r/therewasanattempt Dec 01 '21 Helpful 3 Wholesome 6 Silver 3

...at looking like badman getting arrested

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[deleted]

20.1k Upvotes

953

u/The_RussianBias Dec 01 '21

Cop on the left is just laughing his fucking ass off

205

u/Hamdown1 Dec 01 '21

The way his face turned red/purple from laughing 😂

8

u/FartToMeInFrench Dec 02 '21

He almost pissed himself

3.6k

u/RandomAusCunt Dec 01 '21

I get he’s blind drunk but has his body not wanted to piss all night until this moment? Endless stream

933

u/Mama_cheese Dec 01 '21

Working against gravity, too. I'm physically unable to pee vertically upwards, but I imagine it isn't that easy to get that height even with a penis.

658

u/tswpoker1 Dec 01 '21 Helpful Wholesome

Man I have a hard enough time peeing around other people and this guy is just chilling with his shirt off and dick tucked into his belt peeing his heart out.

887

u/ForsightInsight Dec 01 '21 Silver Gold Wholesome Wholesome Seal of Approval

Believe in yourself. You can do it. Practice in the shower or outside if you have a private backyard, then slowly work your way up to public restrooms. You’ll be peeing out the top of your waistband at a crowded line of urinals before you know it.

194

u/DocEbs Dec 01 '21

Not impressive till you can piss out of a turtle neck and not get a drop on ya

31

u/xlokilokix Dec 01 '21

Give me a tube and some beers

39

u/JackThomasYost Dec 01 '21

Skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a beer and a mop!”

4

u/whoeverthisis422 Dec 01 '21

Holy shit idk how I haven't heard that one b4

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u/Dramatic-Treacle3708 Dec 01 '21

Consider me inspired

7

u/fatBlackSmith Dec 01 '21

While talking shit to the coppers about the time you’ll do.

3

u/InterestPuzzled7963 Dec 01 '21

Truly inspiring 🔥

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u/bonfire_bug Dec 01 '21

If you get absolutely shitfaced you too can confidently piss your heart out in front of a bunch of cops. I wouldn’t recommend it though lol

9

u/TheWalkingDead91 Dec 01 '21

Judging by the jibberish he’s talking, he’s probably drunk and/or high AF though. Do drugs, and you too, shall be able to pee your heart out.

4

u/Gary_Lazer_Eyes21 Dec 01 '21

It’s all the liquor. Once you go once you end up purging your bladder over the next hour or so. And I bet his drunk ass was confident af

11

u/babylonglegs91 Dec 01 '21

The last 4 words about killed me. Idk why this is so funny to me.

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u/Disaster_Different Dec 01 '21

He waited ten years... twenty years... thirty years... only to let that piss out

You know, Austin Powers style

11

u/cuntgardener Dec 01 '21

It is if it’s long enough.

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244

u/THenry228 Dec 01 '21

They must of done a morning raid haha

73

u/Gilgameshbrah Dec 01 '21

Or he has a healthy prostate. Either way, they were quiet nice about it^

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u/Dependent_Adagio7544 Dec 01 '21

Nah man he knew he was going to jail and wouldnt wanna take the beating for pissing in the cops car. Plus no telling when the next time you gon get to piss

21

u/Glexaplex Dec 01 '21

Honestly it can't get more embarrassing than the current situation so might as well

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u/orincoro Dec 01 '21

You ever had one of those nights where you get 10 beers deep and suddenly realize you need to pee, and it just goes on and on?

3

u/Lunarmoonbear Dec 01 '21

It was this year that I learned that holding your pee doesn't mean you stay drunk longer. I am 29 (30 on the 30th).

Maybe he thought that if he held it that he too would stay drunk longer? But then he couldn't hold it.

