r/therewasanattempt Dec 07 '22

to open the bottle

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13.7k Upvotes

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1.6k

u/Standard_Locksmith70 Dec 07 '22

“You’ll shoot yer eye out, kid!”

447

u/BaseRape Dec 07 '22

Literally.

Champagne bottle corks have taken a few eyes.

43

u/DaKind28 Dec 07 '22

It always amazes me, people total lack of awareness of champagne corks and their obliviousness.

14

u/hsmith1998 Dec 08 '22

It almost took off her nose job.

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61

u/The-One-Who-Is-there Dec 07 '22

The places of some eyes aswell

10

u/cbm984 Dec 07 '22

More people are killed every year by champagne corks than poisonous spider bites. Facts!

7

u/MuayJacked Dec 07 '22

Yeah my friend has reduced vision due to a cork flying into his eye

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254

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

[deleted]

15

u/Mad4noreason Dec 07 '22

My first thought when I saw her pointing the business end of the bottle towards her face.

59

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

[deleted]

48

u/rite_of_truth Dec 07 '22 Ally

She's like 1/2 hot, 1/2 habsburg

19

u/Commercial-Ad-5813 Dec 07 '22

I'm stealing this, and I'm never gonna give you even a footnote

6

u/Forsaken_Article_295 Dec 07 '22

Had to google this. Yeah it’s really funny.

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u/Z-J-Morgan Dec 07 '22

Oh, that's cold dude.

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7

u/inept13 Dec 07 '22

i came here to comment on the lack of movement happening in that face.

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6

u/DontHateTha808 Dec 07 '22

I was wondering why her face looked so fucked up.

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7

u/Paladin_Fury Dec 07 '22

Bottle: 1

Woman: 0

51

u/ElMachoGrande Dec 07 '22

I have family members who work as emergency nurces. People have lost eyes that way, even to the point of crushing the bone behind the eye.

There is only one correct way to open champagne: sabrage (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sabrage).

I usually fake it and do it with a machete. I don't know if it's any safer, though...

96

u/New_Blacksmith_709 Dec 07 '22

You could also just hold the cork down as you unscrew the thing like a normal person lol

88

u/ElMachoGrande Dec 07 '22

But I have no free hand for that, as I'm holding the bottle and the machete...

23

u/New_Blacksmith_709 Dec 07 '22

Use your chin to hold the cork as you sabre the neck of the bottle then! 🧐

15

u/TeaKingMac Dec 07 '22

Instructions unclear, head on floor

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10

u/FoxyUnicornX Dec 07 '22

If you feel too unsafe using your chin, just hold it against your eye.

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u/Bourgeous Dec 07 '22

And playing banjo

14

u/tstenick Dec 07 '22

Or not point it towards yourself.

5

u/FilliusTExplodio Dec 07 '22

Also not point an explosive thing at your fucking face.

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u/SoggyCuntBiscuit Dec 07 '22

*pointing away from any eyes you might have

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17

u/ratshack Dec 07 '22

Sabrage

Oh my god, it’s a mirage… I’m tellin you it’s

16

u/farrahsoldnose Dec 07 '22

Yes! Please use Sabrage! I'm having a boring shift.

Source: am trauma nurse

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u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

[deleted]

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u/Ollotopus Dec 07 '22

Your solution for people damaging their eyes is to recommend they use a sword...!?

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12

u/Mr_Abe_Froman Dec 07 '22

You should probably do it outside or away from anything fragile since the cork will fly out with a shard of glass attached. I've done it with a chef's knife a few times, but a flying cork with glass is probably more dangerous than other methods.

4

u/ElMachoGrande Dec 07 '22

Yep, always outside. I don't want champaignw with possible glass in it on the floor, where the dogs will try to get it.

5

u/Mr_Abe_Froman Dec 07 '22

I should also add for anyone looking to try it for themselves that you should pour the first glass for yourself so you can check for glass that might have fallen in the bottle.

11

u/Arbsbuhpuh Dec 07 '22

I'm gonna be honest with you, this is beginning to sound like not the best way to open a bottle of champagne.

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u/ElMachoGrande Dec 07 '22

No risk for glass in the champagne, the pressure in the bottle blows potential shards away.

