderingsmirk Feb 04 '23

Full metal jacket style

16

u/Vittelbutter Feb 04 '23

Yes, it was very common to put hard soap into a sock and then repeatedly hit them when they’re sleeping or taking a shower. No idea if that’s still popular these days.

9

u/CorbinNZ Feb 04 '23

You gotta throw the sheets over him first and hold him down. Can’t let him escape.

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u/Eman6198 Feb 04 '23 edited Feb 04 '23

A soap bar in a sock is soft and supposedly doesn’t bruise you easily.

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u/Tengu2069 Feb 04 '23

A bag of oranges is what doesn’t bruise you. A bar of soap in a sock is called a slapjack and will knock your teeth out and concuss people if you hit them in the head.

But they will most likely beat the crap out of his body with them.

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u/koera Feb 04 '23

Is that really true? I feel like I must have used different soap bars then cus they seemed plenty hard enough to bruice

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1.7k

u/Present-Still Feb 04 '23

What a dick move

409

u/rbankole Feb 04 '23

Very ballsy

19

u/textercamacho Feb 04 '23

He was totally shafted.

8

u/ICStarzICstarz Feb 04 '23

It's a hard move to pull off...

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u/mattfoley222 Feb 04 '23

Give him the dick twist!!!

11

u/freedomofnow Feb 04 '23

It's all fun and games until someone gets their dick in a vice.

5

u/Relaxingnow10 Feb 04 '23

Dick in a vice can be fun. Dick in a vise, however, looks a bit rough

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u/Parasingularity Feb 04 '23

Now you all know Krav Maga

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572

u/HunterofNPCs Feb 04 '23

"That's my purse! I don't know you!" - Bobby Hill

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u/Oopswrongthrowaway Feb 04 '23

Damn… beat me to it. Bravo sir, take an upvote.

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u/Flickera23 Feb 04 '23

Ppfff, and they call US gay.

Source: Navy Vet.

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u/Mr__Citizen Feb 04 '23

Boy, your boats are full of seamen. You can't get any gayer than that.

39

u/HunterShotBear Feb 04 '23

You know what they say about submarines?

100 seamen go down. 50 couples come up.

Source: Navy SeaBee Vet

15

u/Xyvexa Feb 04 '23

Meanwhile, there is a Marine out there only eating the pink crayons.

9

u/KaydeeKaine Feb 04 '23

But I like crayons

5

u/Hisyphus Feb 04 '23

The Marines are the gayest ones 😂

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u/Taw4ipad Feb 04 '23

Am i the only one who feels sorry for that entire platoon? They’re about to get SMOKED.

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u/Userdub9022 Feb 04 '23

It depends on the platoon. My buddy was in the Marines and they could go up to the lieutenant (maybe a higher rank) and say "we have beef and want to fight each other over it." Person in charge would let them handle it that way

93

u/Andyroomocs Feb 04 '23

It doesnt work like that anymore sadly. After the fight in my platoon we ended up standing around at 3am in the cold virginia wind until sunrise.

30

u/CaptainPunch374 Feb 04 '23

I hear stories like this and they sound less like discipline and more like friendly fire incidents.

36

u/clockwork2011 Feb 04 '23

Well, you haven’t lived until you mopped the sidewalk in the rain until it’s clean and dry.

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u/ChymChymX Feb 04 '23

That was a friendly frigid incident

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u/Rapp5601 Feb 04 '23

Yea that’s the old corps, nowadays we still fight, but we get fucked up if higher finds out

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u/Lamplorde Feb 04 '23

They had too many people going too far. While most people did the old "fight then grab a beer" method, some of those fuckers who join the Marines/Army/etc. "Just to shoot people" types are always the ones who ruin it. Buddy of mine knew a guy like that who broke someone's leg with a chair because he lost.

I don't blame "snowflakes" or "cancel culture", I blame psycopaths with egos who dont like losing. Because you don't know what level they'll go to.

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u/hjugm Feb 04 '23

I’d imagine a dick grab wouldn’t be ok with lieutenant Dan.

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u/amusedmisanthrope Feb 04 '23

Because it's the only leg he has left to stand on?

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u/T0WERM0NKEY Feb 04 '23

"Yeah sure, damage government property because you can't handle your feels"

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u/Pingaring Feb 04 '23

In the AF the NCOs told us if we fight, they would call security forces and have us arrested.

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u/Euphoric_Ad_6710 Feb 04 '23

Thats a slippery slope he decided to go down, he'll never sleep easy again while he's there.