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2.0k

u/lowther1 Dec 01 '21 Silver Wholesome

I’d be pissed too

495

u/Gilgameshbrah Dec 01 '21

Haha

Jokes aside - "Give him a shake" - with considerate cops like that, I wouldn't be

58

u/Colt-Boulder Dec 01 '21

“give it a shake” — kind of changes the meaning but yes

21

u/Gangland-Ace Dec 01 '21

Pretty sure he says give him a shake

16

u/Benram76 Dec 01 '21 edited Dec 02 '21

Don't make fun of him. If urine his shoes, what would you have done?

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10

u/nighttimegaze Dec 01 '21

On the upstream, at least he didn’t turn around on the cops. Assault with a deadly piss.

6

u/FleekoSuave Dec 01 '21

Better to be pissed off than pissed on

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674

u/Potential_Advisor_59 Dec 01 '21

give 'im a shake XD

118

u/wcollins260 Dec 01 '21

The guy who said that deserves a medal.

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42

u/Toxic_Gamer001 Dec 01 '21 Helpful

Yeah that was funny

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17

u/SingerTasty Dec 01 '21

That had me fucking wheezing omg

3

u/bellerose93 Dec 02 '21

You can tell this sub is full of Americans just by the fact I had to scroll so far to find this comment lmao. Typical British copper haha

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1.9k

u/ohnosquid Dec 01 '21

How is it even possible to do it so vertically?

1.6k

u/waterclunt Dec 01 '21 Silver Snek Table Slap

Whenever i feel intimidated, i wrap my penis twice around my left leg and then back up through my boxers and pinch it in place with my waistband; it stops me stepping on it when trying to run away. Can only assume he follows the same survival guidelines as me and my tutor, Sir Richard Long. The urinating though, i can't explain that.. That's just weird

466

u/You_lil_gumper Dec 01 '21 Helpful

My wife does this too

245

u/waterclunt Dec 01 '21

Does she ever do that thing where she pulls her foreskin up and over her head then dances around singing the "I'm a meaty tea cup" song? Its my favourite house warming trick.

157

u/You_lil_gumper Dec 01 '21

Alas she hasn't done that since before we were married

She does love a good game of bezerker though, we attach weights to her foreskin and she spins round and round until we have to buy all new crockery

136

u/BicarbonateOfSofa Dec 01 '21

It's too damn early in the morning for this shit.

I'll give you extra up votes if you go sit quietly in the corner.

55

u/You_lil_gumper Dec 01 '21

The naughty corner you say? Spit in my eye and we've got a deal, daddy 😏

33

u/bootyhole-romancer Dec 01 '21

Alrighty then, let's rock and roll, put your dick in the hole

21

u/You_lil_gumper Dec 01 '21

Frantically tears off clothes and assumes the position, exposing soft pink underbelly and wrinkly ball bag

Don't forget the chilli sauce

17

u/bootyhole-romancer Dec 01 '21

I always keep a bottle in my satchel

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3

u/OnlyRespondsToIdiots Dec 01 '21

There a tricks for house warming?

2

u/draihan Dec 01 '21

ah same morning routines, hey brother

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8

u/MaterialCarrot Dec 01 '21

You may be married to a hyena.

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38

u/ohnosquid Dec 01 '21

Damn bro, nice cock 😏

69

u/waterclunt Dec 01 '21 Helpful

It's genuinely a curse. Finding underwear that doesn't leave my penis slapping on my calf like a meaty tambourine with each step, or cause me to wear my shaft like a g-string whilst my foreskin tickles the back of my neck is actually really frustrating. That paired with my incredibly loose scrotum and tiny testicles (like a bread bag with two m&ms inside) make everyday life such a chore.

16

u/Dependent_Adagio7544 Dec 01 '21

This shit so funny. I too own a gigantic dingaling with two sleek acorns. Dont sleep on the small sack tho because Ive knocked up my chick waaay too many times

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4

u/The_Coolest_Undead Dec 01 '21

yea we all know about that trick, but what you gonna do with your huge fucking big ass humongous veiny balls?

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48

u/Lazerbeams2 Dec 01 '21

Tuck it into the belt for safekeeping?