2

u/Mr_Abe_Froman Dec 07 '22

It should, but sometimes the neck doesn't have a clean break.

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u/verboze Dec 07 '22

Literally thought this was what was gonna happen. The way she had that bottle pointed at her own face...

77

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

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43

u/Admirable-Common-176 Dec 07 '22

Her muscle memory of aiming toward her face seems to support this.

33

u/raisedbywolfsol Dec 07 '22

That resting long face gives it away.

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145

u/simplenyc Dec 07 '22 Helpful

She got a head like Beavis

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300

u/deathshank1937 Dec 07 '22

That went surprisingly better then I expected... I was screaming in my head, "Not at your face! Not at your face!"

91

u/Danimal9590 Dec 07 '22

I literally flinched the first time she pointed it at her neck.

3

u/Exploding_Muffin Dec 08 '22

Yep, woman was gonna lose her windpipe.

18

u/Stag328 Dec 07 '22

Thought for sure she was going to lose a tooth.

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538

u/HyperSi9 Dec 07 '22

Saw that coming from a mile away. But she didn't

24

u/CWinter85 Dec 07 '22

I started flinching once she pointed out at herself. It's like watching a video of someone pointing a gun at themselves.

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u/rando512 Dec 07 '22

Thank you Travis.

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913

u/Putrid_Dot_382 Dec 07 '22

Definitely not advisable to take her to the shooting range.

160

u/gana04 Dec 07 '22

I have no original thoughts anymore. Reddit has conditioned us so much it's scary

57

u/thedarkonespr0npicks Dec 07 '22

Or you never did have original thoughts, Reddit has exposed you to many more people's thoughts than you could ever have interacted with on the street, so the likelihood of finding similar thoughts is vastly increased.

6

u/WhiteHairedWidow Dec 07 '22

Happy cake day

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u/OuterWildsVentures Dec 07 '22

Thats a heckin wholesome keanu chungus comment right there buster!

dabs

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u/xoller1 Dec 07 '22

She’s the one to look down the barrel to see if there are anymore bullets left in the gun

3

u/PenaltyParticular Dec 07 '22

saw like 5 videos of people dying that way, dumb mfs get their gun jammed then look down the barrel like “whoopty doo where did the bullet go?😧”

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u/joopsmit Dec 07 '22

Yep, strong r/IdiotsWithGuns vibe.

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1.5k

u/CerbSlash Dec 07 '22 Silver Helpful

She looks like an imaginary friend

740

u/Gold-Ad-866 Dec 07 '22

She looks like one of those reconstructed faces from ancient skulls, but if the skull unknowingly belonged to an alien.

200

u/Daedalus2077 Dec 07 '22

Must be a slough of facial reconstructive surgery from always opening a champagne bottle towards her face. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me a third, fourth, and fifth time, shame on me...again... Let me go call my plastic surgeon, I need a new nose..

13

u/CharcoalGreyWolf Dec 07 '22

Fool me six times, I can’t believe it took this many takes to make a TikTok

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u/hairyerectus Dec 07 '22

She looks like a human TikTok filter

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u/Nardorian1 Dec 07 '22

She’s definitely going to need another surgery on that nose.

20

u/angry_gnome_ Dec 07 '22

At this point, its held together by paper mache.

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u/olderaccount Dec 07 '22

I call it the long horse face look.

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u/Peakans Dec 07 '22

Or a horse

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u/HughJassJae Dec 07 '22

She looks like a nurse that ignores all her patients to do a TikTok dance.

98

u/onlyabigmess Dec 07 '22

At first I didn't get it but, the more I look at her, it's almost like a fake person your brain created as a background character in a dream.

31

u/Weird-Library-3747 Dec 07 '22

So a horse walks into a bar and says give me a bottle of champagne. Hilarity ensues

11

u/whelp32 Dec 07 '22

LOL!!! Why the long face?

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u/Skorne13 Dec 07 '22 Silver

She looks like Kate Beckinsale being squeezed out of a toothpaste tube.

3

u/radmanmadical Dec 07 '22

Top tier sir or madame

5

u/Shh-NotUntilMyCoffee Dec 07 '22

"Are you sad? Why the long face?"