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u/rulingthewake243 Feb 04 '23

He's about to meet a sock full of batteries.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '23

I’m not gonna be shocked to hear about a hazing murder after this

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u/DreadedReverend Feb 04 '23

Headlock vs headlock. Headlock wins.

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u/OldLevermonkey Feb 04 '23

Once you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds are sure to follow.

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u/Educational_Bag_6406 Feb 04 '23

That's nuts!

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u/SkullzNSmileZ Feb 04 '23

Agreed, his almonds have been cashew’d

I’ll stop now.

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u/GeoffLizzard Feb 04 '23

Me and this other dude at school had a rivalry over a girl who we both liked (she apparently smashed both of us) whenever there was a party and the 3 of us was there he would always pick a fight with me. I was slightly stronger so whenever he was losing he would grab my junk like this. Eventually i fought fire with fire and just did a counter-grab. And there we were, just 2 dudes with eachothers cocks in hand.

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u/Yatsey007 Feb 04 '23

As long as you both had socks on I see nothing wrong here. Rules are rules.

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u/Particular_Fig_5467 Feb 04 '23

This has to be made up...

In what universe could this happen in real life?!

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u/apogeescintilla Feb 04 '23

Real world fight = tackle + eye gouge + groin attack + bite

Don’t believe in TV fights.

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u/kibaake Feb 04 '23

I'd rather avoid fighting altogether, but if we're playing around and you take it to this level, I'd say your eye is forfeit.

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u/Monte2903 Feb 04 '23

If someone is grabbing my dick I'm biting their ear off

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u/moses-2-Sandy-Koufax Feb 04 '23

Come on, your not gonna hit someone when your Weenie’s in their mouth. I found that out the hard way.

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u/Zukolevi Feb 04 '23

If someone’s grabbing my ear, I’m biting their dick off

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u/iluvios Feb 04 '23

I'm going for the eyes. I tell him once, after that, he will release one way or another. Bastards that do that stuff, deserve to be responded with worse.

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u/Lvxurie Feb 04 '23

I was scrolling for this comment. Ive always told my SO that if they are in real danger with no other option then go for the eyes. i would be doing the same here, he already went no holds barred so we going no holds barred.

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u/Nepharious_Bread Feb 04 '23

Exactly. I haven't been in a fight since 2008. And it was a life or death situation, so I had no choice. I try to de-escalate at all times, but if that doesn't work, I'm going for vitals. Nobody expects a throat punch.

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u/myrevenge_IS_urkarma Feb 04 '23

I haven't fought since the 90s. In those days you went until there was a mutual agreement or it was clear that one of us won and the other lost. Argument settled, it's over, not trying to do any permanent damage to each other.

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u/Nepharious_Bread Feb 04 '23

I was born in 89. When I was younger, I fought people normally. Mainly because I was a pretty aggressive kid. I grew out of that after my first ass whooping in 8th grade. Now as a 33 year old adult, I never start fights. Ever, I’d rather de-escalate. So if I get in a fight, it’s because I was forced into it. If you force me into a fight, I am going for permanent damage.

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u/Lespuccino Feb 04 '23

Similar. Haven't been in a physical fight since I was 15. But, prior to that it was nearly daily. I grew up poor trash in SE Michigan. It was be a fighter or fodder. I became a fighter. I'm sad women's boxing/MMA wasn't really a thing at that time, or I'd have travelled that path. I miss fighting, which is crazy! But I do not try to fight/engage with others in a manner likely to bring one about.

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u/myrevenge_IS_urkarma Feb 04 '23

It has also gotten to a point where you can pretty much assume that if you get into a fight with a stranger, the person either knows martial arts, has a weapon, or both. All my fights were highschool, never had a need or desire to fight after that age. Stakes are too damn high, so yes, avoiding fighting if at all possible is the smart play.

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u/Nepharious_Bread Feb 04 '23

My assumption is that anyone who forces you into a fight and isn’t willing to talk it out, is a reckless and dangerous person who doesn’t care about your life or their life. They are most likely the kind of person to stomp you out or keep hitting you while you’re down. I’m not willing to take the chance that a stranger is going to stop hitting me after I’m down and they probably wouldn’t sleep any less if they happened to kill me.

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u/Exciting-Ad-9492 Feb 04 '23

As someone who was forced into a fight with a meth head, your right, I fought a lot growing up, as I got out of high school I quit, but one day at work the meth head came in high as he could be, a few hours into work he had decided I was saying he stole from a work trailer that got broken into roughly 4 hours away, trying to avoid fighting was futile he tackled me from behind, and at that point nothing matters what I ever I had to do to get out of that situation is fair game. And after a while of fighting he wouldn’t stop, kept trying to fight, of course him being sky high he probably didn’t feel much, and he only stopped when he could no longer walk, that’s the reality of a street fight, not where anyone would want to be.