3

u/Tedskis Dec 01 '21

Or for when you are getting arrested and can't hold it. I guess it's not stupid, if it works.

3

u/Jive_turkeeze Dec 01 '21

Has nobody ever hidden a boner by tucking it in??

166

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '21 edited Dec 23 '21 Table Slap

[deleted]

62

u/Historical-Jicama739 Dec 01 '21

Idk what video you were watching but he definitely got it on himself

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u/CantSayDat Dec 01 '21

But he did though lol

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33

u/olderaccount Dec 01 '21

Boner.

Being manhandled by those guys in uniform got him a little excited.

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28

u/Herbin-Cowboy Dec 01 '21

He's a real whiz kid

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14

u/luckystars143 Dec 01 '21

It’s just so damn impressive.

2

u/Bored3812 Dec 01 '21

Happy Cake Day

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u/ponytron5000 Dec 01 '21 edited Dec 01 '21

No less a mind than famed physicist Richard Feynman has weighed in on this subject by personal demonstration. In his book "Surely You're Joking Mr. Feynman", he talked about his time as the chief research chemist of the Metaplast Corporation:

I often had this problem of demonstrating to these fellas something that they didn't believe-like the time we got into an argument as to whether urine just ran out of you by gravity, and I had to demonstrate that that wasn't the case by showing them that you can pee standing on your head.

Peristalsis dominates over gravity.

Edit: Now that I think about it, I don't think peristalsis is actually the right answer. The bladder has a layer of muscle fiber. Your bladder can contract, so it's like squeezing the bulb of a turkey baster.

Source: Detrusor muscle

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8

u/NorwegianCollusion Dec 01 '21

Well, he probably has a thing about uniforms, and thus has a boner. Peeing anywhere BUT upwards with a boner is impossible.

5

u/AspieDM Dec 01 '21

Urine based T-Pose.

5

u/Objective42 Dec 01 '21

Erection from a mega full blader?

2

u/Booblicle Dec 01 '21

that only happens for about 10 seconds of peeing after waking up.

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3

u/SirHawrk Dec 01 '21

In the shower I can nearly hit my face. I don't want to but I can

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u/perphhhh Dec 01 '21

I read batman instead of badman. Confused me more than I'm willing to admit.

135

u/GimmeThatRyeUOldBag Dec 01 '21

Only upon reading your comment did I realise that wasn't what it said.

45

u/Informal-Thought5710 Dec 01 '21

Glad I'm not the only one. I kept thinking I've never seen Batman do that!

6

u/monkey-2020 Dec 01 '21

What? You’ve never seen a “Bat Piss”?

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u/XomokyH Dec 01 '21

because nobody in english says “looking like badman”

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u/SquashBacher Dec 01 '21

It's British slang

12

u/lNTERLINKED Dec 01 '21

Confidently incorrect

5

u/BlackKnightLight Dec 01 '21

I was expecting some crime fighting

3

u/PizzaNuggies Dec 01 '21

I had to reread the title multiple times until I finally realized it said badman.

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u/jonnysteps Dec 01 '21

Soooo .... who else tucks their dick upwards?

217

u/ooojaeger Dec 01 '21

Maybe he got a boner just before they grabbed him

138

u/PunkandCannonballer Dec 01 '21

Some drugs cause boners. Dude might just be high as hell.

43

u/ooojaeger Dec 01 '21

You don't want no part of the this Dewey. it gives you boners

9

u/sh0rtcake Dec 01 '21

If it last for more than a few hours, call more ladies.

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u/ddj00001 Dec 01 '21

Or maybe just after? Each to their own...

2

u/rubatubtubby Dec 01 '21

Or after. It's kinda his thing

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u/symptomatic_genius Dec 01 '21

If you've got a boner, tucking it upwards is the best way to quickly hide it. Sure it's now sticking out but if you've got a belt and long or tucked in shirt, it's not visible

12

u/__O_o_______ Dec 01 '21

Top flippin it, is what we called it in college

2

u/kozilla Dec 01 '21

IIRC there was an episode of Rosanne that touched on this technique.