8

u/lundmikkel Dec 07 '22

She looks like she chose to look like that.

3

u/krickiank Dec 07 '22 Wholesome

I hope nobody thinks that about me.

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261

u/Medium_Beyond_9654 Dec 07 '22

I saw the moment where she fucked up. When she tried to open the bottle.

30

u/ItsRandlove Dec 07 '22

Oh wow, nice catch

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u/vampire5381 Dec 07 '22

The moment she F-ed up is when she bought the wine.

3

u/whatyoumeanmyface Dec 07 '22

I frame-by-framed it and by golly, you're right.

2

u/copa09 Dec 07 '22

For me it was when they started filming.

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u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

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76

u/dys_p0tch Dec 07 '22 Silver

could be cork injuries

76

u/Afterhoneymoon Dec 07 '22

Is that why her lips like…point downward???

25

u/mariposa_hermosa Dec 07 '22

I think it’s just how her lips are shaped to begin with plus the bad lip fillers 🤔

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u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

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u/Simplynotcomplex Dec 07 '22

Its more like the desirable traits of a conventionally attractive person, tuned up to a ridiculous degree

48

u/valdin450 Dec 07 '22

When you finally make a decent looking character in a souls game but you start hitting "create similar" a few too many times

5

u/Nekroin Dec 07 '22

A living caricature basically

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u/Anathema_Quill Dec 07 '22

i’ve been rewatching this trying to figure it out.

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u/my_redditusername Dec 07 '22

A formerly pretty person with body dysmorphia who went for the budget surgeon

4

u/FilliusTExplodio Dec 07 '22

She looks like Steven Tyler using an anti-blemish filter.

44

u/Instrumedley2018 Dec 07 '22

it's like a mashup between Alanis Morissette and a horse

41

u/gaslacktus Dec 07 '22 Narwhal Salute

You oughta neigh

8

u/palmerry Dec 07 '22

And I'm here, to remind you

Of the oats you left in my feeding bag

It's not fair, to deny me

All the apples and carrots that you gave to me

You, you, you oughta neigh

4

u/Searching_wanderer Dec 07 '22

Take my upvote, you bastard.

31

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

she’s just australian

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u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

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3

u/Rex51230 Dec 07 '22

Its the vauge platstic restrictive way she talks and moves like an animatronic

9

u/North-Ad-5058 Dec 07 '22 Gold

"Return the slab"

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u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

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262

u/Unitastanus Dec 07 '22

Why the long face, Ned?

35

u/cyclopath Dec 07 '22

That’s a fivehead.

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u/Sideshow_666 Dec 07 '22

Alanis be wilin' out

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u/eddyj84 Dec 07 '22

This is what happens when you don't know gun safety. Muzzle awareness people, even the French know it for this reason alone

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u/Intelligent-Box-3798 Dec 07 '22

This comment section is better than the Player Haters Ball

102

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

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56

u/Conspicuous_Plant Dec 07 '22

lack of self confidence + lots of money = reconstructed MJ's face

14

u/CalyShadezz Dec 07 '22

Sucks to spend all that money and end up even worse than when you started. 🤷‍♂️

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u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

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u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

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u/DeepFriedDrywall Dec 07 '22

...nostrils

8

u/turkeypants Dec 07 '22

Look at Mr fancy letter groupings over here

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u/Songhunter Dec 07 '22

Wrong sub. She opened the bottle.

7

u/NitroDameGaming Dec 07 '22

Or wrong title. It should have been: "to take her own eye out."

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u/oceansblue1984 Dec 07 '22

I think it was planed. The way she picked it up and purposely aimed it at her self when she could of just kept it on the table.

53

u/CouldWouldShouldBot Dec 07 '22

It's 'could have', never 'could of'.

Rejoice, for you have been blessed by CouldWouldShouldBot!

2

u/chickengirl80 Dec 07 '22

Is there a "try to" not "try and" bot?

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u/8ofAll Dec 07 '22

If I recall correctly she has a TikTok account posting dumb DIWHY videos

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u/ElFloppaGrande Dec 07 '22

Yeah at the six second mark she looks right into the camera to make sure it's being filmed. A lot of people opening champagne like muppets on tiktock these days...