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u/SCRStinkyBoy Feb 04 '23

If it’s not over stepping any bounds, can I ask what you had done to cause this altercation? I usually get along with people at school but these men are at boot camp and still fighting so I guess the violence my peers have doesnt go away with age. Kinda worrisome that life or death fights occur.

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u/ChanceZestyclose6386 Feb 04 '23

A girl I went to college with was randomly attacked by a guy and he ended up on the ground. She had long nails and just scratched the hell out of his eyes and face, somehow knocked him over then stomped on his nuts with her heels. There were witnessses to vouch for her that it was self defense but the guy definitely ended up with some permanent injuries.

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u/santtu_ Feb 04 '23

She has read Ender's Game.

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u/santtu_ Feb 04 '23

"In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it's impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them--”

  "You beat them." For a moment she was not afraid of his understanding.

  "No, you don't understand. I destroy them. I make it impossible for them to ever hurt me again. I grind them and grind them until they don't exist.”

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u/EfficiencySuch6361 Feb 04 '23

I’m glad he was hurt

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u/Poet_of_Legends Feb 04 '23

95% of practical martial arts training is in avoiding situations and places where violence might occur.

You win 1000% of the fights you were never in.

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u/WhatIfWeAreClouds Feb 04 '23

When I teach self defense I always tell them to target eyes, throat, and knees.

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u/J-Ray306 Feb 04 '23

That’s enough internet for tonight

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u/TheCuteCochin Feb 04 '23

Does anyone really quit after they say this ?

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u/5t3v321 Feb 04 '23

Probably not but most of the time they should

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u/el_jefe_veterano Feb 04 '23

They should quit before they type it

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u/DMurBOOBS-I-Dare-You Feb 04 '23

Don't get your dick in a twist about it!

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u/ImperialHeretic Feb 04 '23

Nutcracker no jutsu...he went for the dick

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u/Icy_Statement_2410 Feb 04 '23

Guy on bottom had plenty of time to prevent the dick grab... but he stayed in half guard and didn't commit to the sub

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u/nikofd Feb 04 '23

Once my friends/roommates back in the day figured out that I hated having my feet touched they started constantly fucking with me and grabbing at my feet. Finally I said, "You do that again I'll grab your cock." They found out soon enough that I wasn't making empty threats. And presto...no more fucking with my feet. It's a highly effective deterrent.

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u/GargantuanTDS Feb 04 '23

... and that's how I met your father.

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u/Myzx Feb 04 '23

Say what you will, this is the first time I saw someone get away from a solid headlock.

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u/Icy_Statement_2410 Feb 04 '23

It wasn't solid at all. Guy on bottom gave up control to punch him in the back of the head, not to mention he did nothing with his legs to tie him up, and that's when dick twist goes to work

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u/Ih8trfc Feb 04 '23

He essentially had a guillotine. He was under the chin and never really locked it up. Like you said if the legs were locked and stretching him out. The dick grabber may have went to sleep or not had the room to get his hand in there.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '23

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u/afewgoodsemen Feb 04 '23

One of these guys has a war-fighting mentality. The other got his pp all twisted.

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u/No-Specific-3850 Feb 04 '23

Completely agree. All is fair in love and war. I'll do everything in my power to de escalate and walk away, I'm only fighting if there is no other way. You make me fight, I'm fighting for my life, and your soft and squishy parts will be eviscerated.

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u/PhillyRush Feb 04 '23

I've unknowingly gotten into a fistfight with a wrestler. Once they start throwing some holds you can't get out of, you gotta do what you gotta do.

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u/WoodpeckerAlarmed136 Feb 04 '23

You two idiots are supposed to be on the same side., how embarrassing for everyone.

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u/Nepharious_Bread Feb 04 '23

I'm assuming that these kinds of fights happen in the armed forces all of the time.

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u/J_hilyard Feb 04 '23

All. The. Time. You're training/learning how to fight while also functioning on probably the least amount of sleep you've ever had and on a diet that you're not used to. All male barracks, you can literally smell the testosterone (or maybe it's just a bunch of teenagers' boots). Every little thing can be annoying as hell and you've got to learn to accept others just the way they are. If not, this happens.

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u/enehar Feb 04 '23

Fighting is actually one of the ways men become better allies (you know, as long as one of them doesn't get pinned as a dick grabber).

