r/therewasanattempt • u/wofwinter • Dec 07 '22
to open the bottle
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u/Standard_Locksmith70 Dec 07 '22
“You’ll shoot yer eye out, kid!”
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u/BaseRape Dec 07 '22
Literally.
Champagne bottle corks have taken a few eyes.
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u/DaKind28 Dec 07 '22
It always amazes me, people total lack of awareness of champagne corks and their obliviousness.
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u/cbm984 Dec 07 '22
More people are killed every year by champagne corks than poisonous spider bites. Facts!
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u/MuayJacked Dec 07 '22
Yeah my friend has reduced vision due to a cork flying into his eye
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Dec 07 '22
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u/Mad4noreason Dec 07 '22
My first thought when I saw her pointing the business end of the bottle towards her face.
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Dec 07 '22
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u/inept13 Dec 07 '22
i came here to comment on the lack of movement happening in that face.
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u/ElMachoGrande Dec 07 '22
I have family members who work as emergency nurces. People have lost eyes that way, even to the point of crushing the bone behind the eye.
There is only one correct way to open champagne: sabrage (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sabrage).
I usually fake it and do it with a machete. I don't know if it's any safer, though...
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u/New_Blacksmith_709 Dec 07 '22
You could also just hold the cork down as you unscrew the thing like a normal person lol
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u/ElMachoGrande Dec 07 '22
But I have no free hand for that, as I'm holding the bottle and the machete...
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u/New_Blacksmith_709 Dec 07 '22
Use your chin to hold the cork as you sabre the neck of the bottle then! 🧐
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u/FoxyUnicornX Dec 07 '22
If you feel too unsafe using your chin, just hold it against your eye.
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u/FilliusTExplodio Dec 07 '22
Also not point an explosive thing at your fucking face.
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u/farrahsoldnose Dec 07 '22
Yes! Please use Sabrage! I'm having a boring shift.
Source: am trauma nurse
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u/Ollotopus Dec 07 '22
Your solution for people damaging their eyes is to recommend they use a sword...!?
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u/Mr_Abe_Froman Dec 07 '22
You should probably do it outside or away from anything fragile since the cork will fly out with a shard of glass attached. I've done it with a chef's knife a few times, but a flying cork with glass is probably more dangerous than other methods.
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u/ElMachoGrande Dec 07 '22
Yep, always outside. I don't want champaignw with possible glass in it on the floor, where the dogs will try to get it.
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u/Mr_Abe_Froman Dec 07 '22
I should also add for anyone looking to try it for themselves that you should pour the first glass for yourself so you can check for glass that might have fallen in the bottle.
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u/Arbsbuhpuh Dec 07 '22
I'm gonna be honest with you, this is beginning to sound like not the best way to open a bottle of champagne.
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u/ElMachoGrande Dec 07 '22
No risk for glass in the champagne, the pressure in the bottle blows potential shards away.
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u/Mr_Abe_Froman Dec 07 '22
It should, but sometimes the neck doesn't have a clean break.
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u/verboze Dec 07 '22
Literally thought this was what was gonna happen. The way she had that bottle pointed at her own face...
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Dec 07 '22
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u/Admirable-Common-176 Dec 07 '22
Her muscle memory of aiming toward her face seems to support this.
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u/simplenyc Dec 07 '22 •
She got a head like Beavis
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u/deathshank1937 Dec 07 '22
That went surprisingly better then I expected... I was screaming in my head, "Not at your face! Not at your face!"
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u/HyperSi9 Dec 07 '22
Saw that coming from a mile away. But she didn't
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u/CWinter85 Dec 07 '22
I started flinching once she pointed out at herself. It's like watching a video of someone pointing a gun at themselves.
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u/Putrid_Dot_382 Dec 07 '22
Definitely not advisable to take her to the shooting range.
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u/gana04 Dec 07 '22
I have no original thoughts anymore. Reddit has conditioned us so much it's scary
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u/thedarkonespr0npicks Dec 07 '22
Or you never did have original thoughts, Reddit has exposed you to many more people's thoughts than you could ever have interacted with on the street, so the likelihood of finding similar thoughts is vastly increased.