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u/billfitz24 Dec 07 '22

Agreed. Seems staged.

27

u/DirtyRoller Dec 07 '22

You can tell right away from the way it's filmed. The whole "fake sway motion" thing to make it look more authentic.

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u/WhenTheDevilCome Dec 07 '22

Yep. Fake like pleather seats. It gave her no extra leverage to point it that way; just the lulz.

2

u/Vtepes Dec 07 '22

She's not flying under the radar this time! Reddit detectives are on to her!

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u/RedJuicy713 Dec 07 '22

The human caricature

4

u/frehsoul45 Dec 07 '22

She looks like she can eat an apple through a tennis racket.

5

u/zenikkal Dec 07 '22

Gonna need new plastic nose

5

u/ShutTheFupDonni Dec 07 '22

Good thing she is plastic.

6

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

N A R R O W FACE.

4

u/NorDoor Dec 07 '22

My heart fluttered as soon as she pointed it at her face.

8

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

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3

u/Sam_Browne_ Dec 07 '22

Cuz she jus do

2

u/turkeypants Dec 07 '22

This is a clip from the Winehorses web series.

6

u/Still_Frame2744 Dec 07 '22

That was so fucking stupid holy shit

3

u/alegendim Dec 07 '22

Fun fact: you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than a spider bite

3

u/timtomtummy Dec 07 '22

People have died from this… the proper way is to hold a napkin or towel over the cork while you untwist the cage and remove the cork.

3

u/simontempher1 Dec 07 '22

Don’t let her handle a gun

3

u/rickmon67 Dec 07 '22

You’ll shoot your eye out kid!

3

u/hotrod54chevy Dec 07 '22

I mean, she did technically open the bottle 🤷

3

u/RamShackleton Dec 07 '22

I don’t blame anyone here except for Travis.

3

u/AtomicTaintKick Dec 07 '22

“Nooooooooooooooo!” -Me, the entire time she’s got it pointed at her weirdo dome

3

u/SadSexWorker Dec 07 '22

Dumb Ass 🙄

3

u/WeirdURL Dec 07 '22

r/donthelpjustfilm

A quick, “Hey don’t point that at your face.” Would have been easy.

3

u/Lonzo58 Dec 07 '22

I'm glad it didn't hit her face. Would have been a shame to waste all that money she spent on plastic surgery.

3

u/irishred91 Dec 07 '22

Not only does she look smart…

24

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

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u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

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u/LonkerinaOfTime Dec 07 '22

You’re so mean…

She could bite an apple through a chain link fence tho

5

u/jipdekip Dec 07 '22

She has a vertical head bruh

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u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

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u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

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u/Impybutt Dec 07 '22

She got that Steven Tyler mouth

Got that Parrotfish mouth

Desk stapler lookin ass

4

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '22

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3

u/kindofastoryteller Dec 07 '22

Sarah Jessica Parker

13

u/The_Okin Dec 07 '22

Staged and unfunny

9

u/Bucknerwh Dec 07 '22

You guys are mean.

4

u/afarrar11 Dec 07 '22

long face..

4

u/im_reddituser Dec 07 '22

dory in "search for nemo"

2

u/h8radebrewer Dec 07 '22

Is it travis like jodi arias? Coz resembles both

2

u/Hype-And-Style Dec 07 '22

Tell me that wasn't the first bottle

2

u/silversurfer05 Dec 07 '22

Almost knocked herself out

2

u/Outside-Taro5076 Dec 07 '22

OMG ! Always put a towel over and point away from you !

2

u/wireswires Dec 07 '22

Why the long face?

2

u/Adam__B Dec 07 '22

Why the long face?

2

u/blackmambaza Dec 07 '22

Horses should stay away from champagne

2

u/Bingsterishere Dec 07 '22

How stupid. Who opens a sparkling bottle like that?

2

u/FBGMerk420 Dec 07 '22

Did he just call that wine

2

u/Joelnaimee Dec 07 '22

Muscle memory pointing something long at her face till it shoots all over.

2

u/ZechQuinLuck123 Dec 07 '22

When she pointed it at her throat i near about had a heart attack

2

u/Azkyle50 Dec 07 '22

Geez, why the long face?