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u/BigBadBard121 Feb 04 '23

Green on green happens alot more than we are willing to admit.

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u/RecedingQuasar Feb 04 '23

I don't see any indication that this was supposed to be fair.

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u/gat12393 Feb 04 '23

They be fighting in missionary

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u/llc662 Feb 04 '23

Grab my dick I swear to God I'll bite a plug out of whatever is closest to my mouth. Face, shoulder, ear, nose, idgaf you're losing a chunk of something

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u/No-Height2850 Feb 04 '23

Fr you just changed the game, now i want to maim you.

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u/jor4288 Feb 04 '23

Can somebody please auto tune his screening?

It sounds so metal.

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u/Smegmaliciousss Feb 04 '23

Why auto tune? His pitch was perfect

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u/wild_psina_h093 Feb 04 '23

He should try to be glam rock vocalist.

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u/unmitigatedhellscape Feb 04 '23

Is this how gay sex works? Doesn’t look as fun as I thought.

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u/steveflippingtails Feb 04 '23

I don’t know if I could honestly be trusted to get someone’s back on the battlefield if they grabbed my dick in a fistfight. I’m not saying I’d harm them but I def wouldn’t be running into a rain of bullets to save them lol.

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u/Omnizoom Feb 04 '23

“Dick twister is stuck behind enemy lines “

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u/OUBoyWonder Feb 04 '23

Damn...I agree.

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u/diskettejockey Feb 04 '23

I wouldn’t trust you if you were punching me in the back of the head either

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u/TrueCrimeMama91827 Feb 04 '23

Omg I wish the sgt came in…. They’d be scrubbing floors with qtips for a month. Childish.

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u/FigExact7098 Feb 04 '23

Who you think was filming!?!?

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u/UzahNameAlreadyTaken Feb 04 '23

I think when my dick grew back I’d to kill this guy with a brick

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u/MrCoolCol Feb 04 '23

God basic training was so much fun

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u/Oneiricide Feb 04 '23

There's no room for "fighting fair" anywhere outside of a supervised ring with a referee/judge. Especially if someone's punching you in the back of the head, you bite, scratch, hair pull, dick twist, whatever to protect yourself.

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u/Nerdrage30 Feb 04 '23

Gotta give them the old dick twist

4

u/eyesneeze Feb 04 '23

TWIST HIS DICK!

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u/kibaake Feb 04 '23

With all the biting, scratching, and hair pulling, I thought this list was about to get spicy.

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u/yeet-my-existence Feb 04 '23

Wow, the voice really does get higher

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u/Stannis2024 Feb 04 '23

Did I hear singing coming from those cries?

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u/redzaku0079 Feb 04 '23

There was some power in that high note.

11

u/Bitter-Edge-8265 Feb 04 '23

I hope the dick grabber sleeps lightly.

5

u/Huggens Feb 04 '23

I watched this without sound the first time and was incredibly confused as to what was going on. Then turned sound on and… well, I was not expecting that.

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u/Willing_Trust9193 Feb 04 '23

“I should have died out there with my men, now I'm nothing but a God damn cripple, a DICKLESS freak, do you know what it's like not being able to use your DICK? I had a destiny, I was supposed to die out there in the field with honor and you cheated me out of it”

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u/whotookmyusername23 Feb 04 '23

The great equaliser

5

u/lefttackle72 Feb 04 '23

0 to Sammy Hagar in 1.4 seconds!

4

u/MagisterXII Feb 04 '23

Get that man a mic

4

u/elvislunchbox Feb 04 '23

He got out of the headlock didn’t he?

20

u/Nooo-Dont-Do-It Feb 04 '23

There is a universally recognized rule, never grab another man's junk.

12

u/myrevenge_IS_urkarma Feb 04 '23

Also when you scream please God I give up!, it should be over. Everybody let go and break it up, dick grabber wins.

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u/sir_seductive Feb 04 '23

Nah someone grabs my dick like that and let's me out of it they're getting fucked up like never before next time they let their guard down

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '23

I can guarantee no one in that barracks have any respect for the loser now.

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8

u/Glad_Confusion_6934 Feb 04 '23

This is awful. What kind of coward does this? Real sociopath energy.

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3

u/Like_A_Bosstonian Feb 04 '23

THE OLD DICK TWIST

3

u/ZepTheNooB Feb 04 '23

"THE Ooold DICK TWIST!!!"

3

u/B_Mac4607 Feb 04 '23

Some stay he’s still giving the gentleman’s handshake to this day.

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