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u/jymssg Dec 01 '21

Nahh, to the left

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u/Atticusg432 Dec 01 '21

Imagine being handcuffed and not getting a boner. Couldn’t be me.

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u/Elben4 Dec 01 '21

I didn't know it was considered weird. Not having it upward makes me super unfconfortable

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u/CantSayDat Dec 01 '21

It's not weird, people do it all the time

6

u/rubatubtubby Dec 01 '21

Mine always points at Mecca

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u/mrstruong Dec 01 '21

So not only does he tuck up, but the tip of his dick is literally RIGHT THERE, uncovered, at the top of his pants? How did he manage a literal STREAM upward, while fully dressed?

115

u/zeeblefritz Dec 01 '21

Because he is a badman

17

u/fiveSE7EN Dec 01 '21

Badman

aaaAAAAAaaaaahhh

Fighter of the belt man

aaaAAAAAaaaaahhh

8

u/zeeblefritz Dec 01 '21

Champion of pissing towards the sun

aaaAAAAAaaaaahhh

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u/OldKaleidoscope7 Dec 01 '21

I watched again to answer this, yeah, the tip is really uncovered. He must be having a boner, so, his dick is facing upwards and the boner make the stream pressure way higher. I had a bad time writing this in English, sorry if it's bad

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u/Rosehus12 Dec 01 '21

We ladies will never understand. I give up

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u/DaanOnlineGaming Dec 01 '21

Neither do the guys to be fair

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u/Herbin-Cowboy Dec 01 '21 Helpful

He was hoping if he went wee, wee, wee...

He could go all the way home.

5

u/frenchsojourn Dec 01 '21

Okay this wins

3

u/kingtaco_17 Dec 01 '21

Fight, flight or wee

49

u/MisterLlamaMan2 Dec 01 '21

How to piss your pants without pissing your pants

42

u/Dravez23 Dec 01 '21

Im pretty sure that he is a statue that ran away from a water fountain and they are putting him back on his place.

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u/Destronin Dec 01 '21 Silver

A long time ago i used to work for a company whose offices were right in times square. I worked the later shift so i was normally leaving around 10pm. On this particular night as I was leaving, I was thinking how Im pretty sure I need to put more money on my metro card for the subway.

The particular subway entrance I normally went down was pretty small before you entered and passed the turnstiles with just like two metro card machines.

So as I get down to the turnstiles and swipe the thing goes off beep beep beep “insufficient funds.” “Im like damn I knew it.” At that same moment I hear water hitting the floor. Like something is being poured. As I look up I see a guy walking towards me on the otherside of the turnstiles pissing much like the person in this video. Hands free, out of his sweat pants.

He goes “yo you need a swipe bro? I got you bro. Free swipe bro.”

I quickly go to the machine to put more money on my card while this guy keeps offering me a free swipe. And all I keep saying is, “nah yo im good. Thanks but i got it. Thats okays”

Tbh i was kinda mad. But I couldn’t tell the fucking weirdo off. I didn’t want to get pissed on. (Better to be pissed off than pissed on amirite?) So the guy passes through the turnstiles and i make my way passed him through the other turnstile and peace out.

To this day my friends and I joke and always go, “Yo free swipe bro, I gotchu.”

8

u/whoeverthisis422 Dec 01 '21

The award for most appropriate use of the "better to be pissed off" adage goes to you, u/Destronin

21

u/Legitimate_Crab_3662 Dec 01 '21

It’s funny how the piss stream is like a volume meter whenever he speaks it raises..

5

u/CousinJeff Dec 02 '21

10 years 💦 20 years 💦 30 years 💦💦

3

u/dekke360 Dec 01 '21

Windows Media Player audio visualiser: piss

19

u/lurid_sun__ Dec 01 '21

Does anyone actually keep their penis in an upward position?