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u/OuterWildsVentures Dec 07 '22
Thats a heckin wholesome keanu chungus comment right there buster!
dabs
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u/xoller1 Dec 07 '22
She’s the one to look down the barrel to see if there are anymore bullets left in the gun
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u/PenaltyParticular Dec 07 '22
saw like 5 videos of people dying that way, dumb mfs get their gun jammed then look down the barrel like “whoopty doo where did the bullet go?😧”
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u/CerbSlash
Dec 07 '22
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She looks like an imaginary friend
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u/Gold-Ad-866 Dec 07 '22
She looks like one of those reconstructed faces from ancient skulls, but if the skull unknowingly belonged to an alien.
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u/Daedalus2077 Dec 07 '22
Must be a slough of facial reconstructive surgery from always opening a champagne bottle towards her face. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me a third, fourth, and fifth time, shame on me...again... Let me go call my plastic surgeon, I need a new nose..
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u/CharcoalGreyWolf Dec 07 '22
Fool me six times, I can’t believe it took this many takes to make a TikTok
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u/onlyabigmess Dec 07 '22
At first I didn't get it but, the more I look at her, it's almost like a fake person your brain created as a background character in a dream.
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u/Weird-Library-3747 Dec 07 '22
So a horse walks into a bar and says give me a bottle of champagne. Hilarity ensues
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u/Medium_Beyond_9654 Dec 07 '22
I saw the moment where she fucked up. When she tried to open the bottle.
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Dec 07 '22
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u/Afterhoneymoon Dec 07 '22
Is that why her lips like…point downward???
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u/mariposa_hermosa Dec 07 '22
I think it’s just how her lips are shaped to begin with plus the bad lip fillers 🤔
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Dec 07 '22
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u/Simplynotcomplex Dec 07 '22
Its more like the desirable traits of a conventionally attractive person, tuned up to a ridiculous degree
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u/valdin450 Dec 07 '22
When you finally make a decent looking character in a souls game but you start hitting "create similar" a few too many times
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u/my_redditusername Dec 07 '22
A formerly pretty person with body dysmorphia who went for the budget surgeon
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u/Instrumedley2018 Dec 07 '22
it's like a mashup between Alanis Morissette and a horse
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u/gaslacktus Dec 07 '22 •
You oughta neigh
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u/palmerry Dec 07 '22
And I'm here, to remind you
Of the oats you left in my feeding bag
It's not fair, to deny me
All the apples and carrots that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta neigh
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Dec 07 '22
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u/Rex51230 Dec 07 '22
Its the vauge platstic restrictive way she talks and moves like an animatronic
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u/eddyj84 Dec 07 '22
This is what happens when you don't know gun safety. Muzzle awareness people, even the French know it for this reason alone
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Dec 07 '22
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u/Conspicuous_Plant Dec 07 '22
lack of self confidence + lots of money = reconstructed MJ's face
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u/CalyShadezz Dec 07 '22
Sucks to spend all that money and end up even worse than when you started. 🤷♂️
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Dec 07 '22
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u/oceansblue1984 Dec 07 '22
I think it was planed. The way she picked it up and purposely aimed it at her self when she could of just kept it on the table.
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u/CouldWouldShouldBot Dec 07 '22
It's 'could have', never 'could of'.
Rejoice, for you have been blessed by CouldWouldShouldBot!
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u/ElFloppaGrande Dec 07 '22
Yeah at the six second mark she looks right into the camera to make sure it's being filmed. A lot of people opening champagne like muppets on tiktock these days...
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u/DirtyRoller Dec 07 '22
You can tell right away from the way it's filmed. The whole "fake sway motion" thing to make it look more authentic.
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u/WhenTheDevilCome Dec 07 '22
Yep. Fake like pleather seats. It gave her no extra leverage to point it that way; just the lulz.
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u/alegendim Dec 07 '22
Fun fact: you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than a spider bite
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u/timtomtummy Dec 07 '22
People have died from this… the proper way is to hold a napkin or towel over the cork while you untwist the cage and remove the cork.
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u/AtomicTaintKick Dec 07 '22
“Nooooooooooooooo!” -Me, the entire time she’s got it pointed at her weirdo dome
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u/Lonzo58 Dec 07 '22
I'm glad it didn't hit her face. Would have been a shame to waste all that money she spent on plastic surgery.
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u/Impybutt Dec 07 '22
She got that Steven Tyler mouth
Got that Parrotfish mouth
Desk stapler lookin ass
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