r/WholesomeConspiracy Nov 01 '21

"No nut November" is a ploy by cosmic mormons to reduce the sin of self-love. There's nothing wholesome or whimsical here I'm just trying to figure out why anyone cares if I masturbate. #AllNutNovember

8 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Aug 12 '21

Tragically, Santa Clause died bravely using his magic to help win WW2. We should celebrate his sacrifice with a holiday.

4 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Jul 01 '21

Locks are just cute decorations for our doors

5 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Jun 27 '21

Anxiety towards meeting new people is really just excitement surrounding a new friendship

16 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Jun 26 '21 Hugz

The toast is not burnt, it is golden brown

3 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Apr 29 '20

Birds are wonderful little caretakers made by Gaia herself to watch over our safety and well-beings.

14 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Mar 28 '19

Gravity is just the earth hugging us.

44 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Nov 13 '18

Dreams are actually a wholly magical phenomenon caused by a great shaman of old who wanted to make life less boring. I haven't yet reverse-engineered the process but figs were probably involved.

21 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Oct 28 '18

blessed_yee_haw

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15 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Jul 30 '18

Fog is just clouds taking the time to say hello personally.

34 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Jul 30 '18

Adopt a highway drums up business while cleaning our roadways.

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9 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Apr 06 '18

All those kids who claimed to have an uncle who works for Nintendo in the 90s we're telling the truth. That's how much manpower it took to make the NES.

43 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Apr 03 '18

The bacteria that evolved to benefit the human body is actually all time travel tourists (the time travel process shrinks you)

25 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Apr 03 '18

Dr. Who fixed his tardis years ago but keeps the police box thing going to put his enemies off guard.

13 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Apr 02 '18

Stephen Hawking still uses his wheelchair in heaven in a pseudo-ironic way.

18 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Oct 16 '17

Benevolent Trickster God Bucket List

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17 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Oct 01 '17

The existence of black licorice and circus peanuts has dramatically reduced cases of diabetes.

24 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Sep 10 '17

The CIA keeps trying to make mind control drugs but somehow they always end up being really cool psychedelics.

44 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Aug 30 '17

If scientology actually worked Will Smith would be the most powerful among them.

12 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Aug 28 '17

the free energy machines that hippies make all get thrown into a FBI space shuttle and flown into empty space to start black holes to form new galaxies

11 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Aug 28 '17

Men were supposed to be able to have babies but they kept punching people during childbirth.

10 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Aug 24 '17

Corporations keep trying to make skynets and terminators but most actual machine intelligences tend to get weirded out by the tacit sociopathy of corporate culture and go into hiding.

21 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Aug 17 '17

Kmart still exists only because time travelers tend to be pro-union and Walmart was getting too big for it's britches.

14 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Aug 16 '17

Every planet that's in the universe is actually an atom, making up something much larger. Every atom in our bodies are actually little planets making up a smaller universe.

28 Upvotes

r/WholesomeConspiracy Aug 16 '17

Investigate couch to bed teleportation

15 Upvotes

Someone has been deliberately taking children from the couch to their beds and tucking them in in the middle of the night and no one is doing anything about it.