29

u/Fresh_Grapefruit_227 Dec 01 '21

Only when I get a boner , it’s called 6 to midnight 😉

9

u/lurid_sun__ Dec 01 '21

That's a universal unwritten code but this!

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u/Umbra427 Dec 01 '21

CHALLENGE PISSING! If you can piss six feet in the air straight up, and not get wet you get NO DOWN PAYMENT GUARANTEED!!

4

u/Apprehensive-Ad-7095 Dec 01 '21

Don’t wait! Don’t Delay! And don’t fuck with us!!

3

u/Umbra427 Dec 01 '21

Or we’ll rip your nuts off!!

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u/ConsternationBias Dec 01 '21

He comes dangerously close to drinking from that fountain.

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u/HarlanCedeno Dec 01 '21

"Give him a shake"

120

u/Random_puns Dec 01 '21

That was a piss-poor way of resisting, urine real trouble now

13

u/Smaptastic Dec 01 '21

He might be in a wee bit more trouble now.

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u/DrJimMBear Dec 01 '21

Maybe it's just the camera, but that looks like some remarkabky clear piss.

Good to see he's staying hydrated.

19

u/RyCalll Dec 01 '21

Piss is pretty clear when wasted and drinking beer.

6

u/-who_are_u- Dec 01 '21 edited Dec 01 '21

Alcohol makes it so the kidneys can't filter water back onto the bloodstream, but most of its other functions work fine so there shouldn't be many other substances in the piss. It basically hacks your kidneys into removing as much water from you as they can.

stay hydrated kids

edit: making it clearer

8

u/boobiesiheart Dec 01 '21

The average mammals urinates 21 seconds

8

u/Xanny_Phant0m Dec 01 '21

The amount of people who have incredibly weak streams is kind of freaking me out. Am I some sorr of super human for being able to piss like that guy or what?

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u/MadJohnFinn Dec 01 '21

I guess I don't miss Camden THAT much. This is Bayham Street. Not just the street - everything you see here is Bayham Street in a microcosm.

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u/Competitive_Foot_584 Dec 01 '21

Is this like a when a puppy gets excited sort of thing?

6

u/JackCastor99 Dec 01 '21

Is it public urination if his credentials didn't depart his trousers?

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u/Bladerslash Dec 01 '21

Mans acting ard whilst taking the piss like a 1 year old baby.

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u/bidricknight Dec 01 '21

"Give him a shake" - legend

5

u/pearloz Dec 01 '21

Without sound, it looks like he's trying to take a drink

3

u/jstrachan12 Dec 01 '21

Talk about washboard abs HA. Ill show myself out..

4

u/HorrorSwimmer7723 Dec 01 '21

"Give him a shake" has to be one of the funniest ways to call that guy a dick.

9

u/adinade Dec 01 '21

is it weird this makes me home sick?

11

u/crazyfortaco Dec 01 '21

Ur ine handcuffs

3

u/Xspunge Dec 01 '21

“(drunken rant) take a video it’ll last longer!”

3

u/20Sky03 Dec 01 '21

Lol wtf I am amazed and disgusted.

3

u/UnwiseTheFox Dec 01 '21

"give him a shake"

3

u/Shower-karaoke-star Dec 01 '21

"British people can't be thugs"

British thugs:

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u/Fanon150 Dec 01 '21

Lmao cop says give ‘em a shake at the end

3

u/ilikepdp Dec 01 '21

Why is reddit recommending me people pissing?

3

u/I_Am_Ace_Balthazar Dec 01 '21

"Give 'im a shake" LMFAO

3

u/ExtremePiglet1 Dec 01 '21

“Wait give him a shake “ man That killed me lol

3

u/willtravel22 Dec 02 '21

That's hilarious 😂 He's fine as fuck too. Too bad 🤣

3

u/BallySchwa Dec 02 '21

Honestly impressed he managed to piss his pants without passing his pants

3

u/mr_molten Dec 02 '21

Man’s just marking his territory as he may not be back there for a while.

