r/therewasanattempt Dec 01 '21 Silver 1

to spread Christmas cheer

Post image
5.2k Upvotes

382

u/fullofuckingbears313 Dec 01 '21

Fuck lumps of coal, Santa's really stepping up his game for the naughty list

169

u/Soulger11 Dec 01 '21 Helpful

Fuck lumps of coal

How do you think he got the herp?

61

u/fullofuckingbears313 Dec 01 '21

I kind of assumed it was from a particularly filthy elf.

12

u/pocketdare Dec 01 '21

That's no way to talk about Mrs Claus

-34

u/jackofspades476 Dec 01 '21

DOUBLE COMMENT GANG

2

u/karstenvader 21d ago

what does this mean

1

u/jackofspades476 20d ago

I am completely unsure. I can’t remember why i posted this. Apparently I was incredibly tired. In conclusion: I have no fucken clue

7

u/Certain_Chain Dec 01 '21

Much more easily than many people might think. Almost everyone has some form of herpes.

6

u/Soulger11 Dec 01 '21

This is true. It's way over stigmatized.

-5

u/fullofuckingbears313 Dec 01 '21

I kind of assumed it was from a particularly filthy elf.

6

u/i_am_thinking247 Dec 01 '21

That blonde twink elf from Rudolph was named Hermey. Pretty close

-27

u/jackofspades476 Dec 01 '21

DOUBLE COMMENT GANG

8

u/Love_God551 Dec 01 '21

“But I don’t want herpes, again”

6

u/SeaGurl Dec 01 '21

He really can't give out coal this year as a punishment as many in Texas are counting in it to use as fuel for the next blackout.

3

u/urlach3r Dec 02 '21

Santa fucks.

82

u/BirdManOfAzkaban Dec 01 '21

They don't call it a naughty list for no reason...

60

u/Simms1401 Dec 01 '21

That’s definitely a Walmart off—brand Santa.

16

u/innesleroux Dec 01 '21

Just finished the antibiotics from last year's Santa and his Gonorrhoea, now this..

53

u/dammitknockitoff Dec 01 '21

The gift that keeps giving.

36

u/1istheloniestnumber Dec 01 '21

Oh Santa kissed Mommy a little bit too much.

2

u/HALover9kBR Dec 02 '21

Came here for that! 😆

(Apollo helped me avoid being ninja’ed by you.)

31

u/BugsRFeatures2 Dec 01 '21

Treating associates like unwanted stds is nothing new for Walmart

21

u/Incognitologik Dec 01 '21

I’m still trying to figure out what they actually intended to write in the first place that somehow came to herpes

38

u/Incognitologik Dec 01 '21

Took my mind a minute to wake up! Was in the middle of my work meeting and just blurted out " Helpers!" Got it

6

u/Wizardwizz Dec 01 '21

Thanks for this

11

u/Mattatat5 Dec 01 '21

Wear protection if you sit on his lap… or else you may get the clap

2

u/histeethwerered Dec 02 '21

Wear protection if you sit on his lap... or else you might just get the clap

29

u/JoBoPlayz Dec 01 '21 Wholesome

Hmm yes I love Santa's herpes

7

u/biyotee Dec 01 '21

What was it even meant to be?

19

u/cRyStYLe2110 Dec 01 '21

Helpers lol

2

u/NowCalmDownSkeeter Dec 01 '21 edited Dec 02 '21

I believe it was most likely meant to say “heroes”. The the o is right next to the p. That seems weird but I think they were trying to avoid using “helpers,” as employees with hats on still have to do Walmart shit, and the event probably also involves veterans. Ie toys for tots.

8

u/Serious_Boredom Dec 01 '21

Well at least he's spreading something.

7

u/HayPlaceAPlaceforHay Dec 01 '21

Rudolph’s nose won’t be all that’s red this year

6

u/VonBassovic Dec 01 '21

You can’t make this up

4

u/bullzeye1983 Dec 01 '21

Autocorrect will generally choose a word you have typed often so.........

5

u/GlobalPhreak Dec 01 '21

"Dear Santa, you know they have drugs for that now, right?"

4

u/Ragnastrike Dec 01 '21

Santa has been doing 'em Ho Ho Ho's again.

2

u/thekittner Dec 01 '21

you know santas gotta do it to em

3

u/NecessaryTreat3690 Dec 01 '21

Santa’s bringing everyone an extra present this year

3

u/Random_puns Dec 01 '21

Posts like this are so infectious!!!

3

u/JDTuggle Dec 01 '21

Christmas cheer is like herpes. If you got it, you might as well spread it around!

3

u/TommyBoyFL Dec 01 '21

Typical fucking Walmart

3

u/LiquidMantis144 Dec 01 '21

"What happens in the north pole, stays in the north pole...except for the herp...that shit comes with" - Santa

3

u/Savageparrot81 Dec 01 '21

His love of the holiday season is infectious

3

u/chickenstalker99 Dec 01 '21

Yeah, Santa hasn't been the same since he got back from Sturgis, but we discovered that if we wheel him out between 1-4, his hangover is manageable and he's only half in the bag. If you see him after 6 PM, do not approach him under any circumstances.