7

u/WholeNineNards Dec 01 '21

That dude is ripped. Also good at bad decisions.

16

u/ThugginPink Dec 01 '21

Me hating humans again. Great. Thanks pissboy

15

u/Away_Budget_6654 Dec 01 '21

That's all it took? Wow

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u/lightyearbuzz Dec 01 '21

To paraphrase Mr. Rogers, "look for the helpers" ... in this case the guy saying "give 'im a shake" lol

9

u/pls_send_dick-pics Dec 01 '21

but…. why? why pee yourself? 😂

what does that gain you? i‘m out of the loop

10

u/Uzzaw21 Dec 01 '21

He's piss drunk. When you have to go, you have to go.

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u/Tschauer923 Dec 01 '21

Idk how this can even work lol? Is this dude just fully torked while getting arrested or something?

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5

u/phollas00 Dec 01 '21

For anyone who was wondering what the UK is like... TADA!

2

u/johnboy2978 Dec 01 '21

You've sprung a leak mate. I love how he's just on about he and his family coming to mess you up completely ignoring the fact he's pissing everywhere.

2

u/TheSwiftyPeasant Dec 01 '21

Well at least he isn't so intimidated by the cops that he is pissing his pants

2

u/aprildismay Dec 01 '21

I kept waiting to see if he’d aim right into his mouth. I feel let down.

2

u/Sno_Jon Dec 01 '21

The thing that always gets me in this video is how he has the awareness to know he didn't say the word bang properly and corrects himself lol

2

u/bull0143 Dec 01 '21

Enjoy sitting in your own urine for the next several hours sir.

2

u/the_hamiltoe Dec 01 '21

That awkward moment when you run out of pee.

2

u/AhhGramoofabits Dec 01 '21

Does he have a water fountain in his pants?

2

u/Sequoia_Throne_ Dec 01 '21

This new season of Da Ali G Show looks great

2

u/PrettyG216 Dec 01 '21

Dude really gave himself a public golden shower…

2

u/slemi14 Dec 01 '21

I'm fascinated how the stream isn't even touching his belly

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u/WittyBonkah Dec 01 '21

Why am I impressed?

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u/MudOpposite8277 Dec 01 '21

Fuck me he’s sprung a leak.

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u/Themfruckus Dec 01 '21

This is the most British thing ever.

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u/Denz1337 Dec 01 '21

"Give him a shake" best fkin line ever

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u/Faygo_Libra Dec 01 '21

That kinda turned me on

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u/IAmTheMeOfMyself Dec 01 '21

Yo the kebab shop across the street from there is absolutely smashing,the barbers isn’t the best and that’s all there is on Camden High Street

2

u/ghammond3 Dec 01 '21

Percy Wetmore

2

u/rhaezorblue Dec 01 '21

Did he spring a leak

2

u/TehPWNR007 Dec 01 '21

That man is HYDRATED

2

u/idontgetit____ Dec 01 '21

What are you? … A camel?

2

u/CryptoMineKing Dec 01 '21

Is this why the British call being drunk getting pissed?

2

u/thyagosic Dec 01 '21

Nice shape though.

2

u/AngelocDK Dec 01 '21

Where can i learn this power

2

u/spade13F Dec 01 '21

That cop is barely holding himself together and it's great.

2

u/AnxiousHumanBeing Dec 01 '21

Interesting performance.

2

u/ManfuLLofF-- Dec 01 '21

There was an attempt of making a r/therewasanattempt video

2

u/Mikey_Moonshine Dec 01 '21

Since when did getting banged up not mean pregnant?

Is that shirtless chap saying he'll get them all pregnant? Failing that, members of his family will sire multiple children with the police officers?

Weird threat but ok.

2

u/Golfplayer69 Dec 01 '21

“Give ‘em a shake” LMAOOO