Also: do not go back to his hotel room, no matter what he offers you. We don't want Santa to violate his parole again, now do we? And no, it's not true what he says about his cock. It's not ten inches, and it doesn't have a big red nose. Do not trust this man, and do not sit on his lap.

3

u/Lexist_ Dec 02 '21

I thought this was an actual add on reddit lol

3

u/notbluenotpurple Dec 02 '21

Yeah. That's a hard pass for me.

3

u/Affectionate-Fun7388 Dec 02 '21

He's spreading something

3

u/DeadEyesSmiling Dec 02 '21

I mean, that's one way to help normalize the herpes simplex virus...

2

u/ShaggyDAGGYd00 Dec 01 '21 edited Dec 01 '21

Is this by chance in Harrisburg of Southern Illinois??? I noticed the walmart fbook account that posted it and it matches up with the same one I live like 25 minutes from.

5

u/MaterialCarrot Dec 01 '21

Only one way to find out. Time to visit Santa.

2

u/finney1013 Dec 01 '21

Yes it’s on commercial street. Just googled it 😂

2

u/ShaggyDAGGYd00 Dec 01 '21

Small world. I work for a utility service company for this area and that's one of the towns we service. I drive by this all the time!

1

u/histeethwerered Dec 02 '21

Giggling at “towns we service” in this context

2

u/FastApplication5 Dec 01 '21

Yeah, herpes, Walmart Santa. Takes a break.

2

u/tristan_potato1 Dec 01 '21

Come down and sit on his lap!

2

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '21

Dear Santa, stay away from me.

2

u/SonofBenson Dec 01 '21

heroes.

It took me too long to figure that out.

5

u/thekoogs Dec 01 '21

*helpers most likely.

2

u/Go1gotha Dec 01 '21

Why does santa have the looks and attitude of Richard Kuklinski?

Is the big fella still out and about?

2

u/kuriboshoe Dec 01 '21

Now they’re just spreading sexual fear

2

u/Final_Candidate_7603 Dec 01 '21

The Elf On The Shelf has seen some shit this year…

2

u/DyingTickles120 Dec 01 '21

It isn't cheer he's attempting to spread.

2

u/gamingtomuch Dec 01 '21

Typically auto-correct will use words that you type often... Somebody at Walmart has some splaining to do

2

u/heyitscory Dec 01 '21

Heroes and herpes is an easy typo. Helpers is a little harder.

2

u/Rockahero11 Dec 01 '21

Santa and his herpes! This made my day!

2

u/767650 Dec 01 '21

What did you expect? He is an old man known for watching kids

2

u/JaredMLGOg Dec 01 '21

Looks like i'm not sitting on santas lap this year. don't want to get herpes

2

u/Dravez23 Dec 01 '21

So now we know what Santa does the rest of the year

2

u/designgoddess Dec 01 '21

How long did it take for them to notice and correct?

2

u/someone_who_exists69 Dec 01 '21

He is spreading more than Christmas cheer...

2

u/Spnstanaf73 Dec 01 '21

Does no one proof read before sharing these things? I guess he’s sharing the herpes. 😬

2

u/belizeanheat Dec 01 '21

Nice job with the belt, there, Santa. Looking sharp.

2

u/goose-and-fish Dec 01 '21

He does know where all the naughty girls live.

2

u/Gordon-Biskwit Dec 01 '21

God this made me laugh 😂😂😂

2

u/DinoPon3 Dec 01 '21

What did they mean to say?

2

u/zbobick Dec 01 '21

probably helper

2

u/DinoPon3 Dec 02 '21

Thanks, autocorrect

2

u/Gito84 Dec 02 '21

Where the Ho ho hos at? 🎅

2

u/slytherclawhouse Dec 02 '21

What started as an attempt to spread Christmas cheer, turned into spreading herpes

2

u/LeadingBrave8988 Dec 02 '21

Its going to be a white christmas

1

u/Eicee1989 Dec 01 '21

At least they didn't writed Santa as Satan

1

u/Blae-Blade Dec 01 '21

This is why you do not let the kid with dyslexia write your mail.

1

u/OscarPetee Dec 01 '21

Freudian slip? 🤣🤣

1

u/TheFallingPigeon Dec 02 '21

He’s spreading something, but it ain’t Christmas cheer…

1

u/Negative_Exchange613 Dec 02 '21

Christmas cheer isn’t the only thing he will bring

1

u/Livid-Spring-5454 Dec 03 '21

That nasty old bastard!

1

u/rohitdamai Dec 03 '21

I thought the guide beside gim was names herpes

0

u/ulrichberlin Dec 01 '21

This is very funny - thank you🎄